Solas 4

I had only been in his office once, with Edward. So I took the moment to look around the space. Carlisle opened up a bag and set several things on the desk next to him. I glanced in their direction and frowned. The tweezers and needle looked like surgical steel.

"If those are steel you can't use them" I said

I was holding my arm against myself with the more damaged hand and fingers pointing upward.

"They were but I had them coated, with silver I hope that is acceptable" said Carlisle

I still had yet to tell the Cullen's exactly what I was but after the James incident there were a few things they had to know just so they wouldn't inadvertently kill me again. I froze when he said that.

"You had them..." I said

"Coated just for you, yes. I will not have a repeat of last time if I can avoid it" said Carlisle

I knew what he was referring to and I knew he still felt guilty because of it.

"That wasn't your fault" I protested

He made a scoffing noise and set a bowl on the table next to me and turned on the desk lamp. I glanced away from him for a second and my eyes fell on the broken glass in the doorway. Their house was a shambles because of me. He must have seen the direction of my gaze because he now wore a frown.

He picked up the tweezers and began picking tiny pieces of glass out of the wound. He was so gentle I barely felt him do it. My mind drifted back to the other reason I didn't want a party.

"I never wanted a party" I said

I wanted to give him an opening so hopefully I could mitigate the damage this incident did, to only the furniture.

"It's not your fault, jasper hasn't been away from human blood as long as the rest of us have" said Carlisle

The way he said that sounded as if he were giving up on Jasper ever following their lifestyle. I had to correct that.

"Still I am sorry about all the damage. Change is hard, for any species, I don't know how you do it" I said

He frowned but kept working as he talked.

"Years and years of practice" said Carlisle

I nodded in response.

"I suppose having the support of loved ones helps as well" I said

Carlisle glanced up at me and eyed me suspiciously, as if he were trying to figure out my motives. He turned my arm to get the underside and I almost lost my balance and fell off the chair. Instead I ended up resting my hand on Carlisle's waist as he worked. I watched him as he worked and noticed that except when he talked he was holding his breath.

"Have you ever thought about just doing it the easy way?" I said

I wondered briefly what he would look like if those butterscotch irises were a ruby red instead. He looked up at me and smirked ever so slightly.

Hot, I decided, he would look incredibly hot. I shifted ever so slightly because the image of that and the feeling of taut muscles beneath my fingertips made me realize just how much those button downs were hiding. I was sure he could smell how wet he was making me and he still had to treat my leg as well. Damn Bella get ahold of yourself.

"No I knew who I wanted to be. I wanted to help people even if I am damned regardless" said Carlisle

"Even if it's something you didn't choose" I said

He looked thoughtful for a second as if he was trying to figure out my angle.

"You work with the tools you have been given" said Carlisle

I frowned I didn't subscribe to Christianity's view on supernatural species because I knew for a fact some of the were older than the religion and benign. I snorted there is no way someone like Carlisle could be damned, it just made no sense.

"Carlisle you can't be damned, you've done too much good over the years for that to be so. Besides what kind of deity condemns a person for something beyond their control" I said

He looked down and I could swear that he would be blushing if he still could. He shook his head, because he had let out a sigh when I said that and I knew he had caught the scent lingering in the air, because even I could smell it now. He gave me a wicked smirk and I swear my panties couldn't be wetter if I held them under a faucet.

Yeah he knew what he was doing to me and I swear he was enjoying it. Oh you're a wicked one Dr Cullen, I take back the damned stance because you are decidedly evil Carlisle.

He threaded the needle while he talked and I envied him the ability to multitask like that, I would have stabbed my finger for sure.

"You have always been more than... gracious about us Bella" said Carlisle

He poured some rubbing alcohol on a cotton ball and dabbed at the wound. I hissed because it stung and he apologized repeatedly before he started sewing up my flesh. I flinched and unconsciously squeezed his side. I was thinking about what Carlisle said and came to the realization that Edward was holding off my change for this foolish notion.

"Is that why he won't change me?" I said

Carlisle sighed and tied off the stitches then stepped back and lifted my leg. He frowned

"It is complicated with Edward he values your humanity greatly and..." said Carlisle

"Thinks he's damning my soul if he changes me" I said

He nodded as he pushed back my skirt, and tilted my leg towards him so my inner thigh was in view, then picked up the tweezers and began removing the few pieces of glass imbedded down there.

"Imagine the situation in reverse. If you believed as Edward does could you take away his soul?" said Carlisle.

He was staring at me as if expecting my answer.

"Only if he chose it, if he asked me to, I doubt I could deny Edward anything" I said honestly,

Which was precisely the problem I respected him but he did not respect me in the same way. Edward was willing to grow old by my side but I would be the only one aging. Something that wasn't fair to either one of us.

Carlisle met my eyes and I could see he was considering my answer. He rested his other hand on my thigh and absently traced Ethan's mark with his thumb. I knew he was going to ask about it because the curiosity must be driving him nuts.

