She was sick of Zelena.
Not a day went by where her ginger headed devil of a sister had a new demand on how her wedding should be like. Flowers, centerpieces, color schemes, everything, absolutely everything she had an opinion on. What's worse, Regina couldn't make any progress because whenever she was about to lock down a deal with one of the providers, Zelena barged right in and made everything more difficult for the brunette.
All Regina wants is to be done and get as far as possible from Zelena and Robin.
They haven't talked much, her and Robin and it was better that way. Their last conversation had been quite outrageous, and even though for a flicker of a second she actually contemplated his proposal the truth was that she couldn't possibly do that to her sister. No matter how fucked up their relationship may be. Regina just hopes he never really asked her again because she doesn't feel capable of saying no a second time.
His interest was still there. In his subtle sighs, the way his eyes lingered just a little too much on her or when they accidentally touched. His skin upon her still sent electricity rushing through her veins and no matter how much she wanted to push back the obvious fatal attraction she had, they had, it was impossible to do so.
As soon as the wedding goes through, Regina was going on a long vacation her mother be damned.
"Regina you have a visitor." Mary's words made the brunette paused and look up at the door where her assistant was standing. A headache was already spreading through her head, making her concentration dim considerably. Dropping her pen on the desk, she massaged the bridge of her nose. The seating chart for the wedding had been messing with her head and Regina had half a mind to just leave it to her mother to do, but the thought of taking time out of her busy schedule to see her mother, to be knocked down by Cora, wasn't really worth it. The headache will have to do for the time being.
"If it is Zelena please tell her I'm busy. I'm already seeing her tonight at dinner with mother." Cora had established mandatory family dinners at least one night during the week. Regina had considered going to it completely stoned or wasted or both to make their presence more bearable but she had decided against it. She'd need way too much to get through an evening with the Mills woman. Maybe she'll take a seating chart after all. Distracting Cora and Zelena for at least five minutes would be perfect.
"Not your sister." Mary replied and Regina felt a knot loosen in her chest because her mind set at the moment involves knives, murder and a very long vacation in a country without an extradition agreement with the United States or maybe she can pin the murder to self-defense? Why is she even thinking about murder?
The brunette shook her head and pushed back the papers she was working on. "Alright." That was all she needed to say for Mary to allow whoever's there to come inside. Her eyes glazed over the desk, messy desk, and her compulsion kicked in and she was organizing it. Ever since she was a little girl, Regina had a problem with messes. Neat freak, that was what Zelena used to called her —used to because they barely spoke, only because of the wedding they have some sort of contact — though being clean and organize isn't a crime. It had always worked in her favor in all the things she did.
Regina heard the door close but she didn't look up right away, not until the little distortion in her head pushing her to clean disappeared completely. "If I had known it was cleaning day I would have come another day." The voice gave Regina a pause and when she looked up, Mallory German was there in the flesh and she even forgot that her OCD was in full swing.
"Ehh…" Regina placed her hands on her lap, feeling her cheeks grow hotter by the second. "Habit." She muttered standing up quickly to push the awkwardness down below until it was but nothing more than a faint memory.
"Don't worry. It's quite charming." Mal smirked and Regina couldn't help rolling her eyes at that.
"To what do I owe the honor of your visit?" Regina inquired, hands planted on the edge of her modern style desk, eying the woman carefully. The last time they were together, Regina had ended up having dream about the woman, dreams that woke her up in sweats and a high level of arousal she didn't believe it was possible. Wet dreams were or rare occurrence but oh boy Mal had her high. Made her wonder if real life Mallory was as good as dream Mal. Does she want to find out? Yes. Should she? Maybe. After all she doesn't have anyone in her life at the moment. Not if you count Robin but he is off limits, forever.
"Well…" She blonde approached the desk more. Her scent, something fiery and strong waltz through the office hitting Regina square on her nostrils. She liked the smell, reminded her of adventure and art and mystery. It doesn't help her slight little crush, that platonic feeling she always had for the woman. Not only was she her favorite painter but Regina did discover that she had attraction to women as well thanks to her. What she never imagined was to have said woman in her office, let alone in her life. "I was thinking that you and I should have lunch together. I'm gonna be in the city for a few days more before I leave to Spain and I thought it would be a good idea if we got to know each other a bit more." Regina really, really didn't think something like this would ever happen to her.
