A/N- Jeez, turns out a few people are actually reading this damn thing huh? Some of them are even reviewing it too, which is kinda cool. Glad to hear so many of you enjoying the silly idea I had.
Note: I am claiming some artistic licence with a few of the comedic additions to a working ambulance service, things like the fact that the regulators would be incompatible from O2 to Helium cylinders. Mostly small geeky stuff that you wouldn't notice if you aren't in the industry. I have used a model that is loosely based on what we use here, so you will have to excuse me if it is a little different to how Ambulance services operate in you country.
Enjoy.
-Grey.
"What the hell is that noise?" Jeff yelled over the offensive sound, whipping his head around the room in search of its source. The rest of the group mirrored his example and were trying to locate the distressing sound, while keeping their ears covered with clamped palms.
"Britta did you bring one of your retarded cats to shift with you?" Jeff accused heatedly.
The harsh tone cut to static before being replaced with a different Piercing noise. A familiar cough opened the message, as Pierce Hawthorne's magnified voice thundered through the station.
"Hey can you guys hear me? You've got a damn callout to get to." Their elderly friend informed them over the hastily set up PA system, which had been routed solely to the station.
"What is it Pierce? Who needs to go?" Troy questioned the speaker loudly, his excitement peaking at the prospect of his first job.
"He can't hear you sweetie." Shirley mentioned quietly, ever patient with the young man that she kind of thought of as a son.
"Ah you are responding priority 1 to a 29 Alfalfa at number 8 Bennelong Place." Pierce continued, having finally found the job information he had to give the crew.
"I think he means a 29 Alpha." Abed concluded, mentally adjusting for the older mans mistake in his phonetic alphabet.
Under his breath he whispered, "Classic mishearing gag, absolute sitcom staple."
"What is a 29 Alpha?" Jeff asked, it made no difference to him whether it was an Alpha or an Alfalfa, since he had no idea what the different dispatch codes were anyway. He knew that the priority denoted how urgently the crew was to respond to the incident, but he hadn't bothered to learn what alphanumerical code corresponded to each condition.
"A 29 Alpha is a toe or finger caught in the tap of a bath." The autistic man answered confidently, having memorised the code system used by the Greendale dispatch.
"We have a code specifically for that?" Britta asked doubtfully.
"Just be thankful it isn't a 29 Bravo; something else stuck in the tap." Abed reflected with a cocked eyebrow.
"So who goes to it then? Shouldn't Pierce send the job details to one crew's pagers?" Shirley checked in concern, whoever was hurt she hoped that they weren't creating a delay for them.
As expected everyone turned to look at the ex-lawyer in the room, who in turn looked wistfully back at his half finished pizza.
"Troy, Abed, you guys have got this. It seems like the perfect job for you two." Jeff decided slyly, pointing at his chosen pair and hiding a smirk at the truth in his own words.
The excited pair looked over the moon at their tasking, gave their special handshake and dashed for the garage. The rest of the group returned to their seats, Jeff happily retrieved his fallen slice of pizza and resumed his casual slouch in the chair.
He heard the sirens kick into life behind him in the garage and they grew faint as the Greendale Ambulance crew was dispatched for the first time.
Oh god what have I unleashed on the world? Jeff thought guiltily at the mental image of the two immature officers that were screaming off towards a hapless patient somewhere.
He had barely settled in when the accursed tone from before, buzzed the station and heralded another ambulance callout.
"Wow this is so much more fun then working on a stupid ambulance," The jumbo voice of their aged friend declared at the end of the horrid alarm.
"I have beer and chips and.. oh yeah another job has just come through. What did you say it was again Garret? Priority 1 to a 16 Unicorn on the Northbound highway 16." Pierce revealed, bragging about his working conditions, before stumbling through another emergency dispatch.
"I don't think it is an actual unicorn Annie." Jeff discouraged his partner with a smarmy smile, pretending to have misinterpreted her sudden jump in interest.
"Oh Jeff," She groaned in feigned exasperation, rolling those startling eyes of hers.
"You or us?" Britta asked him, their leader and holding a hand up to play paper, scissors, rock.
"Forget it," Jeff irritably disregarded her key decision making tool, "We'll go, I'm sick of all these damn interruptions."
With that, he strode for the door with Annie hot on his heels.
Just like he had promised, Jeff jumped behind the wheel and keyed the powerful engine to life. He quickly hid his pleased expression, before his colleague climbed in the passenger side and focused instead, on turning on his lights and sirens.
The high-pitched whine from the roof, drowned out even the din of the motor, as he shoved the vehicle into drive and effortlessly pulled out onto the street.
Before he knew it, Jeff was running traffic lights and stop signs, well exceeding the speed limit and enjoying every second of it. He took the nearest exit onto the highway and looked across at what his co-driver was up.
Annie was busy shrugging her shoulders and wiggling her way into a brightly fluorescent, green high-visibility jacket. It inaccurately read AMBLANCE on the back in large block letters with the Greendale Crest above it, the latter of which kind of explained the half-arsed spelling attempt.
