I don't own TMNT.

Raph, although the aftershock of his actions hit him hard, couldn't help but wonder at the hope that Leo would forgive him. Even though he had just heard on the tape that Leo didn't blame him he couldn't bring his heart to forgive himself. When he hated other people he got angry, well angrier, but when he hated himself well, he brooded after he screamed once.

Raph jumped to the second level of their home but ducked first into his room. He took out his sais and laid them on the floor under his hammock. He didn't want them anywhere near his brother. After a lot of mental battles Raph found himself once again at Leo's room. He made a small shuffling sound with his feet to let Leo know he was there. Leo, of course, had every right to yell at him to go away and leave him alone.

"Come on in Raph," Leo said from inside the room.

Raph gulped and stepped into the room. He half expected Leo to be there, his swords drawn in a defensive stance but Leo was sitting on his bed, a book in his hands. His katanas were sheathed and strapped onto his shell again so he looked more like his normal self, not the tired form Raph had seen earlier that morning.

"Leo I- um well I um uh, I'm trying to, no I um you're and um I-"

Leo looked up from his book. It was titled, 1806 Taoist Soul. Leo tilted his head in confusion as Raph tried to create some kind of start up to a conversation.

Leo closed the book, automatically remembering the page number and set it down on the bedside table where the tray that had had his breakfast on it was as well.

"Try sentences and syllables Raphael," Leo said with a smile.

Raph was about to turn around and drop everything when Leo spoke again, "So what's with this, updates to the Shell-Cycle?"

Raph's head jerked towards Leo, who was scanning over a piece of paper with his eyes. The same paper Raph had crumpled up before and thrown to the ground. Leo could make out some of the parts listed there because he often went up to work on the Battle-Shell with Don, when he didn't have to watch Mikey. Sometimes Raph was there working on his motorcycle as well but most of the time Raph was out on it.

"Well, not exactly," Raph mumbled, staring at the floor.

Leo raised an eye ridge at that but shrugged it off, as just a 'Raph thing'. He rarely understood his immediate little brother but he didn't really understand any of them.

"So the paper?" Leo asked.

"Huh?"

"Didn't you come for the paper?" Leo asked holding it out towards him.

"Well no I-um,"

Leo inwardly sighed, this was annoying. Since when did Raph have trouble putting a sentence together?

Then Leo looked closer and noticed Raph's hands were clenched into fists and he was shaking a bit. Was he sick? In pain? Leo instantly became worried. He got up and walked over to his little brother.

"Raph are you ok?"

Raph took a step back, "I'm fine I just, I need to say..."

Leo frowned and placed a hand on Raph's shoulder, "What? What do you need to say?"

Raph frowned and clamped his eyes shut tightly.

"Just say it quickly and get it over with!" Raph yelled at himself in his mind.

"I'm sorry!" Raph said so quickly Leo almost missed it.

Yay! Raph finally spit it out! Wait, what happens now?

~Moonsetta