A/N: Just a brief note. I do not own Grey's Anatomy or any of its characters. This is just my random musings playing in Shonda's sandbox. Also, in this chapter, the area in all italics will be a slight flashback memory. Hopefully it will make sense when you read it. If you find anything complicating, difficult to read, etc, please let me know and I will do my best to alter things and work on a different approach. Okay, onward to chapter 4!
Addison watched as the young resident began mumbling incoherently into her knees, blocking out her surroundings. Shaking her head, Addison couldn't believe the scene that had just transpired in her office. The redhead was at a loss on what to do with the woman who was fast becoming a mess on her floor. The last thing she wanted during her brief stay in Seattle was being in the middle of a lover's quarrel when she was the ex-wife in the situation and internally struggling over her own feelings for the woman currently experiencing a breakdown. Rising from her chair, Addison walked over to where the woman was slouched on the floor and sat down against the wall next to her, stretching out her long legs and crossing them at the ankle, not saying a single word.
The coldness radiating from the floor was a stark contrast to the feeling of the redhead taking up residence next to Meredith in her current placement. Meredith hugged her knees tighter to her body and let out a low moan at the situation she was currently wracking her brain to figure out. Never mind the fact that the object of her actual affections was sitting next to her without knowing what she just witnessed and what it possibly meant down the road. Leaning her head back until it thumped against the door, Meredith then looked over at the woman next to her.
"My life is killing me," Meredith exclaimed suddenly. "Not literally killing me, mind you, but it sure as hell feels like it," Meredith said, a slight edge to her voice as the words replayed like a movie reel in her head. The shock of the situation had yet to wear off and if Meredith didn't analyze it, it felt just like she was dreaming and that at any moment she would wake up and Derek would still be wandering around the hospital oblivious to the pain Meredith had caused.
"Meredith," Addison started but was quickly interrupted by the young resident before she could form a coherent thought that would pose some sort of comfort.
"Dr. Montgomery, don't. Can we just let it go? Of all the people to try and offer me words of advice or sympathy, you would be the last one I'd want to hear them from," Meredith explained a little too harshly than she had intended. She felt the redhead stiffen next to her and quickly realized she made another mistake. Meredith's anger was manifesting itself and she was starting to retreat into her shell to mask the pain.
It's not that Meredith didn't want to hear those words from Addison's mouth, quite the opposite. She craved to have this woman soothe her ripped open wounds and reassure her that everything would be okay. Meredith's short musings ended when the body next to her was suddenly behind the desk, shuffling a few pages around without a word. Meredith stiffly stood and observed the doctor's demeanor. Addison didn't appear to be hostile from her harsh words but at the same time she was on the defensive ready for another verbal attack. Feeling terrible at her outburst, Meredith turned towards the door before slowly reaching for the handle, pausing and turning back around.
"Dr. Montgomery?" Meredith tentatively called out, hoping the tone of her voice would indicate to the older doctor she was not going to lash out again. Meredith waited on baited breath to gain the redhead's attention. Watching Addison stop shuffling her pages around and glance up at her was enough for Meredith to realize that she would not be ignored and exhaled a shaky breath. "I just-Look, I'm sorry," Meredith finished lamely, tilting her head down to the floor.
"Don't apologize for something you have nothing to be sorry for, Dr. Grey. Let's just finish this checkup and ultrasound and then you can head home for the day. I'll clear it with Bailey," Addison stated, her eyes shining with the sympathy she was refraining from vocalizing as she walked around her desk towards the resident who was unwilling to meet the redhead's eye as she was quietly waiting at the door. From the redhead's tone, Meredith could tell that her outburst had already been forgiven.
"Wait," Meredith said all of a sudden as she softly closed the door and finally lifted her gaze to the questioning redhead's before her. Meredith was throwing all caution to the wind and in her state of mind she wasn't in a position to be making executive decisions, but one was about to come out of her mouth despite that fact. "Can we talk?" Meredith rushed out, her eyes widening once realization dawned that she just opened her mouth. She hesitantly kept her gaze locked with the doctor's questioning look, waiting for a response.
