the fourth chapter
smoke
It was cold out that morning; an icy breeze made Alfred clutch his coat tighter around himself, and he watched his breath huff out in a white cloud as he shut the door and shuffled over to the Edelsteins' as fast as he could. He still felt misplaced and confused. Arthur had grabbed his bike and left in a rush a few minutes earlier, and Alfred knew intuitively that it wasn't just because his older brother was running late. It was because of what had happened.
He's really mad at me, he thought, hunching forward slightly as he stepped away from the sidewalk. He doesn't want to deal with me because it was my fault and he doesn't like me anymore. The thought made his eyes water, but he held back his tears. He was a big boy. Big boys didn't cry. Then again, big boys didn't do stupid things like touch their older brothers when it was wrong, either.
Big boys knew better.
Alfred unlatched the gate, walked through it, and let it swing shut behind him. He carefully picked his way to the front door, raising his hand to knock on the pristine white wood. Once Elizaveta heard him, she would come out, give him a generous, daisy-scented hug, and pull him inside for some of the sweet pastries that Mr. Edelstein's German friend always brought over. Alfred had only met Ludwig once — and he'd been really intimidated by his stern blue eyes and towering form and stiff military posture — but he thought he was kind enough. He liked how Ludwig had treated him as an equal instead of just a ten-year-old kid who didn't know anything, and after spending some time with him, Alfred pretty much forgot to be scared of the man.
The door swung open before Alfred's knuckles had the chance to make contact, and the boy looked up, expecting to see Elizaveta's pretty, motherly face.
Except it wasn't Elizaveta who had answered the door.
Alfred found his own eyes meeting the dark crimson ones of the man who had answered the door, and a bolt of shock cleaved down his spine. It was him, the person who came over and disrupted the easy, comfortable atmosphere that was a natural part of the Edelstein household. The man who had kissed Elizaveta when Mr. Edelstein wasn't home. That ash-white hair and arrogant smile — Alfred wasn't prepared to see them. He wasn't prepared for the memories they triggered.
"Hey, kid." The man lounged against the doorframe, staring at him intently in a way that made Alfred want to turn on his heel and flee. "You're a bit late today, aren't ya?" Alfred couldn't bring himself to reply. But apparently he wasn't expected to, because the raspy voice continued, "Well, Liz had'ta go out to see a friend 'cause of some emergency. She'll come back in a few hours."
"Liz?" breathed Alfred.
The man arched an eyebrow that was just as pale as his hair. "Yeah, Liz. 'S what I call her. We're pretty tight." A smirk flashed briefly across his face. "Hey, why don't you come in? It's too damn cold to be hanging around outside."
Alfred knew what curse words were — Arthur had told him very firmly a long time ago to never, ever use them — and hearing one falling from the man's mouth so casually made him extremely uncomfortable. He didn't want to go inside. He didn't want to be anywhere near this stranger.
Seeming to sense Alfred's hesitancy, the man flashed him a smile that showed off sharp, glinting eyeteeth, and said in what Alfred supposed was a coaxing voice, "C'mon, you don't wanna get sick, do ya?" He stepped aside, leaving enough room for Alfred to squeeze through. Just barely.
Still Alfred held his ground. "I . . ." He stopped, knowing how he felt, but unable to put it into words. He didn't want to go in, but he felt that making the man angry would be very bad.
Before he had a chance to make up his mind, a hand was on his wrist, manually tugging him inside. The suddenness of it surprised Alfred; he could feel the man's dry, calloused skin grazing against his own and was repelled by the sensation. But he had no time to pull away, or react at all — the door had already been closed and locked behind him, and he was standing in the dimly-lit hallway, trembling. Everything in him screamed Get out get out get out, but Alfred was frozen to the spot. The Edelsteins' house was no longer warm and receptive and homey; it now radiated a strange, hostile aura that felt like it was swallowing up the space around him.
His head jerked up when he realized the man had been talking to him. "E-excuse me?" he said, trying to keep his voice from squeaking.
"I said, my name's Gilbert. What's yours again? Alex?"
"It's Alfred."
Gilbert grinned. Alfred tensed up even more. "Weird name you got there. You British or something? You don't have the accent."
"My mom and dad were British, and so's my brother. I was born in America." Alfred started edging backward, away from Gilbert. The man's scent — alcohol and cigarettes and leathery cologne — was too much. It was making sirens go off in his head, interrupting and erasing all of his other thoughts.
Chuckling, Gilbert leaned forward, smoothly evening out the small distance between them again. "That's cute. So you're the family brat, huh?"
Alfred didn't know what he meant. He asked, "Where's Mr. Edelstein?"
"Roddy's at a student's piano recital. Won't be back 'til two."
So it was just the two of them in that empty house. The deeply-seated fear began to climb out of Alfred's stomach and into his throat. He felt paralyzed, and his eyes settled on the studs and rings in Gilbert's right ear. They shone maliciously at him.
"You know, you're kinda nice-lookin'." And Gilbert was right there, pressing Alfred into the door with his presence without laying a finger on him. His breath wafted forward, slow and hot and moist. Panic flared in Alfred's head. "For a kid, I mean," Gilbert added. Then he paused and shrugged. "Heh, I've always wondered what it'd be like to kiss a kid . . . an' we've got all the time in the fuckin' world. So no harm in tryin' it out once, eh?"
Alfred wanted to scream, to throw open the door and escape before the man could touch him, but it was too late. Bony fingers had already hooked under his chin, and he found his face being yanked up to meet Gilbert's.