Nw150—Sorry, but you're in for a bit more emotional conflict. I can't just wrap things up nice and neatly already. But rest assured, if things progressed as planned, this should be the worst of it. All uphill from here!
Sanzojoe—Yep! Feel guilty for being so hard on Robin. You've gone and hurt his feelings. Lol.
Magma Writes—I appreciate the kind words. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Mr. Ursine—Your review cracked me up. I accept your demands and will try my hardest.
TheAlienHeart—You are too right. Poor Rae Rae just doesn't get that she can't shut her emotions off and forget they exist. This upcoming chapter will prove as much.
WitchinMoonlight—Oh, I wish I could get the hang of naming these chapters and getting it all lined up correctly. I've deleted a few after realizing they weren't loaded/named correctly. And I had this fear of deleting the entire story if I messed with the first chapter. So...there you have it. I lack certain technology skills. But I do think I fixed it. Thank you for the positive feedback, by the way!
Living A Lie
Raven stood in front of the refrigerator with a frown on her lips. She stared in at the contents with frustration. She was hungry and she had a craving for… Giving a growl of annoyance, she slammed the fridge shut and marched over to where Cyborg sat at the table. "Let me have some of that," she grumbled, snatching a piece of bacon off of his plate.
"Hey!" he cried in outrage. "Just because you're pregnant that doesn't mean you can—" One look at her expression seemingly changed his mind. "Wait, I was wrong. It totally means you can steal my bacon. Go ahead, girl."
She sent him an intimidating look before biting into the crispy slice of bacon. The instant it touched her tongue, bile rose in her throat and she gagged. Her stomach rolled with displeasure and she jumped to her feet. "What is wrong with this bacon?" she asked in horror. Rushing to the garbage can, she spit it out. Then she scraped at her tongue, trying to get the taste out of her mouth.
"There's nothing wrong with the bacon, Rae."
"It tastes awful."
"How dare you!" He pulled his plate in toward his chest, as if to protect said bacon from her harsh accusations. "Never insult a man's bacon."
"And it smells awful." She placed her index finger under her nose to block the scent, silently pleading with her stomach to stop its frantic tossing.
"You're lucky you get a pass because you're pregnant, because those are some very hurtful words."
She rolled her eyes. "Just keep it away from me, okay?" She marched back over to the fridge and yanked the door open. Again. She was still glaring in at the contents when Beast Boy sauntered into the kitchen.
"What's wrong?" he asked. "You look…more annoyed than usual."
Unable to help herself, she spun on him in anger. "You! You're the problem!"
His eyes widened at suddenly being ambushed. "Me?" he squeaked. He approached where she stood cautiously, like a frightened dog approaching its agitated owner, unsure if it had done something wrong.
They'd been getting along so well recently, so she knew her outburst was probably a surprise. But her recent discovery was too annoying to be ignored. "Yes. You!" She poked a finger into his chest. "You put a baby in me and now I can't eat meat!"
"What?" he asked in astonishment.
Cyborg sat up in his chair, wide eyed. "What?"
"Yeah!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands up into the air. "I can't eat meat. I've been trying for days. It's like it all tastes…wrong." She kicked the fridge door. "And I've been craving…" She couldn't even bring herself to say it. "Craving…" She closed her eyes, giving in to the mortifying words. "Tofu."
Cyborg burst into laughter—and she opened her eyes to glare at him once again—but Beast Boy's expression became thoughtful.
"It's a vegetarian," she said hopelessly. "This baby…it's like you. It doesn't want meat. It wants vegetables. And tofu."
Garfield's expression became one of sympathy as the realization of her sudden life change sank in. "Let me cook you something." He gently pulled her back from the fridge and grabbed tofu, some green peppers, and spinach. Then he headed to the stove, grabbing a skillet along the way.
Seeing him at the stove cooking her breakfast dissipated her anger. With a little sigh, she crossed the kitchen and joined him, leaning an elbow on the counter beside him. "I…I think the baby… I think it's like you," she said quietly. "A shapeshifter."
He turned to her with a look of amazement. "Really?" His lips tugged into a grin. "What makes you say that?"
