Literary..
-
Summary: Sakura is a famous fanfiction author. Syaoran is the best beta she's ever had. They share a world made of the words and tales they weave and write. But they don't know that they know each other...in real life.
-
Full Summary: He promised he'd come back for her. She promised to wait for him. But a misunderstanding creates a giant rift between Sakura and Syaoran, enough to break the powerful friendship they once shared. To escape fate's blows, Sakura seeks solace in fanfiction and soon becomes a famous author on the busy Fanfiction Corner, under the alias Sayuri. She's lucky enough to meet Lang, and he becomes her greatest fan, faithful beta, and online buddy/soulmate. Wait until she finds out that "Lang" is really Syaoran, the cause of all her troubles...
-
a/n: 98! -jumps up and down madly- Wow! I love you all, I can't say it enough. It's almost one in the morning and yet I'm still wide awake with cheerfulness (okay that's not even a word, but you get my point!)...
Okay, just a few notes to be said, so bear with me...
In this chapter, there's a bit more focus on SxS's fanfiction relationship. I've included excerpts of a piece that Sakura writes, owing to popular request. As I'm not sure what kind of stuff the whole CCS crew would be into, I just made up a fictional anime for them to dabble in. Bear with the plot holes present - all I needed were characters. You'll see what I mean soon...
Also, I've gotten a complaint about the repeated use of the word 'fuck'. I've tried incorporating a scene which corrects this problem. Bear with me until that point, however...
Can't remember what else I had to say, so I'll just shut up and let you all read now...
Chapter Three. Twister
-
Sakura's POV
-
My mind's overbusy. I can't concentrate on anything. From biology to English to goddamned PE, I can't fucking concentrate. Sometimes I enjoy being lost in my muses, but today I sure as hell did not appreciate it.
Why?
Oh, simple.
I have a race coming up in a month, so in class I was running my laps. With the damned hurdles up. Outside. In the fucking rain!
So there I was, sprinting on the track in my shorts (it's goddamned NOVEMBER!). Meiling and I were far ahead of the rest. We were neck-to-neck and I was gaining speed as I prepared to jump the next hurdle. All of a sudden, quick as you please, my mind started to wander. I saw the words of a teaser hover in front of my eyes as I leapt off of the ground. At that moment, I knew I had the summary of my new story...
The next moment, all I knew was dull, throbbing pain. I hadn't jumped high enough. I let out a small yelp as my back knee collided loudly against the goddamned motherfucking WOODEN hurdle. I lost my footing as I landed, falling heavily and fucking painfully on my ankle. I lay there and really couldn't get up. My knee hurt like a bitch, there were bruises forming all over my arms and legs from where I tried to break my fall, and my ankle felt like it was fucking on fire. I couldn't move at all until Meiling came by and helped me up. (oh, but only after she crossed the finish line and beat me in the race. That fucking bitch!)
I staggered to my feet, trying to walk on my own but I hadn't gone two steps before my ankle gave way and I collapsed on the ground again. There was a bit of a commotion when Amaya-sensei got to me. After poking around at my ankle (which didn't fucking help, considering it was already BROKEN in the first place!), yelling at me like a bitch on crack for being so irresponsible (gee, thanks for letting me know that you care), and giving me a long lecture about what she'd like to do with unreliable athletes (yeah yeah, like we all want to go break our ankles just for the hell of it...), she sent me out of PE to the hospital wing, hobbling against Meiling's shoulder.
How dignified.
Not.
Oh, and let's not forget that on the way off the field, I bumped into The Bastard. Well, not literally "Bumped Into", but you get what I mean. And the look on Syaoran's face was...almost condescending. Like when we first met...
Well, fuck you, Mr. High-and-Mighty. Let's see how gracefully you can walk after crashing into a fucking hurdle and fucking breaking your ankle. Stupid wanker.
So now I'm sitting in the hospital wing, getting my ankle poked and prodded by the nurse. Shit, that hurts! On top of the extra knee I'm growing, bleeding swollen scrapes on my elbows and knees (apparently I dragged on the ground when I landed) and lightheadedness from not eating lunch... I'm also shivering because my clothes are drenched from the rain outside.
Fuck, this is uncomfortable.
"It could be broken," Shizoku-san, the nurse, says grimly. "You should get that checked by a doctor."
Well, what am I paying HER for then?! I can't afford a doctor right now! Dad's going to Tokyo in March for treatment, and I need to save every penny I can!
"How do you get home?" Shizoku-san asks me, strapping my ankle so that it feels a bit better (but still hurts like a bitch! Ahhh...).
"Bus," I answer, wincing as she ties the binding down extra tight. (Fuuucckkk...)
"Bus?!" she exclaims, staring at me. "You're not taking the bus in this condition! Can't anyone give you a ride?"
"Um..." I mutter, feeling my face turn red. "I think my brother's picking me up..."
"Well, give him a call and make sure he gets here!" Shizoku-san orders. She hands me a phone.
What choice do I have? At least Touya was going to come here anyway...
I just don't want to tell him that I'm hurt.
But Touya (Kami-sama bless him this once) takes it well when I tell him.