"Do you now?" She questioned with apparent genuine confusion. Because really Regina was the least interesting person in the world. The only interesting thing about her was her dysfunctional family. Her therapist once told her that a session with her mother and sister would be good to resolve all the issues that with time had turned their relationship into a ticking time bomb. Regina wasn't interested then; she wasn't interested now. The more she had to do with them, the harder it was to get rid of the psychological trauma underlining her life.
"You sound surprised." The blonde woman said as she took a seat right across from Regina, snapping the brunette right out of her line of thought. Lately, she had found herself thinking more and more about her family, probably thanks to her current situation. This wedding will most likely take everything out of her.
The brunette motioned side to side with her head, releasing what could only be called a nervous laugh, which she is, nervous that is. "Frankly, a little." She admitted with another laugh. "I would have guessed you have more interesting people in your life." The woman across from her pulled a face Regina couldn't quite decipher. It was a mixture of surprise with drop of hurt and genuine concern and a dash of a smirk. The blonde's face was the maximum expression of work of art. No wonder Regina had always had this lingering attraction towards her that would never leave. That's her hypothesis.
Mal stood up, walked around Regina's desk and force the chair to turn so the woman could see into her eyes and the brunette gulped loudly. She swore the artist could hear the sound. The white noise in her ears mixed with the beating of her heart and the slow ticks of the clock hanging on the wall. "I think you sell yourself too short. You need a bit of an upper." Mal spoke up to the silence in the room that Regina hadn't even noticed, too busy listening to the sounds that were only inside her head and chest. It was outstanding the way this woman made her feel. Only one person had managed to make her feel this way, the one person she couldn't have. It was sad that her love life had been reduce to this, a one night stand with a guy she connected with in levels that Regina wasn't sure that existed. A man that was promised to her sister whom really didn't deserve him. She wished she could erase from her heart and mind what she shared with him. Wished that his smile didn't make her feel an array of long lost feelings and his voice made the hairs of her skin rise whenever it hit her eardrum.
Regina wants to hate him but she can't.
Act II, Mal.
The blonde is having an effect that Regina would have never guessed possible. See, she never really believed to be attracted to other woman (The only exception was Mal because she was her favorite artist and well it always was meant to be platonic) but here she is over analyzing every single heartbeat, the noises in her ears and the way her breathing hitched. It wasn't normal but she enjoyed it. It amazed Regina that at her age there's so much to be discovered. "If you are offering drugs, I'll have to decline." Wow, that was a stupid response but she's nervous and when like that her mouth spats things like that. However, it seemed to amused the blonde. Her lips had curled up into a smirk and as she inclined, hands on both side of the arms of the chair, Mal looked at Regina with more interest than usual.
Oh boy!
"Wasn't offering one…" She tilted her head, smiling sheepishly. "But I'll be glad to become a drug you can certainly enjoy. Additives and all."
So close, too close. Regina could almost feel Mal's breath over her skin. She wasn't about to lie, it felt just right. The distance between them could be shorten with a simple movement, and their lips could meet easily. The internal struggle raged on. The brunette could be the one to take that final step and finally discovered how it would feel to kiss her favorite artist. The woman's eyes were daring her to do just that and the air seemed to be sucked out of the office. It was now or never, what was the worst that could happen? Mallory German not liking the kiss after all and she would walk right out that door and Regina would never see her again. At least she would have this single moment in her life forever close to her heart.
It was decided.
Regina without thinking about it anymore, cut the distance between them and covered Mallory's lips with her own. The first things that struck her core was the softness of her lips. Almost cloudlike and warm, the second? How Mal's hands found themselves tangled up in her hair. Mills didn't even notice when the weight on her chair lessen, didn't even noticed how her eyes closed and enjoyment began to bubble up in the pit of her stomach. There was a second between their lips opening in tandem where everything, the entire world, disappeared and her heart wrapped up in a blanket of peace and serenity. There was nothing complicated between them, no strained history. They were just two women with a blank slate.
Regina liked her odds at that very moment.
Both of them were getting into the kiss, soft mewling sounds, the occasional scrape of teeth against lips and Regina even tugged at the blonde to come closer when the door to her office opened and Mary's voice filtered in. "You can't go inside without permission…" A gasp from the woman it was enough to make them stop in their tracks and moved their gazes to the intruders.
Regina felt like the ground wanted to swallow her whole. If only that would have happened so she didn't have to deal with the hurt crossing Robin's eyes.
Shit.
