One of the maids wakes me up before lunch. When I exit my room, I find another maid unsuccessfully trying to wake Amy. I tell her to carry on with her duties and let me take care of her. Once she's gone, I open the door and close it behind me after I step in. I look at Amy's sleeping form. She is truly the most beautiful creature I have ever encountered.
I tug her hair away from her face, and she responds to my touch. I lower my body and kiss her softly, hoping that will be enough to wake her. She opens her eyes slowly and smiles.
"Good morning", I tell her. "They're calling us for lunch. Are you hungry?"
"I'm starving. Allow me to get dressed and I'll join you in a minute." I kiss her again and leave the room, keeping to myself that I would rather stay and help her with her clothes.
After lunch, everyone heads to the drawing room to spend the afternoon. I excuse myself, saying I will walk to the river and throwing Amy a look. She takes the hint and asks to join me, fortunately before Edmund gets a chance to do the same. Lady Desmond looks at both of us before we exit the room, but I'm not sure what she is thinking.
It doesn't take us long to reach my secret hiding spot I've had since I was a child. The conversation is light for quite some time, but after almost an hour of laying on the grass near the river, Amy takes a moment of silence to speak.
"What do you think we should do?" I look at her, not sure of what she's talking about. "About us. About this." She leans closer and kisses me lightly. I blush when we separate and again I find her on the verge of tears. I had no idea this would be so difficult for her; I had assumed that since she had started it in my room and she had come to me at the ball she would be at ease with what was happening between us. Apparently, I was wrong. "I think I'm in love with you", she says, almost a whisper.
I can't see her this way; she is upset and I just want to see her smile again. I place my hand on her cheek, and she looks at me. "I think I'm in love with you, too". She giggles and I feel relieved, so I kiss her again. It feels like I can't have enough of her lips, and I just want more. "I'll be fine with whatever you want to do." We don't have much time left, though; of course I would rather keep her with me for the rest of my life, but there's nothing I can do to stop her from going back home.
"Even if I say that I want to be yours? That I don't care about consequences and I just want you?" Her hand goes around my waist and suddenly we are holding each other tight. I want so desperately to say yes, to tell her to come to my room tonight and show her how much I love her. But I can't; she isn't thinking straight right now and I feel like if I give her what she wants she'll regret it afterwards.
"Amy, I can't let you do that. If we take that step we won't be able to take it back. You really don't want that." It hurts to say it as much as it does to see her listening to my words.
She stands up, looking at me with rage in her eyes. "I can't believe you're doing this. I can't believe you too are telling me what to do." She starts the way back, and I try to stop her but she doesn't listen to me.
She doesn't come down for dinner. I barely speak, as I can't stop replaying the scene in my head. I feel terrible for having to hurt her, but I'm also protecting her from herself.
After dinner, Sir Arthur and Lady Desmond excuse themselves, leaving me alone with Edmund and my father. I miss Amy so much.
I sit at the piano in the drawing room and start to play while the men are still in the dining room. I know, I said I hated playing the piano, and I do, but my father always insists on it. I don't notice when Edmund enters the room and stands next to me until he speaks.
"You play really well", he says.
I blush, knowing he isn't really admiring my skills. "Thank you, cousin, but I'm afraid you're too kind."
He gives me one of his dashing smiles that conquer everyone's hearts. Well, everyone's except mine. "Clara, there's a matter I had been hoping to discuss with you." I stop playing, praying that this isn't what I think it is. "We have known each other since we were children. I have seen you become a woman. A bright and beautiful woman. I believe you deserve the deepest and most honest affection any man can provide. That being said..." He kneels in front of me, holding one of my hands in between his, and I just want to run away. "Clara, would you do me the great honour of becoming my wife?"