There was no mistaking the proud look in his eyes and it brought a small smile to her lips as well. "My body…there are changes. Besides the whole tofu thing." She shrugged a shoulder. "I can smell better. My vision seems improved. I feel like…like I'm getting a touch of what your powers must be like. I figure that's coming from…" Trailing off, she waved a hand at her slightly rounded stomach.
Cyborg spun in his chair to face them. "That actually makes sense. A lot of mothers crave certain foods and avoid others during pregnancy. And when their child grows a bit, they tend to like or dislike those same foods. I've read that powers can work much the same way for pregnant super heroes."
Raven frowned at him. "Why do you know about pregnant super heroes?"
He snorted. "When we found out you were pregnant, BB wasn't the only one who started doing his research."
"You've been reading baby books?" she asked in astonishment.
Cyborg crossed his arms over his chest and arched his brow. "I have."
He didn't elaborate, but he didn't need to. Cyborg was treating this baby like a member of the team. Already, he was doing his research to help acclimate everyone to the new situation. He was doing what he could to make the transition easier, safer. She'd known her friends had claimed they were all behind her, but here was proof. It brought a wave of affection for him. "I…wow. Thank you."
He nodded. "You're welcome. It's going to be a learning experience for us all, but it's going to be a good one. This baby is a new beginning for the Titans. I'm proud of you two for choosing to rally together and work as a team. You know you have our full support for something like this."
"And speaking of support…" Robin's voice came from the doorway as he entered the kitchen. He had the morning's newspaper tucked under his arm, but instead of settling down to read it like he did most mornings, he placed it to the side and took a seat at the kitchen table. "Are you two ready to go over your interview one last time before heading out this morning?"
Raven's stomach flipped at the reminder. She glanced out the large windows to the dark city beyond. The Titans were all up early—before the sun had even risen—because she and Beast Boy had an interview this morning on Good Morning, Jump City. It was the biggest morning talk show in the area, and the two of them were going on to announce her pregnancy.
Robin had wisely advised them to take the situation public on their own before reporters started noticing her absence on the battlefield. He'd said it was better to get ahead of the situation, and she'd agreed.
"Are you still looking to reveal things as a planned pregnancy?" he asked.
Raven glanced at Beast Boy. On his nod, she addressed Robin. "We are." Her stomach growled at the smells wafting up from the skillet in front of her. The scent of peppers and tofu had never been more appealing. "Like it or not, I suppose I'm considered a role model to young girls in the city." She used air quotes around the words "role model", as regardless of her heroic actions, the media didn't often have nice things to say about her. "Unplanned teen pregnancy doesn't really paint me in a favorable light. It's better for the Titans' reputation if Beast Boy and I pose as a couple in the public eye. A planned pregnancy—though reckless—will look better. And it sets a better example for inner city kids who look at us for moral guidance."
Robin nodded. "I agree that is the best angle to take publicly, but…"
"You would never ask us to lie," Beast Boy supplied as he turned off the oven and split the contents of his skillet between two plates. "We know."
"And under normal circumstances, we wouldn't," Raven admitted, snatching a green pepper from the plate Beast Boy placed in front of her and popping it into her mouth. She savored the flavor before continuing. "The only reason I think we should lie is for the example it sets to the city's youth. That we support unprotected sex and one-night stands isn't the message we want to put out there. I think the best option is to make up some fairytale romance and run with it."
Starfire entered the kitchen with a little yawn. She was still in her pajamas—a pink, flamboyant atrocity in Raven's opinion—and looked as though she'd just rolled out of bed. "Well, then…" She yawned again, stretching her arms above her head. "Let me help dazzle you up for your interview. I will make sure you are the most beautiful, glowing pregnant woman the world has ever seen."
Raven shot her friend a look of gratitude. All of the Titans were up before dawn to help with this big day. Starfire was going to handle her attire, something Raven always struggled with for interviews. Robin had gotten up to talk tactics with them. While Cyborg had spent the previous evening going over potential questions with them. Everyone was behind them. They had the full support of their team as they went forward with this announcement. It was a good feeling, especially since she was more nervous for this interview than any other of her entire life. There was nothing more terrifying than knowing that in a few short hours, the entire world would know she was carrying the baby of a teammate.
