CHAPTER 4: A Blade in the Night

Ria took every opportunity she had to train. Oh, she was never going to be as good as Cullen- that much was obvious. She would have to spend her whole life fighting. But she had improved a lot, and the Commander acknowledged her. That was enough for her.

And Mother Giselle was satisfied to see many of the soldiers recovering under her care. She did occasionally think of home and going back again, but things were going so well in Thedas right now that Ria had less and less thoughts of returning.

Especially because of a certain spymaster.

With all the patients that flooded in, she was constantly on her feet- which should have made it harder for them to interact. The strange thing was, no matter how busy she was, they always ended up crossing paths. When Leliana was walking around in the chantry, when Ria was drawing water, when she was fetching some elfroot, etc.

Ria could only manage a stiff "Hello" every time, rubbing the back of her neck.

On one particular day, she was partway through a thyroidectomy in the tent with Solas and her assistants. There weren't really many thyroid cases in Haven, and maybe it had to do with the low level of autoimmune diseases. Nevertheless, this time she had a chance to brush up on her skills. The problem was that she didn't have the tools she needed.

Some roughly made forceps, a scalpel from the case and some scissors. No bipolar, mosquito clamps, drains, etc. She asked the assistant to hold the subplatysmal flap. The middle thyroid vein was ligated, and she had to find the recurrent laryngeal nerve. She didn't have a nerve stimulator so she couldn't check if it was the right one. There was an artery right next to it so…

This has to be it. If it's not…

Then there was a chance she might damage the nerve and the patient would wake up with a hoarse voice. Ria sighed and ligated the artery. Solas cauterized it for her with magic.

Now for the tricky part…

She turned the thyroid around and looked for the small orange parathyroid glands. Before she could search, there was a rustle and the flap opened.

"Ah, Linea. Do you have the…? Oh."

It wasn't Linea. It was Leliana.

The spymaster gave a curt nod and stood at the back. "Surgeon Ria, my apologies for disturbing you. I hope you don't mind me watching."

It took her a moment to get the words out. "No… t-that's fine," she stammered.

Smooth. Real smooth.

She turned to Theresa, one of the healers. "Theresa, could you please get some more gauze?"

As the assistant turned to go, Ria tried to remember what she was trying to do. The parathyroids. She couldn't get a good view so she pulled one of the retractors roughly.

"Is that safe?" asked the spymaster.

Ria tried to breathe through her mask in the cramped space. "Yes, don't worry. We have the patient under anaesthesia. It's also in good position."

Fearing she wouldn't be able to finish it by talking to the woman, Ria quickly turned back.

By God, she's so distracting.

She hesitated. Neither did she want to look like she was ignoring her.

"Would you… like to come closer?"

The Orlesian angled her head. "Are you sure? I don't want to interrupt…"

"As long as you don't faint," said Ria.

She walked to the table.

"Wait. Not too close. This is sterile area. Just there will be fine."

The woman nodded.

Ria turned back to the thyroid. She cleared away some of the tissue that was obscuring her view. Then at the superior pole she found it- a small, very pale orange mass. Preserving that and the other ones, she cut out the thyroid with relish.

Sighing, she ripped off her mask and left Solas to seal the wound. Besides, his magic would be safer than suturing. Ria felt Leliana's eyes on her as she took her gown and gloves off. Even when she was cleaning her hands, that gaze was burning a hole in her back. The rest of the healers and Solas left the tent.

Ria finally faced her. Her heart was beating so fast it could turn to arrhythmia.

"Well… I hope that didn't disgust you too much."

A rare smile appeared. "No… I have seen some severe injuries. But to open up the neck like that... it was fascinating."

At that, a smile pulled at Ria's lips. "Good to see someone appreciates it. I have to say, I don't usually have an audience. It was a nice change."

The Orlesian regarded her a while, and Ria started to think she'd said something wrong. The surgeon stood there uncertainly, a guarded expression on her face. She'd dealt with people like this before- indifferent and curt. But it was usually someone she wasn't attracted to. Ria swallowed.

