Don't You (Forget About Me)

by Pilgrimage

A Jock, a Princess, a Basketcase, a Brain, and a Criminal have to figure out how to survive each other's company for one full-day, Saturday detention. [Camaya] [Zoemund]

4. Zig

Zig

How is everyone just sitting here, getting comfortable, like...like they're actually going to do this essay?

Everyone's in their seats, and I feel like I'm hovering over mine, losing it. I read the clock: 8:40 a.m.

Fuuuuuuuuuu...

And Jockstrap is talking to Zoe about something I can't hear because she's moved from her seat, farther away from mine. Then she laughs at something he says, and he's sitting there (three chairs apart too close) like he doesn't know that she's giving him her best smile. Winston's laughing from afar for some reason. I don't know, the kid is weird.

She leans in close next, asking Cam for something, maybe a sharpener.

'So,' I say, wedging my way into their conversation and the space between them, I take the seat closest to Zoe. 'Are you two, like, "just texting" or are you, like, "taking it slow before you label it"?'

Zoe's eyes narrow on me, and I don't have to turn around to know Cam's wearing his stupid, thick-browed frown.

'Fuck off, Novak,' she tells me, and all I see is her glossy, pink pout starting to betray her, curling slightly upwards. Her eyes widen when I lean in toward her.

'Are you going to make me, Princess?' I tell her, batting my eyes. I see her staying instead of leaning away from me.

'Leave her alone,' I hear Cam groan, but I don't pick up 'gentleman' or 'white knight', he doesn't even lift his eyes from his paper. But, he's talking to me in the same way he says everything else to me, like I'm this bug he's swatting away.

'We gotta finish this paper,' I hear Winston mumble to back him up.

'We gotta finish this paper.' I imitate his voice, high-pitched.

I'd normally shrug it off, because this is the expected reaction people give me, but then I hear Zoe getting up, agreeing quietly as she finds another seat and starting her paper again.

'Just leave all of us alone,' Cam tells me, eyes finally glaring up at me with this bored kind of hate. I am not worth his time. I know he's always felt this way about me.

'Big hero!' I can't help shouting, jostling in my seat as I jump up, and I easily leap to stand on the desk in front of me. 'This guy your hero?' I laugh to Zoe, and I make sure to lock eyes on each and everyone of them. 'Is he saving you from me?' I make sure to look at Cam then, who just stares blankly at me. Did he catch the dig? Am I some kind of sick idiot for even mentioning our unspoken connection? How can I make matters worse?

'C'mon, Maya,' I yell through my cupped hands. 'Tell'em how much of a decent guy he is.'

It's the first time I see Maya raise her head up from her crossed arms. I'm doubtful that she's been sleeping this whole time.

'Shut your hole, and get down before we all get in trouble,' Zoe adds, furious.

Then, I don't know what comes over Cam, because I've never seen the guy react to, well, anything this way. When he yells at me to come down, I have to laugh. He's waiting, hissing that Martinello hears me, and is coming. And I have to jump down to meet him, eye to eye, to believe he's finally getting in my face...again.

'Have the boys on the team told you how sexy you look when you do your mean face?' Zig laughs.

He's never stood at a terrifying height over me. In fact, I at least got a few inches on him, so I don't know how he always manages to make me feel like he's looking down on me.

I don't have to say anything to know he's ready to clock me in the face.

'You know what,' he tells me through bared teeth, and loud enough for everyone to hear.

'What's that, Jockstrap?' I quip.

'You're not worth it.' He says, eyes so blank that I suddenly question myself, and I feel like I missed him changing this much after a single blink. 'You know, if you really wanted to do us all a favour, you'd leave us right now. Really,' he pauses, and I eye his clenching fists at his sides. 'If you walked out of here right now, out of this school, leave us all alone for good, we wouldn't even know the difference...you don't even matter.'

Not only are my ears pumping with what I'm pretty sure feels like boiling blood, but they are also filled with the heavy ringing of my own words, twisted and darker than my memory of them, coming out of his mouth.

I won't lie to myself-I agree with him. I am nothing, I am worthless, and I hate that I see a flood of memories of my mom just now.

