Konoha's Daycare Center IIII
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to some very creative guy in japan. I thank him for comming out with such a brilliant story.
Author's notes: I thank the handful of you who rated.The Naruto casts are all ANBU already. And Deidara, Hidan, Kakuzu is still alive. Enjoy:
Babysitting? Call the Akatsuki. KDC IIII.
" Now, your next mission will be to protect a certain building…" The granddaughter of the great Shodaime, Tsunade, was currently drowning in her paperwork. Tsunade eyed the ANBUs in front of her. Blondie, Blackie, and Pinky, AKA Fox, Raven and Cat respectively.
" What are we protecting, Tsunade-sama?" Raven inquired. Fox interrupted.
" Building? So now we're security guards? Good going, Tsunade-no-baa-chan." He whined.
" Kitsune shut your freaking mouth up." Cat snapped.
" What are we protecting, Tsunade-sama?" Raven repeated his question, irritated, at the same time glaring daggers at his stupid teammate, Fox.
Tsunade gave an evil smirk. They had it coming for a loooong time. "
" You will be protecting, Konoha's Daycare Center."
Pause. Everyone fell to the floor. " NO! I quit! I quit! Uzumaki Naruto is NOT participating!" Naruto jumped up, wiped off his Fox mask and threw a tantrum.
" Hokage-sama, that is just plain Cruel." Sasuke's Raven mask had fallen off with shock, but he regained his wits and caught it in time.
" Shishou, let Ino-pig do it, Why me?" Sakura whined.
" It's payback for not completing it the last three times. Now, Go!" Tsunade barked. Team 7 grudgingly trotted out of the door. Oooo, she really loves her position as Hokage now.
" Muahahahahaha…" The Akatsuki made their appearance. So far, the only ones present were Zetsu, Tobi, Deidara, Itachi and Kisame.
" Leader-sama said to –what- Konoha?" Tobi asked.
" To kidnap the future generation of Konoha, or whatever it is." Zetsu groaned. "Why? Just why do we have to bring, of all people, Tobi? Why not Kakuzu?"
" 'Cause Kakuzu would just kill everybody in sight, them sell them, Hm." Deidara replied. ' And because Tobi is my freakin' partner…' He thought moodily.
" Well, enough with this useless banter. Lets go." Itachi grunted. Why even bother with the future generation? Just kill the Hokage or set one of the tailed beast on them. Stupid leader, stupid Konoha.
Team 7 found themselves in front of a cheery pink painted building. They all sighed simultaneously. No other babies can be as terrifying as the ones in Konoha's Daycare Center. It seems that being ANBU doesn't really change anything.
Sasuke could vaguely remember the day when Kabuto informed them that the one and only Daycare Center in Konoha has been rebuilt, and all babies have been registered again. He thought he took the news pretty badly, screaming his lungs out and pulling his hair, but Orochimaru took it worser than him. The snake sanin would go into hysterics whenever the words 'baby' was mentioned.
Naruto sighed. " Well, lets do it, Sakura-chan, Sasuke-teme."
With that, team 7 walked forwards to brave the horrors of the babies.
Smarter now, the members of Team 7 walked into the room with earplugs plugged firmly into their ears. As if on cue, the babies burst into tears.
" Ichi…" Naruto counted.
Members readied their fist.
" Ni…"
Their mouths tightened.
"San…GO!"
The trio's fingers flashed into complicated seals. After the last one was completed, the babies fell asleep immediately.
" Ahh...Silence at last." Sakura smugly removed her earplugs with a 'pop'.
" Of course! I've been practicing this jutsu just incase a situation like this arises. Genjutsu isn't really my thing, you know." Naruto flashed his foxy grin and gave a ' nice guy pose'.
" Usuratonkachi, you know, that pose makes you lamer than you already are." Sasuke snorted.
" Oh yeah? At least I came up for an answer to deal with those babies! If not, you'll probably get your hair yanked out! Again!"
" Tch. I'll kill those babies before they even touch me. Meet my Uchiha Death Glare level 2!"
" Ha! As if like that'll work. You picked it up from Orochimaru right? His glares are so sissy, they won't work right!"
" So? Jiraiya can't even glare right! All he does is stare!"
"Hmp! And remind me again, who's the one who got swamped?"
" Guys…"
" You don't talk big. You got swamped after ME!"
"Guys…!"
" You want to fight, TEME?"
" Bring it on, Usuratonkachi!"
" GUYS! SHUT UP!"
They kept quiet immediately. Sakura's temper grew fouler and fouler with each passing year, another thing to curse the old baa-chan for. After blissful silence, which only lasted for a few seconds, Naruto went " Can I blast this bloody place up?"
" No." Sakura stiffly replied.
" But Sakura-chaaaan…!"
" No attacking the place we were supposed to protect!"
" Hai."
After a few more seconds, then,
"Yosh! Everyone evacuate, 'cause I'm gonna use rasengan and blast this place to smithereens!!!"
