"Wow, that flight was amazing!" exclaimed Harleen Quinzel, skipping down the steps of the airplane. "I've never been on a plane before!"
"And I never wanna be on one again, except to go home," muttered Pamela Isley, following her down the steps. "All that sitting still for hours in a cramped space on a loud flight is not for me."
"But it was kinda exciting how you could see everything," said Harleen, beaming. "Up above the clouds like that, and how small everything was in comparison! Makes you feel really calm and peaceful. Well, if you ignore the roaring engines in your ear and the fact that you're going to a warzone, that is."
"Ladies, welcome to Arkham Camp," said Captain Wayne, who greeted them on the nearby landing field and saluted. "I'm Captain Bruce Wayne – I'm in charge of this facility. And we're so pleased and grateful you've decided to grace us with your presence."
"Aw, the pleasure's all mine, Brucie," said Harleen, grabbing his hand and shaking it enthusiastically. "I'm such a fan of you army boys – you're doing such great work for our country and the cause of freedom!"
"We do try, ma'am," said Wayne, nodding. "Miss…Quinzel, is it?"
"Call me Harley, everyone does," said Harleen. "And my stage name is Harley Quinn, like the clown, so you can call me Miss Quinn if you want. This is my stage partner, Pamela Isley…"
"Poison Ivy," said Pamela, nodding at him. "That's the one good thing about the transatlantic flight – lots of time to think up a stage name."
"It's a long haul, but the men are gonna be so grateful you're here," said Wayne. "Most of them haven't seen a woman in years, so female acts are always popular."
"And…it's safe here, huh?" asked Pamela, slowly. "I mean, not just from the Nazis, but from…uh…potentially misbehaving guys on our side?"
"Don't worry, ma'am," said Wayne, nodding. "Your quarters are guarded night and day by my most trustworthy men. And if you have any problems, please don't hesitate to come to me, and I'll sort them out. My men know how to behave – I've drilled that into them, if nothing else."
He gestured for his accompanying soldiers to unload the plane's luggage. "If you'll follow me, I'll show you to your quarters now."
"You ok?" asked Harleen, noticing that Wayne walked with a slight limp.
"Just a…training accident," invented Wayne, quickly. "Twisted my ankle doing an exercise."
"Yeah, I did that practicing the dance routine on the plane," said Harleen, nodding. "They really should tell you to sit down and buckle up during turbulence…"
"They did, Harley," retorted Pamela, rolling her eyes. "You just sang over them."
"I can't help that I wanna sound my best, Red," said Harleen, shrugging. "These guys have a hard life over here – the last thing I wanna do is add to their problems by singing like crap."
"Like I said, most of the men haven't seen a woman in years," repeated Wayne. "I doubt they'll have any complaints about your singing."
They entered the camp, and all activity instantly stopped as the men's eyes fixated on Harleen and Pamela, staring at them in spellbound fascination. "Wow…this isn't at all creepy…" muttered Pamela.
"Hi, boys!" exclaimed Harleen, waving. "I'm Harley Quinn, and I can't wait to perform for you later tonight! Keep up the good fight! God bless America and all that jazz!"
The men cheered and hooted, and Harleen took a little bow. "See, they love us, Red!" she exclaimed.
"Yeah, just keep walking," muttered Pamela, keeping a close eye on Harleen until they reached the safety of their tent, where Wayne left them alone. Pamela let out a sigh of relief.
"Well, I'm not going back out there in a hurry," she said. "It's scary."
"What are you talking about?" asked Harleen. "Didn't you see the adoring looks we were getting from everyone?"
"Yeah, I got looks like that from a lotta creeps back home, and I didn't enjoy them then either," muttered Pamela. "This was a bad idea, Harley. I'd rather be back in Gotham actually doing a hard day's work than performing as eye candy for these desperate men!"
"Gee, Red, show a little compassion," said Harleen. "These guys have a hard life. If being performing eye candy for them gives them a little relief from their troubles, then it's really the least we can do."
"Yeah, I'm not wild about the idea of men getting relief from us, if you know what I'm saying," muttered Pamela.
"I don't," replied Harleen, looking puzzled.
Pamela sighed. "Harley, I know you've never had a boyfriend, but don't you know…about how things work…between men and women?"
"You mean like going out for dates and stuff?" asked Harleen. "Sure I know about that."
"I mean…more intimate stuff," said Pamela, slowly.
