I'm back! Okay sorry it's been so long, got caught up in the whole college thing. Anyways here is part 1 of the latest chapter. The spoilers I posted previously are all part of one chapter but I'll probably be posting it in 2 or maybe more parts depending on how much time I have. Again thank you all so much for the reviews. I really do appreciate it. I hope you enjoy.
2 Weeks Later...
Session number three, Rachel was officially on her third session of her first round of chemo. It had been two weeks since the diagnosis confirmed Quinn's worst fears and everything from that point on had pretty much moved at the speed of light for both girls. They barely had time to allow the news of the disease to sink in when Rachel was being administered as an inpatient and being taken down to surgery to have a central venous catheter placed in her chest.
The brunette's fear of needles ruled out a simple IV needle hook up at every session so Rachel's father had insisted on this method, much to Quinn's discomfort. The older girl was having a hard enough time dealing with the diagnosis; she didn't like the idea of doctors sticking tubes in her girlfriend's chest, especially if it was going to act as a daily reminder of what was to come for both girls. It just seemed like everything was happening too fast and there was barely any time for them to just breathe. They were high school kids; they should be looking forward to prom and graduating, not wondering whether or not one of them was going to live to grow old.
Quinn had been there by Rachel's beside when the girl broke down in tears after catching a glimpse of the catheter for the first time. She had climbed onto the bed and lay down, wrapping her strong arms around the smaller girl, careful not to apply pressure or tug on the catheter for fear of hurting the woman she loved. All she wanted to do was take Rachel's mind off of everything, even just for a moment. But the reality of the situation becoming more and more real with every word out of a doctor's mouth and every sympathetic look Rachel received from the nurses.
The first day of chemo had taken place on a Thursday, both of Rachel's fathers were there for their baby girl, but what really mattered most to Rachel, was the fact that Quinn had ditched school to be there for her. To hold her hand and feed her ice chips, even tossing aside her perfect attendance record just for her. That meant more to Rachel than anything, that the Quinn Fabray, her girlfriend, the girl she loved and who loved her, was by her side during the scariest time of her life. It made her heart soar to know that the blonde girl cared so much for her.
That first session had passed relatively easily for Rachel, there was slight nausea a couple of hours afterwards when she first arrived home, which Quinn and her fathers had helped to ease with ginger ale and a dose of Funny Girl. However the doctors weren't lying when they said that the side effects would get worse with the passing of each session. It steadily got worse and Rachel was doing her best to keep a brave face. The sessions were tough, but it was when she got home that she truly felt the force of the drugs on her system.
The sight of Rachel hunched over the toilet bowl barely able to hold her head up broke Quinn's heart. It was in that moment she made the decision to move in with the Berry's. Her parents were furious, they threatened to cut her off if she continued what they called an abomination of a relationship with Rachel. Not even Quinn's revelation that her girlfriend had cancer was enough to soften her parents and make them reconsider their threats. It was then Quinn realised that these people were not her family, they were strangers who just happened to raise her for the last eighteen years. Rachel, they Berry men, the Glee club, they were her family.
That night Quinn packed up everything that mattered or that meant anything to her and put all her belongings in her car and drove to the Berry house. After explaining everything to Leroy and Hiram and discussing her intentions to be there for their daughter, they easily agreed to allowing Quinn to move in and welcomed her to the family. Rachel was upset with how heartless her girlfriends parents had been, but she couldn't deny how happy she was to know that whenever she needed Quinn to wrap her up in her arms and comfort her, she was just across the hall. This gave Quinn all the reassurance she needed to know that she had made the right decision. She had been living there for the past week unbeknownst to the rest of the Glee club.
Scrunching her nose and squeezing her eyes shut, Rachel allowed the nauseous feeling in the pit of her stomach to wash over her and pass through as she dug her nails into the arm rests of the large, oversized chair she was sitting in. So far she had been sick twice and she had only begun the session twenty minutes ago. Hiram was sitting in the chair next to her and noticed his daughter's discomfort. Picking up the face cloth, he soaked it in the water bowl next to Rachel's station and then twisted it, removing the excess water before folding it into a small rectangle and bringing it up to Rachel's forehead, the cooling sensation causing her to relax somewhat. Just as she was settling back into the comfy chair, the noise of the double doors across the room opening made her look up in anticipation, and she wasn't disappointed.
Stepping through the door Rachel allowed a weak smile to spread across her pale face at the sight of her stunning blonde girlfriend entering the room. Before Quinn noticed where Rachel was sitting, the brunette could see what she thought looked like anger or frustration in those hazel eyes she loved so much, but the look soon dissipated when the blonde girls gaze finally fell upon her and the look was replaced with one of love and happiness, backed up by a beaming smile that could light a room.
Walking briskly across the room, Quinn came to a stop just in front of where Rachel was sitting. Leaning down, she cupped her girlfriends face in the palm of her hands and placed a soft chaste kiss on those lips she loved so much and then pulled back looking into brown eyes that made her heart beat just that little bit faster. "Hey baby. I missed you today," Quinn said as she removed one hand from Rachel's cheek and grabbed a hold of her hand, giving it a squeeze. Hiram took Quinn's arrival as his opportunity to go and grab a coffee. Standing up, he placed his hand on the older girls shoulder and gestured for her to sit down in the seat he had just vacated before leaving the room.