"I'll meet you inside the school," he tells me over the phone. "You'll be in the hospital wing?"
"No, by my locker," I say. "I have to get my stuff..."
"Got you," Touya affirms. "I'm leaving right now. Don't do anything stupid until I get there."
And then he hangs up. Just like that.
I sit there, numbly handing the phone to Shizoku-san, my big brother's words echoing in my head.
Don't do anything stupid...
Kami-sama, I've been doing stupid things all day. Now look where it's gotten me. In the hospital wing with a possibly-broken ankle and a fucking DATE with Tarou -
Tarou!
He can't possibly expect me to go out with him in this condition, can he? I can barely walk!
Screw him, I think to myself savagely. If I feel guilty every time I do something stupid, I'll explode.
"Where are you going?" Shizoku-san asks sharply as I struggle to my feet and sway precariously. I manage to catch my balance in time, leaning on the chair in front of me, biting my lip to stop myself from gasping out loud at the pain in my ankle. Fuck, it hurts so much! But not as much as before, which is good because as I remove my hands from the chair, I find that I can still stand without tottering like a one-legged chair.
"Locker," I reply shortly, testing my foot gingerly to see if it supports my weight.
Shizoku-san nearly loses it.
"Are you mad?" she screeches and I very nearly lose my balance again. "The last bell's going to ring in ten minutes and if you're not there by then, you're going to get run over or worse!"
She continues in this vein for about twelve thousand years. I wish she'd shut her trap. I didn't get injured on purpose and I hate feeling dependent on others. I've got a house to run, bills to pay...I have to look after Dad until he goes for his treatment. Until then, I have to put up with everything. I have to survive, somehow...
"Shizoku-san," I say, as calmly as I can. "I'll be fine. Honest. I can actually walk pretty quickly since you tied my ankle."
To emphasize my point, I take a few quick steps across the room, thanking Kami-sama that I didn't stumble and end up breaking my other ankle while I was at it.
She sniffs but agrees to let me out. I hobble out of the hospital wing and down the hall as fast as I can, only to swing to a complete stop just around the corner. My ankle's screaming at me. Shit, the pain, the pain...
There's no way I can work at the clinic today.
Fuck!
I continue walking in the empty hallways, ignoring the waves of pain lancing through my foot every time I take a step. It's what I get for being stupid, anyway. Now because of me, I can't work at the clinic for at least this weekend, and Touya now has to take me to the doctor or something.
I really, really hate my life...
Reached my stupid locker two seconds before the bell. Ha. Take that, Shizoku-san. And no, I didn't get trampled or worse. It'll take more than that to take down this bitch.
My ankle throbs in response. A small hiss of pain escapes through my teeth before I lean against my locker, trying to take as much of my weight off of my stupid ankle as possible.
I close my eyes for a little bit, breathing lightly. My peaceful repose is rudely interrupted, however, when someone clears their throat impatiently.
My eyes snap wide open. I see Syaoran standing barely two inches away from me. His amber eyes look cross and impatient (duh) and oh so mesmerizing and deep and -
"You're in my way," he says bluntly. I gape at him, wondering what he means. We're in a hallway. I'm leaning against my locker. He can't walk through my locker...
Then my eyes travel from him to the locker beside me. The one that used to be locked until this morning -
Oh fuck. He's got the locker right next to mine. Shit. Not only is he in every one of my classes, he also has the fucking locker right next to mine. Kami-sama, why do you do this to me?!?
I mumble something as I move to let him open his locker. He just rolls his eyes and opens the door. It forms a sort of wall between us, separating him from me. I close my eyes again. That's good. I don't have to see him. Then, I don't have to think about him.
...I don't think this logic works very well. Because I can't see him and I'm still goddamned thinking about him – SHUT UP BRAIN!!
Maybe I should do something to distract myself. I know. I'll just turn around and pack my bag. Yeah. That works.
Not. I forget temporarily that my ankle hurts like a bitch. No worries though. I remember this all too clearly once I try standing without the support of my locker.
Aaannd I stumble. Not onto Syaoran's locker door, thankfully. But I do end up falling (rather loudly) against my own locker door.
My dignity has hit rock bottom.
I feel the back of my neck turn red as Syaoran lets out a small 'tuh'. But he continues doing whatever he's doing and I, after twisting and turning the dial on my lock, manage to open my locker.
I drop to my knees. The abrupt change of position aggravates my ankle. A blinding flash of pain streaks up my leg. I can't help it. I gasp.
Fuck.
Angry with myself for being weak, I unzip my back vehemently, begin grabbing random textbooks and stuffing them into my bag. By the time I'm finished, I think my bag looks like it's ready to explode. I have to use all of my body weight to hold the bag closed while I try zip it shut...
Fucking zip up already, won't you?
"You know, you really don't need to take those three chemistry textbooks home, seeing as you don't have any homework..."
I freeze before my head snaps up. Syaoran slams his locker door shut and leans against it, looking down at me. There's a little smirk on his face. I resist the urge to smack it off of him. But my face turns red (to my horror).