"It is a good thing you do. Thank you for letting me stay… now, if you'll excuse me, I must attend to my duties."

And with that, the spymaster was gone.

Ria stood there, wondering if they even had the conversation at all.

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"Ria, please pass me that elfroot," said the Mother, kneeling next to the patient.

The surgeon obeyed.

"Now, I think that will be enough," she said, straightening. "Have you thought about our discussion?"

Ria knew which one she was talking about. "Yes… but I'm still not sure."

The Mother smiled. "It is only natural," she said, wiping her blood stained hands. "To feel abandonment by a parent is damaging to the spirit. And as children of the Maker, we cannot see, feel or hear him. That is why, when things do not happen as we expect or want them to, we despair and resent."

"Or reject the idea of his existence."

The Mother nodded. "It is your own choice to believe, for he has gifted that freedom. But faith is also from the Maker. It is the foundation of relationships. You do not truly have a relationship with someone unless you trust in them. It is only through experience and spending time with them that you begin to understand their mind. And even if you do not always understand, you trust them without question."

"I've… never done that."

Mother Giselle regarded her seriously. "Then you are missing the most important part of your life." She laid a hand on Ria's arm. "Do not let the darkness overwhelm you. There is light in this world that is waiting to be found. And when that day comes, you will open your eyes to a new life."

It sounded too good to be true, but she nodded all the same… albeit without emotion.

"In time, you will learn to let go," said the woman before leaving.

Ria returned to her own work, mind and feet heavy with burden. She didn't want to think about it. She didn't want to revisit those emotions. But she also knew that they wouldn't be hidden forever. Steeling herself, Ria walked back to the long line of patients at a tent next to Leliana's.

The spymaster wasn't there- which was a relief, since Ria knew she'd be distracted by her presence.

She ploughed through the list as the sun drifted down in the sky, wishing she had coffee to stop yawning. Finally, after multiple chest pains and infections, the last man came forward. He was in his mid forties, jaundiced and clutching his abdomen.

Ah, the typical liver patient.

Thin, no peripheral signs, JVP not elevated, mild icterus, tender RUQ, no hepatomegaly but no signs of portal hypertension.

His wife stood by nervously.

"Any other conditions he's had in the past?"

"No," the wife said. "He used to get rashes on his hands in sunlight but he tries to avoid it if possible. And… he once broke his leg last fall. Apart from that, he's been well."

Wait a minute…

This sounded familiar. Ria frowned and sighed in frustration. If this was in hospital, she would order the bloods and check the liver enzymes, maybe do a biopsy. As it was, there was nothing here.

"So… Mr Landing. I don't have the tools to give a definitive diagnosis, but-"

The patient frowned. "Diag…?"

"The proper name for the disease. But I strongly suspect you have a liver problem. It's an inherited condition that causes your skin to be sensitive to light. It also causes a build up of toxic substances in your liver."

The man and his wife blinked.

"So I suggest you take this…" she handed him the afamelanotide and Vitamin D- thank God she still had those and some Thedosian pain medicine. "… And eat lots of vegetables, stay out of the sun and come back in a few weeks if the pain is ongoing."

Mr Landing nodded and his wife thanked her before walking her husband back home.

Ria tore off her gloves and breathed in the cold air before tidying up. Her assistants thanked her before leaving. She smirked. It had been many days before they accepted her. At first, their pride refused to acknowledge her leadership, but they quickly learnt that her skills were needed.

She bent down to bin the ampoules, needles and syringes. As she did so, a shadow fell over her.

The scent of flowers floated down and she knew who it was.

Ria straightened up and bowed. "My lady."

The Orlesian stared at her awhile, as if analysing her, dissecting her. She couldn't read anything in those frosty eyes.

Then she spoke: "Surgeon Ria. You seem to know a great deal than the average healer."

"I have some experience."

"I may not be trained in your art, but even I can tell that your skills are advanced… different," she said slowly, putting an emphasis on the word.

You're suspicious of me. Trust me, sister, I am definitely not the enemy.