"Sorry Regina he just wouldn't listen…" Mary said completely apologetic as her hands clasped in front of her. Regina took a deep breath, adverting her gaze from Robin and concentrating on her assistant. After all, she was the only one who didn't make her feel awkward like Mal and Robin.
"Is quite alright, Mary Margaret. You can go back to your duties."
Mary didn't even think about it twice. One look around the room and she ran off, closing the door behind her.
There was tension sparkling across the air. Robin's eyes were boring into her like newly sharpen daggers –there was no need to look at him to know, Regina could feel it in the way her skin crawled. While she tried her best to not look at him leaving her with the only option available, looking at her pristine desk.
"If I've know you were busy, I would have waited." Robin said and Regina fought the urge to snort out a laugh. They both knew better, and it made it a bit easier for the brunette to lift her visage to Robin, a raised brow in place. 'Bullshit' her stare seemed to say and the man had the good sense to stay quiet.
Mal cleared her throat and Regina mentally scolded herself for forgetting the woman's presence, the reason why the entire situation was weird. "Robin you remember Mallory German…" Mills awkwardly pointed to the woman in question. Mal, as cool as ever, rose her hand in Robin's direction ready to shake it. Regina couldn't read her well. She didn't know what she was thinking or anything like that. It was rather scary to not know nor feel anything from another person but the moment she spoke, Regina immediately calmed down.
"You are Zelena's fiancé, right?"
Robin stiffened for a moment, the reminder falling on him like a bucket of cold water and Regina was inwardly glad. Mal struck a nerve, seemed intentional too. "That would be me." He didn't even shake her hands. Mal took it back.
The words came out of him forcefully. The admittance of his engagement always seemed to take a lot of him, especially in front of her. He should be used to it by now. The terms of their relation to one another had been written down in bold letters. She made sure that it was always there, preventing them from doing something stupid like sleeping together. They've done that already but in her defense, he was Leo, a single man touching American ground for the first time in his life. It wasn't her fault that he deceived her. The thoughts coursing through her head are making Regina feel bitter and that newly discovered resentment towards him and the old one towards her sister began flaring. No, she wasn't about to let herself be guided down a dark path, it was best to kick Robin out as soon as possible.
"Anyway, what are you doing here?" Regina's voice came out so steady, void of any feelings. She was proud of herself for it, and even more so when surprised crossed Robin's features as she settled to be upfront and not miss any single of his movements. Mills couldn't see Mal's face, she had angled her body to fully face the man on the other side of the desk but waves of pride had been washing over Regina and she could tell that was coming from the blonde. It was a source of strength that Mills didn't know she need it, until now.
Robin took something out of his pocket, and placed it on top of Regina's desk.
A white rose.
"Zelena wanted me to let you know she'd decided on the flowers…" The amount of sadness behind that sentence had the air being knocked out of Regina's lungs. Behind his visit there was something more. Mills couldn't quite figure out what exactly but it was clear that he wanted to talk. Maybe it was a bad idea to give him that but without analyzing the further, the brunette turned to Mallory with an apologetic smile.
"Could you please give us a moment. I'll be right out and we can go to lunch." Mal looked at her and then at Robin. The blonde wasn't really thrilled about the idea but she didn't voice her concern about it.
"It was a pleasure to see you again, Robin." Oh that wasn't genuine at all but Mal was nothing but polite.
Robin nodded softly but that was all. No goodbyes, no 'it was a pleasure.' Like Mal had said. He just stood there in silence waiting, desperately (his body language said as much) to leave. When she closed the door behind her it only took her three seconds to completely blow up.
"Really!?" He half exclaimed, half asked. "She is the reason why you didn't accept my proposition." It was more than obvious that he wasn't too happy about what he witnessed when he first stepped into her office but he had no right to be angry, none at all. Hurt, maybe but being angry because she decided to move on from him? He had another thing coming.
"Don't…" She raised a hand, as if it would mark more the distance between them. "Common sense and appreciation to not have my life completely destroyed are to blame for me not accepting your stupid proposal." Even if she, fleetingly, considered it. Being his mistress wasn't something she wanted. There was so much to lose, and risking her mother's and sister's wrath wasn't worth it. Plus, there's the fact that Cora knows what happened between them and even though Regina wasn't aware of who he really was, the truth was that her mother didn't care at all.
He took another step towards her. If it wasn't for the fact that the desk was still there, he would have been standing right in front of her a long time ago. "You and I, that makes sense." He tried but no she wasn't having any of it.