But, why the hell would I admit that to him, to anyone? I swallow once, and I make myself just...do something, anything else.

'What should I do?' I make a face, and it helps me throw him off. 'Should I join the hockey team? I would love to feel a part of something, somehow.'

Winston makes a loud snort.

'What?' I flick my pencil at the dork's desk, which he hilariously tries to catch, but ends up slapping his glasses off.

It's like something punctures the huge bubble Cam thinks we've been surrounded by, because he finally sees the others watching us. Something in him changes in another blink of an eye. And he's sitting down, muttering about how much of a fucking idiot I am.

'Should I join the Mathletes?' I crowd Winston's desk now, and he almost looks as angry as Cam did.

'I don't belong to that club,' Winston deadpans. 'We don't even have thatclub.'

'You'd know that if you didn't spend half of your time pretending like you even go to this school. I mean, you haven't gotten expelled yet, right?' Zoe asks me, twisting in her seat to look at me.

I'd give anything for her to give me another wicked look. She's so Goddamn hot when she's mean.

'I belong to the Comic Book club.' Winston tells us all, and I'm sure he's trying his best to sell how brave and casual he is for saying it out loud.

'That's a club?' Zoe asks, smirking.

'What, that doesn't count?' I sit next to Winston, resting my head in my propped up hand, with a dramatic tilt of my ear for her opinion.

'I mean, it's not a sport or an academic...'

Winston ignores her. 'There's about ten of us. We discuss the novels. We have all kinds of conventions, where we meet with other school clubs. When we get together on the weekends, we, uh, someone hosts a party, and we talk about-'

'So, you guys get smashed and then get to drool over a bunch of huge, alien tits that those horny comic book dudes love to draw. It's sounds like my kind of club.' I clamp a hand around Winston's arm. 'Where do I sign up?'

'It's not that kind of party, they don't get high.' Zoe explains tiredly.

'My cousin, Janine, uh, she once got really high at one of my parents' God awful house parties with all my dorky relatives. I had to cover for her, so I, uh, put her in my room. When I came back after everyone left, I catch her just in time trying to eat through my mattress. She was, like, lost, like she didn't know how she ended up at my house in the first place...' Winston drifts off, like he's waiting for approval from us.

And all I keep thinking is what his dorky relatives are like.

'Ha!' Zoe laughs at me. 'Sounds like your kinda crowd.'

'What's wrong with that?' Comes a soft but sure drawl.

I swear, everyone's head snaps toward Maya with such a force that I'm sure we've all got whiplash. I never knew there'd be a day when Maya would stand up for me without Grace's influence. Man, I used to wait for days for any sign at all that she still cared for me, not even in the way I used to care for her, want her. I just wanted to know that she knew there was something there, even if it didn't mean much to her. But, whenever I see her now, when I come close enough to really look at her, I only see the shitty decisions I've made.

'Not enough backstabbing bitches painting your nails to make it a normal kinda crowd?' Maya just watches Zoe's jaw drop.

'These are the detentions I live for.' I scissor kick my legs out of my seat.

'Girl fight! Girl fight! Girl fight!' Winston starts chanting, attempting to high five me. But, I just laugh, shaking my head and pushing a hand over his face.

'Would you shut up,' Cam tries again. 'I am not missing another practice, so I can spend another weekend-'

'Let's get this straight,' I say, leaping up from my seat. I bound to the librarian's counter in one jump to climb on top of it. 'Which one of us would you like to shut up the most. Oh, but first, I have to thank you all for coming out to the show.'

Maya just rolls her eyes when she sees me holding my air mic, because she's seen this act before. The Rubber Room has always been my choice stage for these kind of shows, but today I feel like I actually do have everyone's attention. Just not Maya's, since her head is down in her arms again, definitely not faking her nap this time.

'Listen up,' I point at Cam sternly, then I break, pretending to nervously push up glasses over the bridge of my nose. 'Mr. Martinello, sir, this paper was such a good idea. Daddy Chu's wet dream is for me to get the grade above the grade, above the grade! And I really don't wanna miss our super duper comic book shopping date next weekend. I promise I'll do better next time!'

Winston predictably stews in his seat while everyone else glares up at me, unamused.

