I've always held the belief that among the world's controversies and arguments, that there were some topics that were clear in what was wrong and what was right, and that everyone held the same beliefs about these subjects throughout the world and all time.

UNTIL THE DAY THAT BELIEF WAS CHALLENGED BY AN AUTHOR, WHO DARED TO PUT THE WORDS, "BOWSERxPEACH" IN HIS SUMMARY!

Actually it isn't one specific author, but rather a unique collection of such writers who challenged all sense of rationality and common sense to bring us such a strange and incredulous coupling.

In order to wrap my head around such a concept, I decided that writing such a fiction might help me understand what would possess people to write this. But it ended up more cynical and sarcastic than relevant and explanatory.

Bowser stroked the princess's hair gently with his clammy claws, as he romantically commanded his troops to kill and destroy any plumber who dared to approach his castle.

"You're so dreamy when you try to kill innocent people trying to do good." Peach said as she snuggled her favorite fire-breathing turtle. "Why must we go through this charade of you "kidnapping" me just so we can be together?"

"Because princess, no one will accept our love." Bowser growled in his raspy voice that turned Peach on so much. "Look at us, I'm a cold-blooded reptile, you're a fleshy human. No one would understand the random and almost entirely unbelievable romance we share between us."

"That's true." Peach admitted. "Psychology and rational thinking would dictate that I'd be a thousand more times attracted to someone of the same species of me that I would have a sense of security from instead of a scaly monster bent on forcing into a relationship, but I guess that's just how love works."

Bowser turned to his lover with dull, emotionless eyes and said, "Kiss me."

Peach looked at him longingly. "You know I want to, but it's physically impossible what with my two little lips and your two giant lips. You can't even pucker."

Bowser sighed heavily. "I know. Last time we tried I almost swallowed you whole."

Peach giggled, making Bowser smile. Peach went over and wrapped her arms around his hard body, failing to enclose the entirety of his enormous shell. Bowser wrapped his meaty arms around the princess and nearly choked her to death in his embrace.

"King Bowser, Mario is approaching fast to the castle after having almost effortlessly squished all of our troops under his massive weight."

"Again?" Bowser asked. He sighed as he rubbed his temples. "Alright. I guess we have no other choice."

Peach sadly looked at the ground, knowing that her precious time with Bowser was almost over. That stupid plumber always had to be such a goody-goody-two shoes. She wished he would just fall in a pit and die forever.

"I'll get in the cage." Peach said. Whenever Mario approached she and Bowser had to set it up to look like Peach was being held there against her will, in order not to raise suspicion

Just then a fat Italian man bearing an unattractive mustache bursted through the door, pointing an accusatory finger at Bowser.

"TIME TO DIE KOOPA!" Mario bellowed.

"In your dreams plumber!" Bowser said, standing his ground. He was going to lose again. He lost every time, because he always threw the final fight between him and Mario.

For one thing, if Mario actually killed him, then he couldn't be with Peach and his kingdom would be thrown into chaos. He found it much easier to feign his death and then return without explanation.

But if managed to kill the plumber then the Mushroom kingdom would send someone stronger. If he killed that person, an even stronger person would be sent, and the cycle would continue until he couldn't match the hero's strength and lost. But as long as he could kidnap the princess again then it would all be okay.

Mario jumped over Bowser. The koopa pretended to swat at him in the air and missed on purpose, and allowed him to land on a large, red button labeled "Kill Bowser". Bowser feigned a look of surprise and terror as the bridge below him collapsed and dropped him into the river of lava below. To a fire-breathing dinosaur with inflammable scales and shell this was pretty much a soothing hot tub for him.

Peach thanked Mario for his deed and pecked him on the cheek. As Mario did a celebratory dance and gave a thumbs up to no one in particular, she wondered how long it would take Bowser to return. As Mario led her out of the room she looked back at the river of lava. For a moment she thought she saw Bowser wink at her from beneath the surface.

I can see how this idea would explain some of the mysteries of the Mario universe, such as why Peach is constantly kidnapped. But it's just... gross. That's honestly how I would describe this pairing. I don't mean any offense to fans/writers of this pairing, it's just really strange to me.