Chapter Four
"Wait. So you're telling me that you had a run-in with John Winchester? And lived to tell the tale?!" Charlie exclaims after Cas finishes telling her the whole story of the night before.
"Just barely," he replies.
"And you saved Dean's life! That's amazing, Castiel! Maybe he'll finally start warming up to you."
"Somehow I doubt that. Although..." Cas says before trailing off.
"What is it?" Charlie asks impatiently.
"He did give me a nickname."
"Wow, and it wasn't an insult?"
"Surprisingly, no. He called me Cas. I just thought he'd forgotten my name."
"Cas, huh?" Charlie says, seemingly testing the name out on her tongue, "I like it!"
"Me too," says Cas, chuckling a little.
"So, Cas. Are you ready?" Charlie suddenly asks, using his newfound nickname. Cas looks at her, confused.
"Ready? For what?"
"To give your house the TLC it so desperately needs! No offense," Charlie replies, quickly adding the "no offense" as an afterthought.
If Cas could blanch, he would have at that moment. With everything that had happened last night, Cas had forgotten all about what he had promised Charlie. Suffice it to say, he was not looking forward to the monumental task that Charlie was laying out before him.
"I don't know, Charlie... Maybe another time?" Cas tries, knowing that Charlie won't have any of it. And sure enough, Charlie's smile fades and she places a hand over Cas', regarding him with a serious look.
"The longer you wait, the harder it's going to be," Charlie replies simply.
Cas knows she's right, but it doesn't make it any easier. He also knows that if he doesn't do it today, it's going to be tomorrow, or the next day, or the next, etc., and he decides that it's probably for the best to just get it over with before it gets any worse.
"Alright," Cas says quietly, letting out a small sigh. Charlie smiles and stands up, pulling Cas up with her.
"That's the spirit!"
Charlie takes the lead, leaving Cas to follow her with nothing but trepidation and dread weighing his heart.
They start with the kitchen, the easiest task to surmount. The room is already relatively clean, and there aren't any particular items that remind Cas immediately of his family, except for one. His eyes lock on it as soon as he takes his first step into the room. He walks up to the fridge and looks at his mother's grocery list attached to it with a magnet. He reaches up and traces his mother's loopy, rushed scrawl with his finger in reverence. Then, in an absurd moment of sentimentality, he takes the list, folds it, and puts it in his pocket. Charlie watches him do it, but doesn't say anything. She just gives him a small smile and a nod, like she understands (which, with everything she'd told Cas, she probably does).
It's only then that Cas fully realizes that Charlie has already gone through this all before. She's had to live without her family for longer than Cas has, and yet she somehow remains perpetually cheerful. Cas trusts Charlie implicitly to guide him through this so that he too can someday be, if not perpetually cheerful (he highly doubts that's possible for him), then just okay. When someone asks him how he's doing he wants to be able to say "fine" and actually mean it.
Their next task that Charlie insists upon is to clean out the fridge and, after discovering the furry, rotten, and expired items that in another life were once edible (however difficult to imagine), Cas whole-heartedly agrees. So, their expressions pinched in distaste at the pungent aroma, they start throwing everything out (it's not like Cas has much use for food anymore anyway, edible or not). After they give the now empty shelves of the fridge a wipe-down and attempting to clean the few dirty dishes in the sink with a thorough scrubbing, Cas knows that they have to move on to the next challenge.
The living room – the name itself feeling like some sort of cruel joke.
Cas walks in with Charlie standing a few paces behind him. For the first time since he got back from the treatment centre, he takes a good look at the room, the familiar lump already beginning to form in his throat. Just then, he feels the slight pressure of a hand on his shoulder. The touch – though barely felt – braces him somehow. Grounds him.
"It's okay," Charlie says quietly from behind him. Cas wants to yell, It's not okay! None of this is okay! He wants to yell it at Charlie, at anyone who will listen, at the cruel and unforgiving universe for doing this to him.
But, he doesn't do any of that. Instead, he takes a deep breath and begins picking up Samandriel's toys and putting Gabriel's magic set back in its box. He tries to desensitize himself from what he's doing, attempting to operate on auto-pilot to the best of his ability. He tries to reassure himself that just because he's packing up some of his family's things, his memories of them won't disappear.
He tries to tell himself that this doesn't mean he's losing them all over again.
"The door across from mine," Cas murmurs, handing the toys and magic set to Charlie while indicating where Samandriel and Gabriel's shared bedroom is. He doesn't need to tell Charlie that although he's ready to begin the process of moving on, he's nowhere near ready to enter any of his family's bedrooms. He would surely crumble under the weight of the combined grief, guilt, and regret.
Charlie returns in a timely manner and they continue tidying up the living room. Cas is just piling up the out-of-date magazines and Reader's Digests on the coffee table when his gaze falls squarely upon his father's mystery novel lying open face down on the same table, effectively marking the page. He continues to stare at it, the lump in his throat coming back with a vengeance. He starts to tremble, his shoulders shaking with every stuttering, laboured breath he takes.
