Chapter Four

Aches of Every Kind

(Notes: AU, mild OOC)

Zachary held his breath as he cut through the envelope with great precision and care. He was afraid, afraid of the contents of the letter and what it might hold for him. He wished it was a love letter, one where his Karigan shared her true feelings with him in. But he chastised himself; it would a formal letter, one from a Green Rider to her King. It brought a dull ache to his heart knowing that that was what they were and would forever be.

He felt his eyes fill up and he dropped the letter to his desk. A gasp filled air he didn't want in his lungs, making his chest heave painfully. Zachary felt like hell. He let his fingers play with the letter. He wanted so desperately to open it. With a clenched jaw he reached for it once more, reminding himself that it was just another letter and that he should not be setting himself up for disappointment.

He sighed and as he lifted the letter the door swung open.

"Zachary!" Estora called her voice frantic but not in an unhappy manner. Her smile stretched from ear to ear and her eyes were filled to the brim with joy, yet he couldn't find it in his being to even return a small smile. She must have noted his state as her smile dropped clumsily from her face. "I will return," she whispered.

"Wait, you already interrupted me, what is it?" he knew that his tone was harsh but he was just about to open the letter. Dismally, he rubbed a hand over his ashen face.

"...I am with child," she muttered, happiness emanating from her. Zachary swallowed hard, his eyes widening. He felt something stir within his heart. Was it a shred of joy? He eagerly pushed it down. He was going to be a father...him...Zachary...

He felt the weight of the situation suddenly. An heir was coming. Good that meant...he did not have to be with Estora again in that way. "That is great," he whispered showering her with a small albeit sad smile. How many times had he dreamt up the exact same scenario...but instead of Estora...Karigan?

He ground his teeth and then looked upon her. A frown marred her pretty face displaying her emotions to the world. She was usually so composed during meetings he wondered what it was that caused her to be so emotional in his presence... He ignored the obvious hoping against hope that his assumptions were wrong.

He was afraid that if she loved him...he would not be able to return that love. He knew now that his heart could only belong to one person. "Now, if you will excuse me, I have urgent matters that need to be dealt with."

"Involving the kingdom? Then I will stay," she ground out in a slightly angered tone.

"No, that is quite unnecessary considering you have just received news of your pregnancy you may want to tell everyone," he rebutted. Damn, why wouldn't she leave? He caressed the letter in his hands absentmindedly.

"What is that?" she asked with pleading voice.

"A letter Estora, whatever is the matter? I thought you would rather spend time mulling about your baby than castle affairs?" Zachary realised halfway that his voice was raising and made an effort to lower it.

"Our baby," she sobbed and before he had any chance, she ran out.

Zachary fell to his chair with an audible 'thud,' his head falling into his arms and onto the letter. When had his personal life gotten so complicated? With a quiet groan he came to the realization that Estora was part of the kingdom affairs and if word got out that they were having problems with their marriage already...

He sighed heavily, dropping the letter into his drawer and locking it. With sombre determination he strode out after Estora.

Estora had never felt such hatred before. And to whom it was directed at astonished her to no end -Karigan, the woman who bore her last message from Fry'an, who saved her life...who was her friend. Yet at the moment none of it mattered. She already knew of the King's love for the rider...he had made it obvious the night they had made love and it was not her name he had called. She felt the pang in her heart and the all too familiar tears well.

A half-hearted sob broke from her lips in despair. She sat in the gardens by the fountain gazing forlornly into the setting sun wishing that it was she the King loved... Did he not know how difficult it was to love again? And when she did to have her heart crushed was such turmoil that she found it unbearable?

She heard his footfalls before she saw him come. She wore her mask again.

"Estora," his voice seemed to carry with the wind. She stood and looked directly at him. She was not afraid, she had long dried her tears and hid all the evidence that she was heartbroken...That was the way in which a Queen acted after all...

"Yes, my King?" she questioned with false confidence.

"Do we need formalities here?" He sighed. She could see it in his face, the extra lines and creases that had appeared the sagging of his eyes, that he missed Karigan. Who was she to blame him? Had she not been in much the same state before? And look at her now ready to love-no loving- again. Maybe, no not maybe, definitely, with time he would eventually accept the reality of Karigan's death and offer her some of his love...

Hope rose anew within her. She looked upon him and smiled.

"I guess not. I must apologise for my behaviour. You have suffered a great loss...it is only understandable."

The King's face screwed up in confusion. He wondered, how did she know of his feelings for Karigan? For it was that she was speaking of, was it not? "What are you talking about?"

"Rider Si-Karigan," she muttered her eyes downcast.

"How,"

"You called her name during the ritual," she said effectively cutting him off. She heard Zachary's intake of breath. Had he not realized how vocal he had been? She remembered after, that she had been told he thought it all a dream...That it was Karigan he had made love to...not her. She wondered absently if he somehow viewed the child that grew within her womb more his and Karigan's than hers. "It does not matter at the moment. You should go read her letter, it is of great importance to you no?"

