Her Heart's Winter Thaw

By Dragonessclaw

Disclaimer: I make no money off of this story. The characters are the work of the wonderful Rumiko Takahashi, only the story and poem are mine.

Author's Note: Hey guys, I know it has been kind of depressing with Kagome's moods but I promise it will get better soon. Sesshomaru will be appearing any day now. I was going through old stories and paper's when I came across an old poem I wrote almost ten years ago and so I stuck it in here. It seemed to go with the theme of the whole chapter. Also before I begin thank you everyone for your wonderful reviews it means more than I can say.

My Despair by Dragoness

Always in the dark of night you find me,

Creeping into my bed like a thief in the night.

Your strong, dark embrace sending cold chills down my spine

Like a long lost lover forgotten over time

Squeezing the life out of me till I fear I can longer breathe

How do you always find me?

When I'm alone, weak, and afraid

Haunting me wherever I go, never able to hide

We have been companions for a long time now, have we not?

Secret lovers if you will

Sometimes I hate you, sometimes I welcome you

You're always there, my only constant

Then as suddenly as you came you start to leave

Disappearing in stages in time with the sun

Finally, after what seems an eternity you completely let go

The sun has come up to chase you away

At last I'm free, at least until another night

Farewell for now my friend, my enemy, my lover….

My despair.

Chapter 4 Kagome's Despair

Kagome woke with the thought that her mattress was really getting bad. She couldn't really fault the people since they only guaranteed 25 years but she couldn't help feeling irritated. As she started to sit up, much to her bodies protest, Kagome looked around and noticed she was on the floor. Rubbing her swollen eyes she thought about the events that led to her current sleeping arrangement. Kagome's face turned grim as she proceeded to shakily get up and get cleaned up for the day.

Now in the late morning with the sun shining the nightmare seemed far away. It was only when Kagome let her guard down that everything seemed to overwhelm her and that feeling of helplessness grew. Her grief, it seemed, had become like a drunken houseguest, always coming back for one more hug.

Simple decisions, whether to heat water for tea or even what to eat, had become almost agonizing. So, Kagome decided not to make any real decisions, she would just watch movies and vegetate. Anything was better than being alone with her thoughts right now.

Something noisy and action packed preferably but she had already seen almost everything more times than she cared to count. Forgoing her favorites Kagome picked up a pile of her American movies. Looking at the title she decided this would be good enough, this one she had only watched once and that was when she first moved into the hut.

Kagome remembered seeing it but for the life of her all she could remember was the phrase, "There could be only one."

Turning the DVD case over Kagome was about to read the synopsis of Highlander when she realized it didn't really matter. She doubted she would pay much attention anyway other than to laugh at what she now knew were terrible and unrealistic fighting styles.

Heading into the pantry Kagome selected one of the many wine bottles that lined the far wall. All of the wines were in different stages of readiness, the only indication the balloons around the mouth in place of a lid. Going toward the bottle that had one of the biggest balloons Kagome grabbed and left the pantry without even bothering to look and see what kind it was.

Kagome knew she should eat some food for breakfast instead of just liquor but she couldn't seem to get it in her to care. At the mere thought of food her stomach started to flip and her mouth started to water in that tell tale sign that promised vomiting. Nope this would do. She shouldn't feel ashamed, Kagome was no quitter but even she deserved at least one day to feel sorry for herself.

Plopping down in front of the portable DVD player she had adapted, THANK KAMI for How To books and hydraulics, Kagome then filled up her empty glass from the previous day and started the movie.

After the first thirty minutes Kagome actually started to get into the movie. It was everything she needed to take her mind off of things and the action scenes weren't too bad. After a while between the total lack of sleep and the wine Kagome's eyelids started to droop and she drifted off.

When Kagome woke the movie was close to the end and apparently Duncan Macleod, who was immortal, was thinking back over his life or something. Kagome could not recall this exact point in the movie but she started feeling antsy none the less. However, chucking it up to her overly emotional night Kagome ignored her feelings. That was until she heard the song playing while memories of different times in his life were shown.

(Song Lyrics)

There's no time for us

It's all decided for us

This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us

Who wants to live forever?

Who wants to love forever?

Oooohhh, when love must die!

At the stinging in her eyes Kagome decided that she'd had enough, it seemed like everything was against her. The fortieth anniversary of Inuyasha's death was coming up and instead of getting easier it seemed as though it was getting harder. She always had trouble sleeping around this time but this was getting ridiculous. She couldn't seem to go five minutes without breaking down in a blubbering heap and she still had quite a few years to go before they invented Zoloft. Letting out a sigh Kagome decided it was time to pay his grave a visit, maybe she just needed to talk to him now instead of waiting for the actual anniversary.

Until next time guys, Next chapter will let you know all about Shippo.

Song- Who Wants to Live Forever by Queen

Duncan Macleod- Main character of the movie Highlander

Balloons on the bottles: This was an old fashioned way of making different types of fruity wine. The balloons would blow up as the wine fermented and gave off gases. It was something more in the United States but I threw it in here anyway. Once you figured out how big the balloon should be for your tastes then you could just look at the size instead of sampling the wine every time to see if it was ready. My great grandmother taught me how when I was younger, by the way she just turned 103 this year even though she only owns up to 101. ^_^ I still have many fond memories of going down into her wine cellar to help and the various pretty colored balloons sticking out of the bottles. ^_^