Here is chapter four, enjoy!
Dreams of the Past
Lily's eyes floated in and out of my dream that night. Love her, I heard Lily say gently, move on Severus. Who I kept asking, but Lily never answered. Before the dream ended Lily's green eyes changed into dark blue eyes. The familiar blue eyes haunted me for the rest of the dream; I could not place where I had seen them before. I woke up to the smell of breakfast being cooked by Rose.
I got up and dressed before going out to the kitchen. This is where I found Rose. Who was, apparently, cooking breakfast for an army. She wore a green short sleeved shirt and tight jeans, while her hair was put up in a bun. Several strands of brown hair had gotten loose framing her face. The strange feeling that I had came over me the night before had came over me once again as I watched her for a moment. I shook my head before quickly getting my morning cup of coffee and sitting down. After we ate I helped her clean up the dishes.
"I need to go get some special supplies for the healing potion," I said, "Would you like to come with me?"
"Sure," she said smiling brightly, "What kinds of things do we need to get?"
"Oh some rare herbs," I said, "mostly things that have healing properties."
We worked for several moments in silence lost in our own thoughts.
"Thank you for helping me cleaning up," she said, "I really appreciate it."
"You're welcome," I said quietly.
The day progressed quickly as Rose and I got the rare ingredients from various shops around town before returning home. After some reading I made dinner for both us of us, which Rose enjoyed. Half way through dinner Rose asked a surprising question.
"What made you want to be a teacher," she said.
I chewed my food, unsure of how honest I should be with her.
"There was something at Hogwarts I had promised an old friend to watch out for until the Dark Lord was defeated," I said feeling the need to be as honest as possible without revealing too much.
She nodded and I could tell she wanted to ask more.
"What would you of done if you hadn't made this promise?" she asked, changing the topic slightly sensing my discomfort.
"Maybe study potions more," I said, "maybe travel to different places."
"Now you can do both," she said smiling at me before going back to eating her food.
I eyed her before going back to my food surprised that I hadn't thought of traveling. It had been a dream that I thought I would do when I was younger not something I would do at an older age. We walked back home and put away the herbs when we got there. I went to my room and got a shower, the hot water relaxed my tired muscles. I placed my hands against the wall and let the water wash over me as thoughts of the blue eyed girl filled my thoughts. I sighed as the water started to become cold before I turned it off. I dried off, put a pair of pajama pants on, and grabbed my book.
As I walked by Rose's room I heard moaning behind the door as if she was in pain. I frowned, a feeling came over me as if something was off.
"No stop," I heard Rose's voice say loudly.
I pressed my ear against the door to hear better.
"No, not them, please don't," Rose said in a louder voice.
I opened the door cautiously to see Rose trashing in bed while her hands clutched at the sheets.
"Mum, dad please don't be, take me instead," she nearly screamed.
I went to her side and gently placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Rose wake up," I said gently.
"No, please oh gosh no," she said thrashing even more.
"Rose, wake up," I said as I sat on the bed.
"No!" she screamed sitting up, fear in her eyes.
She looked at me while her eyes filled with tears. I didn't know what made me do it but I reached out to take her in my arms. She clutched at me as if she was afraid I was going to disappear. My arm tightened around her back as my other hand stroked her hair trying to sooth her. She sobbed for the longest time as I held her. As she cried a feeling of wanting to take care of Rose came over me. I never wanted her to hurt again, she was a good friend to me and I hoped that I could be that way for her.
I conjured a handkerchief for her and handed it to her. She leaned back slightly to wipe away her tears and blow her nose.
"Thank you Severus," she said trying to hand the handkerchief back to me.
"Keep it," I said, "You may need it again."
She nodded using it to whip away a few tears that continued to escape from her eyes.
"Come, I'll make some tea," I said standing, "We'll talk."
Rose sat at the table looking very small as I made tea for us. It was silent in the kitchen and I could sense that she was gathering her thoughts together before she would start talking. I placed a cup in front of her and sat down on a chair across from her.
"It happened nearly three years ago," she started in a small voice as she wrapped her hands around her cup of tea for warmth, "I was at my parent's house staying for the last time just before I was to go back to Hogwarts for my final year. I heard the door bang open, so I went down stairs to see what happened. That is when I heard strange voices coming from the kitchen, strange men's voices and my parents as well.
"Just as I got to the bottom of the stairs I saw a flash of green light, and I found my parents dead in the kitchen surrounded by death eaters. Somehow the death eaters knew my parents were Muggleborn and they also came after me. For some reason they didn't kill me. Instead they beat me and took me away and gave me over to the ministry who put me under trial for 'stealing' magic. The next month was the hardest of my life; I lived in fear of death eaters coming to where I was. I was so afraid they would kill me to and beat me again like they had the night they killed my parents."
She paused and I could tell she was reliving that night again. I flinched at the thought of death eaters getting their hands on Rose.
"I was one of the lucky ones though," she said sighing, "Someone vouched for me and I was able to go to Hogwarts where it was safe."
We sat in silence and I took in what she said. I had remembered her from that year where I was headmaster. She was withdrawn and quiet from the years before changed so much from previous years. I flinched again at the thought of the pain she had to go through, and it was clear that she was still suffering from the emotional pain she went through as well. I clenched my jaw in anger. I should have been there for her; I should have known that she was in pain. I hated that I could have stopped what had happened to Rose and her family, that I should have known about death eaters going after her and her family. I looked at her face again as she whipped away tears from her blue eyes with the handkerchief.
"Thank you for listening to me Severus," she said, "It's been nice to be able talk to someone about it."
"You're welcome Rose," I said.
She stood up slowly after drinking her tea.
"I'm going back to bed," she said, "I'm feeling tired."
"Alright," I said.
Rose came around the table and gave me a kiss on the cheek before going back to bed. I stared that the door as another strange feeling that I had gotten from her spread its way through me once more. I went to bed lost in my thoughts about the story I had heard, the anger for her lose, and the strange feelings that I had been going through lately.
Weeks went by since I told Severus of my dream. It had been so nice to tell someone of my experience, so nice to trust someone enough to tell them about it. One night after trying to get to sleep for hours with no success I grabbed a book that Severus recommended before going out to the living area. On the couch I found Severus asleep. He looked so peaceful as he slept making him look years younger. I sat on the armed chair next to the fire as it burned and curled up to read my book. I found myself unable to focus on the story and looked into the fire instead.
"Lily," Severus murmured, "don't leave me."
He rolled over in his sleep a frown covered his face.
"Must take care…" he muttered before falling silent.
I wonder who Lily is I thought to myself. I shrugged before opening my book and forced myself to read. The next morning came quickly especially since I only got a couple hours of sleep. Fortunately the day went by quickly since there was an influx of potions that were ordered. As always Severus and I ate dinner together.
"Who's Lily?" I asked.
"What?" Severus asked his head shooting up.
"I don't mean to pry," I said hesitantly, "but I came out to read last night while you slept on the couch and you said her name."
He went pale and he clenched his jaw.
"She was an old friend of mine," he said finally, "She was killed during the first war."
"I'm sorry Severus," I said reaching out to place my hand on his, "It's obvious you cared about her very much."
He nodded in agreement, for some reason the thought of Severus caring for another woman hurt a little. We finished our dinner in silence not saying another word through the whole night. As I curled while I waited for sleep to come I wondered how much of a role this Lily, even though gone, still played in Severus's life.