" Naruto! I said no attacks!"
" Rasengan isn't an attack!"
" Then what is it?"
" It's the FOURTH'S attack!"
" You…wouldn't dare…" Sakura gritted her teeth angrily.
" Ha! Watch me."
" Does Chidori falls under a similar category?" Sasuke asked hopefully.
" Of course, Teme! Let's do this!"
" For once, I agree with the Dope."
The boys powered up their jutsus.
" RASENGAN!" " CHIDORI!"
" You two…SHANNAROOOO!!!"
Crash. A big hole was planted right smack in the center or the daycare's floor, not by Naruto or Sasuke, but by Sakura. The good thing- the boys finally shut up. The bad thing- the babies were awoken from their genjutsu.
" WAAAAHHHH!!!"
" Lets…escape from the scene of the crime, shall we?" Naruto gulped. The baa-chan was going to give it to him. Big time.
" Yes…Lets." Sasuke, the Uchiha heir was drenched with cold sweat.
" SCRAM!" The shouted over the din.
" This is the place?" The five of them felt foolish, standing outside a cheery building painted full of unicorns and rainbows and butterflies…and URRGH!! The all stared at the sigh on the doorway, which cheerfully proclaimed " Konoha's Daycare Center."
" Well…let's go then." Itachi sighed. "Best get this over and done with."
" HAI." the rest replied sullenly.
They entered only to find- " ITACHI! " " GASP! THE AKATSUKI!"
Shit. Why must these irritating kids be here?!
" ITACHI! PREPARE TO DIE!"
" SASUKE! LEAVE THE REST OF THEM AKATSUKI TO ME!"
" Babysitting, little brother? Have you really stooped that low?"
" For you're information, its not babysitting, its called 'protecting' this god forsaken building. And in case you don't know, I'm already ANBU. The elite. The strongest. See this uniform I'm wearing? See it? But anyways, you shouldn't even be remembering this piece of information because I am gonna go there, cut you right here and now, dig out your guts and feed it to a dull weasel, then use chidori and-"
Beside him, Naruto was giving the rest the same lengthy speech. Only a bit stupider.
" –I'll definitely kill you because I am going to be HOKAGE! And do you even know what a hokage is? It's the strongest ninja of the entire village! And after I become Hokage, I'll also defeat all the other kages and become the Kage of Kages! Then, I'll find all the other jinchuurikis and we'll combine our forces and unite! By then, you won't be able to kill me any longer because-"
All the Akatsuki gave simultaneous yawns.
" This is how you're going to kill us? Bore us the death? Absolutely interesting." Kisame snickered.
" You guys, let's just escape." Sakura whispered.
" NEVER!!!" Naruto and Sasuke shrieked.
" We'll just trap the in here…WITH the babies." Sakura reasoned.
At the thought of the Akatsuki stuck with a bunch of babies, Naruto and Sasuke's faces broke into wide grins.
" 1…2…3…SCRAM!"
Well, the Akatsuki hadn't expected that. They were-running? Behind, they could hear the building's windows and doors being locked and bolted. They? Trap them? From what? " WAAAAHHHH!!" Oops. They forgot about the babies they were supposed to kidnap.
Itachi at once tried putting the babies into genjutsu, but whenever a pile slept, another pile would replace them. And when this pile slept, yet another one would take over. And when this one slept, the first pile would be awake by then and take over. There was no end to them. Next, Itachi at once tried glaring, but found out the hard way that the babies were immune to the Uchiha's Death Glare. Too bad, Itachi.
Tobi, however, was having the time of his life entertaining the babies and not even bothering to save the drowning Uchiha at the corner who was screaming: " NOT THE HAIR!!!" Are all Uchiha members hair-obsessed?
Zetsu was sulking at the opposite corner, with babies sliding down his flytrap decoration...thingy. Suddenly, a baby's poop landed on his head with a splat.
"Ha! It looks like someone has given you a nice dose of fertilizer. You really need that stuff, you know?" Kisame sniggered. Until a toddler waddled up to him and stared.
" What?" Kisame snapped. The toddler just stared. And stared. And STARED. Kisame stared back, except his is more evil. Soon, Kisame was engaged in a staring contest. Finally, the toddler opened his mouth to say one word:" Fish."
Kisame's eye twitched. " Fish." That puny thing repeated the Taboo word. " Fish. Fish. Fish. Fish. Fish. Fish!!!" the wrinkled thing, delighted at having found a new word, started chanting.
" I'M NOT A FISH!!!" Kisame roared. That stared a crazy game of tag with the former going: fish, fish, fish, fish, fish, FISH!!! And Kisame screaming his gills off, all the while trying to catch that puny brat and planning on throttling him hard and then hang him up by the collar and use him as a punching bag.
" Ha! Now Kisame is going crazy, un." Deidara flipped back his hair girlishy and turned around.
" Wa-wa-wa-wait! DON'T TOUCH THAT!"
