Chapter 4 New girl

The emptiness in his eyes are unnoticeable by strangers maybe only giving a sense of mystery to them. But for people who knew him in the past it was bright as day. They gave of a feeling of dread that I can never explain, It no longer looked like the eyes of a wounded animal. Now it looked like the eyes of a Vicious wolf that is ready for everything that life throws at it.

I used to love his eyes, Not because it looked like a certain plushy panda bear's eyes nor was it because it drove out other women's attention. But because Even if it looked rotten it still gave out certain emotions and color, right now all I can see was darkness.

He is admittedly rather handsome if you ignore his eyes, definitely much more than Hayama-kun and that is the truth and an unbiased opinion even Nee-san said so. I swear, If it weren't for the aura his eyes give, women would be flaunting all over him. Not that it is not happening right now that is…

As the girls greeted him and maybe even flirting with him people stared and gossiped. It was something we experienced occasionally together in the past but now it can no longer happen with me, thinking about it made me clenched my fist.

It was surprising for Miura-san to associate herself with Hachiman, I know he hated his guts ever since.

But right now the way she looks at him were alarming. I knew the look she give it was the look of warmth, affection and desire, I used too see it everyday in Yui and Ishikki. I know it all to well since I looked at him the same way too when we weren't dating.

Yui and Miura-san were smiling and laughing occasionally which was a sight that made me smile. Since it reminds me of the time when Yui and I did that as well. while Ishikki-san on the other hand was being too clingy usually touching him when she has the opportunity. She was always like that even when we announced that we started dating. I usually catch her doing this and it angers me when this happens, I always blamed it at him and not at Ishikki-san telling him that "Even when we started dating, You still can't take your lecherous hands of your kohai you pervert".

I know its not his fault and I know he would never do that but Its not my fault that I can't stop myself from being jealous. I usually say this as pitiful way of signaling him "To notice me more".

But now its all in the past… I made my decision and I have to live with it even if it kills me a little each day. I no longer have the right to be with them and I know what I did does not deserve to be forgiven but I still can hope and dream of it right?

Seeing them and thinking like this made my me want to cry. As I looked at Hayama-kun who was noticeably staring as well but with indifference I called out to him and excused myself.

"I need to go to the washroom, You can go ahead. Excuse me" As I said with my voice shaking I quickly walked to the washroom for him to not notice.

"Ah Yukino" he broke out of his thinking "Its okay I'll wait here" he said

I neither replied nor glanced at him as he said those words.

When I got inside the Washroom Tears started to flow and I started to sob, the room was fortunately empty it would be shameful if someone saw me. I quickly went to a cubicle to hide. When I was finally able to control myself I went outside and decided to freshen up. I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked bearable to say the least. My cheeks were red and my eyes puffy. I was noticeably been crying. I washed my face to hide my recent actions in preparation to head out.

I wonder if Hayama-kun noticed a while ago he might be a faker but he is quite perceptive when push comes to shove. As I thought about it I noticed that Hayama-kun seemed almost affected as I do.

When my relationships broke so did he's after all. After his clique learned of our supposed engagement, his clique had a fallout. He wasn't able to restore his former relationships after we left for Cambridge.

As I was about to leave the washroom someone went opened the door. I was shocked to see her this close. I was planing to avoid them at all cost ever since I've learned that they were currently studying at the same University.

"Yukinoshita-san.." Ishikki whispered.

She had the face of bewilderment as she saw me. Looking at her up close, She looked beautiful. She no longer looked like the cute and ditsy girl that she was, She was now so much more mature and independent.

"Ishikki-san…" I answered

"I thought you were at Cambridge…" she said quietly

We had a little bit of a stare down until I decided to reply

"I've recently returned since last week" I replied cautiously.

"I see" she walked to the mirror and checked her self out and it took her a minute to continue.

"Since you're here, will you be studying at this university as well?" she questioned

"I am, I'll be continuing business management here"

I noticed that with the way she struck her words she was not happy to see me.

"Will you ever be going back to Cambridge in the future then?" she looked at me and smiled. But I know her words hold some venom.

