Part 3
It's Alright
"Deep breath, girl, deep breath," Liz muttered to herself, trying to remember some of those meditations Kyle had taught her. The crisp winter weather was quickly freezing her fingers, face, and toes but she didn't care. It was a good kind of cold, one that was currently helping her clear her mind. Leaning against the balcony rail, she looked out at her park where the snow, lit by both moon and street lamps, shined with a fittingly phantasmal glow. Any kids were long gone and the stillness of the space comforted her.
She shouldn't have lost control like that. Not only was Alex probably questioning her sanity, but she was going to have to put that lamp back together before Maria got home. And as she was much better at accidentally blowing things up than intentionally putting those things back together, it would probably take her at least an hour before she got it right.
A slight, though powerfully cool, breeze blew past and Liz shivered. Maybe it was time to go in and face the music. Or maybe it was just time to get a coat. Liz groaned. No, she needed to go in and talk with Alex. She came out here to calm down and she had succeeded. No reason to stay out here any longer. No reason except that she knew the moment Alex mentioned Max again the calm she felt right now would quickly dissipate. It was one thing to think about him occasionally; it was an entirely different thing to have him brought back into her life in a more concrete way.
Taking one last deep breath of cold air, Liz summoned her courage, turned, and went back inside. She slowly made her way from her bedroom, past the pieces of broken lamp in the hallway, and into the living room where she found Alex staring out the window that she herself was so fond. She wondered if he found the same peace she did from her park.
"Hey," she said quietly, drawing his attention away from the window. She offered him a small smile and was relieved to see him smile back. Even if he thought she was crazy he still accepted her. That was Alex, though. Understanding beyond anything else on earth and apparently beyond earth too.
"Hey yourself," he replied.
"I – " Liz wasn't sure how to begin.
"So, that was, um..." Alex paused, as though he wasn't all that sure himself.
"Intense?" she supplied. That would be putting it nicely.
"Yeah, intense," he agreed. "I'm sorry I got you so riled up."
"No, Alex," Liz objected. "I'm the one who needs to be sorry. I shouldn't have exploded at you like that. You have to know I'm not mad at you, I'm just... I'm just mad at the universe I guess."
"I can appreciate that," he replied, the understanding she had been admiring clearly reflected in both his eyes and his voice.
"This whole thing just sucks," Liz blurted out, her heart rate rising as her inner calm decreased. "Not you being here, of course, but the fact that you're here because of Max Evans. I mean, really Alex, why does it always have to be about Max? Just once I'd like one of these big events in my life to be about Jake Gyllenhaal or Colin Firth. Why don't you need my help with Mr. Darcy instead of Mr. Control Freak?"
"Okay, I'll see what I can do for next time," he volunteered. "And I didn't say it was about Max, exactly, just that it would involve Max."
"Same difference."
"Maybe, maybe not." Alex countered and gestured toward the couch. "Can we sit down to talk? I admit, watching you pace makes me a little nervous for all the light fixtures in the room."
Liz laughed slightly as she stopped moving. She hadn't even realized she was pacing. "Yeah, we can do that."
"So," she prompted once they were sitting down on the couch.
"So," Alex replied. "I'll get right to the point. There's something big going on, Liz, and your help is desperately needed."
"Let me guess what's up," Liz offered, not being able to resist the sardonic urge welling up inside. "Max has slept with another murdering alien, except this time instead of her running off to find his enemies and spill all their secrets, she's gotten pregnant with his kid and is using it against him. And now you need me to babysit Junior because Mom and Dad are too busy trying to kill one another to pay the kid any attention."
"Uh, nice imagination, Liz," Alex remarked. "But no, that's not it."
She could tell he was beginning to get frustrated. Oh her mother would just love that. She really was stubborn enough to try the patience of a saint, or something darn close. Still, she continued in the same vein.
"No? Too bad. I'm a great babysitter."
"Liz, I'm serious," he stressed.
"What? So am I," she quipped. "The summer after my freshman year I got paid good money to be a nanny for a couple kids here in Boston."
"Liz," Alex shook his head at her comment. "As great as your babysitting skills may be, that's not why I'm here. I've been sent here because you have been chosen by the Greatest Being to help mediate an unfolding crisis."
"An unfolding crisis, huh?"
"Yes."
"Well, screw it."
"Liz," Alex exhaled, letting some his exasperation finally show. "You have been chosen by the Higher Powers to fill crucial role. You cannot just say 'screw it,' at least not without giving me a chance to explain."
