A/N: Aw, no one got it right. "SHUN THE NON-BELIEVER! SHUN!" It's Charlie the Unicorn! :D Honestly, I am such a sad person who has no life whatsoever and wastes her time watching videos on YouTube.
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HEY, WHO WATCHES FUN WITH AKATSUKI? Oh, God, I am IN LOVE with OmniStrife XD When you decide to watch those flash animations, be sure not to miss the 'PTA' and 'Un-Brief Briefing' episode. Both had me laughing so hard XD Especially the interactions between The Leader and Itachi or Tobi.
Disclaimer: No, I don't own Naruto.
The training grounds were quiet, serene even. In the middle were two people. One is panting, her chest heaving up and down as sweat trickled down her face. The other, a man, is standing completely still, the calm expression on his face mirroring the tranquillity of his surroundings.
Tenten held a scroll in her hand for a few moments, waiting for the right time to strike, before tossing it into the air. She leapt up and the scroll twirled around her. She then touched several kanji in rapid succession, summoning thousands of weapons; her dance of death. Manipulating them through chakra strings, she aimed for Neji.
The Hyuuga prodigy closed his eyes and reopened them, his Byakugan now activated. He switched from his fighting stance to ready himself to spin and expel the chakra from his palms. A blue dome soon surrounded him. The weapons that came down as rain ricocheted from Neji's Kaiten. He completed his rotation and held up his hand, signalling Tenten to cease her attack.
"We're finished for today," Neji said, heading for a tree to meditate in its shade.
Tenten smirked and flicked her wrist, pulling her chakra strings and sent them once more toward Neji. From his Byakugan, Neji saw her attempt to sneak up on him and once again performed his defensive jutsu. She was smiling when he turned around to scowl at her.
"That's becoming more of a habit, lately," he observed, his tone growing irate.
Tenten shrugged. "Well, you know what they say. A ninja should know when to strike and when he's going to get KO'd and be ready for those things, blah, blah, blah. I'm just preparing you for those times, you know, as a good girlfriend."
"Hn."
"Glad you saw things my way," she gave him a wicked grin.
They rested in silence for a while before Tenten spoke up again.
"Hey, um, there's kind of something I need to talk to you about," she said, sitting down next to him.
He didn't say anything but she knew he was listening.
"I have to take you to meet my parents."
"I anticipated that since they are the specific reason why we're fake-dating," Neji bluntly said, opening an eye to check her reaction.
"Yeah, but...there's more to that," Tenten paused, then she looked away. "Before this whole drama about me being a lesbian, I confided to my mom what type of guys I'd fall for."
"In short, you told her about your version of Mr. Perfect," Neji smirked. "Typical girl."
The weapons mistress pouted and touched one of her Chinese buns self-consciously. "Anyway, I'm afraid she'd notice that you're not anything that I told her."
At this, Neji opened both eyes and faced her. Tenten gulped. His squared jaw and the fearsome look practically translates to I AM NOT GOING TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE JUST TO FOOL YOUR PSYCHOTIC PARENTS. Then again, it could also mean WHAT, I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?
"Well, it's not as if I'm demanding or anything!" she quickly defended herself, holding her hands up.
He leaned back and crosses his arms over his chest, doubt appearing on his face. Is that so?
"I like guys who play guitars," she blurted out, looking sheepish. "And...guys who'll serenade me at night."
"...oh," Neji said thoughtfully.
Well. That wouldn't be hard, would it? He already knows how to play guitar. And singing isn't much of a problem. Of course, Hyuuga Neji wouldn't give in that easily. But then, he remembered those incidents that occurred at That Cursed Place so maybe, he'll agree. Just this once. Before he could say anything, Tenten resumed talking.
"You also have to know how to cook because who else will cook when we get married 'cause, you know, I can't cook to save my life," she rambled on, paying little attention to the words coming out of her mouth.
Neji nodded. He knew how to coo—HOLY HELL, WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT MARRIAGE?
"And I really like really romantic guys, the types who'll give flowers, chocolates, jewellery," Tenten continued, now having no idea at all what she's saying.
Her companion was still reeling from her previous statement. Hold on. Flowers? Chocolates? What's she trying to do? Ruin his reputation? It's like she's making him into some sort of Ken doll.
"Ooh, and you really have to notice me a lot, like when the sun catches in my eyes and they sparkle and my smile makes the world stop and you'll write poems and songs about me..."
Sparkle? Poems? What? WHAT?
"...then you'll have to be very respectful to my parents no matter how annoying they get—"
She was promptly silenced by Neji's hand on her mouth. Wide-eyed, she silently asked him what the problem is.
"First of all," Neji said. "You have a very, very unrealistic vision of your potential boyfriend."
Tenten rolled her eyes. That's why they call it dream boy, duh.
"Second, I'll agree to playing a guitar and serenading to you. Perhaps even cooking occasionally," Neji emphasized the word. "And lastly, we. Did. Not. Say. Anything. About. Marriage."
Tenten blushed instantly. Oh, shit. Did she say that? She removed Neji's hand and said, "I—I was just making a point! I didn't mean it like we're really gonna get married. I mean, I was just babbling and I didn't know what I was saying. Neji, you have to believe me on that one. I mean, I kindasortamaybe pretended as if I really am talking to my Mr. Perfect so well, duh, I wanna marry him so that just came out."
Neji merely looked at her, suddenly interested in her ramblings. Isn't she a little too defensive? He shook his head to clear his thoughts. Yeah, right. Tenten won't fall for him. Man-lady, remember? Even though she does have a far-fetched visualization of someone she'll spend the rest of her life with.
