Disclaimer: Hold the press. I'm not J. K. Rowling. I know, I was pretty shocked too. But hey! Don't sue me!
Chapter 4
Judging by the snoring, everyone else was asleep already. James blinked blearily. His eyes were half stuck together with sleep and he hurt all over. He rolled over and buried his face in his pillow, muffing a groan. Why couldn't he just bloody fall asleep already? With great difficulty, he managed to lift his head and glance at his green clock.
2.53 am.
James decided that 2.53 am was his least favourite part of the day, worse than History of Magic. He stared at the ceiling and willed himself to pass out. It didn't work.
"Hey! Hey, James! It's seven minutes to three. And you have to get up at 6. 30 for Quidditch, remember?"
"Yeah. I know. Be quiet, I want to sleep."
He threw the pillow over his face. To make matters worse, the goddamn enchanted clock had been heckling him all night, and he had actually started talking back to it. It was official - he'd finally gone mad. He was going to have to wait until the morning to kill Sirius though, because right now he was just too exhausted.
"Okay, I understand. I get it, I really do. But guess what? Now it's six minutes to three. I do hope you set another alarm for six thirty, because mine doesn't always work. I'm just warning you."
"I know. I set two on Moony's clock. Shut up."
"Five minutes!"
"Shhh."
"Four and a half minutes!"
"Go away."
"Almost three minutes."
"Leave. Me. Alone."
"Oooh, no need to get tetchy. Just doing my job."
James threw off the covers. After about a minute, he pulled them back up. Thew them off, pulled them up. He couldn't decide if he was too hot or too cold. He was tangled up in sheets and clothes, dog-tired and pissed off. He took another fleeting glance at the clock, noticing how the green was flickering ominously.
3.18 am
"Tadaaa! Wow, blink and you miss it!"
He imagined that the clock was smirking.
"Only three hours, ten minutes and fifty one seconds left before you have to get up for good. It's not worth it. You should just get up now. Write a letter to your mum. Go to the kitchens and get a snack. Come up with a topic for that Potions essay. Hey! Did you just think of something? Better write it down so that you don't forget. Quick!"
"Lumos."
James' wand illuminated the room before he could change his mind. He fumbled for a self-inking quill and parchment, couldn't find any parchment and ended up scribbling all over his arm instead.
"Nox."
The room was plunged into darkness. Except for a faint green glow.
"3.56 am. Is that a fly buzzing around the room? Is Sirius Black snoring too loudly? I bet if you listen really carefully, you'll be able to hear the tap dripping in the bathroom..."
"...…"
"JUST SHUT UP!"
"Okay. Sorry."
…
…
"Hey! It's me, obviously. Just a thought - is the ink on your arm rubbing off on your face? You won't be able to read it if it is. Can you feel it? I bet you can. I think you'd better turn on the light and check."
…
"It's 4.15 am, by the way. I thought you'd like to know."
...
"You know I'm only here to help, right?"
At 6.30 am, Sirius woke up and discovered two things. James' clock was lying in shattered fragments on the floor and James himself was standing over him, gripping his wand in a shaking hand. His friend was red eyed and looked completely manic.
At 7.30 am, the rest of the dorm woke up to find that James had gone to Quidditch practice and that someone had cursed Sirius Black's nose to drop off, run away and hide under his bed. Sirius was pointing his wand at James' bed and muttering something under his breath. The whole bed quivered, before vanishing with a quiet pop. It reappeared in the middle of the Quidditch pitch, where it was still raining. James' anguished howl echoed through the school, and Sirius laughed.
He then crouched down and started to search for his nose.
The End
A/N: Okay, that's it. I'm not really feeling the epilogue vibe quite yet sorry, but I do hope you enjoyed this - it's only the second fic I've bothered to publish. You know the drill - review, pretty please :)