Chapter 3

To Know You

In the courtyard, just behind the fountain and in the center of the miniature garden, lies a statue of Kenji Fujikawa, the academy's founder who died sixty years ago. The bronze arms of the figure extend outwards towards the east where the sun rises. It was built to not only commemorate Fujikawa's achievements with the school, but to also reference the rising sun as a beacon of hope, a chance for new beginnings, and a promissory note that there will always be a brighter tomorrow.

A new beginning, hope.

If I'm being honest, I'm lacking a bit of hope right now. I had spent a lot of my day both dreading and anticipating this moment, continually going over what I would say when this moment finally arrived, or what I would do, or how I would feel, even. And yet, when the moment is finally here, when the moment is now, I'm speechless.

I sit in front of Monika, the club president, my friend, my tormentor. I don't know what to refer to her as anymore; there's just so much conflict within my mind that my whole ideology on her has become twisted into something incomprehensible. On one hand, I want to understand her; I want her to tell me what happened, tell me why she needed to do this and how she did it. But, on the other hand, I want to hate her, I want to throw her out of my life forever no matter how she feels about what she did or however she justifies it.

Monika could express a thousand words just by looking at me a certain way, yet her meaning wasn't always direct. Instead, it was like poetry, it came from within and was layered with so many meanings that it made my head hurt. Earlier today, for example, when we were all talking with each other over tea and cupcakes, she had seemed happy to be with her friends, but her eyes told me a different story. Those green pools had looked so empty and full of pain. Did she regret her actions, or did she wish she had kept me in the void with her?

Right now, I'm not sure if I want to know. It's just so much easier for me to believe that Monika was no good. I almost don't want to see it from her perspective. I have so much anger that I don't think I could stand her justifying her actions in front of me after everything I've seen unfold because of her. But, at the very least, I still want to know how she did it. That's no human feat to simply modify someone's state of being and then going on to affect the hands of time. There's so much I need to talk to her about, but I don't know how I can get through it. It's frustrating.

"Hey, Akira," Monika breaks my concentration, "Since when did you start wearing glasses?"

She rests the tip of her pen against her bottom lip waiting for me to answer her. I lean forward against the teacher's desk and hang my head with a sigh, "I don't know. Since I was in elementary school," I frown at the stack of papers on the desk before looking up at Monika, "Does that even matter at all?"

My tone was no less than harsh. Monika's shoulders slump slightly as she closes the teacher's laptop and avoids eye contact with me. She glances out the window and looks into the distance before whispering something that comes off sounding like 'I guess not.'

A gentle breeze flows through one of the classroom's open windows, it ruffles my hair and sends a chilled wave throughout my body. It's funny how tranquil the world around you can appear to be when there's a storm raging from within.

"What's going to happen now?" I ask suddenly, bringing Monika's attention back to me.

"What do you mean?"

"Are the same things going to happen again? Will Sayori," I pause to compose myself, "Or will Yuri... will they still..."

"I..." she takes a breath to steady her breathing, "I don't know. I couldn't say for sure. I have no control over what happens from now on."

I furrow my brows unable to believe what I'm hearing, "What? Are you serious? What do you mean you don't have control. You had plenty of control when you took over everyone's lives," my voice grows louder with every word, and I know that I'm beginning to lose my patience.

Monika's lip quivers before she bites back, "I gave it up, okay? I don't want it anymore," she puts her head in her hands, "I thought it was a blessing. I thought my prayers were finally being answered, but it was just another curse."

I turn around and pinch the bridge of my nose, "Fine. Fine. Whatever, you 'don't have it'. Whatever the hell 'it' is," I was growing more and more aggravated by the second, I felt like I was starting to waste precious time if she wouldn't help me, "Okay. Let's just start with Sayori. I know you amplified her depression, but is there anything else?"

Monika can't endure looking at me any longer. She holds her hand over her mouth and closes her eyes tightly. I sigh impatiently, "What, Monika? What did you do?" I ask not realizing that I would hate the answer I got.