"Talk? Like right now? We have a patient, Grey," Addison explained, slipping into her usual authoritative tone before she had the chance to catch herself. Closing her eyes briefly and exhaling a slow breath, she refocused on the young resident before her, about to amend what she said before she was stopped.
"No, later. After our patient," Meredith led on, hoping that the redhead would find this situation suitable as she was going out on a whim and had no idea how she was going to handle a conversation with Addison so soon when she hadn't even spoken with Derek and what he had overheard in this very office. Meredith felt like she was quickly sinking below the surface and was willing to grab onto anything in order to keep her from going under. That something was Addison Forbes Montgomery.
"Wait for me in the lobby when we finish up with Mrs. Morgan. I will inform Bailey," Addison stated, feeling a surge of sympathy for her minor role in outing Meredith's inner musings, even if it wasn't her fault. After receiving a small nod from Meredith as confirmation, Addison smiled briefly before leading them from her office to assess her patient's condition and vitals.
~~GA~~
The young resident stood impatiently near the entrance of Seattle Grace. Meredith was well aware that she could be caught at any moment and that fear was becoming more palpable by the second.
She had quickly left the patient's room once she was dismissed and had sought out a discreet path toward the locker rooms. It was as if she hadn't taken a breath the entire way until she stealthily reached her destination and hastily changed back into her clothes she had left behind in her cubby that morning. Meredith knew she wouldn't feel at ease until her body was physically removed from the hospital. She was doing what she did best. Running.
As Meredith waited impatiently, her mind was going a mile a minute and she couldn't control where it went. She knew that Derek would need to be dealt with and that the sooner the better. Despite that, Meredith did not know what to expect when that encounter would come to fruition. The guilt she felt now would be nothing compared to the guilt she would feel later when she let Derek go and broke his heart. Knowing that she would ultimately hurt him had placed a heavy burden on her chest when she realized that she entered into that relationship with him foolishly. Granted, at the time, Meredith knew it was far easier than confronting the confusing emotions and feelings that had circled around a specific redheaded neonatal surgeon.
Meredith sighed in frustration as she looked around once more for Addison. This time she quickly spotted her striding past the information desk and heading right toward her. Letting out a shaky breath, Meredith gathered her coat tightly around her to fend off the cold chill of the November evening before noticing the redhead was looking at her expectantly.
"Come on," Addison murmured the moment she came up even with the young resident. Addison could sense the mounting tension and knew part of that was her fault. It had taken her longer than she had anticipated to shake Miranda off when she briefly explained that she needed a favor and that favor included giving Meredith Grey the rest of the day off and allowing her to remain off of Derek's service for a while.
Miranda was confused by the unexpected favor request and had questioned the redhead trying to get whatever information she could to better understand why Addison was specifically helping out one Meredith Grey.
"Why are you covering for Grey, Addison? It's not like you both became the best of friends after the divorce," Miranda exclaimed, crossing her arms with a look that was demanding that Addison give her something for what she was about to do. After all, those in the hospital didn't call Miranda the Nazi for nothing.
"Miranda, please don't ask me something I can't answer. Just do me this favor of ignoring the fact Meredith won't be in the hospital for the rest of the day and keeping her off of Derek's service for a while. I can't explain any further, but I'm sure the gossip hounds will be working overtime soon so you'll probably hear something that has a grain of truth to it eventually. Have someone page me if anything comes up with my patient, please," Addison explained while leaving out the true nature of what was going to hit Seattle Grace like a bad storm in the near future. Knowing this hospital, something was already circulating around through each nursing station and locker room if anyone was within shouting distance of her office when Meredith yelled after Derek. Anyone could speculate if they saw him storming away angrily, which kicked in the thought that she herself might not be safe from the rumormongers if he was seen leaving the vicinity of her office.
"Fine, Red. I won't ask and I'll keep out of it and refrain from mentioning your name in connection to Grey. But you owe me," Miranda pointed out, smirking at finally being able to call in a favor from Addison. "Now, get out of my sight before I change my mind," Miranda quickly added, smirking at how quickly Addison turned on the spot and left in the opposite direction. Miranda shook her head at the ever-present drama circuit that perpetuated itself within the walls of Seattle Grace before getting back to her duties in the clinic.
