Dragon Ball Z

Lost Forever

"Shattered from the world of pretend, I stand gazing at this unfamiliar land of reality. Taking in the pain and harshness that is life, I am confronted with the knowledge that I have found myself Lost Forever..."

Chapter 4: Comfort Zones

Piccolo had hardly slept all night. He kept cradling the small teen in his arms all night thinking about those last words he heard right before Gohan had nodded off… The idea kept running through his head, 'The kid is delirious, he's out of it right now and doesn't know what he's saying, he won't feel the same once he gets better, don't let his words get to you, he doesn't mean it, he doesn't, it's understandable he's reaching out for something after going through what he did, he doesn't know what he wants…' Piccolo's mind raced through a run-on beginning to feel delirious himself.

Piccolo almost fell asleep again when he felt the boy slightly stir. Afraid he might be having another nightmare Piccolo braced himself to wake the boy up. Instead the boy's eyes opened and he slowly looked up into Piccolo's face.

"Good morning kid…" Piccolo quietly murmured.

Gohan's face twitched a little before he laid himself against Piccolo again and became still again, "Good morning…"

"Did you have good dreams?" Piccolo asked still not moving.

"I didn't dream of anything, so I guess that's good." Gohan's arm reached up to grab Piccolo's shoulder to support himself as he laid on top of him. "I don't have bad dreams when I'm with you…"

"What are your bad dreams about Gohan?" Maybe he shouldn't have asked, but he wanted to get Gohan to talk about it. If Gohan could open up about what he was thinking, what he was going through, then maybe he wouldn't have such bad dreams anymore…

Gohan flinched a little as he thought about the dream he had the night before, "It's the same dream I've had since that day, the same room, the same three men… I can't move… I can't move anything, but I could feel everything they were doing to me, I could hear them…" Gohan started crying again, burying his face against Piccolo to muffle his sobs. He didn't want to cry, he felt he should be stronger than that, but he couldn't help it…

Piccolo draped an arm over the boy's back and started rocking him again. Gohan's sobbing slowly stopped and he looked up to meet Piccolo's eyes again, "They did things to me…" his lower lip quivered slightly, "and I couldn't do anything… nothing…" Piccolo had heard a little more about that DIP drug since the incident. The drug practically numbs out the brain, targeting motor functions before death. Gohan was strong, strong enough to live through the drug, but he still wasn't able to move through the entire ordeal. Only able to lie there and take what they were doing to him. Piccolo thought he was beginning to understand why "Gohan" wasn't here anymore. He had his share of saiyan pride, and it was more than shattered. He must have felt so helpless, and it took humans to leave him without a way to fight back…

"You're so strong Gohan…" Gohan looked up at Piccolo confused, he had received pity, encouragement, and several other emotions since he had come to, but he wasn't sure what this was, "After everything you've been through, you still fought, you lived through something no one else has. You are strong…" Piccolo's hand rubbed through Gohan's hair, gently brushing his wild spikes from side to side.

"Piccolo… I…" Gohan thought carefully about the risks of saying this again, "I…" Gohan quickly pulled himself up and kissed Piccolo on the lips again. Piccolo didn't allow this kiss to last as long as the last one though, and quickly pulled away. "I'm sorry, I know, who would want me… now that I'm spoiled…"

"What?" Piccolo asked perplexed, he wasn't expecting this to be going through Gohan's mind.

"After what those men did to me… I'm not… I'm not worth anything… I don't deserve anyone anymore…" Gohan jumped off the cot and made it only a few feet away before Piccolo's arms reached out and rapped themselves around the boy.

"What could possibly make you think that?" Gohan's eyes shut tightly and he put up a little struggle to get out of Piccolo's grasp. "Listen to me, you are worth everything. You are not spoiled, or tainted, and you deserve the world. Don't EVER let yourself believe you've done anything to be worth any less. You are worth the world… You hear me kid, you are worth the world…"

"But then why?" A new tear rolled down Gohan's cheek, "Why won't you accept me? Why won't you let me be yours?"