"Who did this?" said Carlisle

He sounded slightly possessive for some reason and it worried me because it was another sign the glamour was working on him.

I sighed and wondered briefly if I should share everything that happened that evening or just tidbits. Carlisle looked up at me awaiting my answer as he poured alcohol over the wounds.

"His name was Ethan and before you freak out about it, he had no choice in the matter" I said

Carlisle gave me a confused look and began threading the needle to stich my thigh as well. My blood adorned his fingers and I wondered if I could get him to lick them off.

"What do you mean?" said Carlisle

For some reason he sounded vaguely jealous. I frowned and looked at my lap, truthfully I had been horrified by my grandmother's display but could say nothing against it for fear I would take their place.

"My grandmother's idea of dinner entertainment involves….several forms of torture. An acquaintance of hers gave them to my grandmother for the night's entertainment" I said

"Them?" said Carlisle

His eyes darkened and I could see the anger boiling up inside of him. Damn Carlisle was sexy when he was pissed.

"His mate Cassie was also there, they forced him to...perform or she would be tortured for his disobedience" I said

Carlisle's mouth dropped open in shock.

"And you…"said Carlisle

"I had no choice either until Ethan gave me the chance to invoke my rights with that mark, I got them out of there and then let them go" I said

I conveniently left out that I adopted them into my house as well.

Carlisle was staring at me in shock.

"Why did you not protest this?" said Carlisle

I grimaced

"Because you do not question your queen unless you want to die a terribly gruesome and protracted end" I said

"Your queen?" said Carlisle

I nodded yes.

"Yes queen Anais is Monticello's mother and my grandmother" I said

Carlisle frowned and I wondered if he recognized the name, it was known to the voltera after all. Carlisle looked down at my lap as if ashamed of whatever he had been about to say.

"Not everything is as it seems, Carlisle" I said

He rubbed the spot and it sent a thrill through me. He deliberately inhaled my scent and closed his eyes in bliss.

"No it is not, you are so much more than I expected isobella" said Carlisle

I shifted so both of my legs were on either side of him now. He started to stand up and move away. His glance falling on his fingers. I could see that it tempted him.

"taste it" I said

Giving the suggestion a bit of power behind it. He hesitated for a second.

"It's okay Carlisle just try it" I urged and then put just a little power behind the suggestion.

I wanted to see if I had any control over him and how much resistance I would face when I broke it.

He frowned and started to raise his fingers to his mouth as if he was unaware of what he was doing. I watched as his tongue darted out and he closed his eyes in bliss. Oh gods that was hot and I swallowed nervously. He then suddenly seemed to snap out of it and his eyes widened in shock, when he realized what he had done.

"Bella...I" said Carlisle

He stepped back and I moved my legs so he could retreat.

"It's alright Carlisle I'm not mad" I said

He looked at me and I noticed his eyes were now dark as a starless night. He seemed to be struggling to regain control but I had to know what he was feeling right now.

"As I said before much too gracious" said Carlisle

I smiled at him.

"Did you enjoy it?' I asked

He gave me a look of reproach but I plunged ahead anyway.

"That is beside the point it is something I should have never done...your...Edward's... I shouldn't have...be" said Carlisle

I ignored the statement about being Edwards the boy didn't own me and never would.

"Carlisle what shouldn't you be thinking?" I said

He groaned and crossed the room to the other side, well away from me.

"Bella... I can't… I" said Carlisle

I decided to take some pity on him and moved toward him. I rested my hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry that was cruel" I said

He gave me a confused look. So I decided to use Ethan and Cassie as an example, it was only fair that he knew what I could do. Perhaps he would even agree with my assessment and make this easier on all of us.

"What was cruel, you did nothing Bella it was I..."said Carlisle

I cut him off before he could go into the self-recrimination. "Carlisle how do you think my grandmother was able to control two vampires?" I said

He frowned at me as if he were considering my words but still was drawing a blank.

"I'm not sure, why?" said Carlisle

I moved back some and removed my hand because I was certain he would be angry about this.

"Carlisle my people can…for lack of a better word enchant others to the point they forget who they are and any survival instincts they might possess, similar to how you dazzle your prey" I said

Carlisle frowned at me as if seeing me for the first time. I went on before he could deny what I had just made him do.

"Carlisle what did you want to do to me just then?" I said

He looked away in shame and I knew he was struggling with his conscience.

"Bella… I can't… please" said Carlisle

I reached my hand up and gently touched his lips to still the protest before it was voiced. Everyone was still outside calming jasper and themselves down, it was just us and I wanted some honesty from him.

"I can't give you what you want Bella no matter how desperately I want to do so, it would only hurt Edward and Esme in the end" said Carlisle

I shifted my hand to caress his cheek, somewhat fascinated by the feel of his skin beneath my hand. He caught it and stilled it before I could slide it further down.

"I think perhaps we should get you home" said Carlisle

I nodded in understanding. The feelings were there they were just stymied behind duty and loyalty. I lowered my hand and walked towards the door.