Disclaimer: I don't own Jellal. If I did, I'd be the happiest person in the world.
By the way, Izumi's memory is in bold.
When you are born, some say life is the first gift you get. Life is not a gift. It is a gamble. Looking at life from an open-minded point of view, it's fifty/fifty. It might be bad. It might be good. Whatever happens, you know that it will be over one day. Afterlife or not, absolution of an end pulls people through the journey of life.
That said, you're true first gift is your name. That day, you became someone.
A name, as some say, is just a word. A word is simply a group of letters, signifying something. There is one key different between words and names. Names, they are the only things that are free. And yet they are an invisible bond between people. Your name is the one thing represents you. The emotions that are connected to your name are unshakable.
"I'm Izumi." The piece of information was offered up.
Suddenly, in the eyes of Jellal, I am real. This was not a wonderful dream, rather wonderful reality. The mysterious purple haired girl, who had basically thrown away her life, had a name. Izumi.
I can imagine that was what Jellal would say. I will never know what he was thinking, however much I wished I did.
And what was it exactly that I was thinking?
I was still thinking about the power of names. In one sentence, names are a symbol for each person that allows others to project their emotions towards, even subconsciously.
In my mind, I explored the sentiments towards names I knew.
Etsuko and Takashi – my parents – I felt a deep-seated hatred towards them. On the other hand, Katsumi was someone I loved. She was held very dear to me.
But what about…Jellal? How did I feel about him?
It was mutual; I did not hate him. Jellal did intrigue me, but I couldn't sum it up with that. There was a persistent feeling in my gut begging to be acknowledged. My lip was lightly nipped in frustration. As hard as I tried, I could not pin a name on such a warm emotion.
Regardless, its presence was comforting.
I gazed at Jellal who seemed to be mulling something over.
This must be weird for him. He clearly did not know me – it would be strange if he did – and I had claimed to be his fiancée! It was the only way for me to convince my parents, but still…why had I done this?
Was it the burning sensation that Jellal was 'innocent'?
He clearly was guilty but if could not recall his past, that should bend the law.
Had it just been a coincidence that I had watched T.V when the broadcast came on? I had been reaching out for something, anything, and that was the moment I had first seen Jellal.
What if at that exact moment, I had be asleep? In fact, I had been ordered to go to bed, but I'd stayed and watched T.V just two minutes longer.
Two minutes had changed the path of my life.
It was meant to be. Would it be too much to call it destiny?
Burning in my cheeks convinced me that I was correct. Of course it is over the top to call it destiny! Destiny isn't random or something that can be taken lightly. It's the predetermined fate of your life! Destiny is how your actions affect yourself and others and how others actions affect you.
But if destiny was real…wouldn't freedom will be impossible? Our entire lives would have been mapped out, everything taking place exactly likes it's supposed to. Destiny would devalue life as it is, meaning no matter how hard we try, we cannot change anything. A risk would not be a risk since its outcome is already predetermined.
If we cannot change anything, that would lead to our thoughts not being our own. Someone, something, would have to keep us in check. Then we are simple puppets, born with no purpose.
What if destiny was not that complex though? How about destiny is the simple fact that we will all die one day? Then we could have free will. Destiny would then be derived into simple fate.
Though how would it be possible to discover the intensity of destiny?
My time to contemplate was broken by Jellal's silvery voice. "Am I supposed to know you?"
I relaxed the considering emotion on my face, the corners of my lips twitched slightly in amusement. "Not in the least."
As if my half-hearted smile was contagious, Jellal flashed me a winning smirk. "Then it's nice to meet you, Izumi."
My eyes widened, clearly not expecting that. Beating like mad, I thought my heart was going to explode. My name had never sounded…like that. The way his lips moved to form my name were enchanting.
I must be light-headed from all that's happened. That's got to be why I'm feeling so odd.
"It's nice to meet you too." I responded in an adequate amount of time.
"Really?" Jellal spoke with his compelling voice matched with a poker face.
Taken aback, my emotions shock showed clearly on my face. "Why wouldn't I?"
"After all, I am a criminal." Slight amounts of remorse reflected in his russet eyes.
"How can you say that? Jellal…I don't really know you but if you can't remember then you aren't guilty!" My voice came out a little more forceful than I had meant to.
His gaze passed to the floor, blue bangs shadowing his face. "I don't feel that well," Jellal muttered, his well-toned arms accidentally brushing against me as he stumbled by. "So I'll just…go to sleep."
My lilac eyes were wide.
What had I said?
I sighed quietly, Jellal already out of sight.
Maybe I came on too strong?
That would be an understatement.
