The rest of the day went off without a hitch. Emy and her agent left right after the meeting and Sara went back to her office to gather some material and reorganize her space. She had done a lot of research over the last few days and now, despite her OCD, her office was a complete mess with papers scattered all over the place and files stacked high on her desk.
She wasn't sure why, but she felt the need to impress the woman with whom she was going to be working. Emy was a great writer and that was enough to impress anyone, in fact, it made Sara feel a little inferior. She couldn't figure out why but she always found herself attracted to women who made her feel that way, women with some kind of amazing talent. Not that she was ready to admit that she was, indeed, attracted to the woman she met just a few hours ago.
By the time she left, her office was completely reorganized and her paperwork had been cataloged, ready to be consulted upon. Happy with her work, Sara decided to go home and take a long, hot shower to wash the embarrassing memories of the day away.
As soon as she opened the door she felt relaxed and calm again. She loved the sensation of just finding herself in the place where she belonged. This was her home and she was proud of it. It was a damn nice apartment. For a moment she wondered if she would ever have the chance to show it off to Emy. A rather odd thought for her to have towards someone she just met.
She wandered through to the kitchen and after deciding she was way too tired to cook she made herself a sandwich and poured a glass of wine. She sank into the couch, her body almost disappearing between the cushions. Taking her glass from the coffee table Sara shook her head and chuckled to herself. Classy Sara, a sandwich and wine. But hey, that was what she wanted, that, and maybe a little company. Emy… Why she was still lingering in her mind?
Though Emy was an exceptionally beautiful, not to mention charming girl, Sara wasn't sure it was right to give her the power to engulf her mind after just a couple of hours. No one had ever had that kind of effect on her. Well, except for one woman. That was different though, that was someone she had known her entire life, someone that was there before she even had the ability to know anything. Before she knew what it meant to be alive she knew she had her, she had Tegan.
Her sister always had the power to do whatever she wanted with Sara. Maybe Tegan wasn't even aware of that. Sara had never let her know, she had always fought back just to succumb to her sister's will later, when she wasn't looking. From the little insignificant things, to the stuff that really mattered. She always tried to please her sister, ever since the day she left home, back when she was still so young.
Tegan never really forgave her for that. Even now that they're adults with their own lives, she can see it in Tegan's eyes whenever they meet. She still feels guilty most of the time because she knows that she had hurt her by leaving but she needed to, to try and escape from the mess she had found herself in after that night.
It didn't work, obviously, but it was easier to deal with that feeling when her sister wasn't in the room just across the hall. With her knowing that her sister was playing with herself, or worse, with someone else.
As she was thinking she noticed the little light on her answering machine blinking at her. She stood up to find five messages waiting for her.
"Hi, it's Tegan... I... uhm... I heard your message and... Why aren't you answering your phone?" Tegan's voice came out sounding worried through the machine.
"Hi, it's me... again... please, pick up your phone"
"Ok... you left me a fucking message and now I can't even get ahold of you, and I'm talking to a fucking machine... why the fuck do you even have a cellphone if you're just gonna leave it off and make people have to call you at home?" She checked her phone, it was switched off. Maybe she had closed it after her call to her sister and she didn't remember. She turned it on to find seven missed calls and a few messages, all from her sister.
"Listen, can you just tell me what THE FUCK I'VE DONE this time? Because I really don't remember... Fuck, I hate this, I hate it when you do this," it was true, it wasn't the first time she had left strange messages on her sister's voice mail, but it was the first time she had been that angry, the first time she had badmouthed her like that.
"Sara... I'm sorry... just... answer... please," the insecurity in her sister's voice was killing her. Tegan was so strong, but not when it came to Sara. She was her weakness and she knew it.
"Ok, fine, I'll be there tomorrow," It was said in a tone that Sara knew meant there was nothing she could do to change her twin's mind.
What? No, no, no, that's not possible. She dialed her sister number immediately.
"Finally," Tegan just sounded annoyed this time.