"Estora...My...feelings for Karigan will not interfere with anything. It is you who are my wife, and it is you whom I will love," he whispered his eyes shut tight. "For the sake of the people if nothing else..." He unclenched his eyes, bowed and left. Estora wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly chilly. What more had she expected? This was after all a political marriage...

By the time Zachary returned to his study he was emotionally drained. His conversation with Estora had not gone as planned, it only told him that she knew of his true feelings. He opened his drawer and took out, possibly, his most prized possession. Without a thought about the consequences he opened it and began to read.

To the Esteemed King,

If you are reading this letter it means that I have not made it out of Blackveil alive. Before I left I addressed three letters: One to you, one to the riders and one to my father. I hope that you will ensure that they arrive to their respective recipients without any trouble.

I want to thank you for being the best Monarch since, to me, King Jonnaeus. You have proven yourself time and time again to not just your servants but to the people from every land that you are capable of handling the worst situation with utmost care and dedication. Thank you for giving me someone to look up to. I do remember, quite fondly, the first time I arrived in these halls. I had been given a noble task that has been with me since. I had not deemed you fit enough to become King, and if that had offended you in any way, I express my apologies for I was quite a rebel that had just cut school. I do promise that if I had survived I would have continued surviving you until the eventual day that I had perished.

To you, My King, I pledge my honour and service to forever.

Rider Sir G'ladheon.

Zachary felt a pang. Was that it? Surely she did not leave that impersonal letter as a means to repair the damage his heart ad taken. A tear rolled down his cheek and as he watched it drop to the floor he felt anger rise within him. How could she leave him? Had she not known what she meant to him? If only he had gone to her and begged her to not enter Blackveil like he wished...she would still be here.

He lifted the letter and threw it to the floor. He stood gasping for breath and noticed with astonishment the piece of folded paper that fluttered from the letter. He rushed toward it and gripped it in a vice. He pulled it opened quickly and noted with some relief that this letter was longer than the previous.

Zachary,

I find it important to say, although you may already know what to make of this, that you be rid of this letter as soon as you are done with it, for if it were to fall into the wrong hands, well god forbid that would happen. Here he noted were several scratches where she must've written something over and over again. Here it goes, I love you.

He felt his heart thump erratically into his throat dying to come out of his body and join its twin that lay somewhere within the evil threshold of Blackveil.

I do know that it is wrong. But now that I am...well since you are reading this letter, dead, I think I owe it to both you and myself to express my true feelings for you. I have never loved someone as I have loved you. You pervade my thoughts every hour of the day and when I am away I feel as if part of me is missing, not that we spend time together when I am in the castle anyway. He chuckled a bit through his tears. I think one of my most memorable moments with you is our first game of Intrigue. I think even though I had not known it yet, I was beginning to fall for you. The way in which you played and the manner in which you dealt with my absurd remarks has always amazed me.

I do remember also that one time in the stables. Of course under normal circumstances I would never say this...but, I loved the feel of your arms around me. How I wish I could be with you every day of my life since. It is hard... to see you marry another, whom by the way I have no doubt will treat you the best.

I do love you, more than is healthy and I am aware of your feelings as well. I only wished that I had accepted your gift upon the rooftop that night. My heart ached for you, yet my head told me to steer clear.

Estora is a good woman and I hope that both of your reigns will be long and fruitful. It is painful to say, but I do know that in due time, you will begin to accept my passing and will hopefully, for this is my last wish, love Estora. She was one of my good friends, one of whom has experienced death already. Do treat her kindly Zachary...just as you would have treated me.

It is with this statement that I close this letter. I love you and will always, and I hope that one day you will let me go.

Sincerely,

Karigan.

Zachary had not notice but he was sitting on the floor, clutching the letter to his heart. He noted with some happiness that when he held the letter to his nose he smelled her fragrance. He tried desperately to ignore the closing line of the letter. It hurt too much. But she loved him! He felt his heart soar. He smiled like a schoolboy through his tears, she loved him back. He wished she would have told him before...he would have insisted she become his lover regardless of station. It was why, he note sadly, the reason she did not express her real emotions to him.

He did not realize how much he was actually crying until he heard himself sniffle. He found himself in much the same position these past couple of days and nights. After reading the letter he had no will to face Estora. The only face he wished to see was the one he would never again lay eyes upon.

He clenched his eyes shut drawing up her image from the recesses of his mind. Suddenly he remembered vividly that night he had dreamt they were together when in reality it was Lady Estora. He wished he could have actually known what it would have been like to share all his love with her. He opened the letter and re-read it, letting fresh tears fall to join their comrades on his carpeted floor.

By the five hells! Had his heart ever hurt this much? Had he ever wished to die this much? He thought he was a good King that could handle everything thrown his way, but recently, he felt like he knew nothing anymore. But Karigan's letter resurfaced. She thought he was one of the best Kings that could handle any scenario dealt at him.

He would face this, if only for her. He would become the best King that ever lived, only for her. He stood on shaky legs and with determination glinting in his eyes; he began to work even at the late hour.

He would work himself and push himself to his limit...only for her. He clutched her letter in his palm throughout the night, ignoring the fact that the letter said to be rid of it as soon as he was done. Would he ever discard his most prized possession? He thought not. All he had to do was keep it with him, always.

