Chapter 4: Taking steps

Memo: I feel as though this one starts out throwing out a bunch of information at you at once. Sorry about that OTL. But that's just the way the story took shape in my mind. From this point on, we're going to have more details and plot plot PLOT PLOTTTT XD

"...List of courses…recommendations…" Lillian sighed, shifting through the papers in her hands. Though the workload intimidated her more than she was willing to admit, something about the process made her excited to put effort into something, for once. Perhaps it was the giant lettering across the top that read: "University of Calcutta."

"Lillian," came Fanny's voice from downstairs. Hurriedly, Lillian stuffed the application information into a folder and stuck it in her desk drawer just as her mother reached her room. "Ah, of course you're up here. …What's that face for?"

"No reason in particular," Lillian said with a shrug. "What did you need?"

"Can you pick James up tonight? I got a call from work and-"

"It's fine. You really didn't even need to ask."

Fanny's face softened. "Thank you. I just wanted to be sure."

"Of course. Anything for Jimmy."

"Right." There was a brief pause, and then, "So what are you doing right now, anyway?"

"Nothing," Lillian answered quickly, not daring to break eye contact with her mother.

"I highly doubt that."

"Doubt all you like." The sixteen year old pursed her lips, resisting the urge to glance at her desk drawer. She was fully aware of her mother's opposition to studying in India for university level, but she also didn't care. Yes, it would be expensive, and yes, she would be far away from her tight-knit family, but if she could earn the scholarships to go, it would be worth every minute.

Or at least, that was how she felt.

"Well, if you're going to be that way," Fanny said with a sigh, shaking her head. Lillian felt her heart leap in a burst of triumph as she watched her mother depart from the room. "I'll just go ahead and make you cook dinner tonight."

"Whoa, wait a second!" Lillian cried, startled. Jumping up from her desk chair, she darted after her mother, who was standing near the top of the stairs.

The next thing she knew, she was lying in a hospital bed, and her parents and brother were hovering over her.

"Oh thank goodness," Fanny said when Lillian finally opened her eyes.

"What…?" She couldn't remember what had happened, or how long she had been knocked out, but she did know that her arm was throbbing in a familiar pain. "I…"

"You fell down the stairs," Jack told her, a twinkle of amusement in his concerned gaze. "And you're two for two on that arm of yours."

"…I…broke it?" Lillian asked, slowly coming out of her dazed state. "Again?"

"Yes, again," Fanny said in a huff. "All this trouble because you refuse to be honest with me." Upon hearing her mother's words, Lillian recalled what she had been doing the moment before she fell down the stairs. "I highly suggest you take this opportunity to be open with us, Lillian."

Again, Fanny stared Lillian down, but this time, Lillian did not have the strength to fight back. She sighed, running her uninjured hand through her hair.

"I want to go back to India," she murmured, looking at her feet.

"Whatever for?" Fanny asked.

"Because I miss it. I miss being there."

"And so what in the world are you being so secretive about?"

"…I want to go there for school," Lillian admitted.

"You mean, for university?" Jack said, and she nodded slowly.

"I've already started looking at the application, and I think I can get in and really live there comfortably. And I-"

"You realize what you're trying to decide, right?" Fanny interrupted, crossing her arms. "Where you go to university will greatly influence your future, you realize."

"So?" Lillian shrugged, looking away from her mother's judgmental gaze. "I'm undecided either way-it won't help me at all if I'm unhappy with where I'm attending school. And I'm applying for scholarships so that it's more affordable. I've been studying Hindi all this time, too." She looked back up at her mother, pushing back tears. "In case you couldn't tell, I'm quite determined to do this, Mother."

Fanny looked at Lillian for a while, then turned to Jack, who had a funny look on his face. Lillian couldn't read his expression, either, but it didn't seem negative.

"Jack…?" Fanny said quietly.

"…Let her go," Jack replied, his voice unusually soft. "If this is what she wants to do, if she's willing to work for it…then why not let her go?"

Looking helpless, Fanny turned back to Lillian. Despite the pain surging in her arm, Lillian felt hopeful after hearing her father's honest opinion.

"Lil was meant to travel," James spoke up suddenly. "She's gonna be a world explorer!"

Lillian couldn't help but grin at her little brother, who gazed up at her with enthusiastic eyes and an equally bright smile.

Obviously outvoted and defeated, Fanny let out a long sigh.

"…You really did love it there, didn't you?" she murmured. Lillian nodded firmly. "Then I can't stop you from that, can I?"

"Well, you are my mother, so I suppose anything is possible."

Fanny's face finally broke into a soft smile.

"You're absolutely right about that. But I believe this time, I'll let you decide."

"I want to go," Lillian declared.

"It's going to be expensive," came her mother's warning.

"I'll get scholarships."