Then, I have to flip my pretend, long locks over my shoulder.

'I don't even know what I'm doing here with all of these people. I really can't believe it. I mean, it's bad enough that I have to sit here and define who I am in an essay. Seriously, wow, everyone knows who I am. I'm Queen Bee, and I don't have to apologize for being me.'

I see Zoe's wicked smile again, and it eggs me on, my heart racing.

'And I really don't have to answer to anyone, anyone who thinks they have an in with me, anyone who thinks I'm letting them see me best when I'm alone, and especially if they'll stay my obedient, little dirty secr-'

Zoe doesn't have a chance to turn on me, still reeling from the shock, when the library doors crash open.

'GET IN YOUR SEAT, AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH!' Martinello's full voice bellows.

I sit stalk straight once I'm in my seat, hands tightly entwined, but I'm cheesing. I know I'll get chewed out for this one, so I might as well keep the show going. Martinello is all talk anyways.

'You think you're fooling anyone, Novak?' Martinello towers over me, as if I'm supposed to squeak. 'That door is wide open, and my office is right out that door. If I hear anyone,' he addresses us all now, 'I mean, not just this idiot moving out of his seat, I'll get you coming here next week.'

He spins on his heel to make an exit when I just can't help myself.

'Suck it.'

'What did you say?'

'I said, suck it.' I say louder. 'Sir.'

'Congratulations, Novak.' He actually applauds me, clapping slowly. 'You've just won another Saturday detention.'

'Oh man, thank you, sir.'

'And there's another one.'

I pretend to check an air phone from my pocket, pretending to scroll through my screen. 'Looks like I'm free for the foreseeable future, sir. Any other dates you had in mind?'

'The week after that, too. Want another?'

'Yes!'

'One more. Are you through? I can keep going.'

'Please, I'm just crying out for attention!' I raise my hands in prayer.

'Another.'

In the corner of my eye, I see Zoe mouthing out a warning, trying to stop me. I meet her eyes and see that she's not joking, maybe she's even concerned.

'How many is that now, Novak? Can you keep up?'

'That's five, sir,' Winston helps.

'Shut it, pipsqueak,' Martinello snaps at him, then turns back to me. 'Instead of selling dope on the streets, you'll be spending quality time with me.'

'I never thought you felt that way about me, sir!' I want to come off as smooth, but I raise my voice instead.

'You're really not fooling anyone,' Martinello points a finger at me, then points to the rest. 'You think you're little show has them wrapped around your finger? You got no one, son. No one that cares. So, the more time you spend worrying about the fine line you're walking between juvie and this school that apparently thinks you're worth this much trouble, the less time I have to see you walking around for what I expect will be your multiple attempts at graduation.'

'And the next time I have to come in here,' he continues, glowering down at all of us with a disgusted, exasperated look. 'I will not waste anytime in making sure Mr. Novak is not lonely here for the next two months.'

He storms off, disappearing into his office and I let it out.

'FUCK!'

My heart is hammering in my ribcage, my lungs feel emptied, and I feel like my shaking won't stop.

---

'What are you doing?' Winston is the first to notice me out of my seat again.

'Finding something to do in this shit hole that's worth my time,' I say, popping my head up momentarily before busying myself with the locked drawer from the librarian's desk. I hear a satisfying click before I wrench the drawer open. 'B-ee-you-tiful!'

I bring my booty of wires and a laptop to the back of the room, and I stir Maya awake again. 'Are you out your mind?' She tells me, which sort of throws me because she usually doesn't give a crap about anything I do. Not nowadays, at least.

Her concern leaves me with an inexplicable prickly feeling all over my skin, and, before I can stop myself, I glance over Cam's way. He's watching me too.

'Nevermind,' I mutter, and I get back to the task at hand, hooking up wires and booting up the laptop to a large presentation screen behind Maya. Her closeness and her worrying about me is only slowing me some. But, it's only because I know Cam is finally showing more emotions than the goons he's been trying to imitate on his team this whole time. I'm making sure to glance his way every so often.

