Craig…
"Oh my God, Craig. How? How did she die?" Joey and all his words. I could barely hear him. But some of it got through. That one word. The only one that mattered. How. I wanted to lie. Lying was my modus operendi. I'd always lied to my dad about everything. Lying saved me from being hit so many times. I wasn't adjusting my behavior to living with Joey, I knew I wasn't. But I couldn't lie about this. He'd find out sooner or later anyway. Too many people knew.
"She had an abortion, and something went wrong, but Joey…" He was giving me that look. I could see the light in his eyes that meant he was getting it. I hung my head.
"Craig, it…it wasn't yours, was it?"
Shit. I couldn't interpret his tone. Was he mad? Did he kind of understand?
"Yeah," I wasn't looking at him. I couldn't think. All I could see was those weird salt and pepper shakers on the table, the way the light shone on them because they were ceramic.
"But Joey, I wanted her to have it, to keep it. I didn't want her to get that abortion, and I didn't mean for any of this to happen…" I was just so lost. Tears were spilling down my cheeks. For this I deserved to be hit. I almost wished someone would. Instead Joey came over to me and hugged me, rubbed my back and said it was okay.
Emma…
I wanted someone to blame. Couldn't blame Manny, since she was dead. Well, I could blame her. She was so breathtakingly stupid sometimes. What was she doing having sex with Craig for, anyway? He was Ashley's boyfriend, number one. Number two, she wasn't dating him or anything. They had no commitment. It was wrong on so many levels. Then if she had to have sex what about safety? Pregnancy and STD's and all of that? Where was her head?
No, no. The one to blame was Craig. He was cheating on Ashley, Manny wasn't cheating on anyone. So the moral culpability lies with Craig. And he should have had a condom. But what did blame matter? It wouldn't change the outcome now.
Craig…
I didn't want to go to school. But Joey wouldn't let me stay home.
"You should go, Craig, I really think you should just go," he said. I didn't want to face people there.
He drove me to school after we dropped off Ang, and I gave him one last pleading look. But he shook his head.
"You've got to face it sooner or later, Craig," he said. I guess he was right. It just didn't make it any easier. So I got out of the car and just looked down, stared at my sneakers as I walked. I could hear everyone around me, talking, yelling, the normal before school noise. I hoped they wouldn't notice me. That no one would talk to me.
"Craig!" I was grabbed by the arm and spun around and when I looked up it was Spinner. He had that look of puzzled concern. I shook free from his grasp.
"Craig, dude, I just heard about Manny," All I could do was stare at him. This was how it was going to be all day. I couldn't stay here today. There was just no way.