Chapter 4

Mary couldn't sleep.

Every time she closed her eyes she kept seeing a beautiful stone-lined Parisian street upon which set a gorgeous little flower shop with some young, attractive woman named Louise. She really hated this woman. She really hated this visual. She really hated that when she saw Louise she could also see Rhoda with Louise. Could envision them hugging, touching, holding hands, kissing.

Then images of that porno flashed in her mind.

Had Rhoda done that with Louise?

Mary sat straight up in bed. Wide awake now.

It was like a nightmare to envision Rhoda and Louise in such a way. She never wanted to envision Rhoda with anyone like that. Ever. Rhoda didn't belong with Louise. Or Joe. Or Jean-Pierre.

Rhoda belonged here. With Mary.

Mary tossed off the covers, finding that sleep was fruitless, evasive.

Her feet slid into slippers, arms slipping into her silky pink robe.

There would be no sleep. She would make tea. She would have a cup of tea and maybe watch some re-runs on late night television.

A thought crossed her mind. A bad, evil thought.

What if she were to slip that video that Rhoda had uncovered into the machine and press play? What if she were to watch what Rhoda had been watching?

Why did it so interest her? Two women rolling around together like a man and a woman did.

Her heart sped up at the thought of how easy it would be to sneak downstairs and turn it on. It was still there, after all. Still sitting there with the rest of the home videos. God, were there others? She felt like a giddy teenager, doing something awful behind her parents' backs.

Would she really do it? Could she really do it?

Mary shook her head, "no."

No, she would simply make tea. That was all.

She pulled open her door as quietly as possible, stepping out into the hallway.

Her feet carried her only a few steps, however. She paussed there in the middle of the hallway, her eyes coming to rest on the closed door of her roommate's room. Inside of which Rhoda would be fast asleep. Dreaming pleasant dreams. Would she be dreaming of Louise?

Cut it out. Mary admonished herself.

Mary moved to take a step towards the kitchen, but then froze, practically felt her heart leap into her throat when the door she'd just been staring at opened.

Rhoda, wide-eyed, hair askew, make-up-less, draped in her dark purple bathrobe, stood before her.

The two stared at one another, Mary with hand over her heart, Rhoda looking a bit like a scared rabbit about to dart off.

"Oh. Rhoda. You scared me."

"You scared me, kid!" Rhoda sighed, her voice betraying her equally sleepless night.

"What are you doing up?" Mary demanded, pulling her robe more tightly about herself.

"What are you doing up?" Rhoda insisted, mimicking Mary's gesture.

"Stop repeating what I say." Mary loudly whispered.

"Well, I have the same questions." Rhoda shrugged, rubbing at her forehead. "I couldn't sleep. I was just going to..."

Mary nodded, "yeah, me too."

"Oh, well…"

But neither moved. Both held the other's gaze in the dimly lit hallway.

"Oh, Rhoda. I didn't mean…I hope I didn't hurt your feelings earlier."

"No, hey, kid. You didn't. I just…hadn't planned on telling anyone. About that. You know. It's not typically something I would do. It just…"

"I know." Mary nodded, hugging herself.

More silence, something hanging heavy in the air between them. They both just stood there, awkwardly.

"Except I wish it hadn't happened." Mary found herself saying.

"Oh, Mare. I know." Rhoda stepped forward, a little smile ghosting across her lips.

"What?" Mary's brow furrowed.

Rhoda's hand moved to reach out, to press against Mary's cheek. Mary wasn't sure if she liked that Rhoda was touching her so lovingly or if she rather resented it in that moment. Rhoda's thumb caressed over her skin. "I wish it had been different." Rhoda bit her lip, their bodies coming impossibly closer to one another.

"Then why did you?" Mary whimpered, all the fight in her slowly dissolving with each caress of Rhoda's thumb.

"I don't know, kid. I liked her. I was…curious."

"Did you…" Mary found she was having trouble breathing. "Did you like it?"

Rhoda laughed a little, nervously. "Yeah. I did."

"Oh," Mary looked down.

"Hey," Rhoda urged her focus back up, forcing their eyes back together. "Hey, I – uh…" Rhoda's eyes searched Mary's, looking a little frightened, a little unsure as they did so. Her eyes were asking Mary a question that Mary couldn't quite…wasn't quite ready to understand or answer. Rhoda's lips inched ever closer.

Mary tilted her head upwards, lips meeting lips there in the dark of night.

She was kissing Rhoda. Rhoda was kissing her.

It started timidly, lips uncertain, cautious, careful.

