Disclaimer: I don't own RWBY, it belongs to Rooster Teeth.
"Welcome back to the Vytal Festival Tournament!" Roman announced, "If you're wondering why I'm announcing this mid-match, it's aimed at you, the man in the east stand with the red 'Team Beacon' shirt and two large boxes of popcorn who is currently trying to squeeze past people to get to his seat," he paused, "Yes, you, fatty. Did you tell the server that one of those boxes was for someone else or did you not even TRY to pretend that you're anything other than a chunky ball of misery and unfulfilled dreams?"
"If we could go back to the match," Winter cut in tersely, "You know, the thing we're all actually here for."
"Right, right," Roman agreed airily, "The match. Between Team JNPR of Beacon and some kids who look like they put their weapons together by raiding their grandfather's tool shed."
"Team BRNZ of Shade," Winter clarified.
"Yeah, them," Roman paused, "Ooh, look. That kid just hit the crazy warhammer-swinging ginger brat with a cattle prod. At this point, I'm not going to loudly announce tactical information about the abilities of one of the fighters because why would I do that? I mean, I can't think of any reason why I would do that, can you think of a reason Winter?"
"I'm afraid I can't," his co-commentator admitted, "It would be rather inappropriate timing. But I thought that would be the sort of annoying thing that you would take glee in doing?"
"Ah, well that's where you're wrong," Roman said chidingly, "You see, if I did that, it would inevitably help at least one of the idiot munchkins down there. I hate them all, and want them all to fail in all of their endeavours equally, so I can't favour one side over the other!"
"I suppose we should be thankful that our commentator is impartial, if nothing else," Winter said dryly.
In the stands, Professors Port and Oobleck felt, irrationally and not for the first time since these matches started, like they were being insulted somehow.
"Yes," Cinder cackled as she observed a super-charged Nora Valkyrie smash her opponent through a boulder, "That one. That one could do an incredible amount of damage, given the correct incentive. Esmerelda," she turned to the green-haired, fake-moustached girl at her side, "Target that one! Hit her with everything you have!"
"Yes, Cindorita," 'Esmerelda' nodded, before narrowing her eyes at the girl in question.
Nora paused, as the boulder in front of her suddenly became a deathstalker with three tails. She then found herself rubbing her eyes when Jaune grew wings and started breathing fire. When Pyrrha's weapon and shield transformed into mouldy cheese-steak sandwiches (a most frightening weapon for sure), she finally began to consider that something unusual was going on, and turned to her partner.
"Ren," she called, "Did I take my medicine again?"
"You haven't in the last six years since it was first prescribed, Nora," Ren said irritably as he ducked under a round from team BRNZ's sniper, "Why would you start now?"
"Well, it's just, I'm seeing things that seem a lot more sensible than the things I normally see," she paused as a giant stinger smashed into her position, accomplishing absolutely nothing, "Like intangible Deathstalkers that used to be big rocks. Why does it only have three tails? And if it's made out of rock, why doesn't it have an electric guitar? Did you know your head is a chocolate egg? You should probably get that looked at, it's not even wrapped and I doubt it even has little candy bars inside if you crack it open-"
"Well?" 'Cindorota' hissed,"Why haven't you done it yet?"
"I have," 'Esmerelda whispered back, "I'm hitting her with an insane amount of the weirdest shit a human could possibly imagine! All it seems to be doing is calming her down!"
"Well... try harder!"
"I'm trying harder! She - oh god, what is she doing? She's somehow making the illusion less realistic!" 'Esmerelda' started panicking, rocking back and forth in her seat, "Help. Cinder, help. She's... taking over my illusion, by imagining even crazier - what the hell is that - I can't even - argghlbrgggl," the disguised thief slumped into her chair as she started foaming at the mouth, eyes blank.
Cinder stared at her most useful underling in shock. Shock soon turned to anger as she began to shake her fist at the heavens. "Somehow, I know that this is Neo's fault. Curse that mute little demon. Curse her to hell."
Neo blinked, pausing halfway through her strategy meeting with the Brown, White and Pink fang. The meeting was meant to introduce their newest member, NotMercury NotBlack, and also discuss how to deal with the grave threat posed by Roman Torchwick.
"Boss? What's up?" NotMercury queried.
I JUST HAD THE STRANGEST FEELING
She admitted.
LIKE SOMEONE WAS GIVING ME CREDIT FOR SOMETHING I HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH BUT TOTALLY WOULD ACCEPT CREDIT FOR ANYWAY
She gave herself a pat on the back.
WELL DONE ME
She turned back to the board.
NOW, BACK TO SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO MAKE GENITALIA JOKES ABOUT HIS CANE
"How about pointing out that it's not supposed to droop at the tip?" Adam suggested.
Neo looked pleased as she scribbled down the line.
THAT'S GOOD, I LIKE THE DIRECTION YOU'RE GOING WITH THAT, LETS WRITE THAT ONE DOWN
She turned back to the crowd.
NOW, ANY OTHER SUGGESTIONS ALONG THE LINES OF HIS INABILITY TO PERFORM
"-And all I'm doing is pointing out all of these really obvious things, but whenever I do, everyone just gets really quiet and stares at me," Ruby said miserably, "I don't know what's going on! Is there something wrong with me, Professor?"
Glynda sighed at her panicked student. "Ruby, there is nothing wrong," she said gently, "I was hoping to put this explanation off a little while longer. I wasn't sure you were ready, but I can see that recent events have forced my hand."
"Explanation? You know what's happening?" Ruby sniffled hopefully.
"Yes," Glynda began, "You see, you are special, Ruby. The madness of recent weeks has awakened something within you... there are few others that have the gift you possess. I am one, and your Mother was one as well."
Ruby perked up. "Mom did?"
"Yes, she did - and she suffered from many of the same problems you are experiencing now, as did I. Now, it all begins with a legend," Glynda continued, "The legend tells the tale of a group of people gifted with a power far beyond the reckoning of most mortal men and women. According to the tales, these people could observe a situation, no matter how silly, and respond to it with reasonable assumptions, pointing out obvious flaws and problems and making useful suggestions that would solve them. Their power was so great, that whenever they used it, those less-gifted souls around them were regularly stunned into silence by the sheer sensibility of their insights."
Ruby nodded along eagerly, recognising the symptoms.
"The ancients called this ability," Glynda paused gravely, "Common Sense."
Ruby stopped nodding. "Why?"
"Why what?" Glynda asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Why call it Common Sense?" Ruby complained, "If it was that rare, shouldn't it have been called Rare Sense?"
Glynda chuckled. "Yes, I asked the same thing, as did Summer when she first heard the tale. The short answer is, the ability was not named by people who had it."
"Oh," Ruby looked thoughtful, "Okay. That makes sense. Normal sense, that is."
"Now, with great power comes great responsibility," Glynda said seriously, "But I believe you have, thus far, shown sufficient strength of character for me to trust that you will use it well - to guide your comrades and assist them, rather than use your power to manipulate them into doing the things you want."
"I won't let you down, Professor," Ruby vowed.