I'm going out to lunch with a friend before I begin packing... so I think it calls for an update.

Plus I hate leaving you guys hanging when I'm getting the nicest comments! Sadly, this may be the last update until Sunday or Monday, when I get home. It would be nice to come home with a load of comments from people, so please tell me what you think!

Thanks guys, have a nice weekend. Watch the olympics.. I won't be able to ):

Maddie

Disclaimer: Have you guys ever noticed people debate whether Derek's 'dream' is Meredith or being Chief? Well, with my story there's not even a question about it. Maybe if they did something like this on the show, people would stop wondering, and start realizing. Therefore I do not own Grey's Anatomy.

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PART 4

The next morning Meredith woke up in a dark on call room alone. She then realized she must have fallen asleep here last night because it was now about 6 am. Luckily, her shift didn't start till 8.

"Mer?" came Izzies voice as she opened the door. She brought a glass of water in with her and gave it to her.

"Hey. Thanks for last night. I don't really know what got into me."

"Well you pretty much had a panic attack." Izzie sighed. "You want to talk about it?"

She paused for a moment. "I'm sick of this Izzie."

Izzie was taken back for a second. "Sick of what?"'

"Of being this pathetic, sad, miserable woman. The one who falls apart and cant communicate. The one who's a disappointment to everyone around her. I can't be this person anymore." Mer said as she laid back on the bed.

Izzie had heard bits and pieces of what happened with her and Derek but she didn't think it was this bad.

"Mer, I hope you seriously don't think that low of yourself."

She sat back up again. "Look Iz.. I'm not looking for sympathy but I just.." and she started to break down, just like she had last night. "I'm sorry you had to see me like that last night, I had just talked to the chief and it was just really hard.."

Oh no. She's going to run. She's leaving. Izzie started to panic but tried to keep calm as she asked, "Mer, what did you talk to the chief about?"

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek Shepherd walked out of the parking lot and headed into the hospital. His shift started at 7 but he had gotten a call late last night from Richard telling him to come in early today. Apparently he had some news to talk to him about. He couldn't tell if it was good or bad news. But what news could possibly be bad?

He rode the elevator to the floor and proceeded to walk to the chief's office.

"Derek" Richard said as he looked up from his desk.

"Hello." Derek smiled. He looked at Richard who had an undecided look on his face. "Is something wrong?"

"You're going to be chief." he said simply.

--

"Meredith." Richard said in disbelief.

"Ha..Hi." she stuttered.

"I thought you were off tonight. What are you doing here?"

"Derek...Der.. Derek." she said softly.

"Yes, what about Dr. Shepherd.

"You, you gave him chief."

"Im sorry?" he asked.

"You gave Dr. Shepherd chief and he didn't take it." she said louder.

"I.. yes. I did but he turned it down."

"but he.. he, he wanted it. He really wanted it." she said while pacing up and down his office. "I mean he really wanted it."

Richard stood up and grabbed Mer on the arms softly. "Meredith sit down. You need to breathe."

"Right, right yeah breathing.. breathings good.." she rambled.

They both sat down and were silent for a few moments.

"Meredith, what's this about?"

"It's um, well you're still chief."

"Well yes, clearly." he smiled wondering what the heck was going on.

"When.. when are you retiring?"

"Well I have a couple of new attendings coming this spring and I was planning on one of them but I honestly don't know-"

"So not Derek?"

"What? Oh no, I don't think Dr. Shepherd will be chief and he knows this. He gave it up. It was a once in a lifetime oppertunity and I can't just give him another shot-"

"You have to." Meredith said slowly.

"What?" Richard asked confused.

"Richard.. you have to give Derek chief. He.. he gave it up for me and he shouldn't have.. he.. he wasnt thinking straight or something because he deserves it.. he needs and wants it. You need to give it to him."

"Meredith, I"m not mad Derek didn't take chief. I actually thought he made the right decision.."

"Right decision?" she questioned.

"Look," Richard sighed, "at first, I didn't want Derek to become chief at all. It's hard work, especially when.." Richard looked back up at her, "when he wants.. you know.. to start a family." he nodded, clueing her in.

"Oh." Meredith said sadly. She knew he was talking about her.

"I tried. And being chief.. it's a lot of responsibility. And I thought I could handle it and well, look at me now." he laughed, "I'm getting divorced because I didn't pay attention to my wife. And Meredith I don't want that to happen to you." he smiled.

Meredith giggled. She didnt get it- she was giggling. "Oh," she smiled sadly, "Don't worry it won't."

"What?" Richard asked. "Meredith?"

"I um, I've got to go." as tears formed in her green eyes.

"Your shift doesnt start till tomorrow morning."

"I know." she sighed. "I'm fine Richard, I'm really fine. No.. I'm good." she said unconvincingly. "Just, Derek.. Derek deserves to be chief. He deserves a second chance."