Then there's this gnawing guilt that bugs me when he's being more than obvious when it comes to Maya. Even being mentioned by association with her, in a sentence with commas, in fragments broken up by periods, gets me under his radar. I don't know what he's doing with this physical space I'm sharing with her. I'm starting to realize that this kind of guilt doesn't go away when you try to buy your way out of it by blazing up behind bleachers. I'm already scraping change for bus money because of him.

'Voila!' I exclaim proudly.

'Zig,' Zoe's up next, and she pleas out loud this time.

I do see her, but she's catches herself, like she's just realized that everyone else heard her too. Figures.

'Who wants to watch the 'Tube?' I announce, grinning widely, like I wasn't screaming at the top of my lungs minutes ago.

I don't wait for the rest to answer because I know they're sitting in their seats, watching the open door, waiting for Martinello to hand out new pink slips with new charges.

'Aha!' I exclaim, my thumb clicks the mousepad to start the video on the big screen before us.

The projector whirs to life, and the blue screen scrambles to the YouTube video I've started to play, the volume mute to everyone's relief.

'Ha!' Winston is the first to crack. 'I love this one.'

He's cracking up and I'm cracking up, we're both cackling at the reel of some kid's fails and pranks compilation, but everyone else stays stalk still, like Martinello is still here.

'Caaaaamon.' I tease Zoe, whose lips are already trembling.

'You're such an idiot,' Zoe is trying to say, but laughs through her words, and clamps her mouth shut before her volume carries.

'You're the one laughing,' I accuse her, then I turn to hear Cam laughing quietly too.

'Oh shit, he's got a funny bone after all.' I joke, and he keeps going without minding me. I'll take any distraction for him where I can get it.

'Go to that one!' Maya joins in now, pointing to a video that's got a thumbnail that looks like a panda trying to get up, titled 'Panda Dances to Kanye'.

If I had known that silent YouTube marathons were a thing, a thing that gave us an out from all the tension we had building between us, I would've started as soon as I walked in. And each new video of a prank gone wrong to epic stunts takes us farther away from finishing our paper or reminding us we're here.

Winston bumps shoulders with me as our collective laughs start to rise above whispered snickering. And he's nudging me to play the 'Drunk Girl Twerks Off Roof' video. The girls give their nervous laughs, while we all try to keep from falling off our chairs.

Then I hit another link, curious, while everyone is distracted. 'This looks like a party I went to.'

That's when I hear a loud screech, someone's chair skitters to the side, which I ignore because I'm squinting to make sure what I'm seeing is true.

'Turn it off,' I hear Zoe tells me, panicked.

'Whats the big deal?' I reply, eyes still not peeling from the screen. 'It's just some wasted girl, dancing on-'

'And that's supposed to be something we'd want to watch?' Zoe asks, looking unimpressed.

'Maya?' Winston says as if he hadn't meant to say it out loud. He's staring up at the screen with the same doubtful stare.

But, the camera focuses on Maya, and she's dancing on someone's kitchen table in a top too small and a skirt too short, while the hockey team howls below her. Her one hand waves around a sloshing drink, and her free hand seductively tangles in her hair. She's blowing woozy kisses to the camera guy. Predictably, the goons crowd closer, whistling and cat calling her louder, but I'm not reacting the same way as I watch her now. I feel like I'm watching a horrible car wreck, and I'm frozen in curiousity. Then the camera pans in tightly to see that her eyes aren't just glassy from the alcohol, but red and shining wet from tears.

'Zig, stop it,' the live Maya finally grabs my attention.

But, I turn to Cam rushing toward me first. He's got that same intense, blankness about him when he pushes me out of the way, ripping the laptop's wire free, cutting off the feed to the screen.

Before I get to my feet, Cam is pulling me up by the collar.

'I didn't know,' I struggle to spit out, pushing off him. But, he keeps coming, backing me up into a bookshelf, paperbacks and textbooks tumbling at our feet.

'Fuck off, man!' I push him again, but he's hearing none of it. 'Leave some of this fight for later. How are you gunna get it up for the boys in the locker room now?'

'They took that down a really long time ago when they found out the team did it, it's just a bunch of loser niners who keep trying to bring it back up,' Winston's trying to vouch for me.