And then he's crying. He covers his face with his hands, automatically feeling ridiculous. Can you even call it crying when your eyes remain so dry?
It seems strange that such an innocuous thing like a book could make Cas lose it like this, but it all just feels so terribly... unfinished. The mystery novel serves as a tangible reminder of all the things that Cas' family is unable to do now. Everyone always assumes that they have all the time in the world to accomplish the things that they want to, it's just how people get through life. However, now Cas knows the truth and he finds it deeply distressing – as anyone surely would when they're suddenly faced with the crushing realization of their own mortality. The harsh reality of the situation is that in the span of as little as a few seconds – a flash of headlights, a scream, a last look filled with sad resignation – everything you ever held dear can simply cease to exist. Just like that.
Before he retreats too far into the darker recesses of his mind, Cas suddenly finds himself wrapped up in Charlie's embrace. Although the physical comfort is mostly wasted on him, Cas still greatly appreciates the gesture and hugs her back, burying his neck into her shoulder to try and stifle his hiccupping sobs.
"This is good, Cas. I know it doesn't feel like it, but I swear it's going to help," Charlie says, her voice a mix of sympathy and concern. Cas doesn't reply and just allows himself to be held. A few minutes pass and Cas' sobs eventually subside into weak, tired breaths. He finally pulls back, grateful for Charlie's patience with him.
"I'm sorry," Cas mumbles, unable to look Charlie in the eye after his emotional outburst.
"Hey, I get it. No apologies necessary," Charlie replies sincerely, "Are you okay to keep going?"
It's then that Cas finally lifts his head to look at Charlie, giving her one determined nod. He then picks up the book from where it lies atop the coffee table and takes a deep breath before snapping the book closed, a small puff of dust flying out of the abandoned pages. Cas walks over to the small bookshelf in the room and places the book in it. It's only then that he lets out the breath he'd been holding. He feels an immediate sense of relief, like a tiny portion of the enormous weight he carries has been lifted. And although the pressure of it still sometimes threatens to crush him, he can't quite shake the feeling that it's pressing a little less now.
When he risks a glance back at Charlie, she's beaming at him supportively and Cas can't help but muster up a small smile in return.
"So, now that the hard stuff is out of the way, what do you say we get down to the nitty-gritty and maybe have a little fun while doing it, huh?" Charlie says, rubbing her hands together in anticipation and grinning in a way that makes Cas rather nervous (in the best way).
"What did you have in mind?" Cas asks.
"You'll see, but it definitely involves-" Charlie starts before dashing off to the kitchen mid-sentence. Cas hears the opening and closing of cupboard doors before she returns. "These!" Charlie finishes, throwing a bottle of cleaning supplies in Cas's direction along with a roll of paper towels. Just as he catches them, Charlie dashes off again, this time up the stairs. She comes back with a portable speaker and her iPod. As she sets it up, she speaks over her shoulder to Cas.
"Just because we've put everything away doesn't mean you're off the hook yet, Novak. Your dust bunnies have their own pet dust bunnies who have bred to create new dust bunnies and-"
"I get it, it's a bit dusty," Cas says, cutting her off with a chuckle.
"Right, and since it is a universal fact that cleaning sucks, I thought we should have a bit of accompaniment to spice things up a little."
No sooner had the words left her mouth that the speakers come to life, a catchy opening drum beat emanating from them. By the time the guitar and brass kicks in, Cas already catches himself tapping his foot and trying to stifle a smile. Charlie shakes her hips to the beat as she walks over to the large window in the dimly lit living room, and yanks upon the curtains mercilessly. Bright afternoon light fills the room and Cas squints, letting his eyes adjust. Once they have, he smiles. He doesn't know whether it's the sunlight, the music, Charlie's company, or maybe even a mix of all three, but the room now seems... cheerier.
Cas could get used to this.
The chorus of the song comes on and Charlie starts dancing around, belting the lyrics, and somehow still managing to begin dusting the furniture simultaneously.
"I'm walkin' on sunshine, whooooaaaaa, and don't it feel good, HEY!" Charlie sings and Cas laughs, harder than he has in a while. "All together now!" Charlie yells, pointing at Cas as if giving him some kind of cue. Cas just laughs again and shakes his head, wiping the dust off the coffee table.
By the third replay, Cas starts to murmur the lyrics, moving his shoulders to the beat.
By the fifth replay, he's singing along and bobbing his head, occasionally spinning around if the mood strikes him.
And by the tenth replay, both he and Charlie are having the time of their lives performing a task that just this morning Cas would have never thought possible for him. They use feather dusters as microphones, Charlie performs some spectacular dance moves with the vacuum as her partner, and the room gets cleaner and cleaner.
Eventually though, their work having been completed, Charlie turns off the music and they both collapse on the couch, breathless from the relentless dancing and laughter. As the excitement dies down and they survey their job well done, Cas looks at Charlie and feels a swell of emotion.
"Thank you," he says.