"I guess I'll consider it, I just figured you won't want him to be." he paused. "Meredith, Derek must have loved you a lot to give up Chief for you."

Tears slowly ran down her cheeks. "I know," she smiled. "He did. He did love me a lot."

And with that she left the room leaving Richard Webber completely confused.

"Wow."

"Izzie say more than that." Meredith frowned.

"I just can't believe he gave that up for you.. I mean.. I can believe it because he's in love with you, but Mer, that's so sweet to do."

"Yeah he was, he was that sweet guy." she said sadly.

Meredith sat there sadly listening to Izzie talk about Derek. But he wasn't the same person anymore. The guy that said he would always show up just disappeared.

"Mer, can I say something?"

Meredith nodded slightly as Izzie took a seat next to Meredith.

"After the ferry accident, Derek, well he said he was ok," she laughed slightly, "well he used your words sometimes he said he was fine but after that accident he changed."

Izzie paused as she saw tears flow down Mer's cheek.

"Meredith I'm not trying to upset you, but if you could have seen what he went through. I mean I was there. I was in the hallway with Alex Cristina and George and we looked through the door and saw Derek there. He was with Mark on the floor completely broken."

"But I came back." she said softly.

"I know but it still didnt change the fact that he was scared out of his mind for hours."

Izzie rubbed Mers back as she continued.

"At the ferry accident, I had this guy who was trapped underneath a car."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. And well I did bure holes and then the search and rescue guys came and we rode back here in an ambulance. Then they took him in. I was told by the chief I could scrub in and on my way to the OR I saw Derek. Mer, he was on top of you giving you CPR as they wheeled the stretcher to the nearest room because you were hypothermic. But when I saw Derek I had no idea it was you. And now when I think about that image, the image of him pumping your heart it scares the hell out of me because of the look that was on Dereks face."

Mer cried softly, "I broke him."

"No Mer. He loves you. He'll always love you. I just I dont think he ever got over it."

"Well we never talked about it. Maybe we should have."

"Look I know he's made a lot, I mean a lot, a whole lot of mistakes but weren't things good between you two before the accident? I mean I remember how happy you guys were and then after that everything changed."

"No." Mer said slowly. "Everything was great up until my mom woke up and said things."

"So maybe it's worth giving it another shot."

"Yeah but Izzie something else will just come up. Whether its a wife, my mom or now I guess my dad, or Rose." Mer said her name in disgust.

"Oh, the scrub nurse."

"You heard about that?"

"Yeah. I also heard they broke up."

"What?" Meredith said in disbelief.

"Yeah last night. Apparently he told her he was still was in love with you."

Mer looked up at her in shock.

"What? The gossip in this place spreads like wildfire."

Mer shook her head and looked up at Izzie smiling. "He.. he still loves me? He really loves me?" she said hopeful with tears in her eyes.

"Of course Mer and I think you still love him."

"Yeah, yeah I do." she said breaking down in Izzie's arms.

"It's okay Mer, it'll all be okay." Izzie remained in the room with Mer comforting her as needed.

--

"Excuse me?"

"Im retiring soon and I think you should reconsider my offer."

"Richard I'm shocked, I thought I wasnt getting the position because I turned it down."

"Well you weren't getting it but someone must really care about you."

"What is that suppose to mean?" Derek asked.

"Meredith came and talked to me today."

"Meredith came?" Derek smiled.

"Yes." Richard stood up. "She came and told me to give you chief."

"What?" Derek asked. "Why would she..oh.."

"What?"

"She.. I sort of mentioned it to her yesterday."

"You mean she didn't know I gave you chief and you turned it down?"

"No."

"Wow you two will give up anything for eachother." he smiled.

"Yeah I guess we will." he sadly smiled back.

"So what do you say to being chief? It's always been your dream." Richard smiled, "After all, it's why you stayed at Seattle."

Chief. He could be chief. He could say yes and he'd finally have the thing he'd been wanting all of his life. He remembered telling his father, at the age of nine, that he would someday be like him. The Chief of a hospital. And now here it was, the chance, a second chance of a lifetime. He could be chief.

Except the image of Meredith overclouded that dream. He was nothing without her. Could he really be chief and feel completely satisfied? No. He needed Meredith. He needed the one thing in his life he was never sure about, that drove him out of his mind, the girl that by chance ended up being the love of his life, just waiting for him at a bar, and was complete luck.. but she was fate. She was his fate.

So he could say yes to this job, but it wouldn't make him happy.. not the way Meredith did. So really, what was there to think about?

"No," Derek said shaking his head, "I stayed at Seattle for Meredith. When Addison came back I could have gone back to New York, but I stayed for Meredith. I'm sorry Richard, because I am grateful you gave me this oppertunity but I have a new dream now. And it's Meredith Grey." he said walking proudly out the door determined to find her and make things right. She was his dream.. and now all he could do, was hope he was hers.

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