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Chapter 4:

PATHETIC

The wind blew through the trees rattling leaves loose so they could rain down around the garden. Masami laid in a pile of raked gold and red and purple dead foliage staring up at the grey cloudy sky that seemed to mock her. The moon and stars above could see Sasori-sensei, knew where he was while she remained in the dark. They knew if he was safe or in danger, while she was stuck with the constant worry until word travelled to her of his condition. She hated the secrecy of the Akatsuki. Hated that no one was allowed outside contact when on a mission unless it aided in it's completion. But no matter what she hated or how much, she obeyed the rules she had pounded into her head after accepting the family tradition.

The autumn air chilled her exposed skin. All Masami wore was a plain orange slip that she had planned to wear to bed, but she didn't want to sleep. It seemed impossible to do when her heart felt hollow and her chest wanted to cave in. The cold air she breather burned her throat and lungs, the pain was pleasant. She was reminded that pain could block her mind, numb the thoughts that wanted to take over and torture her in ways that were beyond painful. She wanted the pain to take away the empty feeling that pushed against her chest.

"Megami!" Called Itachi as he ran across the lawn. Crisp leaves crunching under his shoes. HE knelt beside her and grabbed her closest hand, it was ice cold, and in the light of the garden lamps he could see the skin looked faintly purple.

"How long have you been out here" He demanded pulling her into a sitting position. The leaves she was laying on clung to her hair and shift under her as Itachi lifted her.

"I watched the sunset." She replied flatly. Her lifeless voice caught attention. He looked into her lavender eyes to see them glazed over looking right through him.

'It was lovely.'

Echoed Sasori's voice in her head, but to her it sounded like it come from next to her.

"Wasn't it." She agreed snapping her head around to see a darkly dressed Sasori that sat next to her. Itachi stared at her with furrowed brows. She was hallucinating again about him. Her relapse was worse than he had expected.

'So you enjoyed it?'

The fake Sasori asked with a gentle smile.

"Of course I did. You were here, but you didn't say anything. You need to tell me when you're here." Masami said playfully to the Sasori only she could see.

"Megami." Itachi said firmly but she didn't hear him over her illusion, so he tried again. "Masami." Again nothing as she smiled at a man who wasn't there.

"Masami, he's not here! He's gone." Itachi said darkly as he shook her cold shoulders. She looked at him now. Her eyes still held the glazed look about them as she stared at him. Her lower lip trembled as she looked back to where Sasori had just been to see the spot empty. No proof anyone had been sitting there just a moment ago.

"But. . . But. . ." Masami stuttered as Itachi lifted her bridal style. The movement sent the leaves in her hair cascading back to the earth. She looked back at him desperation rearranging her expression. Itachi's heart clenched and he cursed under his breathe at the cause of Masami's pained expression while he carried her to the house.

"I was alone?" She whispered heartbroken.

"You're not alone. You're never alone." He stated firmly as he stormed into the house shooting glares at the maids that had let their master's daughter practically freeze. "I'm with you. Deidara is, and so is Kakuzu. You have plenty of people that will always stay by you."

Itachi carried Masami all the way to her room where he placed her in bed and wrapped her in layers of thick blankets to warm her up. He sat on the edge of her bed worried about her body temperature and her mental health. The illusions were getting worst. Would there come a time when Itachi couldn't pull her out of her fantasies? He suppressed the thought as Masami looked up at him.

"Can a child like me be loved?" She asked in a nervous whisper. Her eyes were cold and distant as she stared at him, waiting, anticipating that his answer would be no.

"You're not a child." He began as he touched her right cheek. "You are a talented and beautiful adult."

"But can I be loved? Am i pretty enough for him? Did I do something wrong and it made him mad?" She shot up grabbing the front of his shirt. "Am I tainted and that's why I've been over looked?" Masami's eyes had widened in fear as she clung desperately to Itachi like a life raft that kept her from drowning in her own mind. The thoughts she had locked away had spilled out like a tsunami ready to end her in a terror and bitterness.

Smack!

The sound of Itachi's slap echoed in the now silent room. Masami's jaw hung slack in utter shock from the calm and collected Itachi's action. He had never raised a hand to her before, barely ever yelled either. Looking back at his face she could see the anger in his eyes. Her hands fell away from his shirt and limply into her lap.

