Brave new World

She took the book from Grace's lap and flipped another few pages forward to continue.

"Dear Janie.

It didn't take us very long to become public. You enjoyed sneaking around quiet a lot, but it made things more difficult than we expected. And so, one afternoon, we went to your parents, met with your brother there for a family barbeque. When the food was on the table, you stood up, your beer in your hand. "I have an announcement to make", you said to get everybody's attention. With a quick look to me, you started smiling again. "Maura and I are together."

It made me smile. I expected you to have more problems with that – not because of the things you felt for me, but because of things others would probably think. Maybe I did judge you on this, I'm sorry. You surprised me, and your family surprised both of us.

"We know", your Ma said.

"How do you know?"

"I am your mother, Jane. And I just had to look at you two. I am not sure when it happened, there were sparks flying around you for a long time, but I was very aware something was going on."

"And you never said a thing?" you almost pouted, childish.

"We thought", your Dad explained, "you would tell us when you are ready. Congratulations, Jane, Maura." Your Dad shook my hand, your mother hugged me.

I always felt your family was mine as well, the one I never really had. They are so much more of a family than my adopted parents were. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I know they tried.

Going public was easier than expected after all. Everybody at work accepted it right away. The guys joked on you for a while, though.

Life with you was like flying. We got lost into each other, and it was a bit like we were watching us from the outside sometimes – seeing us walking together, my arm linked through yours, sometimes holding hands, giggling and laughing, teasing and kissing, making love – I couldn't believe this was happening sometimes. You fulfilled me. You made my life so much more fun, and oh, so much more complicated.

You are the most complicated person I ever met, my Jane. Life wasn't always sunny and easy, let's be honest. There were a lot of bumps along the way. We are both stubborn people. You are very, very stubborn, trying to get your way. It was hard being with you sometimes, but I guess you would say the same about me. I can be as difficult as you are.

Our first big fight, how could I forget? We discussed about your job. I've always been scared when I heard about shootings. You love your duty, and you don't hesitate to pull your gun. I always feared something could happen to you, and told you to double check your safety vest every morning, and you told me you don't have to do that every morning. And somehow, it got that big we started fighting for a day or two, and ended up not talking to each other. A week, maybe 8 or 9 days, and it almost killed me. I missed you terribly, and being silent at work wasn't my thing either.

One night, I had enough. I grabbed my stuff and drove over to your place. When I rang the doorbell, nobody opened. I sat down, planned on waiting for you when my phone rang. I saw your number on the display. "Jane, where are you?"

"Where are you? I wanted to see you; I want to talk to you. I'm at your place."

It made me laugh. "I'm at yours."

"Okay, don't you dare to move; I'll be there in a bit."

You hung up before I could tell you to drive careful. You were here 15 minutes later, parked the car and jumped out just to run over to me, pulled me in your arms and hugged me like the world would break down any minute. We stood there, under the moonlight, clinching to each others body. I missed you this week. I knew I wouldn't loose you, but I missed you so much.

"I'm sorry", I said. "You know well enough what you are doing. I am just…"

"Concerned, I know. I didn't deal with that very well. I will try to do better. I always had cops as partners, and I took for granted you know my job well enough, but ignored that love does weird things with us." You pulled back. "You love me, and are concerned. And I love you, and will take care. If you promise to take care not to get hurt by any of your zombies."

"My… oh Jane, the Zombie myth? You can not believe in that, you are more…" You silenced me with a kiss, forceful, leaving me to want more. I always wanted more, more of you, all the time.

After making love, you held me close. I felt your lips on my closed eyelid. "Mau, I promise to take care, to be as careful as possible. But you know my job. It can be dangerous. I need you not to flip out every time."

"Okay", I gave back, knowing I would always fear for you.

"You did get that earlier I told you I love you?"

"Yes."

"So?"

I smirked. "I know you love me."

"Like, love, love, Maura."

When I didn't reply you pinched me. Janie – always needed to rush things, not being able to stand me mocking you. Well, maybe no good mocking here. "I love you too." I giggled. "I love you so much."

"Good." You kissed me, your arm safely around my waist.

That's how we said we love each other for the very first time. We have been together a few months, and we already knew what we felt, because somehow, we felt that for such a long time. We laid there, smiling and looking at each other. It wasn't because of the fight, I think. It was just a good situation. You chose a good moment.

After that, I tried not to lecture you on your job. It was hardest part, being concerned. I was always scared. What if something would happen? My world would stop, I think. You always said dying in the field – on the street, I guess – is something you don't fear. You always feared diseases more. Because you didn't know most of them. I don't know. I'm not sure. I was always scared somebody would shoot you. I can't control that. I could fight that. It leaves me helpless. There is nothing I can do. I have to trust you, that you are trying to be careful, and that no sick person shoots you.

We spent most nights together. In your place; in my place. We went to sports, did yoga, and went out sometimes. We had a very good time, full of laughter. I was relaxed, my life fulfilled with my job and us. It was fun. It gave me a warm feeling.

We talked about moving together. We didn't rush that. We gave the relationship time to grow, and we needed a lot of time.

We found a balance.

One day, we knew it was time. My place was awesome, I loved the apartment. I loved the style. But I liked your place as well. That's where it got difficult again. Your place was so much you, and mine was so much me. We talked about it, and decided to find a new place. We looked around, wanted to stay not too far from work, but in a nice area. We saw a bunch of places until we found the right.

We bought our house, and getting the place together was hard work. You taught me a lot about painting, wallpapers, and wooden floors. I broke more fingernails than I could count, had more bruises than ever. We worked on the weekends, all windows open wide, loud rock music entertaining us. Your family helped, and sometimes friends helped as well. In the end, our place was cute and cosy. The living room and kitchen were modern; the other rooms were styled differently. Upstairs, we had a small library. It is my favourite room."

Marlin shut the book. "I love the library the most, too." She looked around. This room was full of their mother's books. That's where they spent almost every evening. Maura or Jane used to read them stories when they snuggled together on the couch.

"They kept all the stories they ever bought. I loved that. Most parents threw the stuff away at some point, but these shelves still contain stories we used to hear as kids."

"This house is so much them."

"It is. I didn't know they did that on their own. I can't picture Mom painting walls."

Marlin laughed. "I know; me neither."

"I'm getting the chocolate, do you need something?"

"What else did you bring?"

"Some strawberries."

"I would like to have some of those, please."

Grace went downstairs. Marlin looked around, and then she got up as well and opened a door. It was her old room. Her old bed in the middle, trophies and pictures pinned to the walls. She found a pair of pink ballerina slippers in the storage. The connection door to Graces room was open, as it always had been. The room was the exact same, beside the pictures and trophies were different. While Marlin attended math tests or science fairs, her sister was playing baseball.

An old toy on her bed got her attention. She reached out to hold the teddy bear for a moment. It was much loved and almost lost all fur. When she thought back, this bear had been with her, forever. She stroke over the used toy and put it back.

"I still have mine, too." Grace stood in the door. "I took it home with me a while ago, but I take very good care of it."

"It looks like nothing has changed since we moved out."

"It didn't. Look, I want to show you something." Grace took Marlins hand and guided her to her mothers' bedroom. Jane's uniform was hanging in the closet, next to Maura's clothes. Jewellery and perfume was on the small table, pictures of the twins hang on the mirror all around.

Marlin ran her finger along the scratches in the wood. So many memories.

Grace pulled a box of the storage. "Here, I found it." She went back to the library. With the box on her lap, she put a blanket over her legs.

Marlin followed. "What's in there? The pictures?"

"Yes, all the pictures. I found them the other day."

"Let me see."

"No, wait. I want to read first."