Reconciliation
Kazuki groaned as he missed the last bus to get back to the other side of the prefecture to get to Toshiki's place. He checked a clock and timed for the next stop, it would be another two hours, he didn't want to have that much time to burn. Boredom got him into trouble and all the errant thoughts already for the night were enough to get him in a lot of trouble.
So he walked. He needed a good long walk to evaluate things. He didn't know what was going on between him and Juubei, what had really transpired that brought out this outcome. This outcome where he and his longtime friend, had become cold towards each other.
They had once been so connected, so intricately woven together that if one moved the other moved in the same way, they were in sync. His mind traveled to his little finger, in his mind's eye he could see it, the red string that had once connected them. Only now it seemed battered, almost undone.
All the strings had frayed enough to break. He wasn't even sure if it was on his side or if it was Juubei. When did he stop following Juubei like a puppy, and when did Juubei start treating him like... he couldn't even place the word. He wanted to say princess or even a nobel, but Juubei didn't like listening to him. Had it been the appearance of Toshiki or the other things they had been through? Had Toshiki said something to Juubei?
Was fighting the only way they could really be happy together?
He made it to Toshiki's apartment much faster than he realized, it was like he had time traveled with all the thoughts that he had in his mind that twisted and turned through his skull.
Toshiki had welcomed him in and made sure that within minutes to have a cup of tea and the small one room apartment straightened up for Kazu to sit and be comfortable.
Toshiki loved the endearing smile that Kazuki offered.
"So what brings you here, Kakei-san driving you insane?"
Kazuki wanted to affirm that but his natural reaction was to shake his head. "No, just got back from Ginji-kun's celebration party... and don't wanna go home just yet."
Toshiki sat down next to the brunette and smiled at him. "You look a bit miserable.. did you walk all the way here?" He asked, reaching up to wipe some of the beads of sweat from Kazu's forehead.
Kazuki shrinked away a little. "I did, it wasnt too bad, just humid is all." He felt his skin react and thusly his heart react in a way that made all those thoughts come flooding back. Maybe it was good that he didn't lay with Ban, because now he was here, alone with Toshiki.
Toshiki gave him a smile. "You can use my shower, get cleaned up, and you can sleep here since there are no more trains going to your district til the morning." he explained.
Kazuki looked up at him with heavy eyes, and nodded slowly. He got up and began to head to the bathroom.
Toshiki followed.
Kazuki felt the strong hand on his shoulder and turned his head to look at it's owner. "Toshiki..." he whispered.
"Kazuki, I know why you are really here... let me.. "
"Let you what?" He asked, all too innocently. His deep brown eyes looking up into the blonde's bright blue ones. The Hell Knight was soft to Kazuki, almost too soft and too warm for him. Too open and desirable.
Toshiki sighed and scratched the back of his head, his hair was undone for once so some of the blonde locks fell over his strong shoulders. "I want to be with you Kazuki-kun... I know you... are hard up for Kakei-san..."
"I am not hard up for Juubei-kun." Kazuki defended, his brows furrowing some.
"I doubt that." he chuckled and pulled the slightly smaller and thinner male to him, pressing him hard against his chest. "I love you Kazuki-kun, I want you to be mine.." he whispered, pressing his lips to the edge of Kazuki's ear.
Kazuki shivered and though his resolve was strong, his will wasnt. He had been willing to sleep with Ban, but backed out of sheer disgust. This was Toshiki, whose scent reminded him of a green field, who didn't get drunk and molest him. Who didn't pledge his allegiance to a dead school's teaching.
Toshiki was perfect for him
Toshiki's words only got more and more sweet. "Kazuki-kun... let me be the one for you.. I can be the thing you need, I can be what Kakei-san wont be.." he trailed off. His lips dangerously close to the edge of Kazuki's neck.
Kazuki had to literally throw himself from the blonde. "I am sorry... I should go.." He whispered and headed quickly to the door. Stop saying his name!
Toshiki sighed and grabbed Kazuki's arm gently. "I am sorry Kazuki-ku.. san.. that was rude of me.. stay, I will let you have your privacy and you can take my bed... I don't want you upset and trying to get home alone."
Kazuki gave him a fleeting look but nodded. "Fine.." he whispered and retreated to the bathroom.
Once out, he found the blonde sprawled out on the futon on the floor. Kazuki knew Toshiki had a small bed in the one other room of the apartment. He found a large shirt waiting for him on the bed and slipped it on, he raked his fingers through his hair and braided it slowly. He wore the same boxers, not willing to be vulnerable. He curled up under the blanket, the smell of that field filled his brain with what Toshiki and him could have done. The carnal images made his stomach knot and him debate taking up the blonde. But he never left the bed.
