Title: Which You Think You Cannot Do

Author: atlantis child (Command Dynamics), innocent choir girl When Elizabeth Weir doesn't answer any of her calls and doesn't show up in her office, Atlantis' security is about to start a search team out to find her. But John Sheppard finds her first, and what he finds shocks him.

Genres: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: Abuse, Rape, Torture, Violence

Rating: M

Chapter: 4 "Fear Makes Strangers of Those Who Would be Friends"

Author's Notes: none.

When Elizabeth didn't show up for Lorne's teams' meeting, John had gotten worried. It had been a week since he had found Elizabeth in her quarters and she had confessed she had been raped. Carson had done his job in healing her physical injuries and Elizabeth had at least agreed to see Kate Heightmeyer. Whether or not she had actually done that he didn't know. He had tried to talk to her, to let her know that he was there for her, but no matter what she was either not there or would allow him in. She was shutting him out.

After the meeting with Lorne's team, he headed off to find Doctor Heightmeyer. Maybe she could tell him something. At least why Elizabeth was avoiding him. He felt like he didn't even know her. Usually she'd at least talk to him or tell him that she needed time. Now, he was getting absolutely nothing.

When he finally made it to the good doctor's office, he found her alone and she was more than happy to have him come and talk to her. "I didn't come to have you shrink me or anything," John started. He wanted to make sure that she knew that he wasn't there for personal reasons first off.

Holding a smile, Kate nodded, "Okay, then how can I help you, Colonel?" she asked tilting her head a bit.

"I was wondering if you'd talk to Elizabeth about…about what happened," John asked right out. He wasn't going to beat around the bush. He needed to know. He wanted to know. Though, he knew that Kate wasn't going to disclose what they had talked about…if they had talked at all.

Kate wasn't sure exactly what to tell the colonel. She wanted to help. Obviously he was concerned about Elizabeth, but she couldn't break confidence. "I think you should talk to her."

"So you did talk to her."

"I didn't say that," Kate defended with a brighter smile. The colonel at least already knew, it wasn't like she was keeping much from him. He didn't know who it was, but she was pretty sure he knew everything else. Carson and Sheppard were the two that knew. That was what she had been told anyways. "Why don't you go talk to her?" Kate kindly suggested.

John sighed and rubbed his face wearily, "I haven't seen her for a week. She didn't show for any meetings… She hasn't been in her office… She's not on the radio… She's not answering her door. What do you suggest? I bust into her quarters?" John asked frustrated.

"Let her know you're here for her."

"I don't know how to do that when she's avoiding me constantly," John argued tiredly.

Kate smiled, "You'll figure it out. Why don't you get some sleep? Tomorrow's another day."

He frowned, "Day eight of being treated like a stranger instead of a friend," John responded. Getting up, he gave her a tired smile, if you could even call it a smile. It was more made up of his straight lips curving up ever so slightly at the ends. Nodding a bit, he left and trudged towards his quarters. Maybe some sleep would help. He really hadn't been getting much of it, it seemed almost foreign.

Four hours later, John woke up panting. His mind was working against him. Instead of letting him sleep so that he could try and deal with Elizabeth in the later hours of the morning, it had instead decided to haunt him in his sleep. He had been stuck on the fact that Elizabeth was most likely hurting, she had shut him out and he couldn't help her. It pretty much had painted itself into Elizabeth screaming out in pain and him not being able to find her let alone help or save her.

Rubbing his face wearily, he sat up and after leveling out his breathing, pushed the covers back. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he reached out and pulled his discarded pants over to him before stepping into each leg, zipping, and then buttoning. Tracking down socks and shoes were a harder task, but John managed and then found a black shirt and pulled it on. There was something that he needed to do. Something that he needed to do so that maybe he could sleep soundly.

He found himself at Elizabeth's door, knocking and not stopping until her door slid open. John wasn't going to just go away pouting this time; he was going to see her. He needed to see her. John needed to let her know that he was there for her.

Elizabeth looked horrible; her eyes were underlined in dark brown circles that were tinged with purple. Her dark hair looked like she hadn't brushed it in a while, which made her face look extremely pale. She had a robe on, pulled tightly around her. Her green eyes were dull; they were missing their normal luster and curiosity that normally sparkled from them. "John," she said her tone quiet, tired, and exasperated. "It's three in the morning…"

"I was in the neighborhood?" he offered knowing full well that it was lame and that she would see right through it. "Can I come in?"

