It's Saturday and in a few more days after a home visit we will bring home the very wee dog we selected today from the animal shelter.
She hasn't got a name or batteries. She was found wandering the streets and as she had no collar or micro chip she has no name. Can you believe that? They actually micro chip animals? I suppose it makes sense if they are lost or stolen but it still seems barbaric to me to stick a metal chip in an animal's neck to make your claim to ownership of him or her. She doesn't have a name but she does now have a micro chip registering her to the animal shelter and if we get to keep her I will have to re register her as ours and we will have to name her; we can't very well call her dog, as she is being referred to at the moment, forever now can we?
I must say that today did provide a welcome distraction and for a few hours I think we all enjoyed ourselves. Evie you'd have bought home every dog in the shelter but we had to choose just one, and the wee Jack Russell we selected did look so very winsome in her run, and as Ewan said she did jump the highest when we ambled by.
I'm almost scared that we won't pass the inspection now. What if they say no? I promised you a dog. But we have a good sized back garden and the house although not spotless isn't filthy. It's lived in, comfortable and we like it, plus it has wooden floors. Now I know they said she was house trained but I still think if you bring a wee traumatised dog in to a new environment it's going to well, wee a few times in the wrong place isn't it? At least we will be able to mop up any mistakes she makes.
Well they aren't coming till Monday which leaves me all day tomorrow to try and tidy up a bit.
Monday… Is it too soon to send you back to school? I suppose I need to ask you all directly but Lucy I think you need to go back and be with your friends, they can probably help you more than I can right now and perhaps your school work will be a welcome distraction.
Paul, Ewan and Evie… At least you'll all be together in the same place and your friends will be there and your teachers… I just don't know if I'm up to taking you all back yet, not there. If I'd found out anywhere else… but there. But this is just me being selfish of course I need to just do it. I don't have to go inside… you boys take yourselves in anyway and Evie I just deliver you to the line don't I? Well we'll talk about it tomorrow, see what you all want and take it from there I guess.
Sunday
So tomorrow you all go back to school.
You all wanted to. Well all accept you Evie. You wanted to stay at home and hold my hand until I smile… but I smiled for you and was obviously convincing enough as you agreed to go back as well.
I've written in your school planner Lucy and given them my mobile number and asked to be informed of any issues that will inevitably arise.
Paul and Ewan you have notes in your homework diaries saying the same and Evie I will give Sarah my details when I drop you at the line in the morning.
As for me Tanya has said she will be able to hold the fort at work for a while longer and tomorrow, after the dog inspection, I thought I might try and tackle your Mum's wardrobe.
That's what today was all about. You've all chosen something from in there to keep, and now that you have done that I need to start trying to pack some of her things away. Not because I want to forget her or pack her away but because I want to be able to pull the curtain across and not look at it every time I am in my bedroom.
It's all as she left it still… and she was in a hurry when she left the house for school. The drawers are open, that red dress she so loved is still hanging at the front and I just need to be able to shut it away until I can find the courage to clear it all away little by little.
I also need to sort and go through her jewellery. Actually that might be easier as we are keeping every single item she owned. One day it will belong to you all. Lucy and Evie I hope you will understand that Paul and Ewan should be able to have some of it as well. Maybe one day they will want to give it to a special woman in their lives; but of course my two girls, most of Mum's jewellery will be saved for you. Perhaps one day you will want to wear some of it; or maybe you will just want to have it to hold. Whatever you choose I promise it will be here for you.
I just hope our courage holds.
Tomorrow will be a big day.