Piccolo thought to himself angrily, 'damn it kid, after giving you a speech like that I can't very well say I don't deserve you without having a whole lot of explaining to do…' Piccolo sighed, "How old are you?"

Gohan's head turned a little to the side, "You told me I was thirteen…"

"Do you know what that means?" Gohan shook his head, "It means you're still so young. You are way too young to give yourself to someone like that. I know you must be confused right now, but you are still too young to do those things, especially with someone as old as me…"

Gohan's tail slowly worked its way between Piccolo's legs and wrapped itself around one, "Piccolo, I don't understand then… I've already been used… what are you trying to protect?"

Piccolo shivered as the sensation of Gohan's tail stroking his leg went through him. "Gohan, believe me when I say you still haven't felt what it's like for someone to make love to you, it's very different and special from what you've been through… And that should be saved for only the most special of a person…" Piccolo thought, 'you may not think so kid, but you are still so innocent…'

Gohan's tail slowly let go of Piccolo's thigh. His arm moved up to rub his eyes with the back of his arm. He turned around to face Piccolo and actually had a small smile on his face, "Thank you Piccolo, for making me feel better…" It still hurt Gohan's heart, but he felt better thinking this wasn't rejection, only forestallment.

Piccolo rubbed Gohan's hair again, "Sure thing kid, now how about some breakfast?"

Gohan lit up a little and nodded

"Good, I think we'll eat in today." Piccolo got to work in preparing some breakfast sandwiches for Gohan. He had bought some English Muffins that he toasted, and threw in some things like eggs and sausage and cheese to make a large stack of sandwiches which he prayed were enough to satisfy the boy's appetite. 'I'd pray to Kami… but oh well…'

Gohan licked his lips as the plate was set on the table, "Eat up." Gohan didn't have to be told twice as he started ripping through the food. As Piccolo had feared each sandwich was only good for about three bites, four at most… It was a good thing he made so many…

Gohan devoured the last one and sat back and sighed, "You full?" Piccolo asked. He got a nod as a response. 'whew!' "Well then I'll clean up here, why don't you go take a shower and get dressed?"

Gohan got up and picked up his clothes from where he had left them last night, "OK…" He grabbed what he needed and went into the bathroom.

"What am I going to do with him…" Piccolo asked himself as he pulled on his own gi.

Piccolo was just finishing cleaning up the table and kitchen when Gohan walked out of the bathroom in his baggy attire. Gohan seemed happy enough, his tail swung freely behind him. The boy hopped onto the cot and pulled out the book he was reading the other day.

Before Piccolo might have actually walked up to the boy and asked him what he was reading… but oh did he already know. He racked his brain for information on that book and hoped for all he could that there was no mention of the actual age of Alexander the Great's young mate… All he needed was to have to sit here and explain how times have changed since then…

Piccolo was about to go take out a book and start reading himself when there was a sudden knock at the door. Gohan's head shot up and he stared at the door intently. The black fur on his tail stood on end and he immediately wrapped it around his waist.

Piccolo slowly walked over to the door, 'who would be knocking on the door all the way out here?' he wondered.

His question was answered a voice came in through the door, "Hello! Is anyone home?!" It was Chichi… She had come to check on Gohan just as she had promised.

Piccolo opened the door, "Hello," he said calmly.

"Piccolo! How is Gohan doing?!" it has only been a day since she last saw him, but what else would you expect from the frantic woman?

Piccolo motioned for her to enter. Gohan of course had heard the voice of his "presumed" mother and got off the cot to stand by the door.

Chichi walked into the cabin, turned, saw Gohan, and shrieked. Piccolo slapped his forehead, he had forgotten that she hadn't seen Gohan since he "remodeled" himself. "My Gohan! What happened? Why did you cut your hair?! And what is this that you're wearing?!" She reached over and grabbed Gohan's vest when he violently pulled away and jumped back.