OOOOO
Raven settled herself nervously beside Beast Boy on the interview couch of Good Morning, Jump City.
Across from her, the host, Gale Peterson, gazed at them with open curiosity. She tucked a lock of her tidy brown bob behind an ear as she asked, "Are you going to give me any clue as to what this interview is about? Robin assured me it was a big announcement, and I'll admit I'm rather curious."
Raven smiled tensely. "Sorry. We wanted to keep it a complete surprise until we're officially on the air." In truth, that gave Gale less time to come up with pesky questions. She was hoping for a quick announcement and a quick departure. It would be like ripping off a Band-Aid. She just wanted it done and over with—one quick, painful yank. Then the healing process could begin.
Gale frowned, but the reaction was momentary. Her professional expression was quickly plastered back into place. "I suppose I'll just have to find out this monumental news for the Titans in a few minutes with the rest of the world." She shuffled her notes for the rest of the morning's show as she grumbled under her breath, "I just don't understand why Robin isn't here himself if this is news that is going to impact the team so dramatically."
Beast Boy offered her a sunny smile, easily distracting the on-air celebrity from her agitation. "Trust me, Gale, when I say it will all makes sense in a couple minutes. And it will totally be worth it to have the exclusive first interview."
She returned his smile, seemingly appeased by this reminder. Having an exclusive with the Titans was always a cat fight between media members, and to be the first to announce major news… Well, it was a big deal. "You do have a point there…"
Before she could say anything else, the cameraman caught her attention with a little wave. "We're back in thirty seconds."
Raven shot Beast Boy a nervous glance. They were about to reveal to the world that they were having a baby together. She wasn't sure she was ready for this. Hell, she wasn't ready for them to be having a baby together either, but that was happening anyway. Might as well add this to the list of things she didn't feel prepared to handle. She drew in a nervous, shaky breath and was surprised when Garfield reached over and took her hand.
He offered her a smile before turning his attention to the camera.
"Four, three, two…" The cameraman pointed at Gale, and she rewarded the audience with a dazzling smile.
"Welcome back to Good Morning, Jump City! My guests this morning are none other than two members of the Teen Titans—Beast Boy and Raven." She turned to them with that award-winning smile. "Good morning, you two! And welcome." Her eyes flicked to their joint hands and her brow arched in surprise, but being the professional she was she quickly recovered. "I was asked to reserve this time slot for the two of you because, as I hear it, the Titans have a monumental announcement to make."
Raven sucked in another deep breath. Here it was. It was time. She and Beast Boy had agreed that as she was the one currently carrying a baby in her stomach, as she was the one taking a leave of absence from the team, she should be the one to make the announcement. "Yes, Gale," she said with what she hoped sounded like a pleasant tone—this announcement was supposed to be happy, so she needed to sound that way. She offered the woman a smile she prayed didn't come off as tense as she felt. "We do. And thank you for allowing us this time to share our news with the world."
Gale leaned casually back on her couch, a practiced move that gave her the appearance of welcoming and trustworthy. Raven distrusted most media, so it didn't work, but she appreciated the effort Gale put into her persona.
"So what is it?" Gale asked with put-upon interest. "New uniforms? A new high-tech vehicle? Tell us. We're dying to know what exciting new things are happening at the Tower."
"Nothing quite so extravagant. Our news is on a more personal note." Raven tightened her grip on Garfield's hand and took the plunge. "Beast Boy and I are having a baby."
Gale choked on her next inhale and began coughing. Her eyes were wide with shock as an intern raced her over a bottle of water. She took a quick gulp before placing the bottle on the table beside her. Then she sat forward toward them, her casual attitude completely forgotten. "I must have heard you wrong. Did you say…"
"Beast Boy and I are expecting a child."
A stunned silence hit. It was as if Gale didn't know what to say.
Raven shifted uncomfortably on the couch, wishing that perhaps they had given her a heads up. An uncomfortable silence over the air might be worse than uncomfortable questions.
Beast Boy gave a nervous chuckle before saying, "Surprise."
This seemed to jolt Gale back into action. She shook her head as if trying to shake off her shock. Then she offered them a wide smile. "I suppose congratulations are in order."
