AN: I am *so happy* to finally get some reviews. I know that this story is juts as hard to review as it is to write, but the reviews help me stay on track, find the right path and the right balance. So thank you!
The thing about the human soul is the mind-blowing infinite number of combinations of light and darkness that it can adopt. That kind of potential is seldom found in nature and rarely does it bloom at full force. As humans we go through life only half aware of how light or dark we can really be. Life tests us, life teases us... and sometimes it twists us one way or another... But for most people, the idea of who they are will stay pretty much intact and within the acceptable societal limits, unblemished and safe from the moral battles that ails some of us.
If you become a vampire however... Well, in principle, your chances to stay within the normally accepted parameters of light and darkness are pretty much zero. Don't get me wrong, there are "good" vampires out there if you accept a liberal definition of the term. Vampires however depend on having live blood to stay alive and that right there may be their undoing. It is true that some "good people" suddenly snap and fall into darkness at the blink of an eye. To most of us however, descending into darkness happens in little steps, one concession at a time, and the lights dim so surreptitiously that we don't notice the darkness that has claimed us. Becoming a vampire accelerates this process ten fold and leaves you prey to many more easy ways to fall from grace.
Damon could write a book about it. About how he, like one that takes the stairs one step a time, let himself reach the lows of darkness. How he chose his path slowly and clinically, how he embraced the nightfall of his soul. Damon was passionate about everything he did, so even in blackness he found something he could live for and with that he made it through much of his undead life. Not long ago a brown eyed girl made him want to feel the sunlight again, made him want to smile and care, made him want to be good and do good. For her, he ran back up to the light, even when he didn't know he was doing it. For the love and acceptance of one Elena Gilbert, Damon had done all in his power to be everything she imagined he could be. The climb back to the light was not easy, coming to terms with his feelings, old and current, was not a joyride, but one loving glance from Elena and all pain and suffering evaporated, making Damon feel as warm inside as a summer's day. Now Elena, his sun, was herself in the darkest recesses of the longest of nights. No lights and no shadows could even reach her. She was without her emotions, all coldness and death. The girl Damon loved was lost in that eternal midnight and if he had to feel his way through the pitch black, then Damon would do it, for without his Elena there was nothing else for him.
For his brother however it was completely another story. The good son, self anointed do-gooder, and self proclaimed preacher of light had many times fallen from the pedestal of good intentions he tried to stand on. Stefan wanted to be good, Stefan wanted to stay in the light, but like all that protest too much, his truth was much darker. Behind the facade of a saint, behind the veneer of the good vampire he had once proclaimed to be, lay a past much darker than anything Damon had ever done. Maybe it was because Stefan's fall from grace happened all at once and not gradually like Damon's/ Maybe it was simply Stefan's nature to succumb to evil. Whatever the answer, the story had only one plot: Stefan danced at the grave of his mauled victims and gorged on their life's blood only to go through detox periods where he would flagellate himself with guilt and recrimination. The truth remained that in the absence of his inner light, Stefan was a beast and not even Elena could save him from himself because that battle was his to win, not hers.
So like every human or vampire before them, each brother had a story to tell, their own cross to bear and their own inner demons crawling on their insides. Yet, here they stood, both ready to sink into a blackout of their souls if it mean a chance to rescue Elena back to the light.
Damon and Stefan loved this girl, this woman that now looked at them with steely contempt. They would rescue her... they would save and drag her from the nothingness of this night that threatened to snuffle the light or Elena's soul forever.
AN: Please let me know what you think :) xoxo