Chichi tried to compose herself again, but she just couldn't get over the look Gohan had adopted here. Those baggy pants, and that thing that looked like it used to be one of his sweatshirts until a shredder got to it… This was Chichi's worst fear realized, her little Gohan had really gone and joined a gang while he was here. She looked over at Piccolo angrily, "HOW DARE YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?!" Piccolo looked taken aback. He couldn't even say anything to defend himself, this wife of Goku's was a woman who could strike fear in the heart of any man… "HOW DARE YOU LET GOHAN JOIN A GANG?!"

"A gang?!" Piccolo looked dumbfounded.

Goku finally walked in through the door and immediately looked over at the death glare Chichi was giving to Piccolo, "Hun? What's going on?"

Chichi waved an accusing finger at Piccolo, "He let my little Gohan join a gang!" she screamed.

Goku tilted his head in confusion and had that classic look on his face, "Piccolo?" he asked.

"Goku, Gohan has not joined a gang…" Piccolo retorted then backed away from the fiery irate woman.

Goku looked around the room until he spotted Gohan looking really edgy backed up against the far wall on the other side of the cabin. Once he got a look at the way his hair was cut he thought he understood, Chichi always seemed upset after Gohan had a haircut… "Chichi, look Gohan isn't in a gang, there's no need to be so angry."

Chichi's hard face finally melted and tears immediately fled from her eyes again, and she walked over to Gohan sobbing. As she approached the boy, he kept sliding away trying to avoid the woman. It was obvious to him that she wanted to touch him… He didn't say anything but he clung to the wall as he moved around the room until he was close enough to hide behind Piccolo. Chichi broke down at Gohan's antics and began crying on the floor.

"Hun," Goku walked over to her, "you promised…"

"I know, but I can't help it…" Chichi whined and slowly got up.

"Gohan, I know you still don't remember us too much," Goku spoke so happily now, he had a strong playful look to him, "but the reason we came over was to invite you to come spend a day with us next week. It's only a day, then you can come back here, but we'd really like it if you would come."

Gohan came out from behind Piccolo and looked up at the large man Goku… "Can I think about it?"

"Uh-huh!" Goku nodded.

"OK then I'll consider it…" Gohan never took his eyes off the man's face, he was trying to see if there was anything else, any secondary motive he might have been able to detect from him.

"Then I really hope you will! Come on Chichi, it's time to go," She clung onto his arm. "And sorry about that Piccolo!" Goku waved as they exited the cabin and shut the door behind them.

Gohan's tension slowly drained, and personally walked over to lock the door, "What should I do?" Gohan shook his head.

"What do you think you should do?" Piccolo went back over to his cot and sat down. 'They are his parents, he needs to get to know them again, it's only right…'

"I don't know… they scare me…"

Piccolo could see why Chichi scares him, "What is it about Goku that scares you?"

Gohan pulled a chair from the table and sat in it, "For some reason, I just can't believe him. I just don't feel like I can trust his promises."

Now that was sad, but it sounded more than reasonable. Of all the things for Gohan to somehow retain about his father, it was that he was rarely there for him as a child… "Your dad Goku is a good man Gohan."

Gohan sank deeper into his seat, "If you say so…"

Gohan's mood didn't change much for the rest of the day. Piccolo could tell because Gohan didn't let his tail relax from its tight position around his waist. He spent the entire day with his face buried behind that book, but from the rate he was turning the pages Piccolo could tell the book wasn't what was holding his interest.

'I wonder if having him spend an entire day with the Sons is a good idea or not…' Piccolo thought to himself. He got up from his cot and started walking to the door, "Gohan, there's something I have to do real quick, will you be OK for little while?"

Gohan looked up from his book before nodding, "Where are you going?"

"There's something I need to check on, it'll only be a moment, I'll be back soon." Piccolo stepped out of the cabin and Gohan felt him power up and fly away.

Piccolo landed near the Son house. He pulsed his chi to let Goku know he was there without alerting Chichi to his presence. As expected a few minutes later Goku stepped out of the house, "Piccolo? What is it?"

"Goku, we need to talk," Piccolo turned and walked deeper into the woods.