"I told her that you'd be better off," she says still not meeting my eyes, "I told her you'd be better off without her. I told her that it was obvious, after you had avoided her for so long I told her that she should've gotten the hint," her nose and cheeks become red and her lips quiver, "After she had confided in me about how insecure she was about trying to reconnect with you, I told her that you didn't need her."

I'm shaken to my core. A hideous sensation latches at my heart, and I find that my fists are clenched so tightly that my knuckles have turned bone white. I hadn't even noticed how hard I had been bitting the insides of my cheeks this whole time until I tasted the blood. I breathe hard through my nose and shake my head, "No. No, you didn't. You wouldn't."

Monika doesn't reply, she spins to the side on the swivel chair and buries her face in her hands, sniffling. I'm so stunned that I could laugh.

"So you knew," I breathe shakily, my efforts of restraining my anger were no longer working, "You knew that she would do it too. You knew she'd..." I shake my head and back away from the teacher's desk and tug on my hair, "Who are you? I don't even know you anymore."

Monika's eyes were watering as she turned to me and pleaded with her desperate, emerald eyes, "Please don't say that."

"And Yuri," I challenge, "What about her? She killed her self right in front of me. I couldn't even stop the bleeding, I couldn't get help quickly enough.. I-."

Monika stands up suddenly and tries to speak, but I cut her off, "And Natsuki," the tears finally fall, "Would you have killed her too? Would you have made me watch her die too? What else were you going to do to us?"

Monika maneuvers around the desk and grabs hold of my collar, her whole body is shaking as tears cascade down her cheeks. She looks me in the eye briefly, and I can see the pain and remorse. It throws the hatred I don't want to let go aside as she buries her head in my chest while still holding on to my collar, "I just wanted you to see me."

And those words break me because I understand exactly what she meant... I had felt like that with my own father. It was a bitter, painful feeling chasing after someone knowing that you'll never reach them no matter what and they'll never see you.

Monika begins to speak through her tears, "I had this- this power and I thought I could finally get what I wanted. I thought the world was finally giving me my chance to be happy, to be alive, but I lost myself and now I'm-," it's hard for her to go on through the tears, and it's becoming harder for me to listen to, "And now I'm losing you too. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for all of this to happen I just-," she lets go of me and wipes her tears away only for fresh ones to take the place of the old, "I'm so sorry. I-"

I wrap my arms around her back and pull her closer to me, with one hand I press her head against my chest and with the other I stroke her shaking back. I feel like I finally understand her because, in a way, she was like me. I would've done anything, abused anything the universe would've given me, to have more time with my father. I don't know what kind of pain I would've caused with the power she had, but I remember the pain I felt, and I can almost imagine her own. As I hold on to her, I can feel her knees begin to buckle and we both sink down to the floor on our knees.

I let go of her head and use the cuff of my jacket to wipe away my tears, "Hey," I gently stroke her back.

Monika hesitantly raises her head from my chest and locks eyes with me, the small amount of makeup she wears leaves thin, black trails down her rosy face. I never expected myself to be in this position, and I certainly didn't expect that I'd feel some sort of connection to her. But I think I can understand her like no one else can, "You didn't lose me. I'm still right here. I just-" I close my eyes and press my lips together in an attempt to find the words to express how I felt, but there weren't any, there was just this, "I get it, okay? Well, no, I don't. But I want to. I'm here to talk to you. After all, this is our only chance to set things right, isn't it?"

Monika moves her hands from my collar to my shoulders and squeezes them tightly before nodding. I bite my lip, "So we've gotta move past this. Together. 'Cause you and me, we're a team now, we're in this together," I assure her.

Monika's expression betrays her confusion as she struggles to find her words, "But... you don't... I thought... why don't you hate me?"

Throughout the day I've been battling myself trying to figure out whether or not I really did hate her. But all along, subconsciously at least, I knew I really didn't. I just couldn't. Not because I'm okay with what she did, but because it wasn't her. It wasn't who she really is. That person she became is who I hated, but I know that's not who I'm looking at right now.