"The Higher Powers, huh?" What was left of Liz's calm was quickly disappearing. "Where were those Higher Powers when I lost my best friend? Where were those Higher Powers when I was terrified of making any major decision, worried that I might accidentally screw someone else's life up? Where were those Higher Powers when the boy I fell in love with turned into an ass?"
"Gee, you sure know how to ask all the tough ones," Alex half-heartedly joked. "Bet professors at school just love you."
"Oh Alex." Liz felt her indignation deflate in the face of his good-natured humor. "I'm sorry."
"No, don't be sorry," Alex insisted as he reached out to squeeze her hand, his own frustration clearly gone. "You've more than a right to those questions and I wish I knew the answers."
"Well, I'm sorry I'm being so difficult," she reasserted as she squeezed back.
"All is forgiven," Alex smiled. "Do you think you could really try and listen to what I have to tell you, ask you? You don't have to accept, that's fine. Just please, give me a chance."
"When it comes to Max, I don't know if I can afford to give anyone that," she admitted. "Even you. And I thought you would know that. You said you were filled in on what's been going on in my life. I think you would know why I can't do this."
"Liz, I was given the basics, not details," Alex explained.
The basics? And what exactly did that entail, she wondered. If Alex didn't know about that appalling night then it would explain why he hadn't brought it up or even alluded to it, why he appeared to be a little surprised at how difficult she was being.
"What do you know?" she asked and leaned back deeper into the couch, trying to ready herself to hear her life story from Alex's viewpoint.
"Well, I like I mentioned before, I know about what happened with Future Max, what you did and why you did it. I know that after I died you went on this mission to figure out what exactly happened. Our regular Nancy Drew. You figured out all about Sweden and Leanna. I'm just sorry the copy of that translation Tess had me working on was corrupted by the time you, Maria, and Michael found it."
"Me too," Liz interjected. That was something she still regretted. If they had known what it really said, Tess might not have gotten as far as she did with her plans. "I don't know if it would have helped me figure out what happened to you, but it might have helped save the others some grief."
"It may have. But then again, it may not," Alex added thoughtfully. "Either way, you were truly amazing Liz. You said earlier that Maria mourned me like I deserved and I'm honored by that. But Liz, I'm just as honored by what you did for me. So thank you."
"Um, you're welcome." Liz blushed at the compliment and fought the urge to look away from the heartfelt thanks in his eyes.
"Where was I..." As Alex continued Liz was thankful he didn't press his gratitude. It was strange on several levels to be receiving a compliment from her dead friend on her investigation into his death. "Oh yes. I know that Tess made the other aliens think that they were being called home and they were all about to get in the granolith and head into a trap when something happened."
Conversations with Michael and Maria came flashing back to her mind. He had been so furious to be tricked by Tess again. Furious at himself that was for sure, though perhaps even more furious at his best friend.
"Yeah, according to Michael she did that dream thing again but she slipped up at the last minute. When she was cornered she confessed to your murder and right after that she managed to escape."
Actually, according to Michael she more boasted of Alex's murder. No one had really suspected her; Liz herself had discounted her nagging distrust of the girl as being due to other certain issues. They probably would still be not completely sure what had happened if she hadn't bragged about it. Alex didn't need to know that though.
Liz was brought back from her thoughts by Alex's intense gaze. Did he know what she was thinking? No, he hadn't mentioned that he could read minds. And Alex would tell her something that big. Still, it was like all the wisdom in the world was there in his gaze. Amazing. Freaky, but amazing.
"So," he continued. "Tess escaped and Max, Michael, and Isabel spent the next four months tracking her down. When they got back into town, Tess was dead and Max was nothing like the boy he had been before."
"That's putting it lightly," Liz snorted. Very, very lightly.
"You finished high school without much contact with the aliens, except Michael via Maria, went off to Harvard and have only been back to Roswell three times in the past four years."
"Well, I've been busy with school and summer jobs and –"
"Liz," Alex interrupted. "I'm not judging you, I'm just telling you what I know."
"Okay, sorry."
"So, as I was saying, you've been here at Harvard and since Maria broke it off with Michael three years ago, you haven't had any contact with our alien friends back in Roswell."
More like avoided contact at all costs, she thought. Including opportunities to see Kyle during various breaks. That's why over the years she had gotten real familiar with the flight from Boston to Chicago.
"Oh yeah," Alex grinned as he added, "and as you've so kindly demonstrated, you've developed quite a nice little set of extra abilities thanks to Max's healing you."
Liz waited for Alex to continue. When he didn't she was mildly confused. That couldn't be all he knew. Even if he didn't know the biggest one, surely he would have been filled in on some of the more angsty incidents. "That's it?"