His attention was robbed from the road by the interesting movements it took for her to put on the garment while seated and strapped in. Jeff's gaze may have lingered a little long and the whole ambulance shuddered, as its wheels ground against the rumble strip at the edge of the road.
"Jeff!" Annie cried in alarm, scolding him for his carelessness and completely unaware of the distraction she had provided. The driver focussed once more on the road and resolved never to mention to the girl how close she had brought him to crashing. The fact that she may have been hurt in the accident seemed unforgivable.
Up ahead on the freeway, traffic had slowed to a stop, flashing red and blues indicated the site of the incident.
"Where is you jacket?" Annie asked her friend once they had parked inside of the cordon provided by other emergency vehicles.
"I wasn't going to wear one." Jeff casually admitted popping the catch on his door to climb out.
Annie caught his arm before he could descend from the cab and pulled him back to face her.
"But Jeff it is a safety thing, we need to be easily seen." She insisted, her tone climbing an octave, as it always did when something wasn't unfolding exactly how she thought.
Funnily enough, he often seemed to be the cause of that.
Jeff shot her a long-suffering look and gently tried to pull back towards his exit.
"Easily seen by who Annie? The gathered photographers and news crews?" He responded sarcastically, when he felt she wasn't going to back down on the issue.
"I don't think so. Besides, they look so horrible and tacky." He finished, silently adding in his head that on her, there appeared to be an exception to the horrible part.
Annie huffed in offence to his rationale and quick dismissal of his own safety when traffic still moved past their location at speed. She bit her lip once more in silent frustration at the stubborn man.
Superficial and selfish are his sword and shield, she reminded herself and changed tactic.
"Well can you wear one for me then please Jeff?" She pleaded with soft eyes, her hand on his arm closed gently to add authenticity to her concern.
"I'd hate it if you were hit by a passing car." Annie confessed sweetly, exaggerating her fear only slightly.
Jeff found himself in the once more awkward position of having to compromise his comfort and ego for the girl who was asking something of him. He hesitated in fleeting resolve, which as usual, began to crumble and fall at the end of the day when she was involved. If only his resistance could cave a little further then it currently had, far enough to actually do something bold or talk to her about them.
"Fine," Jeff found himself relenting under her tender scrutiny and the knowledge that if the situation was reversed, he would have demanded the same of her. Annie's safety was always very much on the forefront of his mind.
Reluctantly he reached into the side pocket of the door and surrendered to putting on a thin, green high-vis vest.
Anxieties finally placated, Annie grabbed the trauma pack and led the way to see the patient.
A familiar policeman met the pair on their way over to the crash scene, it was the same officer they always saw when they had brushes with the law or happened to stage a fake murder scene as part of a conspiracy.
The cop in question was a bit taken back to see the new ambulance officers were familiar for these reasons.
"You two?" He checked suspiciously with a scrutinising look, as if to make sure it wasn't another unusual role-playing thing, like the weird Arab boy from her apartment did.
"Yeah it is us, Copra," Jeff confirmed dryly with the rotund, bearded man, whose name he had never bothered to learn.
"What have we got?" the impatient ambo cut to the chase.
Not overly displeased by the nickname, Officer Cackowski switched a glance between the tall paramedic and the shorter, pretty one bouncing with nervous energy beside him.
In a shrugging, what-the hell sort of motion, he escorted them towards the deformed wreck on the side of the road.
"One car, single occupant who was drunk and wearing his seatbelt, lost control and ran into the median barrier." The man in blue explained.
Annie nervously approached a little closer to the smashed car at the prompting nod from the single stabilising firemen, while Jeff hung back a little longer.
Holy shit! That car is totalled! His brain screamed, overwhelmed, nearing panic at sight of the destroyed car in front of him and the enormity of the whole situation.
His first impulse was to sweep up his partner, jump back in the ambulance and flee the chaotic scene. It was a course of action that the old Jeff may have pursued, but whether he liked to admit it or not, his time at community college had changed him. Somewhere along the line he had grown a conscience and he was pretty sure he knew who to blame for that.
Come on Winger, keep it together for Annie; you have a job to do. A small, brave part of his brain reprimanded him.
"Do you know how fast?" He asked the cop, in a voice that sounded a lot calmer then he felt.
"Maybe 70mph?" The officer guessed.
Jeff nodded, looking surprisingly thoughtful and moved in closer to see how Annie was getting on in her assessment.
The lithe brunette had actually climbed inside the car and was carefully leaning close to the restrained patient to hear his words over the loud background noise.
The patient was conscious and talking to her, but he looked pretty worse for wear. His head was ragged and bleeding from several locations, the scarlet streaked his long, dark hair and stained his face. Bloodshot eyes stared up at his angel of mercy and his teeth were gritted in agony. The cause of his pain was apparent when Annie noticed the deformity to the steering wheel; it was shaped like a wonky pretzel, courtesy of stopping really quickly against a solid object.