"Be honest did my sister really send you here or was it an excuse to see me?" Avoiding any conversation that started with 'You and I' was a must when it came to Robin. He had a way with words. He was an outstanding marksman and his words were the arrows that hit her heart directly onto the bullseye. Regina can vividly remember the first time they met, the honey comb of his words and the way they sway her mentality like a rocking boat. There was nothing more appealing than a man that could maintain a conversation with her about everything and nothing at the same time, about light and darkness and everything in the middle. She liked him for her, lo—no, no, no.
Not going down that road, not today, not ever.
Robin planted his hand on the smooth surface of the desk and looked at her, really looked at her and for a moment she felt naked, exposed. Robin's eyes were like x-ray glasses, seeing into the places that no one else dare to look. Her heart, her soul, her mind. Poking and probing until he can see the answer to question he hasn't uttered. He looked at her like poetry in motion and never in her life has Mills ever wished more than anything to have magic and see him disappeared with a flick of her wrist. "Both…" He answered and for a moment she was a bit dazed.
Regina had been paying so close attention to the way he was looking at her that for a moment she had forgotten the question she had asked. But she remembered, sobered up and crossed her arms over her chest. "Well you've accomplished your goal." Again that same steadiness from before. "Next time you want to come in unannounced, don't." She walked around her desk, and directed her steps to the door but Regina never made it that far. Robin's hand was grasping her elbow faster than she could move out of the way and his lips were on hers. They pressed against hers greedily, like a man thirsty and she was his only source of hydration. There was desperation there, and longing and a need to always have her and it had Regina completely melting to his arm, returning the kiss with force. Time passed and it didn't pass at all, a second stuck in repetition as the progress of their exchange become more and more intense. It was all wrong, somewhere in the back of her head there's a stranger's voice, her own, telling her to stop but Mills ignored the warning and list of repercussions that could occur If someone knew about this. Robin pressed her against the door, the knob pressing on her lower back. She could feel the low puncture but engulfed in what she was doing, in the passion that his lips provoked in her, Regina didn't pay no mind to it.
Regina could get used to breathing through his lips and into his mouth.
That was when it hit her, she shouldn't. Regina's hands pressed against Robin's chest, pushing as hard as she could until the kiss was nothing more than a past action. Eyes closed, shielding the brunette from the sight of him. By the way he was breathing, panting, and his hands still on her neck, Regina could tell that he wanted to continue this, to be stuck in her office forever simply being with each other and it wasn't possible. "You shouldn't have…" Her throat felt parched, the words barely scrapping out. It hurt, bloody hell it hurt but there wasn't anything she could do. They will always be star crossed lovers and better watch out cause it if continued unchecked, there will be tragedy at the end of this story. "You know well this isn't possible."
When Regina finally opened her eyes all she could see was his crestfallen expression and it made her heart tugged sideways almost as if was about to be ripped out her chest. Which in hindsight it would be better than all these feeling coursing through her. Some love stories aren't meant to be lived and unfortunately they are in that category.
"What do you want me to do? I can't just turn off my feelings, it doesn't work that way." He finally lowered his arms. Regina instantly missed their warmth.
"You can try to be better for Zelena..." It pained her to say it but it was the right thing to do. "You made a commitment to her and it is on you to keep it." Even if inside she is dying, even if she is cursed to see her sister have him. If only Zelena knew of their history. Mills is sure that the ginger devil would gloat. For some reason her older sister had always treated their relationship like a competition, okay, not always but ever since their father died Zelena had been on the fast track life getting and if she knocked Regina down from time to time, that was a bonus for her. So if she ever knew of her feelings, there was a hundred percent chance that she would make her life a living hell. Constantly reminding her that Robin is at her side.
No, she wasn't about to willingly walk into that one. If there was one thing all the Mills women had in common was their pride.
"But I don't love her." And that was the part that killed her the most.
"You'll learn to." Both of them knew she was lying.
It wasn't like Zelena was unlovable, but she made it hard to do so.
Robin took a step back and another until there was some distance between them. A chasm of pain and loneliness, a sinkhole ready to swallow them whole if one of them were stupid enough to take a step forward.
In that moment, it truly felt final.
"So that's it." Robin took a deep breath. "You won't even try?"
The brunette sucked on her lower lip, silence engulfing them. There wasn't much to say. The cards had been dealt from the moment they met, back then they didn't know how messed up the situation really was. "Robin we both know what will happen."