My anger seems to know no bounds. The moment I think I can explode with anger, something comes along to make me even angrier, testing the limits of just how angry I can get. Now seems to be one of those moments. Just who the fuck does Syaoran think he is? What's he trying to do? Give me advice? Like I need it! I'd rather give him a good walloping over the top of the head with my three chemistry textbooks!
"You know, I missed the part where that was any of your concern," I reply coolly, giving him a cold little smile. It would have been a lot more effective if I wasn't kneeling on the ground with my eyes watering in pain thanks to the throbbing of my ankle, but I'm not about to take his slighty little remarks lying down.
"I'm not concerned," Syaoran replies, shrugging a little. "I'm just curious as to why someone with a broken ankle would want to carry a bag with ten textbooks in it."
I roll my eyes, gingerly getting to my feet and closing my locker. I take the opportunity to casually lean against the door, inwardly jumping from the sensation of relieving my ankle from my body weight.
"Broken?" I scoff. "You wish."
He raises his eyebrows and lifts his bag over a shoulder effortlessly.
"Glad to see you haven't changed," he says, his voice dripping with sarcasm. I stare at him incredulously. What the f – what did he just say?!
"What was that supposed to mean?" I demand in a low voice. I know my eyes are flashing freakily, because his eyes gleam with something close to annoyance.
"Stop playing dumb, Sakura," he says to me. "It's doesn't suit you."
Okay, what in the name of Kami-sama is this wanker trying to imply? Playing dumb doesn't suit me? I've changed?!
"Well at least that makes one of us," I retort heatedly, shifting my weight so I can get a better look at the scowl on his face. "I've changed, have I?"
"Haven't you?" Syaoran repeats, his face flushing dark red. His mouth tightens into a thin line. Oh shit, I know that look. That's the look he used to reserve especially for me, back when we were rivals for capturing Cards. It's the I-hate-you-so-much look. The death glare. Whatever you want to call it, it's on his face right now.
"If I have, I'm not the only one," I snap, feeling my face take on a similar expression. He looks taken aback for a moment, before he rearranges his face into a more frigid expression.
"You don't see me whoring around with -" he mutters and his face reddens a bit more.
Nowhere near as close to the red that I'm seeing, though.
"Excuse me?" I seethe, feeling my entire being crackle with jolts of fury. "Whoring around? What the fuck have you been listening to?!"
He's very startled with the language I just used, and I wince a little. I didn't mean to say that out loud; it just happened. Anyway, I don't regret it. Syaoran deserves every inch of it. He promises me he'll come back, but when he does, he acts all cold and fucking slams his door in my face. Now, he's acting all high and mighty, and he even had the gall to call me a whore! For what reason?
"Don't use that word," he says - no - orders.
"Which one?" I shoot back rebelliously. How dare he give me orders like that!
"You know which one I mean," he snaps at me. "What are you - American or something?"
Excuse me?! Who the f - I mean - who is he to make comments on my vocabulary?! I'll swear as much as I want - now why am I listening to him?!
Before I can throw a heated retort back in his face, I hear a pronounced "Ahem". I turn around to see Touya standing not six inches away from me.
"Sorry if I'm disturbing anything here," he says, tossing a big scowl at Syaoran (oh shit, how much did he hear? Touya never liked Syaoran much – does he recognize him?! Wait wait...why do I care?). He faces me. "Let's go, you've got an appointment with the doctor in half an hour."
What?
"Touya..." I mutter under my voice so that Syaoran can't hear me (he's still lingering around, that little b-), "I'm fine, I don't need to see a doctor about it..."
Touya doesn't even give me a look.
"Nice try," he says, turning around. "But somehow, I don't think I believe you."
"I'm fine!" I burst out, threateningly close to tears (shit, shit, shit, can't cry, have to stay strong...). "You don't have to waste your time with this -"
Touya snaps around and the look in his eyes makes me quail inwardly with fright.
"I'll be the decider of that," he says softly. "Stop being stupid. I'll get your bag. You get to the car."
"I can carry -" I start, closing my hands around the strap of my bag, but Touya grabs it quickly and snatches it out of my hands. Ouch.
I bite my lip, feeling a lump form dangerously in my throat. Not daring to look at the tall boy still standing at the locker next to mine, I limp after my big brother as fast as I can.
So much for retaining my dignity.
"Are you mad at me?" I ask when we get to the car.
Touya gives me a funny look as he throws my bag into the back seat.
"Why would I be mad?" he asks, shutting the door and getting into the driver's seat. I climb in beside him and close the door. "It's not like you broke your ankle on purpose or something..."
"But you have to take me to the doctor!" I blurted out, my guilt releasing itself before I could rein it in. "You could have been doing something more useful right now..."
"More useful than getting you to the doctor's when you're injured?" Touya repeats incredulously, reversing out of the parking lot. "I don't think so."
"But we can barely afford it!" I exclaim before I can stop myself. "And now I can't even work at the clinic because I can barely walk!"
Touya sighs as he slows to a stop at a red light.
"Kaijuu..." he begins, and I'm too depressed to even yell at him. "Haven't you ever heard of insurance?"