"Joe's?" The redhead inquired after realizing she had spaced out and Meredith was beginning to stare at her. The sooner they left the hospital the better since they were running the risk of being seen by someone.
"No, somewhere neutral," Meredith stated, not really elaborating on where she'd prefer before she turned around and briskly walked toward the exit with Addison scrambling, albeit gracefully, behind her. Meredith knew she wouldn't be able to be somewhere where the memories would attack and put her on full tilt. Joe's would also be too overwhelming to deal with for the fact that she didn't want anyone from Seattle Grace to stumble in and find her sitting at a secluded table with the renowned She-Devil drunk before noon. She was trying to control the little things to avoid further complications that would make this whole situation harder than it already was. Feeling Addison fall into step with her as they reached the parking lot, Meredith paused realizing she had no idea how they were getting to their destination.
"We'll figure it out on the way. Come on," Addison nonchalantly stated as she made her way to an expensive looking charcoal gray car that Meredith was clueless about. The only thing she could gather from the look of the car was that it was very expensive.
Addison quickly unlocked her car so the both of them could find sanctuary in its confines from being exposed and noticeable in the parking lot and the chill of the November wind howling outside. Getting the car started, the engine roared to life and had a low hum as it idled, waiting for its owner to make a decision and guide it to its new destination. Letting the car warm up a little, Addison stole a quick glance at her passenger, noticing that the younger woman's gaze was directed outside the window. Thankfully, being inside her car afforded them the security of anonymity since her windows were as tinted as the law allowed. Seeing that she wasn't going to get a suggestion from the other car's occupant, Addison shifted the vehicle into gear before exiting the Seattle Grace parking lot without a second thought.
Weaving through the rush of lunchtime traffic, Addison wracked her brain for a suitable place to have this discussion without running the risk of seeing anyone that either of them knew. Losing patience at finding an adequate establishment, Addison turned toward the hotel she was currently staying at for the duration of her case. She realized it would be perfect since at the last minute she had changed her mind with where she booked a room. So it would be highly unlikely that anyone from Seattle Grace would search her out at this specific hotel.
Meanwhile, Meredith sat motionless in the passenger seat, her thoughts running through her head at full speed and her body becoming tenser with every passing second. Meredith just hoped this impromptu decision to speak with Addison wouldn't backfire on her. Before she realized it, the car was coming to a halt outside a posh hotel that seemed fitting for the likes of Addison before noticing her wayward thought left her still seated inside the car while Addison stood outside waiting for her presence at the curb. Sighing loudly one final time, Meredith sluggishly extracted herself from the cozy vehicle and joined the redhead before following her inside and directly to the bar.
The two women walked toward the bar and found that despite the lunch hour the area was practically deserted. Upon being close enough to place an order, Addison was about to speak before being quickly overruled by Meredith's quick order of a bottle of José and two shot glasses before making a beeline for a secluded corner of the bar, leaving Addison to follow the young resident before taking her seat across from the agitated woman.
Once she was seated, Addison quirked an eyebrow at the drink of choice. Meredith just shrugged before uncapping the bottle and pouring two shots, nudging the second glass in the redhead's direction. They clinked their glasses together before downing the shot quickly. Meredith felt the familiarity of the harsh liquor burn a path down to her stomach, silently relishing the feel of the liquid and the memories it brought with it. For Addison, that shot of tequila took some adjustment since the last time she went shot-for-shot with it was sometime during her undergrad years. The redhead masked her grimace with ease, noticing Meredith was already pouring them their second shot, which was consumed the moment the liquor ceased its flow. Meredith reached out to pour a third but Addison realized if she kept up at the pace she was going Meredith would be under the table before lunch was over and nothing would have been accomplished.
"Slow down there, Nemo," Addison exclaimed, realizing her slip with the impromptu nickname. She pushed her shot glass away from her before grabbing the bottle of tequila and holding it hostage, prompting a disgruntled look to cross Meredith's face before seeing her shoulders slump and hearing a loud huff at being cut off so quickly.