"If I can find the opportunity, but right now it seems impossible" I replied kindly, I'd rather be cautious when conversing with her. It would be hard to make her hate me even more.

"Good luck with that then!" she replied cheerfully and rather bluntly

"…" I was silent for I don't know how to react.

She clearly hates and despises me. And the reason was clear, She hated me being here. I am a threat to her peaceful University life. I saw how the girls were interacting with each other, It was balanced. No one was ahead nor behind And me being here may tip the scales depending on the conflict I may cause

I still can't understand how deep she despises nor do I know the exact reason. But judging by how close she was to Hachiman, It was probably because of me hurting him. She may be cared for often but that doesn't mean cant be caring too, Especially towards her Senpai.

Since we already met I decided to take this as an opportunity to understand and maybe fix my relationship with her one small step at a time

"Ishikki san, I-" she interrupted

"Do you still think of him?" she suddenly asked looking down

I do, I always did… I think of him when I have nothing to do. I think of him when I am busy. I see him when I close my eyes. I see him in my sleep, In my dreams. But of course can't just admit that and tell her. I decided to play fool.

" I don't quite understand…" I replied.

"I mean were you ever curious of how he is now?"

"only to a point…"

"You know, He was never the same when you left… You've seen him didn't you? You've seen his emptiness?" She said sadly

" I've never seen him smile nor laughed ever since. He always had that indifferent look."

"…" I listened silently while drown myself guilt.

"But you know something's never change. Some parts still remain, He is still kind even if he doesn't know it. He is still caring even if he doesn't show it. And he is still selfless when he doesn't admit it.

"Even if those still remain I still can never forgive you" She looked at me in the eyes.

We stared at each other and I can see the pain in her eyes and I'm sure she can see mine

"…"

"You still love him, don't you?" she asked so suddenly, So bluntly

I flinched at her words and try to utter aa proper reply but the only thing that seeps out of my mouth are stutters.

"N-no, I-I, don't-t, lll-o"

" I guessed as much, You know' during the time I convinced him to go with practice dates with me I had so much fun in the first one that I decided to convince him to go with me for the second, then the third, so on so fourth. I was wondering why I did that but only now did I know why. It wasn't only because I had fun it was because I was slowly falling for him"

"I came to him for fun but it wasn't why I stayed. Once you get to know the feeling of being with him you can never feel the same way. You understand more than anyone do you?"

"…"

"and yet you left him" she said calmly

Her words struck me deep. It were a set of words that I wish to never hear because it was the truth and the truth hurts. It was the truth that riddens me with guilt and regret. The truth that killed my happiness and my point of living.

But things were have to be done. Things that if wasn't decided upon would hurt people who brought me into this world. Decisions were made and equal results are given. And they can never be changed.

As I was about to state my reasons someone walked in hurriedly and interrupted us

She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, a tad more than Nee-san. Even if she only wore jeans and a simple white shirt she still looked perfect. Her complexion was clear, Her curves were so perfect that even famous models would get jealous. She had beautiful long wavy black hair reaching the middle of her back in a middle-part hair style.

"Iroha-chan! What took you so long?! I only just arrived and Yumiko got herself in trouble again! Yui went home since she left something and left to take it back. Come on we need to calm her down you know how she gets mad even Hachiman and I can't stop her and shes gathering a crowd!" she exclaimed hurriedly

They seem to know each other pretty well and they rather close. I wonder what happened during the time I was away. And did she just said "Hachiman"? Who is she? And how does she now him?

"God damnit!" she cussed "Since you're here it better not be him" Ishikki pointed at me

"What do you mean? And who's this" the new girl asked in confusion

"I'll explain later, lets go! And you Yukinoshita should come to!"

Hey guys, Im sorry I posted late I was rather busy playing Dota 2 with the new battlepass out. Anyways heres the chapter. If you find my writing wrong in any form like if it seemed out of character or it seemed rush please tell me. I want much needed advice as wel, thank you for reading!

and guys tell me if i am slowly improving. Cuz I dont see my improvements at all...