"Thank you," Raven mumbled, trying to appear pleased with such a thing. She truly didn't care what Gale thought. She didn't care what most people thought. She just didn't want to set a poor example for the girls of Jump City. Just because Raven had behaved immaturely and irrationally did not mean they should too.
"But I didn't even know you were dating," Gale said with shock.
Beast Boy chuckled, offering that boyish grin that had so recently gotten Raven into this mess. "We've been very private about our relationship. We try not to let our personal feelings get in the way of our job."
"So this pregnancy…"
Here was the question they'd been preparing for. This was the entire reason they were here. "It was planned," Raven said quickly. "We both know that we're young, but a super hero's life is never guaranteed. We are put into dangerous situations on a daily basis and there's no guarantee we all come home at the end of the night. We hope for that, but the future isn't definite."
Beast Boy slid closer to her on the couch, looping his arm through hers and linking their fingers together. "Because of that uncertainty, we're not like the average couple. Waiting to start a family would normally be wise, but we don't know what tomorrow will bring. We're in love now. We want a family now. So that's what we're doing."
Gale put a hand to her heart at Beast Boy's words, but they caused Raven to swallow thickly. She was never good at interviews, and lying made things even harder.
"That just might be the sweetest thing I've ever heard," Gale said in a hushed voice.
"It's the truth. I love this woman."
To Raven's surprise, Beast Boy leaned in and pressed a kiss to her temple.
"I can't wait to have a baby with her. I really can't."
Gale seemed totally and completely captivated with Beast Boy. She couldn't take her eyes off of him and couldn't stop smiling. Raven supposed if she was going to get knocked up, she'd chosen well. Garfield was always a media favorite. He seemed he could do no wrong in the public eye. Him playing the excited, expectant father took most of the focus off of her, and it made their situation seem less reckless. How could it be wrong when he looked so happy?
Beast Boy continued with the information, keeping the interview flowing. "We just wanted to let the citizens of Jump City in on our surprise. We've reached a point where it's too exciting not to share. Raven is also taking some time away from action, and we didn't want anyone concerned for her well-being. You can rest assured she's not hurt. She's just busy growing our family."
Gale reached out and placed a hand over the one Beast Boy had resting on the armrest of the couch. "I can assure you the workers here at Good Morning, Jump City are fully behind the two of you. This is wonderful news, and I personally cannot wait to meet this Teeny Titan."
"Teeny Titan," Beast Boy said with a little snicker. "I like that."
Gale patted his hand before sitting back. "Our producers backstage ran through some of our footage and they'd like to show you a little clip they've put together. You may have been quiet about your secret love affair, but apparently the signs were there if anyone bothered to look."
She waved a hand toward a large screen to the left, and a video clip started playing.
Raven's brows arched in surprise at Gale's suggestive words. The signs had been there? It was a total bogus statement. If this woman even knew the truth… What could they possibly have to show? Manipulated camera angles and misleading clips…
The video started with a clip of Raven battling Jinx. She was fighting back and forth with the sorceress, but didn't notice Mammoth charging at her from behind. Beat Boy was suddenly there. In ape form, he scooped Raven up out of the way and rolled, whisking her out of harm's way. As he rolled, his body returned to its human state and the video froze with him on top of her, gazing down into her eyes. The video cut to a different scene. This time it was her offering him a hand up after a particularly nasty fight with Plasmus. She pulled Garfield to his feet and looped his arm over her shoulders. With one arm around his back to support him and the other pressed to his stomach, she helped him hobble to the side of the road. The video then cut to the two of them on a different sidewalk. They were both battle-worn, their uniforms tattered. Beast Boy reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear. His gaze seemed to linger on hers.
Raven shifted in agitation in her seat. She remembered that battle. She'd had a chunk of tuna salad in her hair after rolling through a deli while fighting Mad Mod. The gesture hadn't been romantic. He'd been picking egg out of her hair. And the way the clip was slowed down made it seem much more intimate than it was. It made it seem as if his gaze lingered on her lips, but she knew it to be a simple trick of the camera.
Another clip followed of Beast Boy gazing longingly at her during a press conference, his lips curled into an affectionate smile.
