Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason. The prologue alone is going to be hard for some to handle. If you're uncomfortable with language, drug use, and borderline non-consensual sex, I wouldn't recommend this story.

I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.

Chapter Three: Carpathia

To be honest, the magnitude of what I was doing didn't actually register in my brain until I began to fill out the endless amount of paperwork sent to me from Jacksonville. After leaving Jacob at my front door with a less than satisfying goodnight kiss, my mind refused to shut off. I should have told him about the move. I still need to tell him, and Edward, too. Telling Jake should have been the easy part. If I couldn't even tell him, how was I ever going to find the courage to tell the father of my son I was moving clear across the country and taking our boy with me?

Having nothing better to do, I fired up my laptop and began sifting through the various forms and questionnaires. A simple tax form reduced me to tears. More specifically, it was the fact that I claimed Seth as my dependent. Edward and I had no legal custody agreement. It had never been necessary before now. Edward didn't care how often or how little he saw his son. He always let me call the shots; let me be the parent. I had been the one claiming him on my taxes since the beginning, but something about the way it looked on paper this time seemed different. I was finishing a chapter in my life. Seth and I were moving, and I was moving forward with my life. Once we were gone, there would be little chance to turn back.

Of course, I would always come back to Forks. My father still lived here, and I didn't see that changing anytime soon. The two of us would make yearly visits, at least. Seth would come see his grandparents, and Edward might even surprise me by wanting to take him for a few weeks or even a summer. I'd be okay with that. But as time progressed, I pictured our visits becoming less and less frequent, much like mine had been with my father while I was growing up.

In high school, would Seth make a random decision to live with his dad? I had done it, and now I realized how much it must have broken my mom's heart to see me move. I wasn't sure I could let go of Seth so easily. What if Edward got remarried? Had more kids? Could I trust him to put Seth first when I'm thousands of miles out of sight?

Hell, I still wasn't sure if I could trust Edward period.

"Okay, Bella. Are you ready to find out the sex of the baby?" Dr. Clearwater asked, moving the transducer across my stomach.

Alice squeezed my hand, "Oh my gosh! Bella! This is seriously so exciting. Edward is such an idiot for not being here!"

Yeah, well, Edward was three hours away in Seattle and apparently had a math test he 'couldn't miss.' To be fair, he did make the first ultrasound appointment. We weren't exactly on the best terms after what had happened at Newton's when he found out I was pregnant, but I could recognize that he was at least trying. It definitely wasn't easy for him.

These days, he wanted us to be together. I just couldn't do it. I knew he was only trying to do the right thing; to be with me for the baby. If he actually wanted to be with me, he wouldn't have ignored me after we slept together. Even after he found out I was pregnant, I probably would have taken him back. But when he threw his credit card and demanded I get an abortion, I lost every ounce of respect I had left for him.

"So, what is it?" I asked, staring at the screen.

"Well, Bella. It looks like you're having a baby boy. Congratulations."

A boy. In my head, I immediately began to picture a miniature version of Edward. I was almost positive my kid would come out looking exactly like the guy. It would be just my luck. I'd been fighting so hard for my son since the very beginning. I didn't think twice when Edward suggested abortion. Or adoption. I maintained my ground from the start, while Edward was just beginning to come around.

Alice practically screamed, and followed with a bunch of 'I knew its' and 'I told you so's'.

The ultrasound was in Port Angeles, and afterwards Alice wanted to shop. I wasn't big on spending money, but Alice loved to do it. She always weaseled me into shopping every once and a while, but today was different. For the first time, I could buy something for my son. We ate lunch and stopped by a few stores before I settled on some Carter's outfits. Mostly, I bought things that represented me, but I did get a cute shirt that said 'Dad's number one draft pick'. I thought about texting a picture of it to Edward, but decided against it. I wanted to tell him, not show him.

I waited until we got back to town and I was alone to deliver the big news. I dialed his number from memory, trying to decide what and how I was going to tell him.

"Hello," the voice that came through on the other end of the phone line wasn't Edward's. It was a female.

"Um, I think I have the wrong number." I pulled the phone away from my ear to check what I had dialed.

It was definitely Edward's number. Why would a female be answering his phone? He had been so persistent on the 'let's be together for the baby' front. Had there been someone else the entire time?

My heart broke into a million pieces all over again. I couldn't believe I had trusted him. Maybe this was why he hadn't pursued a relationship with me in the first place. Or the real reason why he hadn't ever dated anyone in high school. There was someone else, and I never knew any better because she didn't even share an area code with us.