I cross my hands over my chest, my face like thunder. Of course I've heard of insurance. What does he think I am?
It takes me a full ten seconds to realize that he knows I know about insurance.
Wow. I take everything so seriously these days. It's quite scary.
"I'm sorry," I mumble. "For being so difficult and pigheaded."
Touya shrugs.
"So, how'd you get injured in the first place?" he asks conversationally.
"Crashed into a hurdle," I answer noncommitally. "Fell four feet and broke the fall on my ankle."
Touya winces.
"Ouch."
I glance out the window. It's still raining. Unusually heavily. It reminds me of the time the Rain Card was loose and terrorizing the town. But that was years ago, and Rain is now at home, safe in Kero's protection. Along with the rest of the Sakura cards...
Not much else happens as we go to the doctor's. It takes forever for my appointment to come. When it does, the doctor doesn't have great news for me.
"It's broken," he says wryly, examining some X-rays he had taken half an hour earlier. "You're not doing much running for the next couple months, Kinomoto-san."
Thank you Kami-sama for this exhilirating close to an otherwise splendid day. Note the heavy dose of sarcasm, by the way.
I sigh as we get back into the car, my foot encased in plaster and crutches in my arms. This is so embarrassing...
"Cheer up," Touya says to me when we're almost home. "You go to your room and relax a little bit. I'll make dinner."
He tilts his head toward me.
"Beating yourself up isn't going to solve any of your problems," he tells me, quite wisely. How he could have known that was what I planned to do to myself, I have no idea. He can read me like an open book. But I guess that's because he's my big brother. He's practically my dad.
Touya pulls into our driveway. It's just after six. There's still a hint of light in the sky. Wow. I've never been home before dark. Well...not in a long while, anyway.
I hobble into the house and make my way up the stairs with excruciating slowness. There's a moment when I nearly fall over, but I manage to totter into my bedroom and sink onto the bed with a groan.
Kero's by my side in an instant.
"What happened?" he asks urgently.
"Ugh..." I undo my tie and twist it around my fingers. "I crashed into a hurdle in PE. Fell four feet and broke my ankle."
Kero's eyes pop open wide.
"What?" he cries. "You broke your ankle?"
I nod, grimacing at his screeches.
Kero falls silent, evidently lost in thought.
"So maybe that's it..." he mutters.
"What's it?" I ask, confused. "Kero, what's wrong?"
But he shakes his head and dismissively waves his paw.
"It's nothing," he says. "Just...the Cards are getting a bit restless, that's all."
"Restless?" I frown. "Why would they be getting restless?"
Kero shrugs.
"I don't know. Maybe it's because you got hurt?" He examines the sceptical look on my face and sighs. "It's not like they're loose or anything. I can still control them. After all, I am the guardian of the Clow book."
He draws himself up to his full twelve inches proudly. The sight makes my face break into a small smile as I gaze at him thoughtfully.
"Don't worry about it, Sakura-chan," he assures me. "I have it all under control. Your job is to get better as soon as you can."
I nod.
Suddenly the door opens. My eyes rest upon Touya, standing in the doorway with my bag.
"Oh, thank you -" I get up eagerly, trying to take the bag from him, but he just drops it in the corner of my room.
"What do you have in there? Bricks?" he demands with a scowl.
"Worse," I reply. "Textbooks."
He shudders before glancing at me, seated on my bed rather uncomfortably.
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" he asks carefully, and I nod. I'm far from okay, but Touya's had enough trouble on my account.
"What's that?" Touya asks, squinting beside me. I follow his gaze, where Kero's sitting, still as a stuffed animal.
I blink.
"Oh...it's just Kero-chan," I say with a slight laugh.
Touya's eyes narrow.
"I see..." he mutters before walking away. I can hear him talking under his breath. "I always had a funny feeling about that stuffed animal. Isn't she too old to be playing with those...?"
Kero exhales loudly.
"That was close," he remarks. "Your onii-chan still never fails to catch me off guard."
"At least you didn't get caught," I answer, before getting to my feet shakily. "Kero, I'm changing."
He politely covers his eyes while I struggle out of my uniform and into my pajamas. It's far from bedtime but I don't want to have to take the trouble of changing unless I absolutely need to. Besides, my pajamas are comfy.
"You can look now," I call to Kero as my fingers do the last button on my pajama top.
Kero obliges by hovering over my shoulder.
"So what happened?" he asks me, his voice deceptively light.
I shrug as I limp over to the chair in front of my desk and sink into it.
"Syaoran came back to school today," I say, trying to keep my voice even. Unfortunately, Kero reads me almost as well as Touya does and he perks up instantly upon detecting the slight wobble in my voice.
"Does that have anything to do with why your ankle's broken?" Kero growls, rather menacingly for a little stuffed animal barely twelve inches tall.
"No! I mean, no..." I shake my head quickly. "I honestly did trip over a hurdle, Kero-chan."
"Then what did the kid do to you?" Kero presses. I suppress a laugh, trying to imagine Kero calling Syaoran a "kid" to his face now. He's grown so tall...
"Nothing," I answer darkly. "He just changed and became an asshole, that's what!"