Taking up her place in the plastic chair, Quinn glanced around at the other patients in the room. There were six chemo chairs in total in the room and all three were always in use every time Rachel was there. However the sight always saddened Quinn whenever she looked around because every time she did, she realised that Rachel had no one her own age there to relate to. What made the whole thing that much worse, was the look of experience on the other patients faces. A realisation that these were people who had lived full lives, had experienced as much of life as a person possibly could.
Then there was Rachel, the beautiful petite brunette who had stolen Quinn's heart, sitting next to her at seventeen years of age, still with so much to live for having barely lived at all, fighting for her right to grow old, to achieve her dreams. It wasn't fair and it pained Quinn more than she thought anything possibly could. All she wanted was to make all this better, to make Rachel better. But she couldn't and it killed her to know that there was nothing she could do to ease the little diva's pain, at least not anything practical.
Feeling the hand she was holding suddenly clench down on her own she looked up to see Rachel scrunching up her face as another wave of nausea took hold, the brunette tightened her lips into a thin line hoping to hold back the feeling that she was about to be sick. Although Quinn had been there the many previous times Rachel had in fact been sick, she still felt self-conscious and embarrassed about being sick in a room full of strangers, regardless of the fact they were in the same boat. So Rachel tried hard to fight down the overwhelming feeling in the pit of her stomach, but it was inevitable that she would eventually lose that fight and this was one of those times.
Seeing that familiar frown on her girlfriends face that indicated when the diva was about to be sick, Quinn stood up and grabbed the small bucket next to the chair they kept close by for situations like this, she handed it to Rachel and sat down on the arm of the chair and began rubbing soothing circles on the brunettes back as the nausea finally won and Rachel began to vomit, almost violently into the bucket that she was grasping in her hands.
"It's okay babe, you're almost done," Quinn soothed as she reached back and began dampening the face cloth and ringing it out. Once Rachel was finished she lay back against pillow that was propping her up and closed her eyes. Quinn folded the face cloth and lifted her girlfriends head, wrapping her arm around the back of it and holding the cold cloth to the brunettes sweat covered forehead. A groan escaped the back of Rachel's throat at the cool feeling of the cloth and Quinn's arm cradling her head.
"Is that better baby?" the blonde asked as she began dabbing the cloth along Rachel's cheeks and down her neck. The only response she got was a weak nod of the head from the tired brunette who was struggling to stay awake. Realising this, Quinn put the cloth down and stood up. Reaching for the remote next to Rachel, she pressed the button that moved the seat the diva was sitting in into a reclining position so she could rest more easily. Once Rachel was resting more comfortably, Quinn put the remote down on the cabinet next to the water bowl and leaned down next to her girlfriend, she picked up the bucket and placed it back down next to the chair, she took the blanket hanging on the arm of the chair and unfolded it, draping it over the sleeping form before her and smoothing it out. Then, returning her attention to the love of her life, she cupped Rachel's cheek in the palm of her hand and placed a kiss to the other girl's forehead, unaware that both of them were being watched through the glass of the double doors.
Just as Quinn was about to sit down and get comfortable with a book, Hiram returned to keep vigil next to Rachel. Walking up to Quinn, he placed a comforting arm around her shoulder and gave her shoulder a squeeze. "So, you wanna tell me why you looked upset when you came in earlier?" he asked her with a knowing grin on his face. Quinn looked up at the tanned skin man and remembering her perceptive he was, knew that lying wouldn't fly with him. Releasing a sigh, Quinn scratched her forehead as she thought back to earlier when she arrived at the hospital.
When she arrived at the reception desk on the oncology floor to see Rachel, the nurse sitting at the station had refused to allow her in. Not even Quinn informing the nurse that she was her girlfriend would change the nurse's mind, the simple response being the usual 'family only policy'. The blonde girl had almost blown a fuse and retreated into HBIC mode until Leroy showed up and informed all the nurses at reception that Quinn was family and was to be treated as such. They had been overruled by the Chief of Medicine, much to Quinn's delight.
Although she had won the argument, Quinn couldn't stop the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach when she thought about the fact that this was likely to happen quite often whenever new doctors or nurses were brought into the equation. Leroy wouldn't always be there to rectify the situation and the idea of being refused permission to see her girlfriend was something was something she wasn't prepared to deal with on a regular basis. Quinn had an explosive temper, especially when she was on the defensive. There was no way she could handle a situation like that again, especially when she was barely holding it together as she was.
"It's nothing. One of the nurses tried to stop me coming in earlier 'cause I wasn't family. But it's okay, Leroy discussed the situation with them and they said it wouldn't happen again. I guess it just kind of threw me. I've never had anyone tell me I couldn't see Rachel," she said with a tear in her eye. Hiram looked down at the girl and nodded his head in understanding. He himself had been in a similar situation years ago when he and Leroy had first begun dating and Leroy had been admitted with appendicitis. The nurses had tried to tell him it was because he wasn't family, but Hiram knew it had more to do with the fact they were an openly gay couple. Typical conservative Lima, nothing ever seemed to change.