"Don't mention it. What are friends for if not to throw spontaneous emergency dance parties?" Charlie replies.
"No, but really. Thank you. Not just for today, but just... for everything," Cas says, unable to put into words just how grateful he is.
"You're welcome," she says sincerely with a smile, before continuing, "Well, all that dancing has awakened my appetite, so I think I'm gonna head out."
"We could go to the Roadhouse?" Cas supplies, not really wanting the day to be over just yet. Charlie's smile fades into a look of worry.
"I don't know... After with happened with Dean's dad, shouldn't you maybe be keeping a low profile?" she asks, and Cas thinks she's probably right. However, the events of the day have made him feel daring.
"You could check if the coast is clear before I come in. And I'm sure that woman would help us if it came down to it."
"Oh, you mean Ellen, the owner? Yeah, she's pretty great, which is a plus considering she will one day be my mother-in-law," Charlie says dreamily. Cas is momentarily confused until it dawns on him.
"Jo is Ellen's daughter?" Cas asks for clarification, to which Charlie nods. "Speaking of which... I was wondering, have you ever tried asking her out?"
"Ellen? Nah, bit old for me to be honest. Also, I think she has a bit of a thing for ol' Dr. Singer, but you didn't hear that from me," Charlie jokes. Cas rolls his eyes.
"You know what I mean!" he replies with a chuckle, bumping his shoulder into hers. Charlie laughs before pegging Cas with a skeptical stare.
"Cas, do you know what the dating pool is like in this town for people like me?"
"Let me guess, kiddie pool?"
"I wish it was a kiddie pool! It's more like a puddle. Of the evaporated variety," Charlie explains somewhat bitterly. Cas winces in sympathy. "Now, enough chatter, I have a burger that's calling my name."
After a wave at the door from Charlie signalling that the coast is clear, Cas makes his way into the diner. He slides into the opposite side of the booth from Charlie, before Jo makes her way over.
Cas has to purse his lips tightly to keep from laughing as he watches Charlie fumble over her conversation with Jo, including accidentally ordering a "beesechurger". Jo just laughed it off like it was no big deal, saying it was cute. After Jo takes her leave, Charlie lets her head drop to the table.
"I'm going to dig a hole and live in it for the rest of my life, away from anyone I could possibly embarrass myself in front of," Charlie groans, her voice muffled by the table.
"She did say that she thought it was cute..." Cas says, in an attempt to offer some comfort. Charlie raises her head.
"I don't want to be 'cute', Cas! I want to be... I dunno... sexy! Irresistable! Not cute."
"I was under the impression that they were all positive adjectives...?
"Ugh, you are such a boy," Charlie replies in disgust before putting her head back down on the table. Just then, Cas sees a familiar face walk into the diner.
"Shit," he says, a rare example of his use of profanity.
"I know, I'm hopeless, aren't I," Charlie says without looking up.
"No, not that, it's Dean!" Cas whispers. Charlie's head snaps up immediately.
"Shit," she says, repeating Cas' earlier statement. Cas sinks lower in his seat and Charlie avoids eye contact, but sure enough, Dean sees them and walks over to them, his face an indecipherable stony mask.
"I need to talk to you," Dean says, surprisingly addressing Cas instead of Charlie. Cas raises his eyebrows.
"Dean, come on, not here, please just-" Charlie starts to say before Dean cuts her off.
"I'm not gonna do anything, alright? Just give us a minute."
Charlie looks at Cas, clearly torn. "It's fine, Charlie," he says. So, she shoots one distrustful look at Dean before heading to the ladies room.
Dean doesn't bother to sit down before he starts talking, "Look, let's just get one thing straight. I don't like you."
"Duly noted," Cas replies, mostly unfazed by Dean's blunt statement. It's not like this is exactly news to Cas.
"But... that shit that went down with my dad last night? I didn't know that was gonna happen. I thought you could just finish sticking your nose in my business-'
"Saving your life you mean," Cas interrupts calmly, unable to help himself.
"As I was saying, I thought you could just hightail it the hell out of there. And then he showed up and said all that stuff to you and I... just... you..." Dean says, looking like saying what he wanted to say pained him.
"Dean... are you trying to apologize to me?" Cas asked, half shocked and half amused. Dean's expression darkened.
"Yeah, I guess, whatever. Fuck off about it," he says before turning and walking away. Just as Cas turns his attention to the water he's not going to drink, he hears his name.
"And Cas?" Dean says, pausing a couple of strides away, "If anyone's going to kill you, it's gonna be me," he finishes with an actual smirk, before walking to the bar. And Cas really doesn't know what to do with that. The smirk didn't exactly look mean, Dean made his last comment seem like some sort of bizarre inside joke that only he and Cas were in on. Cas smiled ever so slightly at the thought.
And dear God when did Cas start finding threats on his life amusing?
"So, what was all that about?" Charlie asks upon her return, sliding back into her seat. Cas pulls his eyebrows together in thought and tilts his head slightly.
"I honestly have no idea."