"Oh yeah, Bella? I don't think you do. Your picture came up along with your name when the phone rang. Just so you know, this is my boyfriend's phone. He left it in my car. So, can I take a message?" she asked, confirming my suspicions.

"Um, if you could just, tell him that I called. I figured he was expecting me..."

"No, I don't think so. But whatever, I'll let him know."

She must not have, because an hour later, I still hadn't heard from him. I called back.

"Hey beautiful," Edward answered this time. I could feel my blood pressure rising. How dare he?

"Don't 'hey beautiful' me. Where the fuck have you been?"

"Ah, crap, Bella. I left my phone in someone's car. Did you call? It didn't tell me I had any missed..."

"Who is she?" I couldn't help the ping of jealousy I felt. Out of nowhere, feelings were emerging for Edward. Things I hadn't felt since... well, since before our night together.

"Who is who, sweetheart?" I hated the way he was being so calm about all of this. Did he really think I was stupid? Why hadn't his so called girlfriend let him know I called? Did she even know about... oh, God...

"Sorry, Edward. I guess I should have been more clear. When I called earlier to tell you about your son, your girlfriend - her words, not mine - answered the phone. I guess you didn't get that message, did you? God, seriously. Just when I thought..." I trailed off, not wanting to admit my weakness for him, "You know what? Never mind."

I hung up the phone before he had a chance to respond. I expected him to call back, but he didn't.

Eventually, Jasper did.

"Bella, don't hang up." He begged as soon as he knew I was on the line.

"Seriously, Jasper. What?"

"Bella, that wasn't Edward's girlfriend. Not even close."

"And you actually expect me to believe this?"

"Look, I would be suspicious too. But at any point in the conversation, did either of you say the name 'Edward'?"

I honestly couldn't remember.

"Ed and I have the same phone, Bella. Maria just assumed it was mine."

"You seriously expect me to believe your girlfriend answered Edward's phone? Yeah, right. I'm not an idiot."

"It would explain why I just spent the past five minutes trying to convince her there isn't someone else. I literally had to pull my phone out of my pocket and prove to her that it had been in my possession the whole time. Edward is a wreck, Bella. Just talk to him."

"Fine, Jasper," I complied, not sure if I believed his far-fetched story or not, "If he calls, I'll answer."

Ten seconds later, I had the opportunity to make good on my promise.

"Bella," he sighed, his voice cracking.

"Hi," I didn't know what else to say.

"It's a boy? We're having a son?"

"Yeah."

"God, Bella... About earlier..."

I felt calmer now, so I played it off, "Don't worry about it, Edward. We're not together, so it's none of my business. You don't need Jasper to lie for you. I was pissed at first, but I'm good. We're good."

"Jasper wasn't lying. And for the record, I can't fucking stand his girlfriend. My math test didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would, and I was just trying to pass some time while I was waiting on you to call. They were going to eat, so I went with them. Please believe me when I tell you that there hasn't been anyone else. Not even close. I only want you. I barely talk to anyone at all. Ask Jasper. I go to class, come back to my dorm, and study. I know I didn't handle things well when I found out. I'm so sorry for that, baby. But believe me when I tell you, I love my family. I'll do whatever it takes to make this work."

Once again, I had no idea what to think. I wanted to believe Edward. I wanted to believe he was being honest about what had happened today and how he loved our baby. But I wasn't sure where I fell into any of that, and I was terrified of getting hurt again. With words, Edward could cause my world to come crashing down. I needed to be stronger than that. I needed to guard myself, if not for myself, for my son.

"I can't make any promises, Edward."

The house was lonely without Seth. Seth spent the night with Carlisle and Esme every once in a while, but I still wasn't used to being alone. It wasn't even 10:30 yet, and I was already bored out of my mind. I needed some sort of comfort; anything to keep me company. It was no wonder Edward smoked so much. Without Seth, I had way too much free time and nothing to do with it.

If Seth were here, I'd probably let him sleep in my room just so I didn't feel alone. I usually only let him do it if there was a bad storm, but occasionally I'd make an exception. But Seth was with his dad, and despite my date with Jake, I found myself wishing I was with my family, too.

I called Edward hoping to get some peace of mind. It seems kind of pathetic, but he has been one of the only consistencies in my life since I moved to Forks 8 years ago. It was a distant consistency, but a consistency none the less. I missed our friendship, the one we shared in high school. I always downplayed it at the time, but now I realized how integral our time in biology had been to me. It seemed so innocent, looking back. We were young and naive. There was no baggage, no blaming and no heartbreak - aside from petty teenage angst. It's difficult for me, because I know we should have gone our separate ways after high school. The only thing that united us was Seth, and as much as it sucked, I wouldn't do anything differently.

