Part Four, Past Alyssa

Disclaimer: Alyssa is mine. That's it…

Peter really was a good husband. He treated Alyssa well and he listened to her advice. He let her do as she wanted and didn't judge her. And she loved him- in a way. But not the way she was supposed to. Not the way a wife was supposed to love her husband. Not the way she loved him.

Her heart didn't jump in her chest when she saw him. She didn't feel like she had to be around him or something bad would happen. She didn't feel like she couldn't live without him. Those were Edmunds feelings. And only Edmund's.

She saw him everyday. Either at meals, or when she went out riding. She had been married for a grand total of thee months and he had tried hard to never be left alone in a room with her, but all things happen in the end.

Up until this point, he had been successful. But now, they were planning yet another party, this one for Lucy's sixteenth birthday. Peter was in a meeting, and Susan had just come in to take Lucy to get a new dress fitted, and that left Alyssa and Edmund to look at the invitations.

Edmund and Alyssa looked at each other for a moment, then he stood and pushed the coal black hair out of his eyes. "Well, I think we can finish this in the morning." He said instantly, standing and turning around.

"Edmund." Alyssa snapped, getting up from her chair and taking a few steps toward him. She felt her heart pound, her throat had gone dry. She couldn't let him walk away from her again. "You cant run away every time we are left alone together."

"I'm not running." Edmund snapped, turning around to face her once agian, his eyes flashing.

"Then what are you doing?!" She growled back, taking yet another step toward him. "I haven's seem you, really seen you, for a year now!"

"And you didn't want to!" Edmund suddenly exploded. Alyssa stepped back quickly, slightly afraid. She had seen Edmund in one of his moods and it wasn't fun. His eyes glared daggersat her, and she swallowed hard. "You could have come to talk to me anytime. But you didn't . Instead, you attached yourself to my brother. My brother, Alyssa!"

"Your brother is a good man, Edmund." Alyssa said, her voice cold.

"Yeah, I know." He snapped, his voice suddenly lower than before. "I've heard."

"And what did you want me to do?" She questioned furiously, her chest constricting painfully. "I couldn't go talk to you! Not after that night!"

"Well, you should have at least tried." Edmund snapped, raising his voice now.

"Why? How would things be any different then they are now?!" Alyssa yelled back.

"Because I would have told you the truth! That I love you!" Edmund screamed.

They both froze, both amazed at what had just come out of his mouth. He stared at Alyssa with, frightened eyes, and she stared back. Ed loved her? This was what she had been dreaming of for years. What she had been telling herself was impossible. What she really wanted.

And she was married…to his brother…

"I have to go." He muttered, walking swiftly towards the door.

"What happened to you not running Edmund?" Alyssa snapped, but softly this time as she felt the tears welling in her eyes.

He froze, his back still to her. Both were silent, and when he spoke, Alyssa thought she could actually hear the love in his voice. For the first time. "Alyssa-"

"What's going on in here?" Peter asked as he strode into the room, running his hand through his hair. "I could hear yelling down the hall." He looked from Alyssa, to Ed, and his eyes narrowed dangerously at the two of them. "Everything okay?" He asked, glancing at his wife.

"Everything is fine." Edmund snapped, glaring at his older brother. He looked back at Alyssa one last time, shook his head, then pushed past his brother and out of the door.

Peter turned to Alyssa, his face a mask of fury. "You still love him, don't you?"

"Peter-" Alyssa started, backing away from her husband.

"Damn Alyssa! We're married! Forget about my brother!" He snarled, walking toward her angrily.

Alyssa stared at him, shaking her head. "Peter-"

"No." He shook his head slowly, somehow knowing he wasn't going to like what she was going to say. "We'll talk later." He started to turn around, then stopped and came back. He grabbed Alyssa's shoulders, hard, and pulled her against him, pressing his lips against hers. She tried to feel something, just like every other time, but as usual, there was nothing there. After being married for three months, after doing all she had done with him, one look from Edmund turned her on more than having sex with Peter ever did. After a moment, Peter pulled away and stared into her eyes. "I love you, Alyssa." He said, his voice soft. "And I could never hurt you the way he did."

He walked out of the room, and Alyssa sank down into the closest chair and buried her face in her hands, sobbing. Life was hard enough, loving one man and being married to his brother. But after tonight, Alyssa knew there was something worse.

That was being in love with one man, a man who loved you back, and being married to his brother. Somehow, it just made the ache in her chest grow even more.