Chapter 4

What is going on?

Bella's POV

Sam dropped me off and immediately I felt alone. I don't understand this. I barely know Sam, but he has this affect on my that I just don't understand. When I am with him I feel almost whole again. Missing him…..Edward doesn't feel as bad when Sam is here. Then when he leaves I feel it again plus ten times worse from missing Sam almost instantly. I like Sam, a lot. Probably more than I should considering Edward has only been gone for six months. I just don't get it. And what is with Jake? He used to come around all the time flirting with me, telling me how much he loves me. Now I barely see him. Someone is going to tell me something tonight.

Sam seemed genuine when he was telling me all those things that he thought about me, but I am not worthy of them. I am certainly not amazing or Edward(why is it so much easier to say his name?) would have never left me. The way Sam looks at me is like he far more than likes me, but we barely know each other. I want to give him a chance but knowing that he will probably leave me too is just too much to think about. I would rather be alone my whole life. People say it is better to have loved and lost. I disagree. It would have been better not to have loved at all. Edward left me and if given the chance I am sure Sam would leave me too.

I was done thinking about this. I called Angela. Angela was the only girl in school that didn't stop talking to me when I went through my depression. I would love for her to meet the guys. She recently broke up with Ben and I bet it would do her some good. Maybe I would invite her down next time I go.

"Hey Ang. How have you been?"

"Well hey Bella. I am great. What are you upto?"

"Um…..I need some girl time. Can you go out tonight? I was thinking we could have dinner at Sue's."

"I could use some girl time too. If I have to listen Jessica tell me one more time hot she thinks Mike is I think I am going to puke. Do you want me to pick you up?"

"That would be great. About 7?"

"Ok Bella. See you then. Bye"

"Bye Ang."

Great. Maybe I can explain my Sam situation to her. My sam? Did I just say that? Ugh! I heard my dad downstairs, so I made why down to make him dinner really quick and tell him about my plans.

"Hey Dad!"

"Hey Bells. What's up?"

"I am gonna make some really quick grilled cheese sandwiches, take a shower and got to Sue's with Angela to eat dinner. Is that ok?"

"Sure honey. How did your date go with Sam today?"

"IT WAS NOT A DATE! I DO NOT LIKE HIM LIKE THAT!"

"Sorry dad. I just don't understand what I am feeling. I barely know him, but he seems like he is so infatuated with me. I am not that special."

"Isabella Marie Swan. First of all you are very special. Don't ever let me hear you down yourself again. Secondly, don't ever take that tone with me again young lady. Thirdly, Sam really does like you and finally, yes you can go out with Angela. Just think about giving Sam a chance honey. He is a great guy."

"I will think about it dad, but don't hold your breath. I can deal with someone else that supposedly loves me leaving me again."

"Bells, it is not like that. Sam would never hurt you. Ok?"

"How exactly do you know that dad? Is there something you are not telling me? I cant stand anymore secrets Daddy."

"Bells, I have known Sam for a long time. He really cares about you and I don't think he has it in him to hurt you. Just think about it."

"FINE!"

I cooked dad's sandwiches and took a shower. I suddenly got a whim to be with Jacob and I called him to invite him to Sue's with us. Jake seemed a little apprehensive at first, but finally agreed when I told him it would be my treat and I was bringing a friend. I got dressed, blew out my hair and waited for Angela.

Angela came to get me and Jake met us at Sue's. I had no problem talking about Sam in front of Jake. He has been my best friend since I can remember. I told them how things went today. That Sam was very sweet, but that I wasn't ready. Jake agreed with Charlie of course and Angela told me to follow my heart. That cleared things up. I didn't feel any better about my feelings, but had a really good time surprisingly.

Jake told Angela he would love for her to come to La Push next time I came down. Angela started to get tired so I told her to go home and not to worry that Jake would bring me home. I missed my alone time with Jake and I was glad that he was going to come to dinner tomorrow night too. Again the Edward hole was closed with Jake, but as tightly sealed as when Sam was with me. This is getting old fast.

"Jake, why do I feel so strongly about Sam so quick?"

"I don't know Bells. Maybe it is love at first sight."

"Come on Jake. Do you really believe in that shit? Like someone could really have a soul mate!" His face sunk to the saddest frown I have ever seen. Did Jake feel that way about me?

"Bells, I believe there is someone out there for everyone. There is no way that this world could be so cruel." Ok he was acting really weird now. What is wrong with these Quilete boys?

We got to my house and sat on the hood of Jake's car for a while and just talked about nothing really. It was so natural being with Jake. He was easy to talk to, funny, and so sincere. I don't know what got in me but I suddenly had the need to feel Jake's lips on mine.

I said his name really fast so I didn't lose my nerve and when he turned his head I grabbed him and kissed him as hard as I could. I thought at first he was kissing me back, but he pushed me away and looked horrified. Well, if that didn't prove a point. I was not worth it.

"Bella, what the hell are you doing? Are you trying to get me killed?"

"Jake what are you talking about? Since when does kissing kill anyone. I need this please. Just consider it friends with benefits."

"Have you lost your mind? Sam would kill me. You belong with him Bells."

At that moment I lost it.

"Jacob Black! What the fuck are you talking about. It is none of Sam's business what we do behind closed doors. I do not belong with him. I don't see him that way! You know what Jacob. Just get the fuck out of here. Don't come over for dinner tomorrow night. I don't want to see you. And tell your friend Sam, you know what never mind I will tell him myself."

I got out my cell phone and called Sam's number. He picked up on the first ring of course.

"Hi Bella honey how are you?"

"Sam Uley don't you dare fucking Bella honey me. I don't know what you are telling your friends on that stupid reservation you live on, but there is no way in hell that I belong to you. You save me from the big bad forest and take me on a picnic and now you think I am yours. I don't know what universe you live in, but I will never belong you. Do not come here for dinner tomorrow. Matter of fact don't ever come here again. I fucking hate you Sam. Do you hear me! I HATE YOU!"

I slammed the phone shut and looked at Jake who was now sitting there staring at me like I had two heads.

"What Jake? What? Did you not hear me? I said get the fuck out of here!"

The traitor tears came rolling down my face and I turned around and ran into the house. I could hear my dad running up the stairs after me.

"Bella what is going on. What happened?"

"You want to know what happened? I kissed stupid Jacob Black. That is what happened. He pushed me away and told me he couldn't cause I belong to Sam. What the hell is wrong with those morons?"

"Bella calm down. Call Jake and Sam and we can talk about this."

"No dad I am done with this crap. I told them both that dinner is off and that I never want to see either one of them again. I told Sam I hated him so I hope he gets a clue."

"Bella! Did your mother and I not teach you better than to say words you don't mean? What has gotten into you?"

"Of course you take their side dad. Figures. You know what. I think I am going to take you up on your previous offer. I am calling mom tomorrow and moving back to Phoenix I don't need this."

With that I closed the door in Charlie's face and sank back into the darkness.

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