With nothing else to directly impact against the steering wheel, it was apparent to her that the patient's chest had probably done the damage to the object.
Which can't be great for a person's sternum or ribs, she figured bleakly, his laboured breathing a testament to the fact.
"Jeff, we need to collar him and get out of here quick." Annie decided, urgently calling out him.
For his part, Jeff gave her a brief nod and left her to sort the spinal immobilisation while he organised the extrication. It suddenly dawned on him the seriousness of the situation they were in and how much they both just fell back on their training to survive. For her, a strong theoretical knowledge and hours upon hours of practice made her slick with the equipment. For him, it was a cultivated common sense approach that relied heavily upon basic logic to dictate decisions. Emotions and morals took a backseat in this deliberation and could be rationalised or discredited in a verbose monologue later if need be.
Returning quickly with the long, flat spinal board, he found Annie stabilising the patient's head and calling for him to come apply the cervical collar.
Jeff looked around at the half dozen useless firemen standing about like tourists and he fired up at the girl.
"Damn it Annie, use your head. Get one of the Smokys' in there to hold the head, while you put it on." He berated, seeing the jump in logic at tying up more sets of qualified hands.
The lazy firecrew jumped at his suggestion and Annie relented her hold to one of them, while shooting Jeff an apologetic look. The vehicle was a soft-top convertible and Jeff took great pleasure in cutting away the last of the roof with a blade from one of the lounging firemen. Finally having something else to do, the boys in giant fireproof raincoats helped slide the patient up the board and lift him on it across to the awaiting ambulance stretcher.
Annie and Jeff followed their procedures for such circumstances and finished strapping and taping down their patient to the stretcher, so as to reduce any further movement or damage to a potentially compromised spinal chord.
Annie looked up as Jeff shunted the stretcher bound patient into the back.
"Maybe you should ride in the back with him." She suggested shyly, ashamed of herself for not thinking things through earlier with the collar.
"And miss out on driving? Not likely." Jeff joked with a chuff, before his face creased seriously.
"Besides, you have this one under control." He reassured her with a cocky grin.
"I have this one under control." Annie restated to herself, swelling with confidence from his show of faith in her.
"Well that is good to know.. Really instilling me with faith here" Her patient mumbled delirious and sarcastic, as the back doors closed and Jeff climbed in to drive.
The drive was uneventful, with Annie placing a catheter into her patient's veins and starting an infusion of sodium chloride. She continued monitoring the immobilised man and was surprised at how suddenly they arrived at hospital.
Jeff effortlessly nosed the vehicle up to the raised ambulance bay of the small Greendale hospital.
Annie shot him a grateful smile when he opened the double back doors and dragged the dropleg stretcher out on of its raspy housing. The wheeled legs scissored out from under the bed and locked into place one at a time. With the stretcher now standing at almost Annie's shoulder height, she walked behind the yellow and black device, providing a push with her free hand to help Jeff get the patient up the hospital ramp.
She dashed forward to beat him to the closed door, eager to use her brand new electronic swipe card that gained entrance into the emergency department. Jeff's lip twitched at the corner, drawn out by her youthful enthusiasm.
Annie dutifully held the door open so he could pull the patient into the hospital and as she faced back towards him, she noticed for the first time the other ambulance in the bay parked beside theirs.
It was Troy and Abed's vehicle.
"Huh, looks like Troy and Abed are already here with their patient." Annie mumbled to her self, wondering what they had brought in.
Turning her attention back to their own patient, she followed the stretcher as it was wheeled into the resus bay where the doctors and nurses were waiting.
She timidly gave her handover under the scrutiny of the older doctors on duty, while Jeff helped the nurses transfer the patient onto a hospital bed. Annie was annoyed to see that some of the younger nurses were all flashing her male partner wide smiles. It bolstered her irritation to see him return the smiles in a friendly manner, casually discussing how the job went.
Jeff's smile disappeared in an instant when he heard a familiar voice.
"Hi Annie, Jeff; fancy seeing you guys here. Wow, you really did a bang up job fixing this patient." An overly friendly and enthusiastic male chimed.
Jeff felt the temperature rise in his blood at the sight of the annoyingly perfect Dr Rich from pottery class. He nodded politely in acknowledgment, but fumed internally, noticing that the white doctors overcoat Rich wore accentuated the man's already good looks.
And here I am stuck in a pair of overalls looking like the bloody gardener, Jeff cursed jealously.
Annie turned in pleasant surprise at the sound of her friend the doctor, awkwardly she pulled him into a hug and failed to notice the dark look it created on her partner's face.
"Rich! I forgot you might be working here," Annie gushed with a friendly smile.
Rich; God I hate that guy, Jeff grated inside, glaring at the intruder on his time with Annie.
Unable to take much more happy go-lucky from the Anti-Winger, Jeff left the stretcher where it was and moodily wandered off to see where Troy and Abed had gotten off to.