"You're wondering where I learned them," Ria said. She crossed her arms and regarded the woman. The surgeon was tired, and after the scrutiny from Chancellor Roderick and the healers, she had little patience for further enmity.

Leliana seemed wary of her stance. "I am… curious."

Ria eyed her before replying. She decided it wouldn't hurt to divulge this.

"Very well. I come from a place where diseases are managed with fast acting medicine and many complicated procedures. We deal with illnesses microscopically and macroscopically, using technology beyond the knowledge of your healers. We don't use magic but manipulate electromagnetic radiation and sound for less invasive techniques."

"A place that refuses to use magic?"

"A place without magic."

Leliana now looked astonished. "How is this possible?" she asked, her Orlesian accent breaking through.

Ria shrugged. "We have never used magic, nor seen it. So we rely a lot on science."

The spymaster shook her head, genuinely fascinated now. "I have never heard of such a place."

"That's because it's not in Thedas."

"Who are you?" asked Leliana.

She laughed at the woman's expression. Leliana crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow.

"You look so surprised."

"If such a place exists, I must know-"

"That I'm a friend and not a foe? You think I'm a spy," Ria said. "I seem to be helping the Inquisition and yet, you know nothing of me. I appeared out of nowhere, joined the soldiers and then became Mother Giselle's personal assistant."

"You have gained Mother Giselle's trust," said Leliana with a tilt of her chin. "But I cannot let such a stranger go unwatched. Tell me… why have you come to Thedas? Surely you have nothing to do with us."

A shadow passed over Ria's face. "I wish I knew."

"What do you mean?" A crease appeared between her brows.

The surgeon fingered the case in her hands. "Simple: I don't know why I'm here."

Leliana looked at her doubtfully. "How can you not know?"

Ria paused before gesturing to the chantry. It was bad enough Leliana was suspicious of her- she didn't want any more people to listen to their conversation.

"Can we talk somewhere more private?"

The woman nodded and followed her into chantry, where they entered her chamber. She shut the door behind her and suddenly wavered. Ria wasn't sure why she was telling this to Leliana, who obviously didn't trust her. But Leliana was a powerful person with widespread influence. There was a small hope she would know something, anything about what the hell Ria was doing here.

The former bard waited for her expectantly.

"I fell asleep in the hospital and woke up in the middle of the Hinterlands. I have no memory of how I got there. They mistook me for a soldier, I trained with them but joined Mother Giselle instead because I thought I could be of more use with her. This is all as bizarre for me as it is for you."

Leliana studied her for a few minutes, her expression indecipherable.

Well, this is it, thought Ria in resignation. Judging from the silence, she had the feeling she would be dismissed as some crazed lunatic... or worse, the story would give the spymaster further cause to suspect Ria's intentions.

The woman gave her a sideways glance. "And you said you have no magic in your world. How can I believe that?"

Ria shrugged. "There's none that I've ever seen. I'm sorry... I can't really prove that to you."

Leliana paused, considering the information she had been given. The woman circled the surgeon, face giving nothing away.

"The reports have indeed described your arrival as you said- suddenly in the middle of the Hinterlands. But who is to say you were transported by a mage? What proof do you have of a world like yours existing?"

"I..." started Ria. She sighed in frustration. "Look, you're going to have to-"

Hang on...

The surgeon held out the case in her hand to Leliana. "You've probably seen me use this by now, but take a look again. This contains medical equipment from my world- I guarantee you won't find anything like these in all of Thedas."

The spymaster received it, again with an unreadable expression. She opened it and scanned the contents quickly before shutting it.

"You will excuse me for being cautious, but I must let my agents examine these... as well as your other possessions before I can be sure of your intent."

Everything? thought Ria with a grimace.

"Alright," she said after a while. What choice did she have? "Feel free to go through them... I don't really have much anyway."

Leliana nodded curtly. "I will return the case to you as soon as it is confirmed to be safe." Then she swept out of the room coolly, leaving Ria standing there feeling empty without the case. Though she had done nothing wrong, the spymaster had the discomforting power to make one feel guilty without reason.