They got to a small clearing and Piccolo leaned against a tree, "Is this about Gohan?" Goku asked.

Piccolo nodded, "Yes, I'm concerned about Gohan coming to spend a day at your house."

"Oh?" Goku frowned, "Why is that?"

"Since yesterday Gohan has slowly been opening up, little by little, relaxing, and sharing some of what he was thinking. But after you two visited today, and I'm sorry I have to say this was mostly on Chichi's part, it was like taking a step backwards. Gohan has been quiet and tense since you left, and it was only for a few minutes. I'm not sure if he's ready to spend an entire day in your house."

"I think I know what you mean," Goku crossed his arms and thought, "I want to do what's best for Gohan, but Chichi is going crazy not having him around. If she doesn't see Gohan soon I don't know what we're going to have to do with her."

"Goku, she's Gohan's mother, she should be acting in Gohan's best interest as well as the rest of us. I'm not going to say Gohan can't come spend the day at your home, he is your son, but I am going to say even if he agrees to it, I don't think it's a good idea yet."

Goku nodded, "I understand, thanks for worrying about him."

Piccolo nodded and started walking away, he was tempted to say something to the effect of 'Don't leave him alone with her,' it didn't seem fair that Goku could wander out of everyone's life whenever he didn't want to put up with his wife but always left his children to deal with her.

Goku walked back to his house then Piccolo flew away back to his cabin. Piccolo wasn't sure what he thought Gohan should do. It would be good for him to get to know his family, but he was also really starting to enjoy having him around. He slapped himself, 'That is NOT why Gohan should stay, it should be because that's what's best for HIM right now!'

Piccolo landed in front of his cabin and noticed all the lights were already out. He opened the door quietly and walked in. He didn't want to wake Gohan in case he was already asleep. As he closed the door, the moonlight from the windows was the only light in the place.

Gohan was lying on his bed, and Piccolo immediately noticed he was turning and writhing on the bed. He must have been having another nightmare, and Piccolo rushed over to wake him up.

"Piccolo…" Gohan was moaning in a low voice. Piccolo looked down at the boy and saw he had his hand down his shorts. Piccolo took a step back from shock as he saw Gohan continue to roll and touch himself, quietly moaning his name. He wasn't sure if he should wake him up or not anymore.

Gohan's hips started bucking off the bed, his movements became faster, and his breathing harder. Piccolo thought maybe he should just step out of the cabin for a few more minutes, but for some reason he found himself unable to move.

Gohan's right hand was buried deep in his shorts, his left hand moved under his shirt. Gohan's moaning got louder and his bucking wilder. He screamed out "PICCOLO!" his body tensed and a white liquid shot from the tent in his shorts his arm made.

Piccolo gulped hard, finally remembering to breathe. Piccolo tried to back away from Gohan's bed when Gohan's eyes slowly opened. He was still sweaty and breathing hard, "Piccolo?" he asked drowsily.

He looked down and noticed where his hands were, one up his shirt, and the other still gripping his semi stiff member, the white fluid still tracing up his stomach, "What did I do?" he looked concerned.

Piccolo knew he should have left when he had the chance, his mind was trying to figure out someone to explain this one, "You were having a dream Gohan."

Gohan looked up at him, "I was?"

"And a really good dream from the looks of it," Gohan pulled his hand out from his shorts and looked at the sticky white fluid still oozing down his fingers.

"You should probably go get cleaned up Gohan," Piccolo turned and said in a gruff voice. Gohan nodded still looking at his hand in awe and walked to the bathroom.

Piccolo let out a deep sigh, his usual shade of green was covered by a definite purple blush. "What am I going to do with this kid?" he shook his head and started changing Gohan's bed covers for him.

Piccolo heard the shower water shut off, and Gohan walked out still wet with only a towel rapped around his waist. He plopped onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. Piccolo gave him a funny look over the top of his book he was reading from his cot.

"Piccolo?" Gohan finally said, "What happened?"