"That's it."
"Wow," Liz marveled. "You really were given just the basics." It was like he got the Cliffs Notes to the Cliffs Notes - the most basic of plot information completely free of all the heartache and agony.
"Too much information would be prying into your privacy, not something I'm comfortable with. However, if you want to tell me what's going on, what happened, I'm always ready to listen."
Liz nodded in acknowledgment of Alex's offer. She wished she could tell him, wished she were able to tell him everything, even the things she had kept hidden from Maria. She had a feeling, however, that if she tried right now she'd go catatonic. Definite overload. "Thank you Alex. I don't think I could even begin to explain it all now. Maybe... maybe later."
"Whenever and if ever you want," Alex replied, his eyes again full of that understanding.
"Thank you," she murmured as she thought of how to respond. "Alex. I want to be able to do whatever it is you've come here to ask me. I do. I just don't know if I can deal with Max again."
There, she stated the obvious. It was an 'obvious,' though, that she'd tried to avoid. A part of her liked to pretend that if she ran into him on the street she would be just fine. Of course this was the same part of her that used to think love could over come anything. Foolish optimism.
"I respect that, Liz. But what I have to say goes way beyond Max."
Alex was looking at her with such hope and such earnestness Liz knew she needed to listen to him. He wasn't asking her to commit, just to give him a chance. She needed to get over her issues long enough to do that for her friend.
"All right, I'll try and listen," she acquiesced. "Just don't expect too much."
"Thank you. You know," he began, eyebrows cocked, grin firmly in place, "the Greater Beings said you might need convincing but I didn't know it would take this much just to tell you why I'm here."
"Yeah, well, I've gotten difficult in my old age. That's what happens when you don't die and get to stay young and beautiful forever," she taunted back as she reached over and playfully slapped his leg. "So you better spill what this great crisis is before I get ornery again."
Alex laughed at her and they shared a smile before he turned serious again.
"This is what I know. There's this council going down in New York in one week. Leaders from the five planets of the Whirlwind Galaxy will be represented at this meeting, including both Kivar and Max. Apparently Kivar is going to offer another deal and the council is getting together to discuss it. The outcome of this council will affect the lives of billions of beings on several planets."
"And I'm guessing Kivar and Max getting together constitutes the crisis." Seeing Alex nod she continued. "Where do I fit in?"
"Well, at this council, each leader is allowed a second, someone who will participate in the discussion and advise their commander. They don't get a vote but they do have a crucial advisory role. Do you remember Larek?"
"Yes, he was the alien who would use Brody as his vessel or something, right? I haven't heard about him in a long time. As best as we could tell, after Brody went crazy that night at the U.F.O. Museum, he never came back. At least he hadn't three years ago," she added.
"Well, he's back now, though he's not using Brody anymore. He's the chair of this council, in fact. Another Guardian has been whispering to him about his second, about who he needs to ask."
"I don't think I like where this is going," she warned.
"Liz, Larek is going to call you tomorrow morning, tell you about the council, and ask you to be his second."
"You're telling me some all powerful king of a distant planet wants me to be his second in command in some inter-galactic peace concord." Liz resisted the urge to laugh. "Me, a senior bio-chem major. I think he'd do a lot better looking down the street at the poli-sci department. Lots of smart people there, much better help."
"Liz, you know this isn't about diplomacy," Alex remarked softly.
"Well, what is it about? The fact that I used to date one of the other leaders? Because I'll tell you right now, I don't think that's going to be much of a bonus."
"It may have something to do with that. Don't discount your influence over Max." Liz opened her mouth to protest but Alex cut her off. "I know I don't know everything, but I speak from a different perspective. When you get a little distance, some things get clearer. You might be surprised the influence you can have on people, even when you think they could care less about you. Just keep that in mind."
"Damnit, Alex. I'm done with this," Liz contended, her voice full of bravado, as though she were trying to convince herself as well as Alex. "I don't want to keep anything involving Max in mind. I've been finished with anything alien related for some time."
"Is that right?" Alex replied.
"Yes, it is," she insisted.
Alex looked at her thoughtfully and for a few moments Liz wondered if he was going to drop the issue. Instead he asked her a question.
"Does that happen often?" He looked over her shoulder and with a nod of his head drew her attention to something behind her.
"What?" she asked as she turned to see what he was referring to.
"How many other things have you blown up lately?" As he spoke her eyes were drawn to the shards of lamp in the hall.
"Uh? Oh, well, another lamp in my bedroom the other day. But I was really stressed and tired and..." Liz turned back around to look at him, eyes narrowed. "I don't like what you're getting at."
