Chapter 4 –Searching in the Past
I can't get Gilbert out of my head. The image of Blough kissing him is making me shiver and Karl's words are played over and over again in my mind. Why is this happening to me? I barely know him then why do I have such strong emotions?
I glance at the clock on my desk. I still have five minutes before the alarm rings so I decide to rest a little longer since I didn't sleep very well last night.
When I came back last night Karl was already sleeping, or pretending to be sleeping. I perfectly understand if he didn't want to talk to me besides, back then I didn't want to talk to him either. Now however I think I should apologize to him, maybe I will do it this morning.
The alarm is ringing and I get up to turn it off. I give a quick glace at Karl who stirs slightly and yawns. I watch him as he gets up and gets dressed.
"…Karl…" I say looking at the floor. He stops for a second and looks at me. "I'm sorry for last night. I didn't have the right to judge you." He turns back at what he was doing and I get the feeling that he is angry with me.
"You don't have to apologize. You were right." I look at him not really understanding what he meant but I don't dare to ask for an explanation. He notices my confusion and continues "Do you know why everyone in our class stays away from Gilbert?"
Why is he asking me that? Isn't it obvious?
"Because he sells his body to the upperclassmen, you said it yourself."
"That's not what bothers everyone the most, Serge. The problem is that…" He hesitates and I take it as embarrassment but why would he be embarrassed? "….he seduces everyone, even those who try to help him." I don't know what to say anymore as I finally understand what's going on. If I read between the lines I can uncover Karl's secret. I understand why he hesitated and I regret judging him before.
If Gilbert did to Karl what he did to me then I can understand why Karl doesn't want to talk about him.
"Hurry up and get dressed, we'll be late for breakfast." I nod and do as he says.
Professor Watts called for me again today. He said he will introduce me to another person who knew my father very well, the prestigious professor Rouch. He said that the professor had wanted to meet me ever since he found out that I came to Laconblade Academy. I wonder what else this professor can tell me about my father.
I walk along a dark corridor with professor Watts in front of me and I wonder where he is taking me. I've never been in this part of the school before and I can't help but wonder what is behind all these doors. The corridor has doors on both sides and all of them are numbered, some of them have names written on them too and I presume that they belong to the professors in the school.
We suddenly stop in front of a door with Professor Rouch's name on it. Professor Watts knocks and opens the door slightly before someone invites us in.
"I brought him professor, just as I promised" he addresses the old man sitting in an armchair by the window.
"Thank you Watts. You may go now. I want to talk alone with this boy."
As professor Watts leaves I look around the room and I see a piano right in the middle of it. It's the most beautiful piano I've ever seen, black with sophisticated decorations engraved on it and a golden plate with the professor's name on it.
The professor watches me as I look at it amazed and smiles at me slightly.
"You like it?" he asks more to start a conversation rather than to get an answer since the answer to his question is written all over my face.
"Yes" I replay "I've never seen a piano like this before."
"Yes…this piano is very old but very good. It was a gift from a pianist I met a long time ago. This, my dear boy is the piano your father used to play when he was a student here."
"You mean this is the piano my father used when he learned to play?" I ask eager to find out more.
The professor looks at me and smiles again.
"Oh no, my boy, your father played very well when he came here. I just polished his skills."
"You mean….you were my father's teacher?"
"I was, indeed. Would you like to play something for me?"
He wants me to play for him. This really makes me happy. I barely touched a piano since I came here and I really miss the happiness that fills me within when I play.
I sit down and look at the keyboard, hesitating for a moment. I don't know what to play but then I remember the song my father used to play when I was little and become more confident.
This feels good. I can't remember the last time I felt like this. When I play, the music makes all my worries go away, it fills my heart and for a moment I feel like I'm a new person. I don't want this to end but it does as I play the last notes of the song.
I hear hands clapping behind me and their sound brings me back from my little dream world. I turn around to face Professor Rouch again.
"You really are your father's son. You are indeed very talented just like he was. When you played…I could sense your passion. Your father played that song with the same passion, it was his favorite." I nod. I can still remember that about my father, the way he played, the light in his eyes whenever he played this song…."Your father was my student and now I ask you if you would be my student too."
I can't believe it. My father's teacher wants me to be his student. This must be the happiest day in my life.
"I would be honored to accept your offer" I say as I bow "Thank you very much."
The professor starts laughing "You are indeed Aslan's son. Now go, I'm sure your friends are waiting for you."
I can't wait to tell Pascal and Karl about this, they won't believe it, I can't believe it myself either.
On my way back to the dorm however I find Gilbert lying in the grass, covered in blood and with his cloths ripped. He's trying hard to get up but he is too hurt to do it by himself. What did you get yourself into this time Gilbert?