Raven blinked in surprise. She didn't remember this one and she couldn't for the life of her remember what the look he was giving her had been for.
The video switched to a clip of them laughing together at the pizza joint the Titans often frequented. As luck would have it, they were in front of an old arcade game with none of the other Titans in sight. Beast Boy was playing the game, while she was laughing at the intensity with which he tackled the machine. She remembered that night, but hadn't realized someone had been filming the two of them together. She'd just been teasing him. It hadn't meant anything… They'd just been having a little bit of fun.
The next clip was from the same night. He was offering her a bite of his pizza—she remembered wanting to try the different sauce he'd gotten on his—and she was leaning into him. He was literally feeding her a bite of his food and the way her arm was positioned made it clear her hand was on his thigh under the table.
She blushed, remembering this moment to be much more innocent than it looked. She'd just leaned over to sample his pizza. Her hand had been placed there innocently. It hadn't meant…
She glanced at Beat Boy to find him smiling fondly at the video. It took everything in her not to frown at his reaction. She knew should be giving the same response. He was acting. That was what this interview was about. Surely, Gale was watching her face for a reaction, watching for confirmation that this video meant something to them.
She forced a smile to her lips as the video ended with the two of them leaning together against a wall, her gazing up at him with a smile, his attention focused fully on her. Once again, it was a moment in time she didn't even remember. It looked so private, so intimate, that it made her squirm in her seat.
So of course the wonderful people of Good Morning, Jump City chose to keep that picture frozen up on the big screen, like a blazing reminder of their relationship status.
"That video was amazing," Beast Boy said, his voice husky with appreciation. "I guess I really wasn't fooling anybody, was I?" He grinned ruefully. "Especially at that press conference. I should have realized there were cameras on me. Shooting my girl looks of longing wasn't the coyest decision."
"I thought it was adorable," Gale said.
Beast Boy patted Raven's knee. "It's just so hard to contain myself, you know? I love her so much." He glanced at her, offering her a boyish smile.
Raven forced herself to return the gesture. She was so focused on making herself appear happy that when he leaned in and kissed her, it caught her completely off guard. She gave a squeak of protest, then realized she couldn't pull away. Not on live television.
So instead, she forced herself to lean toward him. She returned the kiss, her free hand pressing lightly against his cheek. And despite her annoyance at him pulling such a stunt without warning her, she reacted. Her body heated at the simple show of affection from him. Her pulse raced. Her heart pounded violently in her chest. When he pulled back, she felt momentarily stunned. She licked her lips and blinked back the fuzziness in her brain.
"Please keep us informed of how the pregnancy is going," Gale was saying to Beast Boy while Raven was still working on recovering from that kiss. "We want to know every detail. And we wish you both the best of luck."
"Thank you, Gale."
With that, the camera went off and the station went to commercial.
"Well, that was worth it," Gale said with an astonished tone. "Thank you for allowing me to be the first person to announce such exciting news."
Beast Boy still had his smile plastered to his face as Gale spoke to him. "We were glad to be here."
When Gale's eyes flicked to her, Raven climbed shakily to her feet. "Thank you for having us on. If you'll excuse me…" With that, she hurried off toward the backstage area. Behind her, she heard Garfield mumble an excuse about morning sickness.
She didn't care what he said or what type of excuse he had to come up with to cover for her sudden departure. She just needed out of here. Now. She needed to get home. She needed to put that silly, lying video behind her and—
"Raven, what the hell!"
Beast Boy's voice hissed out from somewhere behind her, but she kept walking. She marched to the station's emergency exit and pushed out into the empty parking lot at the back of the building. She just needed some fresh air. She needed away from the cameras and the expectant looks. It had been an overload to her senses, and she just needed away.
"Raven!" Beast Boy pushed out of the door behind her, his face twisted with frustration. "What the hell are you doing? You almost just threw a wrench into everything we were working for back there. You're lucky Gale thinks you're just sick. Why in the world did you run off?"
She knew he wasn't trying to crowd her thoughts, but in that moment, he was. He was the main reason she suddenly felt so overwhelmed. The expression on his face as he watched that ridiculous video of them was what had her on the verge of hyperventilating. It was all just too much for her to handle at the moment. It was too much for her brain to process.