But something overcame Mary. A raw, emotional want, a need. She grasped onto Rhoda, pulling her closer, walking her backwards until Rhoda was pressed up against the wall. Mary wanted to consume her, every inch of her, wanted to know that she was the only one that Rhoda wanted to kiss. And she would kiss her so Goddamn well that maybe Rhoda would never think of Louise or Joe or Jean-Pierre ever again.

Rhoda's arms were wrapped about Mary, holding her close. The little moan, that cute little moan that escaped from her lips as Mary hungrily took all that she had never known she wanted until this very moment, was the most wonderful sound she had ever heard in her life. Never before had she heard Rhoda make such a noise and Mary loved it, reveled in it.

"Mare," Rhoda sighed against her lips, "Oh, Mary." Rhoda's fingers threaded up into Mary's hair, pulling her lips closer.

Mary pulled back, looking into Rhoda's watery eyes. "Is this…are you okay?"

Rhoda nodded, "yes." She leaned forward and pressed her lips to Mary's. "Yes, oh, kid. I've thought about it…but I didn't…and I was afraid…"

"It's okay, Rhoda. It's okay."

"Yeah?" Rhoda nodded, a tear sliding down her cheek.

"Yes," Mary wiped the tear away, kissing Rhoda fiercely again. "Oh, I love you. You know that, Rho?"

"I know, Mare. I love you, too, kid." Rhoda pulled her back against her. Their lips melded together.

"Rhoda, oh, Rhoda." Mary held her away for a moment, cupping her face between her hands, letting her fingers slide into Rhoda's silky hair. "Rhoda, I need," Mary swallowed, feeling giddy, like a teenager again. Yet also scared, very scared.

"What, Mare?" Rhoda held her close, her thumbs circling where they rested against the small of Mary's back.

"I need you to h-hold me." Mary's voice broke on the word, feeling so stupid and silly and vulnerable for asking.

Rhoda nodded. The request was not silly to her. The request was understood, was heard.

"I need, can we…oh, I want, but I think…" Mary's mind was a jumble.

"Hey, we don't have to do anything tonight. Okay, kid?" Rhoda leaned in and kissed her. "We can take it slow." She whispered as their foreheads rested together.

Mary laughed, "haven't we taken it slow enough?"

Rhoda grinned. "You know what I mean."

"I know." Mary captured her lips, so hungry, so in want. But it was all so new, this feeling, this desire, this love that was bubbling over. How she never wanted to be apart from Rhoda ever again. How she longed to be wrapped up beside her every night, inhaling that scent that was Rhoda, hearing her heart beat where her ear would be pressed up against her chest. Yes, she never wanted to spend another night without that.

"Come on, kid." Rhoda pushed her away lightly, their hands finding one another, entwining together as Rhoda led her into her bedroom. Rhoda moved them towards the side of the bed that Mary always inhabited when they would snuggle together after work. How much that had meant, Mary now realized as they hovered there, Rhoda's arm circling about her waist.

Mary wanted to know every inch of her, but there would be time for that, wouldn't there? Tonight she wanted to feel as close as possible to the woman before her. She leaned forward, pressing their lips together, sliding Rhoda's bathrobe from her shoulders. Her skin was smooth, soft where her fingers trailed against it. Mary buried her face in her neck, inhaling her decadent scent, kissing there at her collarbone.

"You sure you don't want to…uh…" Rhoda gasped a little.

Mary nodded, pressing their lips together. "Sorry."

Rhoda laughed, "it's okay. Get in bed."

Mary took off her bathrobe before following the order. She waited for Rhoda to join her, delighting in the dip of the bed, the way in which Rhoda scooted towards her, wrapped her arms about her and held her close.

Mary turned in her arms, turned to face her in the room illuminated by the city nightlights. Rhoda held her impossibly close, wrapped herself about Mary, pulled their lips together to kiss her.

Mary sighed, content for the first time in years. Her body humming with life. It was like a switch had been flipped and suddenly her life went from black and white to bright technicolor. Rhoda, Rhoda. It had always been Rhoda. When had they realized, when had they known? Had they always known that they should end up like this, wrapped up together as they were?

The night rolled on, but they seemed suspended in that moment. Kissing, staring into one another's eyes, Mary memorizing the curve of Rhoda's lips, the shape of her perfect nose, the wrinkles about her clear eyes, her perfect cheek bones. The woman was gorgeous, absolutely the most attractive person Mary had seen in her life and she loved her. God, she loved her.