(Back to Now)
"Stop!" Kazuki normally held back when it came to the strength he hid, everyone had always second guessed him. But when he pushed Juubei back he used a bit more force than usual and sent the larger one sprawling back a bit. So far that he fell through the sliding door.
Juubei's brows furrowed and his head fell back in defeat. "I am going.." He stood, his arm wrapped around his chest, sporting a cracked rib. His breathing became a bit ragged as he started to turn and walk towards the door.
Kazuki's eyes clenched shut. "I hate you!" and before he realized those words were out he clamped his hand over his mouth.
"I've known that for a while." Juubei had stopped for a moment and turned his head some. "Took you a while to confess it."
"I.. didnt mean it." Kazuki began to apologize and he moved off the bed to go to Juubei. He had never said anything so cruel in his life to his friend. Even as enemies he had never said anything as dreadful.
"You did, and I know why.." Juubei sighed. "You have meant to say it for a while now, I cant give you what you want..." He said.
"Juubei, no."
"Yes, Kazuki," his tone was now stern, he was making it definite. "You can be with Toshiki, as I am sure you have already been."
Kazuki's eyes flashed dark, and for the moment he didnt care if Juubei struck back, or defended himself. His mind forgetting about the cracked rib he had already caused, and struck his friend again. This time he didnt fall back against a soft paper door, but a hard wood wall.
The air left Juubei's lungs and his head went blank. He knew he had crossed a line, and apparently a serious one. It was very few occasions that Kazuki didnt hold back, and most of them weren't against Juubei. He didnt get up, but tried to regain his breath some, and composure.
"You have shamed me, dishonored me with those assumptions!" Kazuki snapped, his eyes narrowed at the needle warrior. "How could you! Even as a friend what you just said was the most despicable thing... I have EVER heard!" His voice cracked as his vision was blurred with tears.
"You're the one who went to him." Juubei muttered under his breath.
"I almost went to Ban too!" He confessed. "Least he actually touched me, and I about let Toshiki as well, but every time he said your name, said how he could give me what I wanted from you was just a jagged needle digging itself into me, but I NEVER, had anyone!" he snapped.
Juubei shook his head. "Not that it changes anything, but I think I have two cracked ribs and its hard to breathe.." He panted out.
Kazuki sobered quickly from his rage as the terror prince role he hated slipping into, and he looked down at Juubei with guilt. "I will call the emergency line." he said and quickly went to his cell phone.
Juubei caught his arm and shook his head. He got up slowly with the bit of help from Kazuki and went to the couch and sat down. He fingered his torso some and sighed. "Just bruised..." he whispered.
Kazuki looked away, guilt painted his features as he held his arms tight to his chest. "I am sorry.." he whispered.
"You keep saying that,"
"I really mean it.. I have really dishonored myself, I've been.. so.." he tried to search for the right words, the right explanation for his actions.
"You've been sick Kazuki.." Juubei filled in.
"Not a good enough reason to hurt you like this."
Juubei shook his head. "It is, you know what stress does to you, and I know what it does to you.." he pulled out a few needles, and slid a couple into his skin after laying back.
Kazuki just watched and sighed. "Its not a good excuse." He recited again.
"Kazuki, what is it you want to hear, and I wish to hear the truth."
Kazuki stared for a moment, before finally sitting down on the floor near Juubei's feet. He pulled his knees up and buried his head some. "I want... I want you to tell me you love me, and I want you to be able to see me and know what I feel by looking at me again. This is all my fault, I shouldn't have left you, I shouldn't have fought you.. Even if I did nothing with Toshiki, I shouldn't have gone to him."
"Kazuki..."
"You're the only one I need, Juubei, everyone else could disappear, even Ginji. But as long as you are by my side, I can still breathe.."
"Kazuki."
"I dont care if you cant do anything for me, just... stop falling backwards away from me."
"Kazuki, if you would stop a moment you are about to hyperventilate." Juubei had sat up and was shaking the longer haired man gently.
He was right, his world was starting to spin some and his legs dropped limply as he laid his head against Juubei's knee. "I love you... even if... its nothing more than words."
Juubei sighed, he picked up Kazuki's unconscious form and took him to the bedroom. He laid him down gently and covered him up. The air still smelled like ginseng tea, but the liquid was already dried. He sat down on the bed. "Kazuki, I love you.. it may only be words for now.. but when the time comes.. when we dont have to fight anymore it may change." he caressed the sleeping face gently, undoing the bells and setting them aside. He slid into the bed, and wrapped his arms around Kazuki. "You saved me, you always save me."