"That fool doesn't matter so quit worrying about him." Itachi said firmly.

Masami continued to stare at him while her brain caught up to her, and just like that her signature smirk crawled across her face, but her eyes stayed cold.

"Then tell me the truth Itachi." She challenged as she trailed her still cold pointer finger along his strong jaw line.

He grabbed her hand without breaking eye contact. "I love you, Megami." He replied with a serious expression. Masami pulled her hand free from him as she climbed into his lap.

As she played with the clean collar of his dress shirt she whispered, "Say it again."

"I love you, Megami." Itachi repeated placing a hand to her lower back.

"Again." She cooed burying her face against his firm chest.

"I love you." HE said cradling her cold body to him. He pulled the blankets back so he could lay the freezing girl down to sleep, but she wouldn't release his shirt.

"Again." She said with a broken smile. He nails dug into the fabric of his shirt threatening to rip it to shreds.

Itachi leaned over Masami with steady eyes that caused her hands to loosen as he placed a kiss to the corner of her mouth. "I love you." His hot breath tickled her cheek as he pulled back.

"Again, and again, and again." She ordered. And he did until it became a chant. While he repeated the sentiment he searched his coat pockets for a bottle.

It rattled like a maraca as he opened the lid and shook out two tiny white pills into his palm.

He closed the small orange bottle and returned it to his pocket before setting the pills on his tongue. Masami didn't fight as Itachi put his mouth to hers and forced her to swallow the pills. When she did he let his mouth linger on hers for an extra moment then pulled away.

"I love you, Megami." He whispered as her hands fell from his shirt.

Itachi got to his feet as Masami rolled onto her side so she could stare out her open door. He walked away from her to let her rest, but she called his name in such a cold and angry way he spun on his heel to look at her. Her lavender eyes laughed at him as her mouth was turned down in a frown that morphed her features into a child's untrusting mask.

"Ever lie to me again and I will kill you." She stated with such seriousness that he held his breath.

"Leave." She ordered when she saw he was about to correct her. With a pause and a light sigh of exhaustion Itachi turned around leaving her in a darkening room as he shut the door behind him cutting off the hall light.

All too soon Masami was forced into a drug induced slumper. Unlike the pleasant darkness she experienced the other night, she was welcomed to a crimson world. It dripped with the thick intimidating color, even her hands were drenched in the pigment. She tried to wipe it away but it only caused more layers of the slick substance to coat her hands. The sickening scent of metal and salt suffocated her as her bare feet were being pulled into a crimson puddle. She tried to scream for help but all that came out was a waterfall of blood. She could taste the gut turning liquid as it continued to pour from her lips.

After what seemed like hours Masami stopped fighting the forever staining crimson as it swallowed her. Filling all her senses with it's presence. Her lungs were engulfed with it like it was water and she was a fish, but with each breathe she gaged and convulsed for real oxygen that would sooth the desperate demon in her that screamed for her to fight on. But she couldn't. Her will for life was fading just like her eyesight. She stared at her crimson painted hand through the thick liquid. She could barely see the outline of her fingers as she flexed them to check that they were still there. They were, but like the setting sun the only thing Masami could see was the haunting color that was always going to stain her life.

The Akatsuki Konoha headquarters were located downtown in the warehouse district. Several gray buildings held weapons and products, while others held vehicles and prisons. One warehouse was made of brick and had no street level windows was dedicated to interrogation. Masami never entered any of those builds, she wasn't allowed. Not by her father or the Boss, but by every member that worked in the Konoha division. She suspected it had to do with Itachi and him overstepping his role as her guardian. But Masami didn't really care as long as she could waster away her weekends at HQ.

On the fifth floor lounging on an expensive gray leather sofa was Masami, Her feet on the back of the sofa as her head dangled over the edge of the cushion, her plum purple hair touched the cream colored carpet in gathering pools. Her eyes stared at the plasma TV trying to focus on whatever program was playing, but she had no interest in it at all. In fact she was cursing herself for wearing a skirt while sitting in such a position. The last thing she needed was the Boss or her father stopping by and catching her doing something disrespectful at their place of work. But no matter her worries she didn't change her position.

