4. Mostly Gone
"Tight wires between us,
Pegs too deep to uproot, and a mind like a ring
Sliding shut on some quick thing,
The constriction killing me also."
― Sylvia Plath
I thought of Bruce. I figured since I thought of him in my unconscious state that he must still be alive. That's a stupid thing to assume, but I assumed it, nonetheless. It's all I had, my only little slice of redemption- as I had already crumbled so quickly.
He was everything I was afraid of- a loss of control, a reintroduction to my shadow self. This world that he lived in, it wasn't the same as everyone else's. It was unique, a breed of hedonist sentimentality boiled over with a violent and insatiable lust for the feral life. When I say feral I mean the basic, most simplistic of pleasures. Those sorts of pleasures we can taste on the edge of our tongues and feel on the tips of our fingers. It's the kind of excitement one gets when wielding power- when shooting a gun or taking something without asking. We all have those cravings. Somewhere along the way we've been conditioned to believe that we have to earn said pleasures. We've learned that somehow none of us are entitled to take the things we want. Rather we have to ask, and most importantly to humbly accept our lot when things don't pan out. That's how we behave, that's how we have to behave to function in our paradigm. Joker looks at these purported truths and sets fire to them. For me, it wasn't hard. I'd already had a spark in me, and it was by no means a controlled burn. I have to give myself credit; I'd done my damndest to keep the flame out. I'd done everything I could to not let it consume me. There were times when I felt there was no more fight in me- for anything. If there really was a so-called deepest depth of despair, I've surely seen it. Ever since I've been singed, branded, and nothing will ever go back to "normal". It all sounds exceedingly melodramatic, but it's really not. Joker's right in that I'm scared to death. It's a shocking, fucking nightmare of an event to truly know yourself…not necessarily the depths of my emotions, but the plateaus I stop at along the way. I can act however I want to act. I can do whatever I want to do. All of these big bad feelings- fear, anger, love, lust- I can rearrange and put them wherever I feel like. He's always known this about me. I've just never wanted to speak it. I guess saying it aloud would give it power, to make it so. But it's true. I'm not really afraid of him, I'm afraid of myself.
Led Zeppelin was playing. It was a strange otherworldly sound to hear as I regained my senses. The beginning harmonies of "Nobody's Fault but Mine" were blurring through the speakers.
"This one's for you, Janie." Joker remarked and turned it up, then quickly turned it down. "I want to make sure that I clarify, the fault is most certainly yours." He turned it back up.
I pressed my lips together. I didn't feel like talking. Joker was in a mood- a mood I recognized. I knew what this particular brand of folly wrought. He wanted to teach me a lesson, I could almost hear the mechanisms and devices moving about in his head. It was going to be violent and brutal for all parties involved.
The van we were in took a turn and my body smashed into the side. I ached. He'd no doubt took pleasure in manhandling my person. It made me angry. I wanted to hurt him back. I was ready to.
But when my eyes flickered open I didn't see red. I saw Dr. Grant.
I looked at him in disbelief, realizing what this meant, and the fact that it truly and assuredly was my fault. I felt a bit of that humanity return to my person as he stared back at me. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I tried to shift my position but my hands were bound.
I sat up and faced him, then glanced over at Joker who was driving. Zsasz was in the passenger seat. He was staring back at me. I lowered my eyes. I don't know why I felt such betrayal from him, but I felt it nonetheless.
Dr. Grant cleared his throat. I looked back to him.
"Are you okay?" I asked, feeling I owed him so much more.
"Are you?" His consideration cut at my core. I made a conscious effort to nod, not expecting it.
"Tally marks, could you please tell Janie that we've all been waiting for her to get up, not just the professor."
"Let him go, Joker."
He let out a long exasperated sigh.
"Don't even talk to him, Kid." Dr. Grant started. "We're going to be fine. Just,"
"That's enough of that." Joker exclaimed and veered off into an alley. He flipped the van in park and flung himself out of the car. "Zsasz, out. You're going to help me." Zsasz got out as well, and both doors shut.
I took this as an opportunity to look around. I searched for something, anything to use in defense.
"Archer," Dr. Grant halted my frantic search.
"He's going to do whatever he can to hurt,"
"I know I know. Just don't worry about it. You're going to be fine. You got away once you'll do it again." He spoke in a steady, reassuring voice.
"But that's not,"
"I know, don't worry, I" before he could continue the back of the van flung open.
I struggled but Joker grabbed my legs and dragged me towards him. "Oh no you don't." He pulled me up.
Zsasz climbed in the van and sat next to Dr. Grant. Joker scooted next to me and wrapped his arm behind my back. He pulled me closer. "Now that we're all more comfortable…"
"What is this?" I murmured.
"Emotional Purging: 101, I'll be teaching this course."
"Let Dr. Grant go." I spat.
"Au contraire, it's you that needs to let him go."
I shook my head. "You're not doing this, you're not going to hurt him. I will kill you."
