Chapter 4- Love and Hate

I kind of made up Abby a family in this chapter so just go along with it. I tired to make it seem realistic. Sorry took so long to update. Enjoy!!

She hadnt done a single thing in four hours. She just lay on her side letting the tears flow. Her mind was letting all the fear inside her go, all the hurt and pain she kept inside was being released. It seemed way too easy. Her brain was telling her things were going to be ok, but she knew deep inside they would never be the same again. Every fear she had, was bubbling to the surface. She knew her greatest fear was loosing Gibbs, but seeing him in that state was burned in her mind. Her body hurt, every inch of her was in throbbing pain. She didnt understand why Michael would want to hurt her this bad. She knew Gibbs was sitting in the chair by her bed, but she didnt have the heart to face him. Her heart was breaking into a million pieces, not because of Michael. No this pain was deeper, this was a Gibbs pain. This was a radiating pain that was felt down to her soul. The only problem she wasnt supposed to know about these private moments. How was she going to be able to face him? A part of her wanted to curl up in the corner and cry... Another part wanted to confront him for not coming to her in the first place. Her heart hurt, she couldnt believe he went through all this pain, and he never told a single soul.

She rolled over, making sure she got his attention in doing so. Making sure he hands were free of tubing, let her hands start speaking the words her heart and mouth couldnt say. Why? Gibbs unsure what she was asking and signed I dont understand?. Aggravated she let her fingers fly not giving him room to talk . How could you think you could put a gun to your head and I wouldnt find out about it??? Dont give me that look, Yes I know. But what I dont know is Why?? I know things got bad for your there for a while, but you werent really going to leave me here were you??? You cant Gibbs!! Your the only person in this world who knows me.... Her fingers slowing down to make sure he got the last part...I love you Gibbs, your my silverhaired fox. I cant live without you, and I refuse too. So take that to your boat and sand it!

Gibbs was in utter shock. How could she possibly know about his attempted suicide. Racking his brain trying to remember if he had told anyone. He was almost certain that he hadnt uttered a word to anyone except God. How could she know??? His confusion had to be written on his face. That was a personal moment about 5 years after Shannon and Kelly had died, he was heartbroken and was seriously considering joining them. But how did Abby know this?? He wondered if she also knew that she was the reason he didn't pull the trigger.

At that moment she was just staring at his face looking for some kind of assurance. Any kind, she needed to know he would never leave her by his own choice. Her body suddenly felt as if it were on fire, she knew she was on pain medication. She could feel herself ride this wave of pain, taking her back to her dream land. She hoped this time she would see something to make her feel better. She couldnt take anymore pain, all she wanted was a break

He watched as she rode a wave of pain, ending in a deep state of relaxation. He leant over and kissed her on the forehead gently. Whispering, Baby I would never leave you... I love you too Abs.. Im here because you saved me.

She knew she was back in her dreamland but this was different. This was her safe zone. She would have recognized this house anywhere. It was where she grew up. She remembered living in this house after her mom died when she was 9. She couldnt believe it hadnt changed at all. Sitting on the couch in the living room looking around she saw her little sister Amiee playing dolls on the floor. After there mother died her sister didnt really do much of anything, she went into herself so to speak. Abby had been the best big sister she could, but she couldnt be a mother to a 6 year old when she herself was only 9. Her dad worked to support her and her little brother and sister so they bearly saw him when she was little. Her little brother Alec was only 2 when there mother died. It broke her heart that he couldnt remember there mother. She was a wonderful mother, she was deaf but she always made sure her children had what she never had. She remembered so much about taking care of them after she died, she always wondered if she made her mom proud. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a little girl walk in the room holding a little blond haired boy. She knew it was her and Alec, but for some reason she couldnt remember the day to save her life. Her 9 year old self was not much of a change from her present self. The little Abby had dark brown hair pulled back in 2 french braided ponytails. Her skin was clear of all tattoo's and her eyes sparkled which they hadnt done in years. It clicked in her head. She knew what day this was. It was the day of her mother's funeral. She saw herself fix her little sister's hair and brush back her brothers hair. Her face was stone cold, it was too much for a 9 year old to have to handle. She felt herself change positions, and ended up at the cemetery. She knew what was in store, this was the day her life ended and she lived for everyone else. She saw her little self, and her brother and sister standing over there mother's newly dug grave. She saw her father pacing in the background. The little Abby stepped forward and placed a rose on the grave, her brother and sister followed not understanding the tragedy. She felt her heart skip a beat, she knew what came next. In a quick flash her father grabbed little Abby and started yelling at her "YOU SEE WHAT YOU DID!!!" "SHE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE IF IT WASNT FOR YOUR PATHETIC ASS". She saw herself at 9 start to crumble. She remembered every feeling and every word. This was when Abigail Scuito blamed herself for her mother's death. Technically it was her fault, if her mother hadnt of been on the way to pick her up from piano practice she wouldnt have gotten into the accident that took her life. Everyday since then, her father had made her life a living hell. He blamed his oldest daughter for taking away his wife. It never crossed his mind that he had 2 other children. Abby was the only person who made sure her siblings were safe. Everything she did she did for them. Her dreamland wasnt so safe anymore. This was a terrible memory she didnt understand why she had to live it all over again. Seeing her little self crumble was not her idea of fun. Before she knew it her dreamland was fading away, she was going home.

Gibbs hadn't left her bedside he was worried about her. He had heard he cry out in her sleep, and he knew she was in pain. The minute she opened her eyes, Gibbs was standing over her examining her making sure she was ok. What she did next surprised him to no end, she leaned up and kissed him square on the mouth. His knees were like jello trying to resist from falling on her. He pulled back, her eyes pleading for him not to leave.She looked up at him, and said "It's all my fault". Once again Abigail Scuito blamed herself.

So what you think??? Its not done.. but I think its pretty good. Any ideas?? Sorry it took so long.. Happy New Years Guys!!!!