Irritation welled inside of her at his inability to give her a moment of peace and she spun on him, ready for a fight. "I'm sorry. I guess I found it a little bothersome how easily you were able to lie to the entire world." She wasn't sure where that accusation had come from, but now that she'd said it, she wouldn't take it back. He'd slipped so easily into a different persona, and that bothered her.
"That's not fair," he said tersely. "This was your idea and—"
"I just didn't realize how easy it would be for you to adopt an entirely different personality," she accused. "You were just a completely different—"
"Did you ever stop to think I wasn't acting?" he asked, his voice filling with obviously repressed anger. "Did you ever even stop to consider that what happened in there was the real me? That it's the me I want to be every damn day?" He gave a derisive, unfriendly laugh and shook his head. "No. Of course you didn't. You are so wrapped up in how this stuff affects you that you never bothered to consider that the person you get from me every day is the lie. You make me lie about what I want. You make me pretend like this is enough when it isn't. And for fifteen damn minutes I got to open up and be myself, and you're pissed about that. You're pissed that I could finally stop lying and pretending I'm okay with this situation going on between us. How selfish of me to want just fifteen minutes to actually be happy about the fact that I'm going to be a father."
"Stop," she whispered, her voice trembling.
"No," he snapped. "No, you were so ready to jump on me for being a different person. Well, you're the one making me be someone I'm not. I'm sorry the real me is such a disappointment to you."
"Gar…we promised." She felt tears leaking from her eyes and hated herself for it. She knew her emotions were running high due to pregnancy hormones, but the appearance of tears still made her feel weak. It rocked her confidence in her ability to do this, to do anything. "You promised we would do this as friends. That we wouldn't get involved. That we wouldn't complicate things."
"Well, maybe I like things complicated."
"That isn't fair," she said as a tear escaped to track down her left cheek. "It isn't that easy."
"It never is."
She stared silently at him, refusing to say anything else. Each word that had come out of his mouth had been like a knife to the heart. Did he really think she didn't care? That she didn't want more out of life than an unexpected pregnancy and a fake relationship? He wasn't the only one with unfulfilled desires. He was just the one too soft to hold up his necessary end of the bargain.
"Screw you," she finally whispered. Before he could say another word, she opened a portal back to her bedroom and hurried through, closing it behind herself. He could find his own way home.
She moved swiftly to the bed and collapsed face down onto her comforter. The first sob escaped her as she buried her face in her pillow to hide the sound. She knew she was being unfair to him, but the entire situation was unfair. Did he really think she was that cold, that unfeeling? Did he really think she didn't care?
She cared. She cared more than she'd ever wanted to. She cared so much that the stupid video played by Gale and her crew had broken her heart. Because she'd been lying to herself as she watched it. At least she'd been trying to. Each of those memories held a tenderness in her heart. Even the clips she didn't recognized had tugged at her. The look he'd been sending her at that press conference… She couldn't place the event exactly, but she knew it had to be at least a year old. And he'd been looking at her like that even back then, back before they'd had the one-night stand that had completely changed their lives.
And she knew it hadn't been simply the effects of clever camera work. She knew from the expression on his face that he cared deeply about her. She'd kind of always known. That was why she'd been weak and allowed that fateful night to happen. Because she'd always known he was in love with her. She'd just buried the knowledge deep inside and tried to pretend it didn't exist.
And the look on his face as he watched that video… It had torn her heart apart. Because living this lie wasn't working anymore. But she was too afraid to pursue anything with him. She was trapped in a miserable existence where the man she wanted so desperately to feel normal with had been within reach…except that one stupid night had taken him completely back out of reach again. The potential of what might have been between the two of them, that beautiful week of flirting and playing, had been a tease. She'd been given a taste of what a real relationship might feel like before having it yanked maliciously away. It was cruel. And it was unfair. She just didn't know how she could keep going. How she could keep pretending she didn't love him in return.
Her hands curled around her stomach and she tightened into a protective ball. For the small, beating heart beneath her hands, she knew she had to press on. She knew she had to keep life as normal as possible.