"Because you're not really like that. I know you're not. I tried to convince myself that I hated you because it just felt better to be angry about what happened, but that's not fair. So I just- I just want to help my friends," I pause and pray that I'm doing the right thing, "That includes you."

Monika sits back on her heels and clasps her hands in her lap, she stares down at the wooden tiles in front of her knees. She looks as if she wants to cry again. I purse my lips and place my hands on my lap. I've seen many different sides of Monika in the past few days, but this is the one that felt the most genuine. It was almost comforting to me, knowing that this side of her exists, knowing that she's not some cold monster. It gives me hope.

I clear my throat and begin to speak again, "Monika, I- I can't do this alone," I stand up and dust my trousers off, "You're the only one who can help me. I wish it were easier, but I'm no superhero, so I really need your help."

I extend my hand out to her but her gaze is set on the floor. She suddenly wipes her eyes and takes hold of my hand. Once she's on her feet, she smiles at me with tears still in her eyes, "That's not true, you are a hero. You're my hero."

That was the single most embarrassing thing she could've said to me, "Monika..."

"It's true, whether you believe it or not. You saved my life, and you still haven't given up on me. That means more to me than anything, so of course I'll help you. Sayori, Yuri, Natsuki," she closes her eyes thoughtfully, "They're my friends too, after all."

"I saved your life?" I ask softly.

Despite the fact that I was practically soaring over the moon with how well this went, I was still utterly stunned that Monika said I saved her life. Saved her from what? How?

She shrugs the question off with a wave of the hand, "We can talk about that later, okay?" she tries to giggle to lighten the mood, "I think I cried enough today. Besides, we have more important things to talk about anyway, don't we?"

As much as I wanted to know what she was talking about I knew it would be rude of me to press her further. When she's ready to talk about it, she will. In the meantime though, "Yeah... uh, yeah, you're right."

Monika lets out a tense breath, relaxes her shoulders, and smiles, "Great, let's begin."

I rest my chin on one hand while absentmindedly stirring my steaming cup of coffee, "So, she had actually told you she had depression?" I ask surprised.

Shortly after collecting ourselves, cleaning up and submitting my club admission form into the school's system, Monika and I found ourselves at a family-owned cafe close to the school. We had decided it would be best to discuss our course of action away from the club room so we could get some fresh air and enjoy the last bit of daylight outside.

Monika taps the last bits of sugar out of the tiny sugar packet into her coffee, "Well, not necessarily. She never directly told me, but I had gotten the gist of what she was going through after all of our talks."

I leave my spoon in the cup and fold my arms atop the marble-topped table. I purse my lips and blow air out of the corner of my mouth, "So, how did you manage to get her to talk about it?"

"Well, like I said," Monika adjusts the white bow in her hair, "we never talked about it directly. However, being that we're the ones who founded the club, we became closer over time. It was around the time you were out of the picture."

I bite the inside of my lip, "I see."

Monika continues, "She always talked about you. She told me how sweet you were, how considerate you were, how you always looked after her... how much she missed you," Monika trails off before clearing her throat and continuing, "I guess with you being gone, it just took a toll on her. And soon enough, that happy mask she always wore just started cracking. She eventually started saying that she probably just didn't deserve to be around you, or that you were just better off without her and that she only brought you down. That all disappeared when Yuri and Natsuki joined, but I could still see it. So, while she never directly told me she had depression, I could tell that that's what it was."

Monika frowns and places her cup on the table gently and pinches the bridge of her nose, "And those things she said about herself is exactly what I used against her when I was trying to drive her away from you."

I sigh and place my hands in my lap.

There's a clear, stark contrast between the solemn mood at our table and the cheerful, energetic mood at every other table at this cafe. I take a sip of my coffee, "That doesn't matter now, alright? What matters now is that we do what we can to help her. It's just the how that's the issue."

Monika nods her head, "Right, well... honestly, I don't think there's anything we can do."

I raise my eyebrows at her as she raises her hands to silence me, "I'm saying that we're not professionals. We can't treat depression. The only thing we can do is to support her and help her to understand that we value her."