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That night, the spymaster slept fitfully. Faces from her past returned in the shadows of the castle, haunting her. She was standing on a precipice, high above the roaring waters, soaked in the torrential rain. Pillars of rock stood surrounding her as she held the dagger against Marjolaine's throat. Those deceiving lips curved upwards.

"My sweet Leliana… you don't have the courage to kill me." Her voice was leisurely, mocking.

The emotions from that memory rolled in, letting a tremor rock her hand. Leliana's mouth stretched thin and she pressed the blade closer to the flesh.

"Why did you betray me?" her voice thick with pain.

"I couldn't let you run free now, could I?" The older woman's face hardened. "You saw things that you should not have seen. It was a simple order, a simple mission." She tutted. "And yet you let your curiosity ruin everything."

Leliana shook her head. "I wanted to protect you."

"Ah… so sweet of you." Her master turned her head, blood trickling down her neck. "But so naïve!"

The spymaster screamed as Marjolaine's face changed into the withered face of a Fear demon. She swung her daggers at the creature, backing away as its extra limbs tried to rake her. It managed to tear her sleeve, drawing blood. The cut felt real as it seared and throbbed.

Leliana flung her dagger at it desperately. The weapon struck home.

With a tortured scream, the demon disintegrated into ashes. But the Orlesian's relief was short lived as the demon was replaced by a shadowed figure, towering over the Divine.

"Divine Justinia!" she cried out, an icy feeling in her gut.

When the enemy turned around, she saw blood red eyes… eyes as red as the pulsing energy of red lyrium.

"We have an intruder in our midst."

"Run, Leliana!" shouted the Divine, her grey eyes wide with fear. Fear for her.

"No!" the spymaster yelled before she had to shield her eyes from a blinding green light.

She dropped to her knees in defeat, tears burning in her eyes. She couldn't even speak, couldn't even sob in mourning for her mentor.

But the dreams were not done torturing her. Her environment shifted, and she was standing at the top of the tower. The sound of cheering, the smell of smoke and of burnt flesh. It was all too familiar.

She felt herself walk lifelessly to the body on the blood smeared ground.

All the dwarves and Templars were cheering around her, but she didn't notice. She didn't even respond when Alistair put a hand on her shoulder. All she could see was the still body of the elf, dark eyes staring at the sky. The sounds died down to a hushed silence as they saw her gaze down, expressionless. Leliana fell to her knees, hands shaking as she touched the pale face. She ran her fingers over the lips, the nose and then the eyes. Finally, the tears fell hot and endless.

The bard pulled the lifeless body close to her, cradling it. A tremor racked her body, and she sobbed as she held her lover.

Kallian… my Kallian…

Then the elf dissolved into the air, leaving Leliana holding nothing. A hollowness settled in her heart as she realized it was just a dream. A dream… that's what it was.

Leliana opened her eyes, bitterness twisting her mouth. It was always this… it always ended with this. Because someone clearly knew what truly cut her to the deep. She closed her eyes tightly, wanting to wipe away the memory of that pain, the sight of that face. But it was always useless.

The woman turned on her side, as if a change in position would change the next dream that visited her. But it was a subtle sound that alerted her expert ears.

A soft snick in the keyhole made her hand immediately reach for the dagger under her pillow. Narrowing her eyes, Leliana tensed her whole body as the intruder entered. Soft footsteps drifted in. Her frown deepened. Whatever they were trying to do, whoever they were, the person was clearly not a competent spy. The noise level was more than enough to wake her even in sleep.

Nevertheless, she prepared for the assault.

They were closer now. She heard the muffled contact of metal on a leg- they were armed. A sword by the sound of it. Even breathing- they had done this before. Steady pace- they were taking their time.

It was her chance.

Leliana flung the bedsheet aside and swung the dagger, only to miss as she stared in shock at the intruder. There, washed white in the moonlight, stood Kallian.

There was a sharp twang as the blade lodged itself in the wall beside the door, vibrating.