Her head shook quickly before her lips could even vocalize it, "No…"

He frowned and put on his best kicked puppy dog look. "Why not? It's…" he tried to think of a damn good excuse, "Cold outside?" John put on a small smile and then teased, "You want me to sing the song? I will." He would do anything to make her smile, to make her let him back in.

"John—"

"Elizabeth, look," he said looking at her. "I've just been really worried about you… It's been a week…and you've been avoiding me… I want to be here for you." John was sincere about it, he just hoped that she'd actually let him in.

"I'm going to Earth tomorrow," she spoke up.

"Why?" John asked confused. He didn't understand why she'd want or need to go to Earth. It couldn't be for any Atlantis business, since she'd be hiding for the last week. Her hand grasping his had been something he hadn't expected, but he wrapped his fingers around her hand in response and followed her into her quarters.

Her back was to him, but her hand was still with his. "Kate made a good point when I met with her," she whispered. "I would never stand by and let a rapist get away if it had been any other member of this expedition…" She sighed and her voice became even quieter, "I just didn't want it to be so public."

"So, you're going to have this person prosecuted?" John asked surprised. As far as he was concerned this was good news, he just hoped that maybe it would let Elizabeth regain some of her strength that she seemed to have lost. Maybe the control she had probably felt like she had lost.

Nodding, she let her hand slip from his and brought it around to her stomach, twiddling with her other fingers. Her head was bowed as she thought about what she was about to say. "I want to make sure that this never happens to anyone else…" she whispered, her voice sad.

John took a step forward, but didn't reach out to touch her. He didn't want to spook her after he'd gotten into her quarters and gotten her to talk to him. It was a far greater improvement over how things had been over the last week and he wasn't about to let it get away. "Do you need someone to go with you?" he asked keeping his voice soft and gentle.

"Kate is going with me," Elizabeth spoke up. "But…I might need more moral support than just Kate…" She looked over her shoulder at him with tears in her eyes. She was so torn with things, she had feelings for John, and she was willing to admit them…and maybe that's why she had been so distant. She wasn't ready for anything right now. She could still feel violated, and she could even still feel each touch and each bit of pain she had experienced during the rape. Elizabeth just wasn't ready. She wasn't even sure if she was ready to take Caldwell to trial for rape. She knew she'd have to relive it all again, but she'd been doing that.

"You know I'll go with you if you want," John told her, his heart breaking to see the tears in her eyes. Taking another step forward, he wrapped his arms around her slowly and gently. He didn't want to freak her out and he didn't want to scare her. He just wanted to be there for her. "I'm here, Elizabeth," he whispered kissing her temple. He was dying to ask the question that she had never answered, but he wasn't ready to be pushed away again. He liked the close proximity to Elizabeth and being able to hold her and comfort her. "You need sleep," he whispered. "You can't go to Earth for anything on no sleep looking how you do now."

A small smile spread across her lips as she sniffled, "You don't look so great yourself."

"I've been haunted," he blurted. John hugged her for a minute before letting her go and spinning her around, "You need to sleep."

"You do, too," she whispered rubbing her eye.

John shrugged, "I'll sleep."

"You ended up here at three in the morning…"

"I was worried about you."

Elizabeth sighed, "We worry too much," she told him rubbing her face.

John watched her. She was definitely exhausted beyond exhausted. "Burden of command."

"Stay," she whispered not looking at him, she reached out and grasped his hand again. She wanted to sleep, she did, but she was afraid that somehow she'd be raped in the middle of the night. At least if she knew John was there she could maybe sleep for a couple hours.

'Who?' kept popping into his head, but he resisted. He was going to ruin this. John would ask in the morning. That'd figure things out then. "As long as you promise you'll sleep," he told her. Her tug on his hand and slow leading towards her bed was something that John could definitely not say no to. This would at least promise of her resting and he hoped sleeping.

Easing down on the edge of the bed, she felt John pull his hand away. She watched as he moved a chair next to the bed. She was thankful she didn't have to ask or suggest it. It was scary sometimes at how John seemed to read her mind. "You won't be comfortable sleeping in that," Elizabeth warned him.

"I'll be fine." John motioned for Elizabeth to lie down, "Time for bed."

Lying down, she settled on her side staring at him. She wanted to remember that he was there even when she had fallen asleep. "Night, John," she whispered before closing her eyes. It didn't take her more than a couple minutes for her to fall into a deep sleep. One that brought her into a soft snoring.

John smiled watching her, "Night, Elizabeth," he whispered back. "Sleep well." He had no intentions of sleeping. He'd watch her all night as she slept and if she woke up or had a nightmare then he'd be there to comfort her and to lull her back to sleep.

TBC…