"Well next time don't even listen to them. You are a part of this family Quinn, a HUGE part of this family. And Rachel would want you here more than anyone else. Including Barbra, and that's saying a lot," he said with a soft chuckle. Quinn couldn't help but allow a smile to escape her at Hiram's statement. It warmed her to know that the Berry men considered her family. It meant a lot to her and she was grateful to them for being so supportive of her relationship with their daughter. She just wished everyone else was as supportive as well.
"Why don't you go grab a coffee or something while she's resting, I'll watch over," Hiram said. Glancing at the sleeping form of her girlfriend, Quinn nodded her and made her way towards the double doors. Once outside she stood against the wall and leaned her head back glancing upwards towards the ceiling. Closing her eyes, she took in a deep breath and let it out, trying to release some of the tension she had been holding onto since her encounter with the nurse earlier. Just as she felt herself beginning to calm down the mood was broken by the sound of an all too familiar voice.
"Well, looks like you gots some explainin' to do Tubbers." Stiffening at the statement, Quinn turned her body towards the other person in the hallway and came face to face with Santana Lopez. Dressed in her candy stripers uniform, the Latina stood with her arms crossed over her chest, but something was off with her tough girl exterior. Quinn could see it in Santana's eyes, instead of the usual ice cold glare that they possessed, Quinn could see compassion. The look may only be slight, but it was there and she knew in that moment that Santana was now aware of the secret that she and Rachel had been trying so hard to keep until the diva was ready to open up.
"Santana now's not the time," Quinn started but was cut off when her best friend raised her hand to stop her from talking. "Oh, I think now is the perfect time," Santana said as she took a step closer to the blonde. "You think we haven't noticed the fact that Berry's been missing the last two weeks? Or the way you keep skipping out on school and Glee club with no explanation." Santana glanced towards the double doors of the chemotherapy room and swallowed around the lump forming in her throat as she thought of Rachel on the other side of that door.
"What kind?" she asked when she finally turned back towards Quinn, the blonde girl looked at her and was fighting the urge to let her tears fall. Seeing the sincerity in the Latina's eyes, Quinn relented and moved towards the windowsill to sit down, followed closely by Santana. "Hodgkin's Lymphoma, stage II," Quinn finally answered almost in a whisper. "She was diagnosed two weeks ago, that's why she hasn't been in school or at Glee club. The reason I didn't tell you is because she doesn't want anyone to know yet. At least not until she's settled down, the last couple weeks have been kinda crazy."
Santana nodded her head at Quinn's explanation, relieved to finally understand what exactly was going on. But she couldn't help the heavy weight that had suddenly anchored itself in the girl's chest at the thought of Rachel fighting cancer. Although she and Rachel had never been best friends, they had grown closer in the last couple of months and she liked to think that they were on friendlier terms now. Santana could only imagine how much this was hurting Quinn.
"How are you dealin' with all this?" she asked looking at the blonde whose head was directed downwards as she stared at her fidgeting hands. Quinn raised her head back up and wiped away a stray tear that had fallen from her eye. "Honestly?" she asked looking at the Latina who nodded her head at the question. "I'm not. I put on this brave face for Rachel because I know that's what she needs. She needs me to be strong for her, for the both of us," Quinn trails off as her eyes focus on the double doors in front of her and instantly her head goes straight to the image of Rachel looking pale and weak sitting in the oversized chair, an IV line attached to the catheter in her chest.
"But every time I look at her, at what she's going through, it terrifies me. All the what if's floating through my mind about whether or not we'll have a chance at a future together," Quinn's voice cracks as she speaks and Santana can't help but place a comforting hand on her back and rub soothing circles to try and ease the girls pain. "I know the doctors say she has every chance of beating this, but I just, the not knowing is eating me up. I love her so much and I don't want live my life if she's not here to share with me. I can't do it. I just can't…..," Quinn's voice trails off as she finally gives in to the tears she has been bottling up for weeks.
In that moment Santana's heat breaks for her best friend as the blonde girl falls into her arms, a broken mess. Wrapping her arms tightly around Quinn Santana silently vows to herself that she will be there for her friend from now on. That she will help Quinn hold it together when she feels like falling apart. Rachel need's her girlfriend to be strong for her and the Latina was going to make damn sure that the diva had that support. And the included being there for Rachel herself, whenever the diva felt ready to let people in. "It's okay Q. I got you…and Berry."
So there it is. I'm not completely happy with it, it turned out differently writing it than what I had originally imagined in my head, but I guess that's just the joys of writing. I apologise for any typos or spelling errors. It's pretty early in the morning my brain is still half asleep. Anyways hope you enjoyed it and please review. I'd love to hear what you think. Also just for future reference, I've decided that this story is currently taking place in the latter stages of Senior Year so many of the Glee clubbers will be graduating soon. Question is, how will Rachel's illness affect her and Quinn's future plans? It's all a big mystery! Stick around folks, I've got five months off and nothing but time on my hands. See you next time.