"Shit!" the other woman said, putting a hand over her heart. Leliana closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose when she realized it was the surgeon.

"Surgeon Ria, what are you doing here!" she hissed, glaring at the unexpected visitor.

The woman shook her head, holding up a hand. "This isn't what it looks like. I came here to check on you." Then she flushed as she saw the thin nightgown Leliana was wearing. She cleared her throat and her expression turned serious. "I heard noises around in the chantry a few minutes ago. There's a shady looking man lurking around and he last came this way. I think we should have a look into this."

Leliana nodded, already standing up. She threw her cloak over herself and strapped on her daggers and bow. There was no time to put on armour.

"Lead the way," she said.

Ria nodded and strode-no, marched out of the chamber like a soldier. As she followed, the spymaster couldn't help but stare at the straight back and dark hair. It was shocking how similar she was to Kallian. No wonder she had mistaken her for the elf.

Always serious, always focussed.

The two of them snuck downstairs to the door on the far right. They didn't have to worry about making a noise because the door was wide open. Leliana frowned- she wasn't sure if it was an assassin or not, but this led to the Herald's bedchamber. The surgeon kept one hand on the hilt of her sword, starting to advance at a low crouch. At the end of the corridor, they stopped at the Herald's bedroom. The door was open.

Ria glanced back to exchange looks with her. Leliana held up three fingers and the surgeon nodded, understanding.

One, two, three!

The two rushed in just in time to see a darkly clad man holding a dagger over the Herald. He whirled around to see them and hurled the weapon at them. The two dodged and Leliana rolled to the side. She came up to see Ria engaging the man with her sword- the intruder had drawn two blades himself. Trevelyan bolted up in bed and grabbed his weapon, lunging at the assassin.

Leliana flung her dagger at the man, and was surprised to see it deflected. Whoever he was, he was expertly trained in combat. Even with the three of them attacking, the man was able to hold his own. With a backward kick, he knocked the surgeon to the ground and landed a flurry of blows on Trevelyan. Leliana joined the fray and brought her twin daggers down. The assassin bent his body at such a strange angle that she thought he would break. But the man simply straightened and pulled her into a vice like grip, his blade at her throat. With the other arm, he hit the Herald with his pommel and Maxwell staggered. Leliana tried to stab him but his blade dug into flesh. Then the weight on her neck loosened as the assassin doubled over.

The spymaster twisted out of his grasp to see Ria bringing her pommel down to his back. But before she could, the man rolled out of the way, hissing. Trevelyan slashed at him but he dodged that too. The sword struck the wooden floor and the man knocked it away with his own. He was about to strike the Herald when Leliana stopped him with a quick uppercut. Then she kicked one sword out of his hand, breaking the bone. The man howled but still lunged at the Herald.

Leliana prepared to throw her final dagger when there was a blur. He and Ria crashed to the floor. The surgeon made no hesitation as she dug the sword into his abdomen.

There was a silence in the room as the three of them stared at the corpse. Ria was kneeling next to it, hands shaking and blood splattered all over her. The silence was only interrupted when the rest of the Inner Circle ran in. Cassandra gaped at the body, eyes flashing.

"What happened?!"

Solas knelt down and examined the body, supporting himself with the staff. He looked under the cloak to reveal the breastplate. His eyes were grave when he stood up.

"This is of Tevinter make."

"Tevinter?" said Varric, stomping in with his crossbow. "How the hell are they involved in this?"

"Don't ask us," said the Herald, shaking his head.

"No, but we will make sure that we find out," said Leliana, narrowing her eyes. "The attacker had no trouble with infiltration. He reached the Herald's chamber and nearly ended all our efforts tonight. He was very skilled, very dangerous. If not for Surgeon Ria's alert, he could have succeeded."

Trevelyan nodded, recovering from the shock of the event. "Yes, I have to thank the both of you for coming to help. I guess I would have just… kept on sleeping if you hadn't barged in," he said with a nervous laugh.

"Well, well," said the Seeker. "It seems that our surgeon can be of greater use."