"And what if you don't?"

"I'll find another way. This is something I really want to do." Lillian smiled at her family, and there was a hint of sadness in her heart at the thought of leaving them behind. But the call she also felt to go back to India was stronger.

"Then we won't stop you," Jack said, beaming at his daughter.

And they didn't stop her. Two years later, Lillian found herself packing her life into two fifty kilogram suitcases. Her letters from Sara went in her carry-on, along with her acceptance letter and proof of scholarship.

"I can't believe you're going."

Lillian looked up at the sound of her mother's voice. Fanny stood in the doorway to Lillian's room, arms folded across her chest. But she didn't appear angry or upset, just a bit lonely. Lillian ran a hand through her recently-cut blonde locks, smiling sympathetically.

"Me either, honestly," she replied, zipping her suitcases shut. "It feels like I've been waiting so long that it can't be possible."

"You worked hard."

"I know." The two laughed at Lillian's usual blunt honesty.

"I hope you don't stop working hard." Fanny leaned against the doorframe, smirking at her daughter. "Just because you're in a country we aren't in doesn't mean you get to slack off."

"I'll try not to." Lillian winked playfully. "Promise."

Fanny rolled her eyes, leaving the room. Lillian smirked to herself. She knew her own track record, and it was horribly plagued with procrastination. However, she really had given a great deal of effort into returning to India. It was something she really wanted, something she felt called to address. And so she did, and so she succeeded.

I really could do anything, she realized, sitting on top of her bigger bag, thinking. Sometimes I do wish I would start trying harder. Maybe in India I'll feel more compelled to. She shook her head slowly, sighing. No…I'll have to. I won't have a choice. This decides my future.

"Ready to go, sis?" James peered into her room, smiling. Lillian grinned back. "I'm ready, too!"

"What-?"

To her surprise and admiration, James huffed and puffed, pulling a suitcase behind him. It was easily three-fourths his height. Lillian let out an amused laugh.

"Jimmy, what in the world is that?!" she exclaimed, grinning.

"I'm coming, too! I decided this morning," he explained, returning the grin. Lillian laughed again, but after getting a better look at her brother's face, she realized he was not joking. "It's going to be such fun!"

"Jimmy…" Lillian let out a quiet sigh, her face softening. "Jimmy, I'm sorry. But you can't come with me this time."

"Why not?" he replied indignantly. "I've already packed and everything!"

"There are a lot of reasons: where would you stay? Where would you go to school? You'd have no money, no job, and no friends." As she spoke, she watched her brother's face fall, and her heart began to break. "Jimmy…you can't come. It's that simple."

"But I…"

"I'll miss you, too." Without another word, Lillian got up and hugged her little brother tightly. "Don't tell Mum and Pop, but I'll miss you most of all. But don't be sad, all right?" She pushed James back to look him in the eyes. "Soon you'll be able to visit me, and I'm going to show you all of the most incredible places you can imagine. And we can play on the beach. Deal?"

"You…promise?" James said, wiping his nose.

"I promise, Jimmy."

"…Deal," he murmured through tears. Smiling, Lillian hugged her little brother again, and he felt smaller than usual as he hugged her back. She could feel the cling of his small hands on her through the trip to the airport, and even on the plane.

But when she finally stepped off of the plane and into the airport, the sense of familiarity that she had once encountered as a child wrapped around her again. The word "home" slipped out of her mouth in Hindi before she even had the chance to think twice.

"Janmabhūmi," she whispered again, looking around the airport. Her heart was beating so hard that she could feel it behind her eyes.

"JALELA!"

It's been so long, Lillian realized upon hearing her Indian name. She turned to see a familiar person running toward her, a huge smile plastered on her face. The person, a girl about her age, was dressed in Western clothing but sported a bindi on her forehead and had long, black braided hair.

"Sara!" Lillian practically screamed, running toward her childhood friend. The two girls met in an enthusiastic embrace that even attracted a few on-lookers.

"You're finally back," Sara said, squeezing Lillian tight.

"I'm home," Lillian told her, holding back tears. Sara pushed Lillian back to look at her, and the two grinned broadly. "I'm home, I'm home!"

"Welcome home!" Sara swung Lillian's arms playfully. "I can't even explain how happy I am that you're back. But you're tired, right? Let's get out of here and get some food!"

"Ahhh, Indian food," Lillian said with a happy sigh. Sara let out a laugh.

"Sometimes I really wonder if you're English like you say."

"Believe it or not, sometimes I wonder, too."

The two exchanged grins, and Lillian felt the same sense of familiarity from before, along with the memory of her childhood. They were two different sensations, but both were strong, and both seemed true to her heart.

So, either way, I'm right, she thought, unable to stop smiling as Sara chatted on. And I'm happy. Because…because this is where I'm supposed to be.