"You mean like kissing after a date?" asked Harleen. "I know about that too – never after the first one, or they'll think you're easy," she said, nodding firmly.
"Do you know what easy means?" asked Pamela.
"Yeah, it means easy to please, y'know, not picky," said Harleen. "But I am picky, Red. I got standards, and any guy I date has gotta understand that."
"Oh my God, I'm gonna have to have the talk with you," muttered Pamela. She sighed heavily. "Why can't you just learn about it from dirty books, like normal people? Say, there's an idea," she said, brightening. "And there's gotta be dirty books around here somewhere – we're in an all male army camp, after all. But I don't think it's really the sorta thing we should ask Captain Wayne for."
"What dirty books?" asked Harleen, confused.
"I'll show you when I've got one," said Pamela. "For now, we'd better practice the routine so we don't embarrass ourselves tonight. I guess now that we're here, we should do our best."
"That's the spirit!" exclaimed Harleen, heading over to her suitcase. "Dress rehearsal time! I can't wait to wear my costume!"
…
"Where did you get a radio?" asked Harvey Dent, staring in astonishment as the Joker shaved, whistling along to a tune coming from the machine.
"Captain Wayne," said Joker, smiling. "He wasn't using it, and since we're best pals now and all, he let me borrow it."
"You and Captain Wayne are friends?" asked Dent, puzzled. "Are you sure?"
"Sure I'm sure," said Joker, nodding.
"Didn't he call you a sick animal, take your scalp collection, and make you do mess hall cleaning duty last night?" asked Dent.
"Yeah, but a lot can change in twenty-four hours," said Joker, chuckling to himself. "Now we're best pals."
"Why?" asked Dent.
Joker tapped his nose. "Can't tell you, Harv. Wartime secrets and all – vital to national security type stuff. Loose lips sink ships, y'know."
"O…K," said Dent, slowly, rolling his eyes. "I think you've just gone crazy being stuck out here so long."
Jonathan Crane suddenly came running over to the tent, gasping for breath. "There are…I saw…girls in the camp!" he gasped.
"Girls?" repeated Dent. "Has everyone in this camp suddenly started imagining things?"
Crane shook his head. "They just landed…from America...absolutely gorgeous!"
"How many girls?" asked Joker.
"Two," replied Crane. "A redhead, and a blonde."
"Oooh, I do like blondes!" chuckled Joker.
"I'm partial to redheads myself," said Dent, nodding.
"I don't think anyone in this camp is particularly picky at this point in time," retorted Crane. "Though I did think the blonde was the much more attractive one. She also seemed friendlier."
"Any idea what they're doing here?" asked Dent.
"I think they're here to entertain us – the blonde mentioned something about performing tonight," said Crane.
"She's welcome to perform for me anytime, if you get what I'm saying!" chuckled Joker.
"And I'm sure with that kind of charm, she'll be happy to," said Crane, sarcastically. "If any of us want a chance with them, we have to have good manners and act like gentlemen, everyone knows that."
"You still won't have a chance with them," retorted Joker. "You ain't got the looks ladies like."
"What, and you do?" demanded Crane. "I think I missed that clown heartthrob craze – oh, that's right, because it never happened!"
"I'm pretty sure none of us are going to be allowed to…fraternize with them," said Dent. "Captain Wayne would never allow it. Doesn't matter to me, of course – I'm engaged."
"Oh, I'm sure Captain Wayne can be reasonable," chuckled Joker. "At least, towards me he can, being my bestest buddy and all. Maybe after the show tonight, I'll ask him to let me have a private interview with the girl I like best. Probably the blonde."
"Captain Wayne's not your buddy," snapped Dent. "And if you think he'll say yes to that ridiculous request, then you really have lost it."
"How much you wanna bet?" asked Joker.
Dent shrugged. "Name it. I'm comfortable betting any amount of money, because it's never gonna happen."
"Well, I won't rip you off, Harv," said Joker. "The meeting with the gal will be a reward in itself, so I'll just bet you a half dollar."
Dent reached into his pocket and pulled out the coin, setting it down on the ground between them. "Done and done," he said. "You know, as much as it'll be nice to see a couple of attractive women perform again, I might be looking forward to your humiliation after the show more than the show itself."
"You and me both, Harv," chuckled Joker, turning up the volume on the radio and returning to his shave with a smile. "You and me both."