"Nemo? You just likened me to a clownfish? A Disney caricature of the fish no less!" Meredith scoffed, not quite happy with the turn of events and the lack of alcohol being ingested.
"It was the first thing that hit me with the phrase drinks like a fish in mind," Addison defended, her tone light with this newfound banter.
"I guess that's better than any of the names I've collected while working at Seattle Grace," Meredith said jovially, forgetting about the alcohol for the moment.
"So what happened back there? What exactly did Derek walk in on?" Addison asked, cutting straight to the chase to figure out what exactly was going on. The redhead figured there was no need to beat around the bush if there was the possibility of finding herself in the middle of this fiasco since it took place in her office.
"Something I wasn't ready for him to know," Meredith said cryptically, clamming up quickly and taking a defensive position with her arms crossed over her chest. Addison wasn't going to get this information out of her that easily. She still didn't know what sort of ground they stood on with each other, so until she figured that out, she wasn't willing to budge.
"Look, I'm not the enemy here, Meredith. Derek stormed out of my office after what he heard which I don't have a clue about other than you saying you were leaving him. You're the one who insisted we talk, so here we are. Talk," Addison explained tersely, the hint of her fiery temper being held in check considerably. The redhead reluctantly relinquished her hold on the bottle of tequila and slid it to the side. As much as she didn't want Meredith to open up with the use of liquor, if it got things going, she wasn't going to complain how the information was obtained. She watched as the blonde snatched up the bottle and quickly downed a third shot before letting her hand linger on the bottle, a look of contemplation on her face.
"Yes, I'm leaving Derek," Meredith intoned, an evident lack of emotion present on her face as she began to leak small bits of information to the impatient redhead. "He obviously just heard that indirectly from an unsuspecting third party," she said, eyeing Addison cautiously. The frustration Meredith felt was quickly working to bubble over and on to the surface, but she knew this feeling shouldn't be taken out on Addison. It's not like the redhead was truly to blame for the newfound situation Meredith now found herself in. For once in her life, Meredith knew she needed to face this head on, and that first hurdle was figuring out how to deal with Derek.
"I may not come around Seattle often, but the last impression I recall was that everything was just peachy in paradise," Addison stated, some of her former bitterness coloring her tone. The redhead was surprised it bothered her, but when considering it, the redhead knew the bitterness was much more complicated than it likely appeared to be on the surface to the woman across the table. She heard Meredith scoff. Perhaps Addison had been wrong all along and was just beginning to scratch the surface.
"We both know appearances can be deceiving," Meredith inferred, recalling many times in the past where things had definitely been far from what they seemed. The young resident poured herself another shot before tossing it back, a slight shrug indicating her indifference to the acrid taste burning a hole to her stomach.
"Then explain it to me, Grey," Addison growled out, growing frustrated with Meredith's lack of explanation and nonchalance at the mind boggling situation the redhead was now stuck wondering about. Her hand was itching to steal the bottle from the other woman's hands and pour herself another drink but resisted, knowing she would need her wits about her to decipher the musings of Meredith Grey.
"It's quite simple, really," Meredith began explaining as she felt the flush of heat rising across her skin, the alcohol quickly making its way through her bloodstream as she had little in her stomach to help absorb the intoxicating liquid, clouding her mind and beginning to work against her. She noticed the redhead waiting on a baited breath for her response. Looking from her shot glass to the expectant steel gray eyes across from her, she expelled a breath and finally admitted the truth aloud.
"I never truly loved Derek Shepherd."
A/N: Okay, sorry this took so long guys! School has been horrible and I have a pretty severe case of insomnia so I get real out of sorts when it gets bad and function quite oddly when it strikes which kills my writing mojo more often than not. Hopefully after the super long wait you guys enjoy this chapter. I'm hoping to flesh out more of this and my other story much sooner than later, so hopefully you'll see some other updates soon. I appreciate all of you who have stuck around and have taken the time to read this. Just so you know, you all are quite amazing, and I thank you!