Rhoda pulled her in closer, brushed their lips together, taking Mary's bottom lip between her teeth, sucking lightly at it.

"Oh, Rhoda." Mary sighed, breath shaky, nerves set on edge. "Rhoda, Rhoda." Mary's body was humming, vibrating at a frequency she had never known possible. "Rhoda. Why did you leave me?" She found herself demanding, the words tumbling from her lips without warning, without any thought. But there it was, the question that had sat between them for twenty-six years. Ever since Rhoda had snuck off to New York to visit her family and never came back.

Rhoda pulled back then, her brow creasing as she regarded Mary there in the dark. She seemed speechless, thrown off by Mary's question that had floated out of nowhere.

"No, no." Mary pulled her back to her, kissing her. She needed to know, but she needed Rhoda to be there with her, touching her. "I just," Mary whispered as she pressed her lips to Rhoda's cheek, burying her face again in her neck to kiss her soft skin there. "You left me. You never came back." Mary felt the tears pricking at her eyes.

Rhoda exhaled, her own breath shaky against Mary's ear. Mary felt Rhoda's lips on her temple, kissing her, pulling her close. Didn't she know how much that had hurt? Had she felt the same way that Mary now realized she had felt back then? Had she known? Was that why she ran?

"You left me and then the next thing I knew you had Joe." Mary nuzzled her head closer, kissing Rhoda's cheek, letting her know that she wasn't mad. Not currently. She just needed to know, to understand. "I never liked Joe."

Rhoda's laughter was tear stained. "I know, kid. I knew you didn't."

"I tried – I tried to pretend. I pretended that I did because I wanted you to be happy, but I wasn't happy. Rhoda, I wasn't happy." Mary gasped through her tears, her hands grasping, clutching at the woman in her arms.

Rhoda held her tighter, choked up. Mary could sense that she wanted to laugh through this moment, make it light-hearted, make it easy, but this wouldn't be easy. No, this couldn't be that easy. "I wasn't happy either, Mare." Rhoda whispered, leaning back to wipe at her eyes.

"Why'd you do it? Why'd you leave then?"

"Mary," Rhoda sighed. "What would we have done? I had no idea how you felt, I had no idea what could have happened and I couldn't…I didn't want to live in your shadow and watch you get married to some great guy and be happy. It made me sick to think about." Rhoda pinched the bridge of her nose, unable to really look at Mary. "You made me all…well I felt self-conscious. Right before I left, do you remember, Mare? I was hanging out with Lou. We were friends, just friends, and you were…you hated it. And I wasn't sure why and I realized that I didn't want to keep guessing for the rest of my life whether Mary Richards had feelings for me or not. It was painful, Mary. So painful."

"I had no idea, I…I didn't know." Mary sniffed, pulling Rhoda closer to herself, pulling her in to her, kissing her. "If I had known, if only we'd talked about it…"

"It was the 70s, Mare. It wasn't a thing people were really talking about. Maybe people in the younger-set were talking about it, but we were in our thirties and it…it wasn't for us." Rhoda responded wistfully.

"You ran away, though! Before we ever had a chance." Mary insisted.

"Yes! Yes, Mary. I did run away. I ran away, because…I was scared." Rhoda set her jaw, frustration at the situation, at herself coloring her words. "Why didn't you put up a fight then?"

"I didn't know!" Mary conceded. "I didn't know that I needed you. So much. Rhoda, I need you."

"I know, Mare. I need you, too." Rhoda pulled her in, pressing her lips to Mary's tear-stained cheek. Her hands sliding over Mary's sides, wrapping about her. "I need you now." Rhoda whispered, responding amicably when Mary tugged slightly at her hand, willing it towards her chest. She needed Rhoda to touch her. God, she wanted the woman so badly. She had thought they should take things slowly but the way in which Rhoda's hands traveled over her body made her wild.

"I did." Mary gasped when Rhoda's hand ghosted over her taut breast, the nipple so painfully erect that the slightest brush of Rhoda's finger made Mary shiver.

"What, Mare?" Rhoda kissed her. Mary gasped in surprise when Rhoda's leg slid there between her own. It felt firm, solid resting there against her. She needed this, was unable to stop herself from rubbing against the other woman. Her body had taken on a mind of its own. Rhoda was making her crazy. A midnight madness enveloping them.

"I tried to – oh - put up a fight." Mary allowed her hand to slide down from Rhoda's side to her backend and then back in a circular motion, gripping ever so much tighter each time she repeated the motion. Her body moving involuntarily now, as if automatically knowing exactly what to do.