A baby was happily prodding one of Deidara's many explosive clays curiously. Deidara dashed towards the clay in the speed of light and just as he was carefully putting it back, the baby made a gurgled noise, which sounds uncannily like 'katsu'. BOOOM. Poor Deidara, who was mid-way into removing the chakra from the clay bomb, was now crispy black and smoking badly.
" Curse you." He managed to stutter out before collapsing on the floor, before being swamped by babies too.
" Next time, don't leave your stupid clays lying around, baka." Zetsu's 'white' half snarled.
" Or else I'll devour your body too." The 'black' half sniffed. PLOP. Another poo landed, adding to the already collecting pile. Both sides groaned.
" Wow, Zetsu-sama! Are these babies potty-trained or what? They know that you need it. They KNOW!" Tobi just had to rub salt to the wound. Surprisingly, he was the only one not being harassed by any babies.
Tobi looked at Zetsu. He was manically trying to peel the babies off his flytrap, but couldn't really reach the tip, so all the babies crawled up there and overbalanced him. He fell heavily to the ground. Plop. Down went another poo.
Tobi looked at Kisame, who now attracted a bunch of talking babies, all who was crawling at his feet, tugging merrily at the hem of his cloak, and all the while chanting "Fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish …" " NOOOO…" The newly named 'fish' groaned.
Deidara and Itachi, who both currently being swamped by babies who wanted their mother and attacked the nearest people who looked like a girl, were going mentally unstable with each passing moment. The latter screaming " Not the hair! This is the most well groomed hair among all Uchihas! Not some chicken butt style like Sasukes'! NOT THE HAIR! ANYTHING BUT THE HAIR! " and the former too burnt to even struggle.
Tobi sighed. " You're all hopeless. Pathetic."
" Well, since you're so smart, you do something, then." Kisame panted with the effort of trying to catch the giggly babies and the only one still sane enough to reply.
" Look." Tobi stacked up the colourful IKEA plastic tables to create a makeshift stage. He took out a baton from the folds of his cloak and waved it with flourish.
Like hypnotized, the babies stopped moving. " FISH-" Tobi started but was cut off with an indigent 'hey!' from Kisame.
" Fish." Echoed the babies. 'WTF' everyone was thinking. Tobi waved the baton around and the babies surprisingly broke into a high-pitch squealing and squeaky song, comprised of the only word they knew, 'fish'.
" Tobi…I'll…k-kill you…" Kisame was struggling to get across the room so that he can grab Tobi and strangle him to his death. That failed and Kisame ended up turning a violent shade of red. Clashing with his blue skin, he somehow ended up turning purple instead.
" GOOD!" The babies finished singing their fishy song. Kisame was now a pile of goo at the corner. " Now, the sentence is 'Zetsu needs fertilizer.' " Tobi was waving his baton around like a man possessed. The babies who could sing broke into garbled versions of the song. Those who could not started donating more poop to Zetsu to prove their point. Zetsu shut his flytrap with a snap so that no one can see his tomato red face.
" Tobi, are you just here to embarrass us, un?" Deidara was screaming at the back of the room, trying to make Itachi's hair like what it was before, which was no easy feat after what the babies did.
Deidara, who was still smoking, angrily tugged at a knot, still ranting on and on about how stupid his partner is. " That idiotic sissy moron, if he can't control those babies then just kill them already!"
" Leader-sama said to kidnap them, not kill them." Itachi absently said as the checked his hair in a pink mirror for any more knots.
" Well, stuff them into a bag or something and let's finish this bloody mission!"
" Well, my little otouto locked us in here, remember? How dare he use the glare on the babies and make them immune to it…" Itachi muttered curses under his breath as he squinted at his reflection. 'Damn…I need a pair of glasses ' he thought. But glasses make him look like a nerd. Look at Kabuto! And glasses made him look sissier than he already is; he was trying to conserve what little manliness he has left.
Deidara carried on his banter." He's a gay! What the heck is leader-sama thinking, un?! That Tobi can't even GLARE! It's an essencial trait for all criminals! Even those low-life D-rank missing-nins can do that! Is he even a S-rank? He's ruining our reputation!"
" Look who's talking. Deidara-sempai, you're gayer than I am!" Note to self: Never insult Tobi. After several whispered words with the babies, Tobi smugly waved his baton like some crazy freak trying to do magic. You could practically feel the glare from under the mask. The babies broke into song.
:"MUMMY! I WANT MY MUMMY! WHERE IS MY MUMMY? OH! THERE MY MUMMY IS!" The cheerful babies swamped over to the two sissies at the back. " NOT THE HAIR!" The two of them screamed.
After this horrifying mission, the five Akatsukis would never go to Konoha again, leaving a very confused Hidan, Kakuzu, Pein and Konan behind.
Author's Notes: Sorry for the long delay! I apologise for making you wait. Then again, this story only has 2 or 3 alerts, so not much to miss anyway.
Watch out for the next and final chapter of KDC.