Leliana nodded, and looked down to see Ria still staring at the bloody corpse. A twinge of sympathy made her reach down and pull her up. "But now that the danger is over," she said, directing her gaze to the rest of them. "We must double- no, triple our security in Haven. There has been an attack on the Herald's life, and all the soldiers must be alerted to this. We cannot afford another one of these slip ups."

"Understood," said Cassandra, nodding. She turned and left with Solas.

Varric slung the crossbow on his back..

"You three alright?" asked the dwarf, concerned. "That must have been quite a fight, especially if he took on all of you at once."

"It was crazy, but I'm not hurt," said the Herald, shaking his head. He patted Ria on the shoulder. "You made some good moves there, Surgeon."

"First time, huh?" said Varric, gesturing at the body. "Just take a rest today, kid. It's not easy, making your first kill."

Ria nodded slowly. Leliana sighed and took her arm, pulling her to the door. The woman didn't refuse, but followed wordlessly.

"Alright… well, I'll trust you to look after her, Sister Nightingale," said the dwarf. "She's going to have a rough night. Let me know if you want a drink tomorrow, surgeon."

"Take care, Ria," said the Herald.

Leliana took the surgeon to the fresh air outside, leading her to the fire. Ria still hadn't said a word. Her dark eyes were like obsidian, reflecting the flickering flames. Leliana also turned her gaze to the fire, hugging herself.

"I was like that myself when I first killed," she began.

The surgeon turned her eyes to the spymaster.

"When I spilled the blood from his throat, I sat next to him shaking for Maker knows how long."

Ria nodded, again slowly. "It's just… I've only ever used a blade for surgery. I never imagined I would use one to kill."

"It is the nature of war," said Leliana, sighing. "And it was my life in Orlais… the plotting, the killing. It was a Game played by the nobles everywhere."

The surgeon didn't reply immediately. "You live in a strange world."

At this, Leliana laughed softly. "Yes, I suppose I do. But that is reality in Thedas, and we must all do the best we can to survive. It gets… easier after a while."

"I hope so."

"It does… especially when you know that what you did was necessary. Whatever happened, know that your act was in defence of the hope of all Thedas."

Those onyx eyes turned back to her, and she looked so achingly like Kallian that Leliana averted her eyes.

"Your job must be a heavy burden to you."

"… yes. I do what must be done, and I cannot waste time dwelling on my emotions. It is for the Inquisition, for the sake of us all."

The surgeon nodded. "I understand. But… take care not to lose yourself in your work. Sometimes, feeling the emotions isn't always a weakness."

Leliana looked up at the comment.

There was a flicker of something behind Ria's eyes. Her face looked older, weary. Then it was gone.

"Thank you… for your words. That was a bit of a shock for me back there. It's good to know that someone else went through the same thing."

The spymaster nodded. "You're welcome. It was the least I could do for your help. Though… it would have been nice if you had given me some sort of warning back in my room."

A sheepish grin appeared on the surgeon's face. Leliana found herself thinking that she looked much more attractive with a smile.

What am I thinking?

"Yeah… sorry about that. I was going to, but I wasn't sure if you were sleeping."

A smile tugged at the corner of the spymaster's lips. "I could have skewered you with my dagger."

"Oh, I'll definitely be careful next time. Remind me not to come near you," said Ria with that grin. Then it disappeared as she looked into the flames again, serious and dark.

The Orlesian wondered at this- wondered at how those expressions could flick back and forth so readily. She and Ria drifted into a comfortable silence, with only the crackle of fire and the sounds of soldiers in the night air. Then she jumped as she felt a weight around her shoulders.

"It's cold out here- we don't want you catching the flu, Sister Nightingale," said the surgeon, rubbing her hands in front of the fire.

Leliana fingered the jacket around her, surprised. "Thank you…"

"Don't mention it. It's my job, remember?"

"Yes… I suppose it is."

And as they stood there warming their hands, Leliana felt an inexplicable peace under the stars. She found, for the first time in many years, that she was looking up at the night sky… without feeling the gravity of everything in her past.