Kero winces and I feel my flash fury ebb a little bit.
"Sorry," I add quickly. Kero brushes it off.
"No...you're upset, Sakura-chan," Kero says simply. "It shows in your eyes. He did something to you. What happened?"
I sigh, leaning back on my chair.
"I...don't know," I muse. "Okay, yesterday while coming home, I saw him at the door. I went to say hi to him and he slammed the door in my face!"
"What?!" Kero's looking even more outraged than how I felt at the time.
"Yeah..." I nod, scrubbing at my eyes even though they're dry. "Anyway, he's become so cold and unfeeling now. I can't believe he used to be the Syaoran I – knew. Then, at the end of the day, he confronted me and he told me that I've changed and – and he said that I was whoring around with Tarou -"
"You were WHAT?! With WHO?!" Kero yells, zooming into the air so that he's nose-to-nose with me.
Oh shit. I still haven't told Kero about Tarou. How to explain, how to explain...?
"Tarou," I say quickly. "He's another problem I've got."
Kero nods slowly, but he's still aggressively got his forehead jammed against the bridge of my nose. It'd be cute if the look on his face wasn't quite so scary.
"Um – well, he's this guy at school who always tries to ask me out," I explain as fast as I can, trying to get this over with. "And you know, I think he's a loser so I always turn him down. But uh – yesterday, he caught me off guard -"
"How?" Kero asks shortly, his eyes narrowed.
"He called me up at ten last night," I offer hastily. "And at first he wanted help with the English assignment we got yesterday, so I helped him with that. Then he just started blathering on and on, and I got bored. So I kept working on the oneshot I was writing and wasn't paying attention to what he was saying. Then I realized he'd asked me something because it went quiet, so I said 'yes' to whatever he was saying and it turned out -"
"He asked you to go out with him," Kero finished slowly, drawing away from me.
"Exactly," I say, nodding mournfully. "And I tried breaking it off with him at lunch, but then he started going all weird and sensitive and then I felt bad. So -"
"You're going out with him?" Kero asks incredulously.
"Ye – no!" I defend myself, red-faced. "He invited me to his house tomorrow, just as friends because I told him I felt awkward with the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. But I can't possibly go now, because my ankle's broken. And either way, I was going to tell him tomorrow that I can't go on doing this, because it makes me feel weird and I can't, and I don't want to go out with him because it just complicates everything -"
"And it makes the kid jealous as hell," Kero finishes thoughtfully.
I stare at him.
"Pardon the language," he excuses himself, but I'm not even paying attention to the fact that Kero used a swear.
"Syaoran? Jealous?" I repeat disbelievingly.
Kero gazes at me flatly.
"Well, why else would he be so mad at you?" he counters. "My guess is that he came back and when the first thing he saw was you and that other guy cuddled up somewhere -"
"Kero-chan!" I'm appalled by the thought of it. "I don't cuddle with anyone!"
"Point taken," Kero nods and then continues. "Thing is, I'll bet that when he found out that you had a boyfriend, whether you wanted one or not, he must have gotten pretty angry. He thought you were going to wait for him."
"I did," I argue, feeling confusion wash over me. "I did wait for him -"
"But he doesn't know that," Kero says wisely. "Knowing him, he's probably jealous of the guy and angry at you for going out with him."
"But why?" I ask loudly, trying to drown out Kero's insane theories. "Why would it matter to Syaoran if I waited or not? Why would he care if I was – what was it he said again? - oh yeah, whoring around with some other guy?"
Kero sighs and shakes his head mournfully.
"Well, didn't he like you?" he asks me pointedly.
I stare at him stupidly.
"Well – yeah," I answer despite myself. "We were friends, weren't we? Best friends..."
Kero proceeds to fly over to my desk, stand in front of the wall and then all of a sudden, he beats his head repeatedly against it.
"Kero-chan!" I hiss, feeling very confused.
He glances at me with a small smile.
"You're so old now..." he says to me knowingly. "But you still know absolutely nothing."
I grit my teeth. What's Kero implying here? And why won't he come clean and say what he has to say out loud?
"Maybe I don't," I shoot back, struggling to quell my rising stream of angst. "But I do know one thing. Yesterday, when I went to visit him, he told me that there was nothing for me there. And then he slammed the door in my face. I don't know what message that's sending you, but to me, it seems pretty obvious that he doesn't give a shit about me! So if he's jealous or whatever now...I think he goddamned deserves it!"
I swivel around in my chair, start my computer and stare at the screen vindictively.
Kero sighs again as he goes back onto the bedside table and resumes his peaceful sleep.
Breathing heavily, I open the oneshot I'd started working on last night. Maybe I can send it to Lang when it's done.
My fingers meet the keyboard.
Time to start writing.
-
Syaoran's POV
-
It's been a long, long day. Never mind that classes seem really easy and there doesn't seem to be a shortage of people willing to talk to me and be friendly and stuff. I shouldn't have much to complain about. My teachers are great. I'm already captain of the soccer team. I'm not in Hong Kong and I don't have to worry about the Elders watching my every move and scrutinizing every breath that I take. Here...I'm free. I don't have to worry about being the heir to the Li clan, or about what the rest of China will say if I set a toe out of line. There are no rules here. No restrictions. No getting up at four in the morning to practice my magic or martial arts...