For her, maybe it's worth it.
He froze, dumb-founded. No. It's Gai, messing with him again. He sighed, satisfied with this reason.
"What do you say?" Tenten asked, bringing him back to reality.
Wait, huh? Did she say something? Neji stared at her.
"I asked if you'd be joining us for dinner tonight," Tenten repeated. She was rubbing her palms, hoping for an affirmative.
Neji pondered over her request. It's not an arduous task. He's just going to meet her parents and eat dinner at her house. How long would that take? One hour? Two hours tops? Besides, he's been brought up excellently so manners and etiquette aren't at all a problem. And this was Tenten, the person he's been teammates with, training with, friends with for...how long has it been? Neji counted the years in his mind. They graduated from the Academy and became Genins when they were twelve, and now they're seventeen. So it's been six years. Wow, that long, huh? And she's done so much for him. This is just part of his debt to her. So why the hell is he starting to feel so damn nervous?
"I'd be glad to join you and your family for dinner," he heard himself saying.
Tenten beamed. "Thank you, Neji!"
She stood up and ran toward the shops of the village. "Bye! I'll see you later!"
Neji sighed again. He had a lot to do tonight. He has to find something appropriate to wear then he'll have to buy some flowers on the way to her house. He smirked, recalling Tenten's 'requirements'. Then he'll eat dinner at Tenten's and deal with her mom and dad. He wondered when he'll have to play the guitar. After dinner, when her parents could see or later on at night, when the serenading usually happen and when it's more romantic? He blinked. Shook his head.
Damn it, Gai-sensei.
Tenten placed her finger on her cheek, concentrating. She was in a clothing store and she was choosing between two kimonos to wear for tonight. She meant for the dinner to be a very formal affair for her parents are the kind of people who'll hold these things in high regard. As she said, they are dramatic.
"Tenten!"
She turned around and saw three familiar kunoichi heading for her. Smiling at them, she said, "Hello to you guys again."
Ino fingered a light blue silk kimono before smiling back at the older girl. "So, what are you doing?"
"Just...looking for some clothes to wear to dinner tonight," she replied.
Behind her, Hinata and Sakura gave each other a meaningful glance. After Neji and Tenten left the ramen stall, Sasuke instructed them to follow Tenten and guilt her/ coerce her/ whatever-your-girly-method-is into spilling their secret. Sakura asked him why he cares so much. Sasuke reasoned that he's not going to let Hyuuga get better than him. Sakura had not-so-discreetly scoffed, "Why go all through this trouble when you could date me and get even?", an idea Sasuke rejected and muttered, "It's payback for the last time we fought. Byakugan is better than Sharingan, my ass."
"Oh, dinner," Sakura drawled, causing Tenten to raise an eyebrow at her.
"Yes, dinner. I'm taking Neji to meet my parents tonight," Tenten informed them, weaving through the sea of kimonos on the racks.
Hinata took this as her cue. Initially, she refused to cooperate into this Revealing of The Secret (PS: And Kicking Neji's Ass) but when the others told her either Tenten or Neji would get hurt during this charade, she finally gave in. "Tenten-san, um, you know, it isn't like Neji-nii san to get a girlfriend."
Tenten narrowed her eyes as she picked out a champagne-coloured kimono with flowers embroidered at the hems. "Have you heard what they say about love making people do impossible things?"
"Well, yeah, but for him to be so submissive about it..." Ino trailed off.
Tenten, exasperated, placed a hand on her hip and turned around. "Listen, I don't understand what you guys are doing—"
"—almost as if this was some sort of plot," Sakura finished what she was saying when Tenten told them off.
The brunette glared at her. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Tenten, are you faking this relationship?" Ino demanded.
Tenten stiffened. Then she laughed. "What? What gave you that idea? You guys are so silly."
She entered a fitting room, the champagne-coloured, dark blue and tan kimonos over her arm. The other girls guiltily glanced at each other.
"Maybe we shouldn't have been so direct about it?" Hinata quietly said. "Tenten-san seemed awfully mad about it."
Ino grinned. "Exactly. Maybe a few more pushes and she'll crack."
"Leave it to you to be uncompassionate, Ino-pig," Sakura said.
"We should head back and declare this a failed mission," the Hyuuga heiress suggested.
Sakura groaned. "Sasuke-kun won't like this."
"We'll still have more chances," Ino said offhandedly. "Besides, we still don't know how they did with Neji."
At the other side of the village, three men are hiding behind a bush, stealing glimpses of a man with long, dark brown hair.
"Ugh, this is so gay!" Naruto complained. "No offense, Sasuke-teme."
A head full of messy, brown locks bobbed up and down with laughter. "If you think this is wrong, then you really have to come with us during our missions. One time, Shino and I had to transform into hookers since Hinata didn't want to and—"
"Too much information! Too much information!" the kitsune boy covered his ears. "God, Kiba, what have you done to Tsunade-baachan that got her giving you missions like those?"
"They were A-ranked!" Kiba shot back.
Sasuke restrained himself from burning them both alive with his Katon. It wouldn't be hard. Maybe a Kirin for good measure, too. "Why did I team up with you dumbasses?"
"Because we're hot and we turn your gaydar on," Naruto remarked, making Sasuke punch him in the face again.
"He's moving," Sasuke said, motioning for the two to follow him to the next bush.
"I'm telling you," Naruto said to Kiba. "That guy's got a bad case of curiosity and a twisted sense of humour."
He remembered the time with Kakashi and his mask. "Guy won't stop until he gets what he wants."
A/N: Sasuke's being a gossiping housewife in my fic O.o