"Hi Tegan," she kept her voice calm and quiet, not wanting to upset her sister even more.
"So?" She was clearly trying to keep her voice emotionless but there was a slight tremor there, one that told Sara that she was anxious, that she was worrying. Sara took a deep breath and closed her eyes in concentration. Trying her hardest to sound sincere she finally spoke:
"Listen, Tee, I'm sorry... I don't know what came over me, I'm just, really stressed."
"And to treat your sister like shit makes you feel better?" Tegan asked, sounding more hurt than angry.
That was something Sara had always loved and hated about her sister. She was so vulnerable, even though Sara knew that she was one of the few people who could hurt her like that so easily. Tegan wasn't weak, she was just overly sensitive when it came to the people she really loved and Sara was one of those people. It made her heart ache knowing that she had hurt her with her outburst, it wasn't even Tegan's fault, she didn't do anything wrong.
"Tee, I'm really, really sorry... I... I..." she didn't know what to say. How could she possibly explain herself? There was no excuse. She was at a loss for words.
"I'm sorry."
"Look, if... if you have a problem, just call and talk to me. You know I would do anything for you, but please, just don't do this to me again. I was worried and you weren't answering your phone and I've felt guilty for hours without even knowing why," the veil of sadness in her voice broke Sara's heart.
It always amazed Sara the way Tegan, sometimes, sounded like their mother. In a sweet way. They were physically distant but Tegan was always particularly caring, doing the protective big sister thing very well. That just made her feel even worse about herself. She sighed into the phone at the thought of her sister feeling guilty, for nothing, because of her.
"Tee... I'm sorry..."
"Its ok," seeming to cheer up Tegan continued, "look, I'll be there tomorrow, I can't wait to see you, we haven't seen each other in ages."
Sara sighed again. There was no way she could kill her sister's mood by asking her to just stay at home. But the sound that escaped her lips didn't go unnoticed though.
"You... you don't want me to come?"
She sounded so dejected, Sara rushed to reassure her.
"No, no, no, I can't wait to see you either," that was maybe a little too rushed for her liking but the little giggle from Tegan on the other line made her smile.
She tried to justify herself.
"I just... my apartment is a mess"
"You? I can't believe it," Tegan giggled again and Sara blushed. Tegan knew she was lying but Sara was more than happy just to hear her laugh.
"Ok, ok, shut up," Sara laughed "So, I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I should be there around eight pm… A carbonara would be good."
"Ha, ha Tegan, very funny" Sara replied with sarcasm dripping from her voice.
"Ok, I can't wait... love you," Tegan hung up and Sara's heart skipped a beat. It wasn't all that rare, but it also wasn't every day that her sister would tell her that, and it affected her the same way every time.
"I love you too," Sara whispered into the phone, even though her sister was long gone.
She took a couple of minutes to look around her apartment. No, it wasn't a mess... but it sure would be in a couple of days. She loved Tegan, but God, that woman was able to turn her apartment into chaos in mere minutes. Her presence was disruptive not only emotionally, but physically too. Maybe it was even more of a stress for her house than for her. Sara laughed at the thought.
Walking into the guest room Sara took a look around and smiled to herself. She hadn't seen her sister in over four months, but in that she had bought a TV and a few books and DVDs to fill the shelves in the room. There was no doubt that she bought those for Tegan, no one used that room other than her sister.
The occasional girls she brought back home after a night out with Mark, always left her home before she could wake. No, the only woman that ever touched that room, was Tegan, and maybe sometimes herself... maybe for just a week or so, after one of her sister's visit, just to enjoy the last traces of her sister's scent.
Sara shook her head at herself, she had just spent the day making her office presentable for a woman, and now here she was about to prepare her house for another woman. At least, one of her wishes was going to come true, soon enough she would have a little company, her sister, comforting company.
As she reached for the closet to take fresh sheets, she grinned as another thought entered her head. At least there's no way she can fuck Lindsey in the next few days.