But somehow, the day's managed to be really depressing.
No wild guesses as to why.
I just feel cheated.
The feeling grows as I enter my bedroom at eight in the evening, after I've showered and eaten. My eyes fall upon the picture I hung there, complete with the fabric cherry blossom attached to the frame.
What a waste of space, I force myself to think, feeling my insides burning as I stare at us. Sakura and I. We looked so happy there. I gaze at the giant smile spread across my ten-year-old self's face. Is it possible for me to smile so much, I wonder? I don't smile much anymore. I feel like I did before I came to Tomoeda for the first time. Before Sakura had worked her magic on me. Whatever she did to me, it had made me happy. I'd always felt happy around her. I felt completed.
...because we were friends.
But she's changed now. That much was painfully obvious in school today. She's no longer the genki kid who used to trip over her own feet down the stairs and come wailing to me about her sorrows and problems. The Sakura I knew is gone. And the one in her place – she's a stranger. I don't know her anymore.
She's everything the old Sakura wasn't. She's cold and hostile. She's withdrawn and quiet. She's always bad-tempered and never smiles. She's amazing at math.
And, unable to help myself, I wonder what happened. What would force the laughing, carefree kid in the picture in front of me to grow into such a serious, unfeeling bitch? She knows that she promised to wait for me. She knows I came back for her. Then why would she go out with Tarou? What does she see in him that she doesn't see in me?
This thought echoes around in my head for a good minute before I realize what I've just said. Was I...comparing myself to someone like Tarou? As though I cared what Sakura did with him? Hell, the more I stay here, the more I realize the Elders were right! There is no need to mix with those outside the family circle. You just get caught up with their cheap ways and thinking, and in the end, you lose your own mind. End result? You suffer.
I glare at the picture of the two of us, alone in the frame and laughing as though the world was ours and we had just conquered it. But somehow...I can't bring myself to take the picture down. I just can't. It just looks so right, hanging there with the faded amber comb still affixed to it...
I tear my gaze away from the framed photograph and seat myself at the computer. I need to distract myself before I go crazy. Let me check my email, see if Mother's sent me anything.
I scan the numerous new messages sitting in my inbox. None from Mother. Plenty from the Elders though. I roll my eyes and sign out. I'll read those when I'm feeling more suicidal.
Signing into my secondary email account, I'm surprised when I see a new message from Sayuri. I check the date. She sent it today, not an hour ago.
The subject reads, Another oneshot.
I raise my eyebrows as I open her message and start reading it.
Lang,
Sorry to bug you with more work, but I finished the oneshot I started yesterday. If you could beta that for me, I'd be greatly obliged.
Also, I had a brainwave for a new story. Will you be on later this evening so that I can talk to you?
Thanks.
-Sayuri
I open the document attached to her message, and within moments it's loaded onto my screen. My eyes flit across the title.
C Minor.
A small smile appears on my face. One thing about Sayuri's oneshots is that they're extremely well-thought out. Her titles are enigmatic, her teaser summaries are attention-grabbing and her writing itself is just...wow.
I check the fandom she's writing this in.
Cerberus.
Well, no surprises there. Sayuri used to write in loads of different fandoms before this new anime came out a few years ago. It's got one of the most sophisticated plotlines I've ever seen in a TV show, let alone an anime. The characters are all awesome. None of them is perfect, and the chemistry between them is amazing as is. It's a show about corporate fraud, underworld conspiracies and the reawakening of mythical powers. Sounds kind of lame when I say it like that, but the show itself is so entertaining. It's still running, but I don't get much time to watch it...
Getting back on track now. What pairing is it? I glance at the next line.
AxK.
Ah. Aisha and Kaito. It's Sayuri's favourite pairing, and mine too. In the actual anime, Murakami Kaito's one of the main characters. He and his associate, Oonishi Kohana, are forced to go on the run and end up discovering these ancient ruins which form the gateway to a magical force field. After exposure to this, both Kaito and Kohana develop heightened powers, which throws the balance of the world out of whack because the force field generates an army of evil superbeings bent on destroying the planet. The only way Kaito and Kohana could stop this from happening would be to find the Cerberus, the most powerful spirit released by the force field, and harness its powers to enlarge the force field and get rid of all the daemons (the evil superbeings).
Where does Aisha fit into this? Oh, simple. Aisha's a daemon released by the force field. She's one of the most powerful daemons and is defeated by Kaito midway through the show. Then, Kaito binds her to him so that she can help him find Cerberus. So basically, throughout the entire show, Aisha is bound to Kaito. I find it depressing how at the end of the first season, Kaito got together with Kohana while Aisha was thrown back into the magical force field with the aid of Cerberus. Especially since the chemistry between Kaito and Aisha was so absorbing. It must have been the stupidest decision the storywriters ever made, deciding to do away with Aisha. On Fanfiction Corner, the most popular ship is Aisha and Kaito. It's one of the rare occasions where the most beloved ship is different from the canon shipping. But hey, Aisha was way cooler than Kohana.