The phone call didn't do anything to put my mind at ease. If anything, it made me feel worse. I couldn't believe Jake played Seth against his dad. My son was not a pawn. Edward might not have been perfect, but he didn't deserve to have his own son sided against him. I wouldn't have Seth without him. Edward was hit and miss, but he would always be dad.

Sadly, I hoped seeing me with someone else would give him some sort of epiphany. It hadn't originally been my intention, but I found my mind wandering there after the fact. It wasn't like I wanted a relationship with him. Not anymore, at least. I just wanted him to care; to give me proof that something between us, however long ago that may have been, had been real.

When my phone rang again, I assumed my wish was coming true. I picked up almost immediately.

"Hey, Bells."

All my hope went flying out the window.

"Oh, hi Jake," I tried not to be rude, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, um," he sighed, "Sorry for calling so late. I couldn't stop thinking about you. It's just, I noticed maybe you weren't as comfortable tonight as you have been in the past. Like, with Seth. And I wanted to let you know, I get that. It's cool. Because the way I see it, you and Seth are kind of like a package deal. So I was wondering if maybe you guys would like to see the new Ice Age movie with me tomorrow?"

I knew Jake had been reading into my apprehension from earlier. It was a sweet gesture, even if it had been completely ruined by the stunt he had pulled earlier, "Jake, I want you to be honest with me. And in return, I'll be honest with you."

"Okay..."

"Did you tell my son to call his father by his first name?"

"Ah, shit. Edward told you about that already? Bella... I was just playing around. I was pissed because he kissed you right in front of me, and I needed a way to get back at him. It was wrong. I'm sorry."

I wasn't sure 'I'm sorry' was good enough, "If you ever... and I mean, ever, so much as think about using my child as a way to extract revenge again, you can kiss our relationship and our friendship goodbye. He is not a pawn. He's a five year old boy and fully capable of thinking and making judgements about people's character on his own. Trust me, I've experienced it first hand.

"As far as my behavior this evening is concerned, I will admit, I was acting a little off, but not for the reason you assume. I got offered a job in Jacksonville, Florida today. I'm taking it. We're moving at the end of September."

"Wow, Bells... That's insane."

"I just don't want to lead you on. This can't go anywhere, Jake. I don't do long distance relationships," using the same excuse I had given Edward all those years ago.

"No, Bella. I totally get it. It makes sense now. Wow, this entire night, I've been wondering if you still have something for Edward! Jeez, I feel a lot better now. So, can we still do the movie tomorrow? As friends?"

"I don't see why not."

"Awesome. I'll pick you guys up at noon. We can get some lunch or something before."

I confirmed the time with Jake and he apologized again for what had happened earlier. I knew I should be more upset about what he had done, but I was honestly so relieved about telling him about the move that I didn't care. The easy part was over. And if everything worked out as planned, the hardest part would be over after tomorrow. I was going to tell Edward, even if it killed me to do it.

I finally drifted to sleep, only to dream of him.

In the morning, I rushed to take a shower before heading over to Edward's apartment. He had given me a spare key after he moved in, so I didn't bother knocking before I entered. It wasn't like he wasn't expecting me. The open floor plan of Edward's apartment gave me a view straight into his kitchen, where father and son were cooking, or at least making some sort of attempt at the matter.

"Mommy!" Seth excitedly shouted from his spot on the kitchen counter, pulling a Blow Pop from his mouth, "We're making you breakfast!"

"Oh are you? And since when are suckers on the menu?"

"It's only one," Edward interrupted in Seth's defense, "Daddy's trying to stop smoking."

"Yeah, Uncle Jasper says daddy's a dick."

"Addicted, buddy," Edward corrected almost immediately, "Uncle Jasper says daddy is addicted."

I walked over to Seth first and gave him a hug and a kiss. It hadn't even been a day, but I missed my little man so much. He was still clad in his Transformers pajamas, and both of them were suffering from some serious bedhead. Edward wore basketball shorts and a black t-shirt as he stood by the stove with a skillet of scrambled eggs.

"Hey momma," he greeted, pulling a sucker from his own mouth and sweeping me into a hug. He tried to kiss me on the lips, but I turned my head away from him at the last second. Jake was right. If I let Edward kiss me, it would only lead Seth on. His kiss landed on my cheek, and I saw the hurt in his eyes as we pulled away from each other.