It was odd to me, since I was never one to speak my mind. Maybe getting practically thrown out of a plane was jarring my personality. In my mind, I rebelled from the thought. I refuse to believe that because I will never change. Ever. I'd say this is just a freak incident.
Even that didn't comfort me. I needed an explanation, something, anything to end the doubts. The misconceptions had to be deceptive! I was being misled by my own mind!
And still the insidious doubts were attempting to root into my brain.
Still grasping for anything possible, the internal war continued.
Perhaps it was not me at all. Jellal just had to be shaken from what has happened. Or maybe he's just oblivious to my true character. I wasn't direct at all!
And I had it.
I shifted into a state of peace, fixing my gaze on the gray clouds outside. Something clicked in my mind. The temperature!
I wanted to cry out in joy.
Even though I was not at all fond of the frigid climate just outside the door, it was keeping away something far worse.
Rain.
As long as it was painstakingly cold, the rain would never fall! Instead, snow would drop from the sky, and would appreciate every flake. Does this mean I would never be reminded of that day?
Just mentioning it was painful, since it had been hidden in my mind for a while now.
Luckily, all I did was mention it. I didn't want to relive the memory, so I was especially attentive that I didn't think too much about it.
Just acknowledging the recollection was enough.
But on those days when it would rain, it was unavoidable…
That day.
I withdrew from my mind, deciding I was stepping a little too far into unwelcomed territory.
Strangely enough, I wish for a winter with no end. Yet I won't allow my view of cold weather to change, just slightly modify.
It's the only acceptation.
Although not much time had passed since we'd arrived, I was growing sleepy. There were plenty of reasons.
I didn't sleep long.
I jumped from a plane.
I could have died.
I landed on a freezing island.
God I could go on and on and on, but then I'd be complaining. I'm too exhausted to criticize my day. After all, it was my fault this all happened.
Truly, a lot can happen in a short amount of time.
I guess I should unpack my bags.
My bags? Scanning the room quickly, I discovered they were not present and accounted for.
My bags!
I know for a fact that they were with me in my father's car. I dug deeper into my mind, trying to remember the smallest details to signify that my bags were with me. I needed to know where I lost them.
In front of the jail cell, I can remember the slight pressure against my back from my bags.
As for the helicopter, I cannot remember if it was there with me.
I thought just a bit harder. That's right! I exclaimed loudly in my mind.
When the man had placed the parachute on my back, I recall hearing a light thump. It had to of come from my bags hitting the floor!
I felt instantly frustrated. Why did that man not give me my bags? My tarot cards were in there! That was the only thing that was very import to me! My heart ached for them…
I never told anyone about the only memory of my past that I had.
The recollection crept into my mind.
I stared up at the boy, but I could not see his face. Everything was blurry.
"I bought you a gift…" His voice trailed off, and it seemed that he was embarrassed.
And suddenly, I was not in control of the body I was in. I'm merely looking through their eyes.
"You didn't have to,-" My mouth moved, the sound of a girl's voice coming out of it. The end of her sentence did not register in my ears.
I could hear the smile in the teen's voice. "Of course I did! It's Christmas."
He handed me a rectangular box, the top of it had bold text. It read 'Tarot Cards.' I felt my lips stretching in a grin. "I've always wanted these. Thank you!" My voice changed into one that sounded sly. "I have a gift for you as well."
"Really?" I was surprised how his cunning voice matched mine.
I felt my body leaned forward and my mouth captured his lips. Our kiss was soft; my taste buds sang from his honeyed flavor.
Then I slightly pulled away, "Merry Christmas~."
I heard him whisper, so softly that I almost didn't catch it. "Izumi…"
The following morning, I jerked awake, sweating. I had risen from the bed, grabbing the identical box of tarot card I owned.
Before I had ever received that memory, I didn't know where I got the tarot cards. Ever since then, they were something very dear to me. It was the only physical connection I had with my past.
I'd learned how to use them, and my readings were always precise and accurate.
And now it was gone.
I wanted to cry. I really did. And yet, the tears wouldn't come.
Instead, I felt determined. One day I would find them. And I would find out my past as well.
Climbing the wooden spiral staircase, I made my way to the lilac room. Or was it technically my room?
I took a little extra time to admire the details of my room.
The comforter was made up of differently sized horizontal stripes, each another hue of purple. A medium tawny color painted the bed stand, matching with all the other pieces of furniture.
An elegant mauve lamp heavily contrasted the tan walls. A massive bay window covered one wall. Speaking of the walls, they soared high above my head.
The room had an overall feeling of warmth, completely opposite from the saturnine icicles that hung from the windows rim outside.
Even though my stomach growled in hunger, I relaxed underneath the warm covers. I didn't want to think about anything but sleep.
R & R! I just may update faster... (;