...I'm getting obsessive again, aren't I? Curse Sheifa for getting me into fanfiction in the first place. But if she hadn't, I'd never have met Sayuri, which kind of makes it all worth it.
Anyway, past the title, fandom and shipping. Next, the most important part. The summary.
I read it carefully, absorbing the words Sayuri had written.
Fame was hers, but he belonged to someone else. All she had of him was the empty seat in the VIP section.
Okay. So it's AU. As usual.
I wince while rereading the summary. Okay, Sayuri's a great writer and all, but I wish her stories weren't always so depressing. I'd gotten enthusiastic when she sent me a chapter of a new romance/humour fic that she was starting. But seems to me, she's already shelved that.
I begin to read, and as she'd promised, Sayuri's writing is even more dark and depressing than usual.
...her fingers, slim and white, were serene even as they lightly skimmed the keys of the grand piano situated before her. They belied the single tear coursing down her cheek, out of sight of the audience and hidden by her fall of ebony black hair...
So in here, Aisha (I presume that's Aisha because she's got black hair) is a famous pianist, performing onstage with the wounds of unrequited love still fresh. Charming.
...the music shimmered and echoed throughout the giant hall, capturing everyone in her spell. This was why they loved her. Because she had magic in her fingers. A sweet symphonic magic that attracted everyone within earshot toward her, save one.
And wasn't it more than her fate warranted, that the one who mattered most to her was the one best at resisting the allure of her music?
She closed her eyes, already able to seat it in heart-wrenching clarity. The front row, reserved for VIPs. At every concert she held, she always had a seat ready for him. The seat at the very centre of the front row: the best seat in the house. His name was etched into the burnished gold nameplate hanging on the back of the seat...
I pause, adding a few comments in red text. Sometimes, she uses too many fragments. It drives me crazy.
I scan a few more lines. There doesn't seem to be a problem until I reach the ending.
...she couldn't cast her spell on him, because he had already cast his on her. And she was entangling herself into this spell more and more as each day passed. It ate away at her sanity and burned searing holes into her mind, until she could think of no one else but him.
Until she could want nothing else but him...
It's almost perfect. Almost.
I look at one sentence and frown.
...it ate away at her sanity and burned searing holes into her mind...
Holes. The word 'holes'. It doesn't fit with the effect she's trying to create. I rack my brain, trying to think of a replacement, but I can't find one. I leave another comment in red, telling her to change it though. 'Holes' has to go.
I continue reading the ending.
But, it was in her fate to want more than she could have. Even though she had never wanted very much. She had dreamed of fame the way the birds dreamed of touching the stars. She had wanted it, yes, wished for it, yes. But as her fingers slowed and the music came to a gradual close, she knew that she had never really wanted it.
All her life she had yearned for something else. Someone else. Someone who, with one glance could send her soul shattering to pieces, or with one word drive all the sanity from her mind until she was reduced to a shivering, sobbing wreck of blood and tears.
Someone by the name of Murakami Kaito.
She smiled as she stood and took a bow, her eyes never leaving the empty seat in the middle of the front row.
Tonight was the night of his engagement.
And all she had of him was his empty seat.
I shake my head as I save the changes I've made to the document and close the window. The good thing about Sayuri's angsty pieces is that they're rather on the short side. Problem is, each word is enough to make me feel miserable. Sometimes, I wonder what she goes through, in order to be able to produce such deep and dark work.
I check the clock. It's half past eight. Shit. She could be online right now.
I sign onto Fanfiction Corner and check my friends list. Sure enough, I see Cheery Blossom near the top of the list, her penname in green.
A conversation window pops up almost immediately.
Hi, Sayuri says.
Hey, I reply instantaneously.
She gets to the point right away.
Did you get my latest oneshot? She asks.
'C Minor'? I ask. Yeah, I got it.
How was it? Sayuri presses. Did you find anything wrong with it?
I snort. Typical Sayuri. Name and fame haven't changed her one bit. Every time I beta something for her, it's always the same question from her side. Is there anything wrong with it?
Just a few minor grammar errors and awkward words, I answer. I gave you a couple of suggestions, but apart from that, there was nothing else to fix.
There's a slight pause.
I'll send it to you right now, I offer.
Thanks, she says.
I get to work attaching the edited document to a message body and send it to her. Within a minute, the task is complete.
Sent it, I say. Check your email.
I will, Sayuri says. Are you sure there's nothing else that needs fixing?
I find myself nodding patiently as I type in my reply.
Your work lives up to your standards perfectly, I answer.
Perfectly? She repeats.
Oh right. She's an obsessive perfectionist. I forgot about that.
Well, since you're desperate for criticism, I have one comment to make, I say before I can stop myself.
But once I handle my thoughts, it's too late. My words are now pasted across the screen, clearly visible to both Sayuri and I. Too late for me to take them back.
What? Sayuri demands in a flash. I sigh. If I knew what she looks like, I could visualize her jumping up and down in her seat agitatedly.
All your fics, I write, are so depressing...
There. I told her.