Piccolo sighed and put his book down, he might as well tell him the truth he thought, or at least as much of the truth as he needed to know, "You had what's called a 'wet dream' Gohan."

"What's that?" Piccolo's forehead twitched, 'hasn't Goku taught him anything about this yet?!' he thought, 'Did I actually just ask myself if GOKU has taught his son anything about sex? Has anyone taught Goku anything about sex yet? Sometimes I wonder if he even knows how his sons were born… that was stupid.' "Piccolo?" Gohan asked again tilting his head in confusion at Piccolo's expression.

Piccolo decided he might as well make sure, "Gohan, what do you know about sex?"

"Sex?" Gohan thought, "Well… there are boys and there are girls." Gohan said.

Piccolo waited a few moments, "And?" he pushed.

"And what?" Gohan looked confused, "There are only two sexes."

Piccolo twitched again, "I'm not talking about genders, do you know anything about the actual… functions… of sex… or sexual organs?"

Gohan's head drooped, "Well… I think so…"

"What do you know?"

Gohan was quiet for another minute, "Having sex was when those guys… when they…" Piccolo saw where this going and it was not his intention.

"Technically, although that's not the way it's supposed to work. Traditionally it's supposed to be between one man and one woman, and only when they care about each other enough to do it!" Piccolo put in. "The way a man works, pleasure is caused when friction is placed on his penis… once there's been enough of this friction it causes an orgasm which releases sperm, or that white fluid you saw." Gohan nodded in understanding which was starting to make Piccolo uneasy. "Normally this friction would be caused when a man inserts his penis into a woman's vagina, but a similar friction can be created by rubbing it with your hand, that's called masturbation." Gohan looked at his hand and nodded. When you do this while you sleep unconsciously due to an erotic dream, it's referred to as a wet dream or nocturnal emission."

Gohan looked up at Piccolo, "But when two guys have sex with each other, one of them has to get it up the butt right?"

Piccolo grimaced, "There are a lot of different ways to get that kind of stimulation, it doesn't have to be a vagina, or a hand… or a butt…"

"OK I get it, so because of a dream I was having, I was rubbing myself in my sleep, I wonder what my dream was about…" Piccolo coughed, and lifted his book again.

"Do you ever do that Piccolo?" Piccolo's eyebrow twitched again, and he looked down from his book to see Gohan was kneeling in front of his cot with his head resting on his crossed arms on the cot.

Gohan was still only wearing a towel, and it must have been pulled down a little as he kneeled because his tail had managed to break free of its confines and had pushed the towel beneath it. "Do what?" Piccolo asked nervously.

"Have a wet dream or do that… what did you call it… masturbate?" Piccolo banged his head against the hard cover for getting himself into this situation.

"Sometimes…" he admitted.

"You haven't since I got here," Gohan cocked his head while still looking up at his mentor.

Piccolo suddenly picked up the impression that Gohan was toying with him. "Very true." He said simply and shut off the lamp off to lie down for the night.

Gohan looked hurt suddenly that just like that Piccolo had ended their little conversation. Gohan walked over to his bed and decided try something.

Piccolo left one eye slightly open as he watched Gohan walk back across the room to his bed. Sometimes he really wondered about him. Gohan stood in front of his bed and pulled the towel off from around his waist, used it to rub the remaining water droplets off his hair, then dropped the towel by the side of the bed and fell on the bed on his stomach.

The moonlight shining in made Gohan's nudity very visible to Piccolo's keen eyesight leaving shadows to cover just the right places. With a slight shudder Piccolo called across the room, "Don't you think you should put on your night shorts at least?"

Without missing a beat Gohan called back, "It's pretty hot tonight, I think it'll be more comfortable just like this."

'Damn him…' Piccolo grumbled, 'He's doing this on purpose…' Gohan seemed to have already fallen asleep, and Piccolo had to shove a pillow over his eyes to keep from staring. 'Damn damn damn!' he kept cursing under his breath while peaking over at Gohan. Even if he kept his head turned the other way he could tell he wasn't going to sleep much tonight…

End Chapter 4