"Gilbert!" I run to help him stand and as weird as it seems, he accept it so I put his arm over my shoulder and walk slowly to the dorms.
When we reach his room I help him get in and close the door behind us.
"Come on, let's get you in bed then I'll go call Pascal. He has a first aid kit and can bandage your wounds." Gilbert doesn't move though. He looks at me and smiles slightly then wraps his other arm around my neck and kisses me on my lips. His action takes me by surprise and I instinctively push him back causing him to fall on the floor with a slight frown on his face caused by the pain. I make a step back but I hit the desk and cause everything on it to fall on the floor.
"Why did you do that?" I sound frightened but I can't help it because I really am.
"Just take it as a 'thank you' ok?" he smiles again. I know I have to help him get in bed but I can't make myself go closer to him, not after that….after the…" Aren't you going to help me get in bed? I can't do it by myself."
I hesitate for a moment but I know I have to do this. I can't just let him there and leave so I help him up once again.
"I'll go get Pascal" I tell him after he's in bed and storm out to find my friend.
A few minutes later I enter his room again with Pascal in tow. Pascal takes a seat on the bed, by Gilbert's side but I can't go any closer than this so I stand by the desk and watch them while Pascal takes care of the blonde's wounds.
"I gave him something for the pain but he should stay in bed for a while. I'll come back and check on him later" says Pascal closing his first aid kit and getting ready to leave "Aren't you coming?" he asks when he notices that I don't follow him out.
"I'll stay a bit longer"
"All right, I'll tell Karl then."
"Pascal…." he stops and looks at me "…thank you…"
It's only me and Gilbert now. The blonde's angelic face captivates me, he looks so peaceful and innocent lying there and I wonder how did someone like him turn out to be like this….so full of sins…so lost….
"Why are you still here?"
His voice brings my wandering mind back to reality.
"I just wanted to make sure you're ok. Does it still hurt?"
He stirs slightly as if checking if anything hurts when he moves.
"Why do you care anyway?"
I just can't believe this boy. He's hurt, he can't even stand yet he refuses anyone's help and pushes away all those who are concerned about him.
"I really don't know, I just do" I pretend to be angry and maybe I should be after that incident earlier "You don't deserve it though." I turn to leave but the sound of his voice makes me stop. I hope he's going to apologize because I really want us to be friends.
"Wait….aren't you going to kiss me goodbye?"
I can't believe what he just said. If I wasn't really angry before now I am so I storm out of his room without another word.
Tears threaten to come out but I don't let them. No matter how awful it is to have my first kiss with a boy I can't let Gilbert turn me down, I would just play his game.
I promised to myself not to let this incident earlier to ruin my day so I go back to my room with a smile on my face ready to tell my friends about my meeting with Professor Rouch.
"You won't believe what just happened today" I say happily from the doorway.
"Why don't you close the door first? Or do you really want everyone to hear what you have to say?" says Pascal with sarcasm, not even bothering to look up from the next year's biology text book he's reading.
"I met my father's piano teacher" I continue pretending not to hear what Pascal just said but doing as he said and closing the door behind. "He wants to tutor me too, isn't that great?"
"I'm really happy for you" replays Karl. "I'm glad there are so many people here who can tell you about your parents. I can't even imagine what it's like to loose your parents at a young age."
"How is Gilbert?" asks Pascal still not leaving his book.
"He's still in bed, why?"
Since when is Pascal so interested in Gilbert's well being?
"There's something going on, he was too obedient, he didn't even tell me not to touch him."
Why wouldn't he let Pascal touch him, he is just treating his wounds?
"He was really hurt….he couldn't even walk on his own…."
"I should know better." Pascal cuts in "I'm the one who takes care of his wounds all the time. He was always pushing me away, no matter how hurt he was." He closes his book and gets up to leave. "I'll check on him again then go to bed. Good night."
"Serge?" I turn to Karl who looks worried "Did something happen with Gilbert?"
"No…" I hate lying to my friends but I just can't tell him the truth either. I really appreciate that he is concerned for me but this is between me and Gilbert.
"Look me in the eyes and tell me that again" he orders me with a shivering voice.
I can't do that. I feel like I'm destroying our friendship right here, right now.
"I see…it happened…" I still look at the floor and don't know what to say. He stands, walks to the window and there is a moment of silence between us. "I'm concerned for you because you are my friend" he continues "I don't want you to hate yourself the way I do."
I raise my gaze and look at him. Why would Karl hate himself?
"….Karl…" is all I can say.
"I don't hate myself because it happened or because I allowed it to happen….I hate myself because I…liked it."
So I was right when I thought that something happened between Karl and Gilbert.
I want to say something to him, to make him feel better but I can't find the right words. I know that Karl needs me, now that all those painful memories are coming out again but there's nothing I can do. Why does Gilbert do these things? Why…?