"Liz, whether you like it or not, and look, I understand the not, you are a part of this mess. And it's those powers you've got, the ones we've danced around discussing, that are the real reason Larek needs you."
"Well I don't want to be needed by him or any other alien. I want out!" she declared fervently. "Out of this stupid insanity, out of the world of aliens."
"Then why do you keep up with a certain Dupe we all know and love?" Alex quickly returned.
Liz inwardly cursed. So much for that excuse.
"How did you know? Never mind," she shook her head. "Advanced being, I remember."
"Well that and the picture of the two of you is pretty much a giveaway." He gestured toward the side table. There, among several other pictures, her backpack, and the phone, was the incriminating photo. "I see she's still working the punk look."
"Yeah, well, she blends in just find out in L.A. And as for Ava, she just helps me with these powers."
"And that's it?" Alex asked innocently but Liz knew he wasn't going let her get away with that explanation.
"All right, all right," she sighed. "No, that's not it. She's my friend. There, you've got me to admit it. My name is Liz Parker and I'm still friends with an alien."
"Aliens Anonymous, huh? Is Maria your sponsor?"
Liz ignored his attempt at humor.
"Speaking of Ava, why not go to her? She knows the history of these planets so much better than I do," Liz found herself getting excited at her own suggestion. This was a perfect solution to both their problems. "She's brilliant, too, and for all her multi-colored and pierced exterior, really sensible. She's bound for great things, and yes, those are my superhuman instincts telling me that. She'd be a great choice for a second. Plus she'd probably be able to handle Max better. From what she's told me about Zan, Max sounds like he has developed some similar traits. She'll know how to deal with him so much better than I could."
"Liz, I think you're right about Ava, in that she's an incredible woman with a great future ahead of her. I don't think that future involves this council, though. Do you really think Max will be able to get past seeing Tess' face to hear anything Ava has to say?"
"No," Liz conceded in disappointment. "I suppose you're right."
Not to be so easily defeated, another idea popped into her head. "What about Kyle, then? He's just as connected to this mess and he's got alien powers too." Even as Liz suggested this she realized both that she was pulling straws and that Kyle would offer her no thanks for the nomination.
"I'm sure the council would be most impressed by Kyle's ability to blow things up and create fireballs that accidentally engulf his roommate's bed while you and Maria watch in horror."
Liz eyed Alex suspiciously. "I thought you said you didn't know details."
"Well, just a few of the more amusing ones," Alex confessed. "Including that one involving you and the blind date from hell your freshman year."
"Oh geez, Alex," she muttered, rolling her eyes at her friend. "You know that one? Well, there's your proof I'm not a good choice for your council. After that radio contest debacle, I agreed to try another blind date. And you apparently know how horrible it was."
"Oh come on," Alex jovially challenged. "The part where he tried to lick your hand at dinner was pretty funny."
"Not if it was your hand being licked," she retorted.
"Well as much as I would love to tease you about that night, I need to stop digressing." Alex smiled and continued. "As I was saying, the council might be impressed with Kyle's powers but it's not what they need. They need you, Liz. They need your special and unique gifts."
"I don't know what you mean," she proclaimed in attempted ignorance.
"I think you do. You know lots of things, and that's the point. When I appeared in your room, you knew it was me and not some shapeshifter or an illusion."
Oh, he was good.
"Well, I – "
"And you knew beyond any doubt," he cut her off, "that I wouldn't kill myself even though all the evidence pointed to that conclusion."
"Well, of course I knew that," she exclaimed. "Best friends know each other. I knew you would never end your own life."
"Best friends may know each other, but you've got an edge." As he spoke, she knew he was right. Her powers had begun manifesting themselves even then; it was more than just best-friend-instincts that led her to the junkyard and his car so many years ago. "Your ability to read people, to sense their feelings and emotions will come in real handy in a meeting where there is little trust on any side. This gift has helped you countless times. Liz, let it be of benefit to others."
"Nice, Alex," she muttered. Of course he would appeal to her "do-gooder" side, as Michael used to say. And of course it worked to weaken her resolve.
"And look at it this way, this job comes with some pretty good perks, including your very own Guardian to guide you through it all. Think of it Liz, if you do this, I'll get to help you and spend time with you in the process."
"Oh, so now you're resorting to blackmail? Not very angelic of you there," she quipped. He had a point though. That was an excellent perk.
"Hey remember, I said no halo. And no, I'm not trying to blackmail you. Just trying to highlight the positive."