"Seth have an asthma attack or something?" I asked to change the subject. I fully knew the answer would be yes. Edward made it a point not to smoke around our son, but the stench was still strong in his apartment. If he followed through on his commitment to quit, he needed to paint. Or move.

"We had to do a breathing treatment at around three this morning. But that was after I decided to quit, for the record."

"Uh-huh," I wasn't sure exactly what he was trying to insinuate, "You okay, baby?"

"Yeah," Seth sighed, "I'm fine, mom."

Seth, as usual, was trying to downplay the severity of his attack. Lately, we'd been having problems with collapsed lungs. It's happened twice, and his doctor warned that next time we'd be looking at more intense treatment. We're well acquainted with the Forks ER, and not just because daddy works there. Seth has been in the hospital for his lungs more times than I've been there for my clumsiness; a lot. When they started throwing around lung surgery, it was enough to make all three of us never want to take him back.

"So, breakfast. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Nope," Edward answered, "We've got this covered. Right, little man?"

"Right!"

After Edward and Seth banned me from the kitchen, I began gathering Seth's things. I could tell he slept in Edward's room last night, which was good because I knew it to be the one place in the apartment where Edward never smoked. It was well kept, a far cry from the chaos and filth contained by Jasper's room.

I sat down on Edward's bed as I packed Seth's nebulizer into the backpack. Edward's room was pretty generic. He didn't leave a lot of his things laying around, or maybe he just hid them so Seth wouldn't see. An over-sized photo album seemed out of place on his nightstand. My curiosity overtook my regard for Edward's privacy and I began to look through it.

Some of the pictures I had taken, but others I had definitely never seen before. Esme must have took them. Mostly, there were pictures of Seth, but there were a few of me too. Some of them were even from high school, while others showed my very fat pregnant days. Of all the pictures, very few contained Edward with Seth. I wondered how much that bothered him, to have almost an entire photo album full of his son without him. As I flipped to the last page, one single photo stood out.

At first, I thought it had been placed there by accident. Why else would he include a shirtless photo of himself in with a bunch of pictures of our son? But after looking at the picture, it became blatantly obvious. Fresh ink covered his chest. At first glance, it looked like a bunch of squiggly lines, but there was more to it than that. I knew Seth's drawing style. I knew how to make out shapes and figures among the chaos frequently captured on paper by my son. Edward had a tattoo of the three of us, or at least, Seth's perception of the three of us, on his chest. Across his heart, in a very juvenile font, spelled amor meae vitae. I had no idea what it meant, but I vaguely associated amor with love.

"Mommy, breakfast!" Seth announced from the doorway, bringing me back to reality.

I snapped the album shut. I wasn't supposed to see that. The last thing I needed was for Edward to catch me going through his things. I especially didn't want him to catch me eyeing a shirtless photo of him. I tried to push it to the back of my mind. A little part of me wanted to rip his shirt off and verify that it was real. Of all the things he could have chosen, why had he chosen to depict the three of us? The Edward and Bella in the drawing were even holding hands. How did he expect to explain that when he was with someone else? And where did he intend on tattooing his replacement family?

I didn't even bother grabbing Seth's backpack before getting out of his room and joining them at the breakfast table.

"So, I was wondering if maybe you guys wanted to spend the day with me?" Edward suggested, sounding a little nervous.

"Oh! Mommy, can we?" Seth chimed in.

I was going to agree, until I remembered the plans I had already made with Jake, "Actually, we already have plans."

"Aw, mom!"

"Plans?" Edward asked, "I mean, I'm flexible. If you guys are running errands or whatever, I don't mind joining in. It doesn't matter to me."

My heart sank a little. Edward didn't intend on taking no for an answer. As much as I didn't want to hurt his feelings or ruin our breakfast together, I was going to have to be honest with him, "Jake is taking us to see that new Ice Age movie."

"Oh," the devastation in Edward's eyes was a total 180 from the excitement in Seth's.

"Daddy, you can come see the movie with us!"

"No, that's okay, buddy. It'd be a little crowded if the four of us went."

"But daaaaddy, I want you to go. Mommy, make daddy go!"

I didn't know what to say. I guess, technically, Edward could go if he wanted to, but I knew it would be awkward, "We'll go see a movie with daddy next weekend. Is that okay?"