But she surprises me.
Are you serious? She asks.
Yup, I reply. I mean, can't you write something a little bit lighter?
Sayuri's taking a while to reply. I'll bet she's staring at the screen confusedly, wondering who the hell abducted her beta.
I actually wanted to talk about another story I had a brainwave for, Sayuri says, completely ignoring my earlier comment.
I feel a bit put out as I reply. Okay.
It's AxK, as usual, Sayuri explains. I have the teaser down, but not much else.
I nod slowly.
Okay. What do you have?
There's a slight pause while she types in her teaser. When it finally appears, I blink before reading it.
'You're mine.' 'I don't see your name on me.' The next day, he got his name tattooed on her arm.
My eyebrows furrow.
That's it? I ask, somewhat sceptically.
Her answer seems a bit hesitant.
Yes...
I sigh as I type in my words.
It sounds more like a oneshot than a novel-length story, I point out. It's too short.
I want it to be concise, Sayuri argues. I don't have years like I did with all my other fics.
True, I admit. But what about plot? You don't seem to have that.
This isn't about plot, Sayuri explains. It's about character. The whole thing is a focus on the feelings of the characters. Each and every emotion that they experience.
It sounds captivating, I tell her. But to be frank, 99 percent of your readers will find it exceptionally dull.
I can sense Sayuri's face falling.
You really think so? She asks, a tad dejectedly.
Yes, I answer adamantly. Look...the whole experimentation with emotions thing...you've done it plenty of times over. The only difference to your writing right now is that it's gotten more depressing.
Thanks, Sayuri tells me sarcastically.
Sorry, I apologize. I'm just trying to tell you what I feel. Don't take it personally.
I'm not, Sayuri responds immediately. You're my beta and I trust you.
Inexplicably, my face breaks into a real smile. Not nearly as big as the one on my ten-year-old self's picture behind me, but still, quite big by my standards. I don't even know why. It has something to do with the words that have just flashed onto the screen. They just look so good.
You're my beta and I trust you...
Who else in this world trusted me? Apart from this faceless entity sitting miles and miles away behind a computer screen, no one really.
It felt nice to be trusted.
Okay, I answer. Then as your beta, I have some advice for you.
Spill. Sayuri's getting impatient, I see.
I don't dawdle. My fingers fly over the keyboard as fast as they can.
Try writing a different genre, I suggest. As an experiment. You started one off. You sent me the first chapter, remember?
Sayuri catches on.
You mean 'Matchmaker'? She asks. I can tell she's a bit surprised.
Yeah, I say. It was short, sweet, and a break from your usual angsty stuff. What's more, you had the space and opportunity to encompass a bit of everything. On top of your dark angsty musings, you had a bit of humour, romance, sarcasm...
I pause to give her a moment to absorb what I was saying.
You get what I mean, right?
Yeah... She trails off. It was just something I wrote on the fly. I thought it seemed too happy for the AxK pairing.
I roll my eyes and snort.
Just label it as AU, I tell her. You're Cheery Blossom. No one will care if it's too happy or not.
There's another pause. I wonder if I've offended her so much, she won't respond anymore.
Thanks so much, Lang, Sayuri finally says, surprising me. I've had the worst day, and you just made it better.
Things start sliding into place as I reply.
No problems, I answer. Just...try work on 'Matchmaker' some more, okay? If you have any more rough days, don't bring it out on your fanfiction. Talk to someone about it instead.
I hit 'enter' and pray that I guessed about her habits correctly.
Moments later, she answers.
What if I have no one to talk to? She asks, and I'm so startled, I answer without thinking. Again.
You've got me.
Her reply, when it comes, seems quite staggered.
Thank you...
For the first time in my life, I wonder what Sayuri does outside of writing fanfiction. She has a life outside of that. Just how miserable is her life if she just swallows all of her "rough days" and lets it all out through writing fanfiction? Is it really because she has no one else to talk to? Can she really be that lonely?
Deep down, I know the answer's yes. I know because right now, I know exactly how she feels. There are people around me, but I don't feel like talking to any of them. I don't like sharing my feelings with anyone I know, plus I don't know anyone who cares enough to listen to me. The one person I believed patient enough for the task turned her back on me, and I don't know who else I have.
Deep down, I'm just as lonely as she is...
Disclaimer: I don't own CCS. The plotline of Cerberus is probably recycled from different areas too...
a/n: Awww. Sometimes, I feel guilty for making them suffer so much.
I'm contemplating on ending the hatred soon. ("Soon" meaning in another two or three chapters. I think. I hope).
Anyway, summer school's ending, and I'm leaving for New York in four days. I'm planning on updating Undercover before then, and I'm not going to be home for almost two weeks. Just warning in advance.
Reviews, ideas, scene suggestions, feedback, etc. are all heartily welcomed!
Next Chapter: Sakura gets a surprise visit from someone. Syaoran finds he's got a lot more betaing to do. We meet Fujitaka finally! What else happens? Find out next chapter, in Afterglow.
Please do review! I'm trying to maintain 30 reviews a chapter. Think you love me enough to do it for me?
:D
-Celestiana