'STOP!' Maya tries to pull us apart, and almost tears Cam's shirt as she drags him off of me. When I see that her anger is placed completely on him, I'm relieved, but it's also making me feel like an awkward wall between them.

Maya and Cam are staring each other down, panting, while I try to gather myself up, catching my own breath. The others are holding it all in because I think they hear something moving outside the library's doors.

Were we lucky enough to miss Martinello because of a washroom break? Did he go to the end of the hall for a snack from the machine? Is he somewhere else completely, jerking off? We clearly dodged a bullet if he's missing out on this mess.

'You can stop acting now.' Maya pulls our attention back to Cam, her voice trembling, but steady. 'Stop pretending like you're better than us, that you're so different from the Terri Pattersons or the Luke Bakers of this school, or even the Zigmund Novaks...'

Cam doesn't say a word, which I really think is the smartest thing he's done all morning. Not that I'd wish Maya's infamous wrath on anyone.

'You left! You made me think that I mattered...like they all mean to, right?' She gives a hollow laugh, and I'm sure we all wish ourselves invisible right now, but none of us dare to move. 'And you left me, with whatever you told them, letting everyone think up every name there is for a girl like me. So, you come back, a little less nervous, and a little more like you belong with them, laughing with them about me...or letting them laugh.' She swallows a lump in her throat before continuing. 'I know what you all think. We're either the Virgin, the Bitch, or the Slut. But, if they tell me I'm anything, I'll always choose how to wear it, and no one can put me down for it.'

Zoe suddenly rises from her chair, maybe she wants to add something, maybe back her up since we're all getting so cozy in here. But, she keeps her quiet distance instead.

'Just keep sitting pretty at your table at lunch, thinking we all love you. But, don't you dare do me any favours.' She shakes her head. 'You know, at least Zig doesn't lie about who he is, even if he is a pigheaded asshole.' She stays a moment in silence, waiting for him to defend himself or daring him to. But, he looks away, shameful, before she moves.

'Hey,' I say resentfully, which I realize is delayed when she finally finds her seat again.

Cam, with fists clenching until I see white knuckles, is standing, still examining the spot she had just left.

Zoe is still quiet too, almost twitching while she sits back down in her corner, and I only have to wonder why for a gut-sinking moment. I've made a huge, mind-bogglingly stupid mistake. A pigheaded asshole kind of mistake that I'm not sure I can face Zoe about now. Maya's video is a scary twin to Zoe's in a way, and I didn't stop it soon enough for both girls.

Soon, the laptop is discarded somewhere and the screen is blank again, and just in time for Martinello to come back with a look of genuine surprise. He must think he's finally broken us down when he sees us sitting quietly in our seats, diligently looking over our papers, even if we're all drawing a blank to write more.

'Lunch time, friends!' He says with a smug grin. 'Novak. Saunders. Help me with the water bottles. I don't want your parents thinking that I'm completely depriving you.'

---

I try to tell Cam that Maya is ready to hear the truth, that it'd suck for her to always be kept in the dark about what happened that night in the greenhouse.

But, he busies himself with unloading the water bottles from the caf's fridge instead. I don't want to push my luck by lecturing him, because I've already busted down the door on that anger of his again. Still, I feel the obligation to at least let him know about something I've been keeping from him all this time. I've only tried to tell him about a million times, almost every day by the bleachers, but I always lose my nerve. That, and I never wanted my head kicked in.

'Maya would kill me for talking about her to you...' I blurt out. But, apparently I'm a glutton for an ass kicking.

Maybe this will drive the message home through his thick skull. And I see his hand hover a little too long over the last set of water bottles before he starts moving again.

I continue, 'You're not doing her any favours by keeping your secrets. I tried doing that when I was dealing, and when I got kicked out of my house, she found out. She wouldn't leave me alone until I got help.' I leave out the part where I mistook her concern as a come on, because I realize I can actually get away with this confession without him wailing on me again. 'She's loyal...and stronger than you think.'

He clenches his jaw, maybe deciding what to do with what I've said. I don't know if he believes me, because he's already started moving his carton of bottles without me, but I feel better knowing his frown looks a lot less menacing when he happens to look at me on our way back.