Liz sighed, all attempts at feigned ignorance and false bravado gone. She had to deal with this seriously, but she had been avoiding it like crazy. Somewhere inside she knew the moment she seriously considered what Alex was saying would be the same moment she agreed to it all. Still, sometimes it felt good to fight off the inevitable.
"It's not that I can't do this. It's just..." She tried to find the words to express her concern. "Alex, it took me a lot of time, energy, tears, and a couple bad incidents with tequila for me to get over this. Well, based on my initial reaction tonight I suppose we know I'm not over it. I guess I'm never over it. But I've worked through these issues enough that I can live a semi-normal life. I'm afraid that if I go back into the crazed world of alien kings, of one king in particular, I won't recover."
"Liz, I don't know what's going to lie ahead," Alex admitted honestly. "What I do know is that you would not be called on if the Greatest Being thought you would be definitely doomed by it all. I'm not saying it won't hurt or that it won't be scary or that it won't bring up old issues you had laid to rest. What I am saying is that no matter what comes your way, I will be there with you, listening to you and loving you."
"Alex, I'm scared," she confessed, her voice breaking a little as she spoke, causing Alex to move down the couch so he was sitting right next to her.
"I know. This work is scary stuff. But Liz -" he beseeched as he reached out and brushed her hair behind her ear. That was something her mother used to do to comfort her. It still worked. "It's also amazing stuff. You have a chance to help bring peace to not just one world, but many. How many senior bio-chem majors can say the same? You are truly an extraordinary woman and here is another chance to use your gifts, and I'm not just talking about the superhuman ones, to do extraordinary things."
Liz said nothing for a moment. Instead she chewed on her lip as tried to fight the feeling of - not destiny, never destiny. Perhaps serendipity. When she finally did speak, she could barely hear her own voice.
"All right," she sighed. "I'll do it."
"Liz, are you sure?" Alex asked, concern clear in his voice. "I meant what I said about you not having to accept this."
"What, so after all that you're going to tell me never mind?" she asked, confused.
"No, not never mind. I just don't want you to think that I'd think any less of you, or that somehow you wouldn't still be the amazing and caring woman that you are if you didn't agree."
Liz's eyes grew wet as she looked at her dear friend. It was no wonder he had been chosen to be one of these Guardians. She knew he meant what he said, about not thinking any less of her. But she also knew he meant what he said about the chance to bring peace to several worlds. There was no real way she could say no to that. Those Greater Beings knew what they were doing sending Alex to her. She could only hope they were as wise when it came to sending her to this council.
"I know that Alex," she replied in attempt to ease his concern for her. "But you're right. This is amazing stuff and I've got gifts that can help the world. But let me say this, if there really is a Saint Peter at the pearly gates keeping track of what goes on down here, I want double points for this."
Alex grinned at her statement and she knew she had succeeded in easing his worry. "Um, things don't really run on a 'point system,' but I know you'll be remembered for this."
Liz looked past Alex to her window. Outside snow had begun to fall. When she first moved to Boston, people had warned her that she would hate the snow, that she would miss the desert. Well, she may miss the desert occasionally, but she didn't hate the snow. In fact, she loved it. It made her feel as innocent as a kid, free in the possibilities of her imagination. Right now she had to hope this snowfall was a sign. Please be a sign, please be a sign, she chanted to herself.
The sharp shrill of the phone cut off her chanting. Liz glanced at the clock on the mantle. It was nearly 3am. Who -
"Maria," Alex interrupted her thoughts.
"What?"
"I bet that's Maria. Didn't you say she was going to call?"
"Oh my god," Liz muttered. "I completely forgot."
"Understandable," Alex replied. "Look, answer the phone. I'll be back tomorrow after you talk with Larek. Good luck Lizzie. And remember -"
"I know. Say nothing about you."
"Thank you," Alex said even as he dissolved out of her sight. That might take as much getting used to as the appearing thing.
"Maria?" Liz asked as she picked up the phone and cradled it to her ear.
"Hey babe, did I wake you?" Liz could tell that even if she had Maria wouldn't have cared. She was clearly excited, and it didn't take special gifts to be able to tell that. This had to be good news.
"Nope," she answered. "I'm sensing congrats are in order."
"Liz, I love you but turn that thing down once in a while. Let me surprise you."
"Okay, sorry," Liz laughed. "I'll work on that. So?"
"So, he loved me!" Maria shrieked so enthusiastically Liz had to pull the phone away from her ear.
"That's fantastic. Tell me all about it."
As Maria began telling her story, Liz forced herself to listen to every word she was saying. There would be plenty of time to obsess over her decision later. Plenty of time to wonder what in the world she just agreed to. Plenty of time to dread seeing Max.