I frown and scratch my nose, "I don't know how willing she'd be to see a professional, though."

"Well, even though it's the best for her, it would be better not to rush her into it. We're just going to have to take our time with her."

As I process Monika's words, my mind suddenly reverts back to the memory of Sayori on the day of the festival. Lifeless. Unmoving. My stomach knots up, "You don't think she going to try to..." I can't finish the sentence.

Monika swallows and looks down into her coffee cup, "It's hard to say, but... but I don't think she will. It was my fault she did in the first place. At worst, the most that'll happen to her is that she's just going to have a bad weekend."

"I hope that's all," I push my coffee cup away from me and glance at the birds perched on the power lines.

"I feel a bit better though," I admit looking at Monika and smiling for the first time since we've gotten here, "I'm glad you're here to help me. I feel like we've got a good foothold on this whole situation. Well, we still need to worry about Yuri, but we can hold off on that for another day if you'd like," I add.

Monika's cheeks flush slightly, "I'm happy you feel that way," she then frowns, "Wait, aren't you forgetting about Natsuki?"

"Hm?" I furrow my brows, "What about Natsuki?"

"Ah, well..." Monika trails off once again leaving me confused. Monika looks around and leans over the table slightly and says quietly, "I think she has problems at home."

I crinkle my nose, "Why are you whispering?" Monika glares at me. I roll my eyes and lower my own voice, "Okay, okay. What do you mean by 'problems'?"

I had a good idea what she meant, but I didn't want to believe in my gut feeling. As far as I had known, Natsuki was the only one in the Literature Club who had a decent life, but there were already subtle signs that I subconsciously picked up on. I just didn't want to face the truth. I just wanted her to be the one we didn't have to worry about, but unfortunately: "I think she's being abused at home," Monika says.

"What? I mean, are you sure?"

Well, of course, she's sure, brainiac. I run a hand through my straight, dark locks and close my eyes as another gust of summer wind blows through the outside of the cafe.

"Well, I mean, have you seen her? I'm not trying to be mean, but she looks... underdeveloped for her age. And she's always so defensive about everything like she's used to being challenged by other people constantly. It's not just that, though. I saw her bruises one day,"Monika's voice gets even quieter when she says this.

Bruises?

My heart sinks.

Monika runs her finger along the rim of the white, porcelain coffee cup and brushes a strand of her chestnut brown hair behind her ear, "I... she doesn't know that I saw. She was the first in the club that day, and she was... I guess she was cleaning a cut on her thigh, but the whole area was bruised too. I couldn't bring myself to walk in on her like that, but thinking back on it... maybe I should've. I might've been able to help her."

Monika's remorse lays atop the dark atmosphere at our table. At the moment I was feeling angry, sick with the idea that someone could do such horrible things to their own child. It didn't make any sort of sense to me. I could only begin to imagine how Natsuki must feel every day. I finally understand what she meant when she said that the Literature Club was like a sanctuary for her: because there was no one there that could hurt her, and because she could enjoy what she loved there. An idea sparks in my mind suddenly, an idea that allows me to discard the sadness that came with hearing about Natsuki's situation.

"Don't worry about that, Monika. You're helping now, and I've got a plan," I say as a smile creeps upon my face. I must've looked like a psychopath with glasses.

Monika's emerald eyes gaze upon me attentively, waiting for me to tell her of my plan, "What is it?" she rests her chin on her hand.

"My sister. She can help us. She's a detective. I mean, this case wouldn't necessarily be in her jurisdiction, but I know she has connections and can get us in contact with people who can help us help Natsuki," I say.

Monika's eyes light up, "Really? How soon can you talk to her about this?"

"You see, that's the thing, I can talk to her about this at any time, but she lives in Tokyo," I explain and finally finish my coffee.

Monika crosses her arms on the table, "Then how is she going to be able to help us?"