Karigan gasped. Estral! But how was she able to see her? Lhean stood behind her silently. He spoke in rapid Eletian, baffling Karigan. Estral nodded, seeming to understand and other times just seeming entranced.

"She is able to see us because of her Eletian blood," Lhean acknowledged. Karigan nodded, her eyes brimming with tears. She remembered how she had left her friend.

"Estral!" Karigan sobbed jumping into her friend's arms. They hugged each other tightly, Karigan inhaling the wonderful scent of her best friend. How could she have ever left her like that. She ignored the little pang of betrayal that rang through her if only to have this little moment with Estral shared in happiness.

To Karigan's chagrin she was not allowed to remain long with Estral as they needed to head out as soon as possible. Estral had given them provisions and seen to their needs before anyone had awoken so as not to raise suspicion. It was only after a while that Karigan remembered her reason for waking so early. Merdigen. She relayed her thoughts to Lhean who seemed well inclined to give it a try.

When they arrived at the tower Karigan took in a breath, hoping against hope that he would see them. Maybe he had some vital piece of information that would help. Lhean entered after easily. She was confused as to how the Eletian entered but chose not to question it. The time was much too precious for questions. When they entered the tower, Karigan felt her heart drop. Where was Merdigen?

"I do not know...these spirits can slip away at any given point in time and given the fact that we are in a parallel universe means that it could be an entirely different spirit," Lhean told her when she pondered on Merdigen's whereabouts. Karigan had seen Alton busy at work in the tower, Estral not too far away. She had winked at her friend to acknowledge their relationship. She did not want to set foot in Blackveil with the same mood she had as before. "Come, we must waste no time."

With that they set out into the forest, Lhean leading away from the tower to the other side that permitted them to enter the forest without travelling across the breach.

"Did you know of this way before?" Karigan asked.

"Of course. But different dimensions call for different methods. There are certain constants that are always kept. For instance, the breach is still there for whatever reason I was not permitted entrance into the tower before, but now, here? Well you see. Lord D'Yer also is the same. He is one of the lasts that possesses magical ability. For him to change we would be in an entirely different place."

"...This is all so much. And the Eletians, you all always know of this?"

"Yes, but we have centuries to ponder it," Lhean smiled amused. Karigan shook her head.

When her feet touched the dirtied floor of Blackveil, Karigan felt a shudder ripple through her. This place held so many memories...

"We travel till sunset; you do have your staff?"

"Yes."

Talk was cut short after that. Karigan and Lhean were both constantly on their toes having witnessed firsthand the destructive power of the forest. For most of the day they trudged along at a quick pace, Karigan tripping on roots every now and then. She had actually time to see on snake around her ankle. It appalled her the way the forest acted as if possessed. It was times like these that she wished she had never received the call.

It was around midday when something fluttered by. A hummingbird. Karigan's breath was lost. Her insides churned. Lhean seemed to notice it as well.

"Do not move," he whispered seeming to not even move his lips to whisper the command. Karigan kept still yet she felt the sliminess of a root wrap around her leg. It tugged on her causing her to lose her balance and that was when all hell broke loose. As soon as she moved the hummingbird buzzed about as if calling its comrades.

Karigan let a scream break from her lips as hundreds zoomed onward. It was just as before, except now it was only the two of them. Lhean cast her worried glance. He pulled out his arrows and in a split second he had fired two arrows that had each taken down six birds. But it still was not enough. Karigan took out her staff.

As they flew around her some attaching to her soft skin and suckling her blood she swiped her staff in fluid motions knocking aside several with enough force to smash their small bodies. But they were all so fast! She twirled her sword to and fro killing a few. One latched onto her neck and she saw how its body convulsed whilst sucking her blood. Karigan felt her stomach lurch and ripped the bird away from her neck. The wound left there though only served to attract the birds even more.

Karigan felt like she was about to give up her entire body was shrouded in the multicoloured birds. A bright light shone and with a wince she covered her eyes. "Oh god," she groaned. The light shrouded everything around it. Karigan felt relief when the birds stopped sucking on her. The light ebbed away and left the remnants of the battle on the floor before them. The ground was covered with the twitching bodies of the tiny birds. But what had shed such radiant light? She looked to Lhean only to find him kneeling on the floor and muttering in Eletian. With some astonishment she noted that he was praying.

He stood up and she was amazed that there was barely a scratch on him. "We must thank Laurelyn for it is her who has helped us so."

Karigan nodded, not disbelieving. The Queen had helped them so much before. She muttered some thanks silently. She had not realized that her entire body was shaking. Her ankle and wrist were hurting tenfold and she felt like collapsing.

"Can we not rest here now?" Karigan whimpered.

"No, larger beast will come to prey on these bodies, we must leave at once," as if to punctuate his point a howl was heard not too far off. "Come along now."

Karigan held her groan in. She had to be strong, no matter how much she just wanted to give in.

Feedback is always welcomed :) Sorry for the late update! Extra long chapter to make up for it. Please excuse any errors, grammatical and what not and feel free to correct me :) Thanks for all the reviews, I always re-read them and get motivation :) Thank you :3