Without warning something tickled the bottom of her left foot. Reflexively she kicked at the object with all her strength while her hands pressed against the floor. With a quick flex of her muscles Masami shot over the back of the couch connecting with a firm object. In the blink of an eye Masami stood over a body while her right hand gripped around their throat.

"Relax Megami." Choked Deidara. A joking smile on his face as his sky blue eyes stared up at her.

"Dei-kun." She hissed annoyed as she released his throat. She stayed standing over him glaring down as he chuckled amused. "Don't sneak up on me, fool." She said straightening her back.

"Megami." He snickered looking up. She followed his eyes to her jean skirt, and from his angle he had a clear view of her panties.

"Perv." She stated between her teeth as she kicked him across the face with her thigh high socked foot.

He groaned in pain as she walked away from him and around the sofa to sit back down. A moment later he got to his feet moving his jaw to cheek if it was broken, it wasn't. He knew he had gotten lucky that Masami didn't take the kick seriously. If she did he would have been out cold or even dead.

"What do you want?" Masami asked him as he leaned across the back of the couch, head next to hers.

"I have today off, yeah." He said with a wide grin. She didn't look at him, but he could see her roll her lavender eyes.

"The strip clubs aren't open at this time of day." Masami informed. There was a thin layer of humor to her words, but the dark way she spoke hid it. Deidara put his big hand on top of her head and ruffled her hair like she was a child. He wanted to lighten her mood, even just a little.

"Megami let's go have fun, yeah." He smiled at her. Masami turned her head to look at him with a raised brow.

"Not like that." He added with a faint blush.

"What is it?" She sighed giving up before the blonde could start whining and begging her for some ridiculous demand. With a snicker Deidara jumped over the back of the couch landing next to her with a light squeak from the springs.

"Let's go for a ride, yeah. My new bike just came in and I'm dying to take it out." HE explained bouncing on the cushion like an over excited child.

"Go by yourself." She sighed leaning away from him. Her head was pounding and his loud voice wasn't helping. Even though she had received a full night's sleep she felt exhausted, and the dark crescent moons under her eyes were proof of that.

Deidara started listing out reasons why he didn't want to go without her, but Masami wasn't listening. She was in her head thinking back to last night with Itachi. He had sworn that others loved her, and she was completely sure he was lying. She looked at Deidara's moving mouth without hearing him, and a sly smirk pulled at her lips.

"Dei-kun." She sang cutting him off. He looked surprised at her sudden change in mood.

"Yeah?" HE questioned cautiously. Masami was known for snapping on people- especially Deidara- in an instant so her kind tone only caused hi to worry about his safety.

Her smile sweetened as she trail her finger tips along the reddening cheek she had kicked in a gentle caress. "Do you love me?" She asked tilting her head to the side.

The question caught Deidara completely off guard. His mind went blank for a moment before he sputtered, "O-Of cou-course. Yeah!"

"Really?" She pouted not believing him. His lightly tanned skin flushed at her reaction. She looked so innocent and cute to him that he over looked the devil horns making themselves visible.

"I love our Megami." He assured her as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Pulling her close he nuzzled her neck and whispered, "I lo-ve you."

"Dei-kun." She sang again, and he took his name as a sign to keep going. When he started she pushed him away with a sinister cackle. His clear blue eyes looked at her lavender ones in confusion. Her push had sent him down against the cushions while Masami knelt over him.

"You don't love me." She told him flatly. Her expression was almost robotic as she continued. "Filthy pieces of trash don't receive love. It's natures way." She stated as she got to her feet.

Deidara's mouth opened to say something but closed. That repeated twice as Masami walked through the small kitchen area sat behind the sofa. She stopped at the only exit to the room, a tall thick gray metal door.

"But Dei-kun I don't need love. I look forward to our next dirty encounter." She added with a heartless smile that he couldn't see. He stayed laying on the sofa worried and confused as Megami left the room.

Itachi was right. Masami had relapsed after seeing Sasori and it was progressing to dangerous levels. She was hurting herself to block out the pain she felt over him, Deidara didn't like it. Their Megami was suppose to be a devilish woman with a kind heart. Now she was self destructing, and pushing the people that cared about her away so she didn't take them down with her.