"Well, summer break starts in a few weeks, right? When summer break starts, I usually go to Tokyo to do some part-time work at the station, so all I'd have to do is find a way to get Natsuki to come with me so we can talk to my sister. All Natsuki would have to do is tell her about what happens at her home, show her the bruises, and then we can get the ball rolling on getting her out of that house. There's just one problem-"

"Two problems, actually," Monika interjects, "First, you're going to have to get Natsuki to admit to her abuse. Second, and probably even harder than the first, you're going to have to figure out a way to get her to go with you to Tokyo with the consent of her father."

I nod my head and exhale, "Yeah, I know. But we've got a bit of time, and we've got festival prep coming up this weekend. Last time I had decided to work with Yuri, maybe now it would be better to work with Natsuki. I might be able to learn something then."

Monika smiles softly, "And while you're doing your thing, I'll be with Sayori during the weekend helping her with the festival prep and giving her someone to talk to."

I raise my brow, "I thought you two did everything online last time?"

"I told you I'd help you, didn't I? And it's like I said: Sayori is my friend too. If she needs my help I'm going to give it to her," Monika states with resolve, she has that same old fire in her eyes like she used to before everything spiraled out of control.

I chuckle, "Alright, we've got a good plan for Natsuki and Sayori. That just leaves us with Yuri, what should we do about her?"

Monika places her index finger on her lip in thought. She frowns and drops her hand on the tabletop, "I'm not too sure. I can't say I know her too well. I've tried to make an effort to get to know her but she's very introverted, so I never got much out of her. As for her problems, you obviously know they're not as extreme as you've seen - even when you were with her for festival prep. The reality of her issues are unclear to me as I'm sure they are to you."

"Yeah, I agree. She's going to be tough, but it won't be impossible. I uh," I pause and adjust my collar, "I think I can kind of relate to her a little bit. I feel like I can get through to her."

Monika looks puzzled, "What do you mean?"

I look at her and then down at the table and shake my head dismissively with a smile, "It's nothing, don't worry about it."

The green-eyed club president looks clearly unsatisfied by my response, "Is something going on? You know you can talk to me, right?"

Of course I know that, I just don't want to talk right now. I don't want to dig up the past today. I have so much more to keep me busy, to keep me feeling normal. In fact, I finally feel like I'm moving on. So I don't want these memories to keep haunting me. Even though I know I'll have to face them again soon, I can at least decide that it won't be today.

I look up into Monika's eyes, they're laced with concern, "I know, I appreciate it, but not today, okay? I'll tell you about it some other time."

I can tell that she wants to pry further, but she restrains herself with a simple nod and a quiet, "Okay."

I lean back in the wooden chair and stretch. The outside lights of the cafe click on with an electrical whir as the last rays of daylight disappear behind the tree line. I lean forward, "So, I do have one question for you," I state.

Did I ever, it was a question that has been burning on the tip of my tongue all day.

Monika rests her chin in her hand as she narrows her eyes at me with a sly smile, "Let me guess: you want to know how I did all of this, right?"

"How'd you know I was going to ask you that?"

Monika giggles, "Well what else were you going to ask me? How I get my hair to look this good?"

I shrug, "Well, your hair does look really silky, but that wasn't as high up on my list of questions as your guess."

"Cute. But, it's a secret."

"A secret? Are you serious? Monika, you-"

She begins to laugh and holds her hands up in front of her, "I'm just joking. You should've seen the look on your face."

I scoff and playfully knock her hands back, "You're a real headache machine, you know? I really think Natsuki is going to have some competition soon."

Monika tilts her head to the side and fake gasps, "Akira! How can you say such cruel things?" she then sneers at me, "Well, at least I'm efficient."

"Oh god, I know," I groan in exaggerated annoyance.

We both sit in silence for a few moments before we're overcome with fits of laughter. At the moment, it feels like the weight of the world is lifted off of my shoulders, like every piece of the puzzle was finally starting to fall into place in my life. I begin to feel incredibly foolish for rushing at her blindly with rage earlier today, no matter how justified it may have been. At least now I can start to see the real Monika - the one I knew always existed from the start. Of course, it won't be that easy to just move on from what happened, but this is as good a start as any. I briefly think back to the meaning of Fujikawa's statue because I know now that I have hope.