Rhoda covered her lips, their mouths open, wide, hungry against the other.

"What do you mean, Mare?" Rhoda was breathless, voice raspy.

"Oh, Rhoda, I moved to New York and came to find you…and you….oh God," Mary bit the side of her thumb. "Rhoda, I need – please…"

"Are you sure?" Rhoda looked down at her.

Mary nodded, "yes, please." A tear trickled out the corner of her eye, down her cheek. "Please."

Rhoda leaned down and kissed Mary, the hand which had cupped Mary's breast sliding downwards, over Mary's taut stomach, heading towards the band of her underwear. Those gorgeous fingers slid downwards, slipping over Mary's exposed center.

Mary breathed a sigh of contentment, of relief upon first contact. Rhoda's fingers, so agile and gentle moved knowledgeably over Mary's arousal.

"Jesus, Mare." Rhoda sighed.

Mary wondered if she should feel embarrassed by how turned on she was in that moment, but Rhoda seemed to be in awe of it, completely enthralled by her.

"So fucking gorgeous, kid." Rhoda pressed their lips together.

Mary laughed, shakily. "Rho-Rhoda. I came – for you." Mary had to take a deep breath, hardly able to concentrate on the matter at hand and what Rhoda was doing to her. "I came to New York for you and you were engaged to Jean-Pierre and I really, really hated him. I – I got so mad at your wedding. How could you possibly have married him after…after what…I saw…he was an asshole to you. He was unworthy of you."

Rhoda didn't respond. She was breathless, flustered from what she was doing. A look of anguish darkening her brow.

"You never…you never think you're worth having anything good, do you?" Mary whispered then.

Rhoda looked agitated then and Mary, suddenly worried that Rhoda might stop, might pull away, held her closer yet.

"Do we have to talk about this now?" Rhoda's motions stilled against Mary, exactly what she didn't want to happen.

"Yes, Rhoda…yes," Mary held her there so that she couldn't move.

"Well, I don't know what you want me to say." Rhoda hissed, feelings hurt, uncertain. "You were practically engaged to Steven then. It wasn't like I knew you wanted something more than to be my friend."

"He didn't deserve you, though!" Mary wanted to shake her.

"I wasn't going to be happy with anyone else because I was in love with you, Mary. No one else mattered." Rhoda contracted into herself. She had never been good at being vulnerable, not without some sort of added humor, but tonight felt real – humorless.

"Oh," Mary gasped, "oh, Rhoda." Mary pulled her back, their bodies falling into one another, exhausted. "Why did it take us so long?"

"We're here now." Rhoda offered, pressing her lips into the crown of Mary's head.

Mary hummed against Rhoda's neck, her body still throbbing, her want consuming her. Rhoda's fingers returned to her wordlessly. Mary sighed.

"This is okay?" Rhoda asked.

"Mm-hmm. Mmmm." Mary smiled, pulling their lips lazily together, relaxing against Rhoda's hand. "Rhoda, why did you - " Mary's voice was cut off when Rhoda slid her finger inside of her and covered her lips with her own. She gasped in surprise, caught off guard by both actions.

"Mare, please...please can we just..."

Mary could only nod, could only grasp onto Rhoda tighter, holding her close as Rhoda's fingers worked knowledgeably. How did she know just exactly what Mary needed? Mary delighted in the weight of Rhoda's body as it shifted there on top of her. Rhoda was passionate in her kisses, passionate in how she gave Mary all that had been lacking in her marriage, in all her prior relationships.

Oh, if she could rewind back, take back all those years, all those days, hours, minutes after having met Rhoda Morgenstern that they hadn't done just this...what she wouldn't give for all of that time. "Ah - oh, Rho - Rho..." Mary was gasping, her body slick with sweat and desire. She felt herself coming towards the edge, her body tense, in desperate need of a release.

"It's okay, Mare." Rhoda brushed kisses against Mary's cheek, forehead, willing her to give in, to succumb to her. "I've got you, darling." Rhoda's voice was so sweet, swirling about in the air between them. Mary could hear the love in her tone, the want that had always been there. For hadn't it?

"Rho-oh!" Mary tumbled, fell over the edge, eyes closing in ecstasy, in complete and utter happiness at what they had just done. It felt so perfect, so right, so natural that they should touch in such a way, that Rhoda should give her this.

Rhoda was pressing gentle kisses to her cheeks, trailing down her neck, the top of her chest, before she rolled onto her back, collapsing, exhausted on the sheets there beside Mary.