"I believe that you'll try, Cherry bomb. Now, as I was saying…"
Zsasz pulled out a knife, he was super twitchy-more so than I remembered. That was probably Joker's doing. He probably had encouraged it.
"Zsasz I swear to God if you don't put that knife away I will use it to carve a smiley face into your eye, not below it."
Both Joker and Zsasz looked to me in surprise. For a brief moment, I thought it had worked. Zsasz lowered his knife and put it in his pocket. Unfortunately Joker took out his. I couldn't berate him like that, it wouldn't work.
"I've always been a servant to the masses, Janie you know that."
Here we go…another emotional rollercoaster for me, another lesson from him. I already saw it, he was going to make me choose. He'd make me choose between him and Dr. Grant. It was either that or he had some speech that was going to mess with my mind. He liked these games, he loved them. Fortunately, he was sloppy. He hadn't expected me to come back, and it was disrupting whatever world he'd created in my absence. It clouded his already compromised judgment. He certainly has a laundry list of diagnosis, but I knew one thing for sure, he wanted me. He couldn't hide that. But despite his desire, he felt I owed him a debt. At least he felt I owed him a full acknowledgement of who I truly was, an admission of sorts. But just saying the words wasn't going to be good enough this time. At the moment, I was more adversarial thanally. I was going to have to prove myself. I didn't know how to do that without putting Dr. Grant in harm's way.
I chose to remain silent. He was going to make me listen anyhow.
He sighed once more. "I always believe that honesty is the best policy when it comes to other people, especially when it comes to old Colonel Sanders over here."
"Make your point, Joker then let him go. Do that and then we'll talk."
"Now there you go assuming. Don't think for a second doll that you have some kind of bargaining chip. You and I will talk- we will have a very long, extended conversation. But first, we're going to have a therapy session. Just the three of us…and Zsasz. But he doesn't really count on the fact he's the help.
Zsasz' eye twitched, the only visible reaction to Joker's remark.
"Let's start off by cutting the tension." Joker started, then extended his body towards Dr. Grant.
"Don't touch him!" I used all my strength to swing my leg towards his person. I managed to kick him in the cheekbone. He fell backwards in a laughing fit.
Not a second later I felt hands on me. They were holding me back, restricting my movement. I then felt a firm, smack across my own cheek.
"Stay still," Zsasz commanded. He could hold on as tight as he could, but I wasn't going to go down without a fight. I continued to struggle.
In the meantime, Joker had risen. He seemed to have bit the inside of his mouth. Or I'd possibly knocked out a tooth. I was hoping for the latter.
He sat up, a faraway manic look was in his eye. He lunged.
I held in a breath to prepare myself. Surprisingly, he hadn't lunged at me.
Joker pushed me aside and attacked Zsasz with furious blows. They seemed to continue endlessly, one after another. "You do not get to touch her." He bellowed as he continued to attack Zsasz' person.
I looked to Dr. Grant. He was doing his best, but he was horrified. I should have been. But I wasn't. I took the opportunity to cut the restraints on my wrists with a jagged side panel. I quickly freed my legs as well.
I went over to Dr. Grant and started on his arms.
"You're alright?" He asked me.
"Yes," If all that happened was that I got slapped, we could call this a good night. I released his legs, and then looked over at the two violent killers duking it out. I needed to stop this. I took a breath. "Joker," I called out.
He turned. "What is it, Janie?"
"You're right." I sat back against the van.
"I know," He looked towards me. "But you're going to have to be more specific."
"Why I came back. It was for you. I mean, it was for me but for you."
"Archer,"
"Not now," I told Dr. Grant. I didn't know if I could save him, but I was going to do my best.
I don't think Joker had even heard him. He took Zsasz' barely conscious form and pushed him out the back. His body landed on the asphalt with a resounding thud.
I looked to my old professor. He hadn't aged since I'd known him, but tonight I could see it. There were deep lines set under his eyes. His hair was more salt than pepper, and he had very little color in his face.
"Kingsley, go now." I gestured my head.
"Not without you," He remarked.
"You heard her," Joker interjected. "Unless you want to repeat to her the conversation we had earlier."
I didn't know what that was about, but it seemed to have both their attention.
"Jane," Dr. Grant started.
"Go!" I raised my voice. "Just go! Move on and forget about me, and forget about tonight." I wished he would just do it. I couldn't believe he was getting the chance.
"I'm not going to,"
"Do you want me to stab you?" Joker interjected. "Because I can, gladly. Take it as you got off real easy tonight. I mean, you didn't even have to tell Janie that dirty little secret of yours."
I furrowed my brow. "What are you on about?"
Joker looked to Dr. Grant. I did as well.
He looked back at me and swallowed. "Jane," His tone was desperate, and full of something painful.
"Please go," I mouthed desperately.
"I should have helped you more, Jane. I could have,"
"Don't," I shook my head. "You didn't need to do anything."
"But I should have," He shook his head. "I could've helped you. I needed to…because you, you're the," Zsasz had risen suddenly, he was directly behind Dr. Grant. In a mere flash- he'd slit his throat.