Monika collects herself as her smile fades from her face, "But really, Akira, it's not that I can't tell you. It's just that I want to wait and tell you later. It kind of ties into how you saved my life and if I told you how all of this was possible without any context right now, well, you'd never believe me."

"Monika, please. We both went back in time multiple times already, at this point I have my tin foil hat on and am ready to listen to anything you have to say," I joke to try and lighten her serious expression.

Monika gives me a small smile, "You're such a dork. But you understand, don't you? I'm not trying to keep you in the dark intentionally... it's just important for me to tell you all at once."

"Why is everyone calling me a dork today? It must be these glasses," I mumble before looking up at Monika, "I understand what you mean, though. You'll tell me whenever you're ready."

She smiles at me, "Thank you for understanding, you're very considerate."

I wave my hand at her, "Yeah, yeah, keep trying to butter me up so I'll pick up the tab."

"What? No, I'm not, I can pay for our-"

"Nah, I'm just kidding, I've got it," I say raising my hand up to silence her.

Monika sighs and shakes her head, "What am I going to do with you, Akira?"

I shrug and stand up to stretch, "I don't know, but we better get going, we've been here for long enough. And besides, I have a date with Sayori's demon cat."

Monika stands up and smooths her skirt out, "Aoi? She's so sweet, what are you calling her a demon for?"

I remove my glasses and tap my finger under my right eye where a small, pale scar lies, "That cat is as sweet as a pack of salt."

Monika gasps, "She scratched you?"

I put my glasses back on and sling my backpack over my shoulder as Monika and I begin walking towards the door to the cafe, "It's not the first time. That's just the only one that left a mark. And before you ask, yes, she bites, too."

Monika looks at me, looks away, and then looks back at me again before she starts laughing. I frown, "What?"

Monika shrugs, "I don't know, I guess I just always thought you'd be kind of a cat person."

I must've looked visibly puzzled because she began to giggle again, "What type of weird assumption is that? You're so..." I roll my eyes and stop in front of the door, "Alright, I'm gonna go get these coffees paid for, I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Monika grabs my arm, "Wait," she mumbles before digging through her schoolbag.

After a few moments, she pulls her cell phone from her bag, "What's your number? Oh, don't look at me like that, it's so we can stay in touch."

I give her my number, and after reading it back to me, she begins typing, "Okay, check your phone. I sent you a text."

I pull my phone out of my pocket as soon as it begins buzzing. Sure enough, I had one new message from an unknown number, I swipe across the touchscreen to unlock the phone and read the message. It was just one word with an emoji attached to it:

'dork ^.^'

"Got it?" she asks with a cheeky grin.

"You're a child," I mutter and add her as a contact.

She grins, "Good, I'll see you tomorrow," she turns to leave but then stops to look at me, "And get some rest, that's the only way you won't feel so sick. And eat a proper meal in the morning, too," she then smiles and waves as she walks away.

I return her wave before turning around and walking into the cafe to pay our bill.

AN: Hello all! This was a pretty fun chapter to write, and even though it took me a few tries to get everything right, I think it panned out well in the end. My main goal in this chapter was to show a different side of Monika that isn't covered much in-game and how it affects Monika herself and Akira so I hope I hit all the right notes here.

Next chapter is shaping up to be a pretty long one so it'll probably take me another week to finish writing (I'm almost done) and polishing it. I'm also curious how you all feel about long chapters. Do you like them or should I cut them down a bit? For reference, the next chapter is going to be around 8k words while the longest chapter written so far (Chapter 2 - The Literature Club) is sitting at 7.2k words.

Speaking of the next chapters, I'm really excited to write more of these because now we're past the introduction and can really get into the meat of the story. The festival chapters (looking to be a three part event) will be particularly fun to write, but I do have more things planned for after the festival (the summer Tokyo trip with Natsuki, for example). I'm pretty happy with this story so far and I can't wait to keep taking you all through this adventure. Thank you so much for the support on this story and I'll see you all next week!