Her child needed a father. He or she needed Garfield in their life. The fear of what a messy breakup would do to their rocky situation was just too much to bear. She couldn't lose Beast Boy. Having half of him was better than having none at all.
"I just want him to be here for you," she whispered to the baby in her stomach. The tearful note in her voice filled her with anger. She could count on her hands how many times she'd cried in her life. She was Raven. She was tough as cement. But she was also a pregnant Raven and her hormones were all over the place. She felt more unstable than she'd ever been.
As if to affirm this, her dresser began to shake and books tumbled off the shelves onto the floor.
With a sob, she covered her ears with her hands and tried to block it all out. This did little to help, as she was emotionally linked to her powers. Every shaking book, every tremoring pencil felt embedded in her mind. She couldn't stop. And they wouldn't stop.
She sobbed harder, curling herself up tighter.
Across the room, an entire drawer tumbled out of her dresser, crashing to the floor. Clothes spilled out across the ground, only to be raised up in a glowing black ball of magic. They hovered momentarily before slamming into the closet door and sliding to the ground once again.
"Stop!"
Hiccupping sobs escaped her as she fought to get herself under control. She wasn't sure how long she struggled, how long she cried, but it was a relief when the door to her room finally opened. Help was coming. Whoever it was—Starfire, Robin, Cyborg—they could help her get herself under control. They could make this stop.
"Raven."
The sound of Garfield's horrified voice instantly stopped the chaos. It shocked her into a moment of stunned calm. Around the room, objects dropped to the floor. A glass vase shattered as it plummeted from somewhere near the ceiling to her desk.
"Raven…" He pushed into the room, closing the door behind him. "I am so sorry…"
She pressed a hand to her lips to hold in a sob, but the moment she forced it back, she shook her head. "No. This is my fault. I—"
"No. It's not. This is completely my fault." He made his way over to her bed and eased down onto the edge. "I tried to change the rules on you partially into the game, and that wasn't fair. I agreed to this arrangement. I knew what I was signing up for. I shouldn't have pushed you. I shouldn't have—"
"Don't leave me," she begged, her tone almost desperate.
He closed his eyes and shook his head, pain etched across his features. "It kills me that you even consider that an option." With a little sigh, he slid down into the bed, pulling her back in against his chest. "I am never going anywhere. Like it or not, you're stuck with me. Every corny joke. Every bad action movie. Every disgusting helping of tofu."
A shuddering exhale escaped her as she eased back against him. The sensation of his arms around her was like a salve. It relaxed her, calmed her. Her out of control emotions settled as she gave herself over to the simple pleasure of being wrapped up in his arms.
"I like your corny jokes," she whispered, holding tightly to his arms, as if afraid he might change his mind and leave.
Quiet fell and he simply held her. It was only when her silent tears slowed that she finally spoke. "I know what I'm asking of you isn't fair. I'm so sorry. I just…I just can't."
"I know, Raven," he whispered into her hair. "I know."
"Just please don't leave me," she begged, burying her face into his bicep. "I can't do this without you. I need you. I know that's not fair either, but I need you."
"I'm not going anywhere. I promise you that. I…I love you." He tightened his grip on her, as if afraid she might banish him for uttering the words. "Like it or not, I do. And because of that, I'll find the strength to wait until you're ready for more. I can be patient." He let out a shaky breath. "And I am so excited for this baby. Nothing you say or do is going to run me off. I'm in for the long haul."
"I'm glad." She hesitated, holding her breath. After a long moment, she whispered, "I love you too."
He exhaled into her hair, and the sound was sad. "But it doesn't matter," he whispered, knowing what she was thinking without her needing to say it.
"No. It doesn't matter." She rolled in his arms, wrapping herself around his waist. She buried her face in his chest, burrowing into the warmth he offered. "I'm so sorry, Gar. This isn't what I wanted."
"I know." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
"Maybe one day…once we know what the new normal is going to be for us…"
"Yeah," she said sadly. "Maybe one day…"
That was the dream that Raven allowed herself to fall asleep to. If they could maintain a strong friendship through the early stage of their child's life, then maybe they could revisit the idea of a real relationship. That was a day she longed for…the day she could eventually have everything she wanted and more.