"That's the thing, I don't. There are millions of possibilities to one action, millions of path to go down but you are being stubborn and taking any chances." Robin crossed his arms, "I thought you were a little braver than that but I guess you'll always play it safe."
That wasn't fair.
In not so many words Robin called her coward. But if that was the price to pay for them, for him, to be safe than be it. She will take his bullets words and saved them in the pocket of her heart even if they left her bleeding out. Still it was unfair for him to voice it in such a way. It was as if she was the only one capable of seeing how grave their situation. And it hurts like hell, to love and be love but not being too able to water that love and see it bloom. That was Robin's problem, he only thought of him but what about her? Her own mind had been spiraling down until being surrounded by darkness. How is she supposed to put into words what she felt when it was too great? How could she possibly survive without the pain completely consuming her? The wounds will scar and she will forever be reminded that this love was doomed from the very start.
"This is the only thing I can do for you." A short sigh, "You might not see it now but in the long run you'll thank me." For what breaking his heart and hers at the process? We'll see.
"That's bullshit." Robin replied, voice dripping with anger. She couldn't blame him but this was the price to pay. Better than to be hated – she hopes that he hates her in the end—than love an impossible.
"I'm sorry you see it that way." Regina pressed her hands against her side. Her palms were sweaty and shaking uncontrollably. It was hard to get a grip on herself but the more she inhaled and exhaled, the steadier she became. This situation had left behind laceration across her heart but she'll have to learn how to wear scars like jewels.
"I'm sorry you wouldn't take a leap of faith."
It was pointless to continue with this conversation. Robin wanted one thing, she wanted another thing entirely different and they could never come together in an agreement.
Good.
It was time to finally put this at rest.
"I suppose this is it." She looked at the clock on the wall, they have been at it for a while. Regina had almost forgotten about Mallory. Almost! The memory of what happened before Robin barged into came into her mind and her cheeks felt rather flushed. Not the right moment for that. "The next time we see each other it will be related to your wedding and afterwards family reunions and my mother's campaign but over all, you and I, we have nothing else to discuss. Agreed…?" She moved out of the way, pulling the door open for him. Robin didn't say anything, he simply walked out of the office without looking back. It pained to admit it, but through that door a piece of her heart left with him. Regina watched him go for a second before turning her back on the opened door.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
It kept going on and on until the need to cry turned into nothing and her heart began to steadily beat once more. This moment, it truly felt final and Regina began to think that this should have happened a long time ago. But there was still a little hope in her heart, as misguided as that was. The brunette dared to dream, to wonder how her life would have been with him. What would have happened if they had met before he met her sister. Would they be getting ready to be married or were they destined to fall apart? Trying to justify her hope had been dragging her to the ground. In retrospect, she is terrified, emotional, of ending up alone and bitter like her mother but Robin wasn't her answer.
"Regina?" The woman in question slightly jumped as she turned. She had forgotten that she wasn't entirely alone. The moment her eyes landed on Mal she knew. The answer to all her problems was six feet tall, blonde, with blue eyes and a warm soul. "You alright?"
Regina shook her head, a sad smile covering her lips. "No." She admitted and it made her heart weight less. "But I will be." Fingers ran through her dark locks a short sigh ebbing from her body. Mills knew it would talk some time but the first step, the hardest one, was already taken and there was no need to look back. The way she sees it, this is just another task to overcome. Pain wasn't unfamiliar to her. She slipped into the deepest end, but had come out again, like light in her veins and darkness sunk back into the ancient hole it came from. This time it wouldn't be any different.
"Now about that lunch date." Regina hands perched on her hips, the old sad feeling being locked back into her chest. "Is that still on?"
For a long moment Mal stared at her just like before. Looking into her heart and soul and Regina fought the urge to covered her heart with a repellent veil so no one would dare to look at the feelings she had long discarded, the feelings she is starting to discard. It was unbelievably how one look could make you feel raw and exposed. For a moment Regina thought Mal was looking at the traces of Robin's kiss overriding the one she had placed before him. Maybe she wished to unkiss her and move out of her life.
Regina wouldn't blame her.
But Mal was moving closer to Regina and in a split second, the blonde had taken her hand, lacing their fingers together. "Of course it is. After you."
In that very moment Regina released a short breath of relief, she was very afraid that Mal would take back what she said.
The brunette reached of her purse before walking out of the door, holding the blonde's hand. Regina just hopes that this is the right course of action. After all, she likes Mal and how uncomplicated things would be with her. And that all she wants, peace, zero complication and happiness. Was that too much to ask for?