We spent the rest of our breakfast eating in silence, the tension obviously thick in the air. What were the odds that the one time Edward actually wanted to spend his weekend with us was the one time I had made plans with someone else? It just went to prove, once again, that Edward and I were incapable of getting things right.

I offered to do the dishes but Edward insisted he would get to them later. As he pointed out, it wasn't like he had anything better to do. Before I knew it, it was time for us to meet Jake and I still hadn't told Edward about the move. I decided to wait. I didn't want to ruin his Saturday more than I already had, nor did I want to tell him within an earshot of Seth for fear of his reaction. My previous worry that he wouldn't care had been replaced by knowing that he probably would.

Edward helped me put Seth into the car, and I shut the door. Thankfully, it wasn't raining.

"Hey, Edward?" I began.

"What, Bella?" he asked, his tone colder than it had been before.

"Are you doing anything Monday night? I have to talk to you about something, and I don't really feel comfortable doing it in front of Seth. Can you swing by my place after he goes to sleep?"

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I mean, everything is fine. Its just... pretty life altering news, that's all."

"Life altering? That's all. Bella, what the hell?"

"Edward, relax. Don't let it ruin your weekend. I mean, really, the more I think about it, the more it isn't a big deal." I immediately felt guilty for lying to him.

Remembering how I had turned away from him earlier, I placed my hand on his heart and my lips to his, letting them linger for longer than what was probably necessary, "We love you, daddy," I told him for Seth's sake, even though I knew he couldn't hear us.

The movie with Jake, along with the rest of the weekend went okay. I didn't hear from Edward again, but that wasn't uncommon. I knew he worked a 12 hour shift on Sunday, and that was enough to make anyone exhausted. On Sunday night, Seth and I went over for our weekly visit with Grandpa Charlie.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Bells, but I'm honestly glad you're moving." he told me as Seth played with Sue, Charlie's new live-in girlfriend, in the other room.

"Shh, dad! I haven't told him yet."

"Oh, relax. He can't hear us. Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, the further away from Cullen, the better."

"Dad," I scolded, "that's his father you're talking about."

"Bull shit, Bella. He's nothing more than a sperm donor and you know it. If I had half of a mind, I would have put him in jail after what he did to you. I know you weren't totally honest about what happened that night. You were a good kid, Bells. You never even dated in high school, and you actually expect me to believe that you willingly and soberly slept with him?"

"Seriously, dad. I've told you a million times. Edward didn't do anything I didn't want him to do," the line between what I wanted to happen and what actually happened was so fuzzy that I still had no idea whether I was even lying about it or not, "And even if he did, that doesn't make it okay to keep his son from him."

"It's the best thing for him," Charlie argued adamantly.

"Best thing for what?" Seth asked, choosing the wrong moment to re-enter the living room.

I sighed. I had to think of a way to play this off, and it meant I had to tell Seth the truth, "Seth, do you remember when we went and saw Grandma Renee and Phil?" I asked, recalling our trip two months ago.

"Yeah! We saw Mickey and Minnie! And Phil told me that next time I come down, he's gonna teach me how to play baseball!"

I smiled back at him sadly. The chances of Seth on a baseball team were slim to none. The running would put too much of a strain on his lungs, "Well, honey, I think next time is going to come a lot sooner than either of you imagined."

"Are we going on vacation again? But what about school? Is dad gonna come with us this time?"

"Uh, no, baby. He's not. And we're not going on vacation... we're moving."

"Moving?" he echoed curiously.

"In September."

"But mom, what about dad? And what about Grandpa Charlie and Nana and Pop Pop and Uncle Emmett?"

"Well, we'll have to come visit them. Like we do with Grandma Renee."

"Oh,"l he said before quietly climbing on to my lap, "Okay."

I should have known better. I should have realized that the words weren't registering in his head. He was only five, it was no wonder he didn't understand what I was saying. We went home a few minutes later, and he didn't mention it for the rest of the night. Hell, I don't think he said two words on the ride home. He did ask if he could sleep with me, and I had no reason to tell him no. I slept soundly, having Seth there to keep my nightmares away.

But nothing could prepare me for the nightmare that was still to come.

AN: So, Jake knows, Charlie knows, and even Seth knows. Guess who finds out in the next chapter? And what the hell does amor meae vitae mean? A second in Google Translator will answer at least one of those questions. I'll give you a hint. It's Latin.

This story is being beta'd by broduergirl30 and simba517. Both of them have their own awesome stories, so check them out. Also, thanks to anyone who has taken the time to subscribe or leave a review. It means a lot to me. I've been trying to send out teasers to everyone who does.