I can't remember if I had screamed. I hope I did.
Zsasz looked directly at me as Kingsley's body fell to the ground. I couldn't process. I was in complete and utter shock. It wasn't real, it couldn't be real.
"We had an okay thing going, until you came back. It worked just fine." He stated.
I plummeted out of the van onto the ground where he'd fallen. I shook my head repeatedly, my vision blurry. In futility, my hands tried to cup and cover the massive gash in his neck. I couldn't stop shaking. Blood poured onto my hands.
"No," I murmured. "I'm sorry, it was my fault. I know..." I grabbed onto his shirt and gripped it as tightly as I could. There was nothing to be done. I rested my head on his fading chest, a futile comfort.
I wasn't ready to let him go. Dr. Grant was more than just a confidant or friend. He was the last of something. I held onto him as he faded away. I'd killed him, I'd killed myself. I let out a noise, possibly a scream. I wasn't sure if it had been minutes or seconds, but I was holding onto a lifeless body. I'd only just reunited. I couldn't process. My breaths became labored. He was gone, because of me. He was gone, and so was the Jane Archer I once knew- so completely was she gone. I could feel it, she left with him, never to return.
I gasped, and pushed the hair from my face. I tried to close his eyelids. I couldn't bear to look as I stood up. But I could certainly glare at Zsasz, who had the nerve to still be standing there.
"I released him. It was righteous. He was a zombie, just like you're a zombie."
I gave him a look, one that must've got across because he started backing up. Everything else went radio silent. All I saw was his person, and all the parts of it I was going to destroy.
I toppled him and attacked. I punched, and punched. I scratched, slapped- whatever I could do. I wanted to inflict as much pain upon him as possible. He was defenseless to my rage. Undeniably he'd already suffered from Joker's wrath, but I had no doubt mine was just as formidable, perhaps more. I continued until he went limp.
I looked to Joker, my stare unquestionably had changed. I'd felt his energy the whole time, he was feeding off of this.
He bent down next to me and placed a knife in my hands. I knew that knife. It was already open. I stared down at the green handle, then looked up to him.
"Do it, Janie."
"Do what? He's almost dead, if not already."
"Now that you have a taste for blood, do what you told him you would do."
I was drained, it took some time to retrieve the memory. "What I said about his eye, you mean?"
"Be a woman of your word, Cherry."
"What does it matter? Joker I don't, I can't take it anymore."
"Listen, you're sitting atop his body right now. Look down and see what you already did. Look down and face what you are, what you're capable of."
I looked down. Zsasz was nearly unrecognizable. It was disturbing, but only for a second. He was still breathing. A part of me hated the fact, the other part- well, the other part wasn't present at that moment.
"I just did what," I swallowed, then looked back to Joker. "Why?"
"You already know why. You have to do it. You have to finish this."
I tightened my grip on the knife. This was the only time I'd essentially agreed with him. I wanted to do it. I'd wanted Zsasz to fear me. He'd taken so much more than a person from me without even realizing. Leaving my mark would just solidify that fact.
His eyes were swollen, but I pushed his left eyelid open.
In a frenzy, he'd managed to snap back up, using everything he had to overpower me. I fought, but was caught off guard. He managed to get on top of me, placing his hands around my neck. I looked up, I could see his eyes now. I fought his hands with mine, trying to get them off of me.
I briefly looked over at Joker. He wasn't going to intervene. This was a test. My test. He wanted to see what I'd do.
Zsasz tightened his grip. "Let go, you know you want this. Let me save you from it all. Stop fighting."
I needed air. I wanted air. It was then that I realized something, something I had been unsure of for quite some time. I wanted to live.
I had taken self-defense. I knew how to get out of this. I kicked up and swung my leg until I had enough leverage to flip to my side. Zsasz lost his grip. As soon as had a free hand I placed it on the side of his head, and slammed it into the pavement. The adrenaline. I felt a surge of it. In a flash, I was standing up.
Zsasz was still squirming, scrambling…he was a fighter, I'll give him that.
I walked over to stand by Joker. He smiled at me, a smile that used to scare me- but not anymore, not after tonight.
"Give me a gun." I spoke, my voice low and deliberate.
He reached in his coat and pulled out a 9MM. I took it and made sure it was ready. I pointed it toward Zsasz. I waited for him to look over.
In a miraculous feat, he managed to stand up. However he quickly lost his balance and had to lean against the van.
"You know, I didn't think it would be you. I always thought it'd be him." He gestured towards Joker.
"Life is full of surprises." I remarked as I steadied my aim.
"Guess I don't have to worry about that anymore…" He took off his jacket, then his shirt. All the tally marks on his body were horrifying. Each one for a life lost. He ran his hands over his chest and held out his arms in a crucifix position. "I'll join the herds of those I've set free."
"I guess you'll find out if any of them were actually grateful. This is for them." With that, I shot twice. The first went in his chest, but the second I aimed higher, I succeeded.
I held the gun aimed for some time. I wanted to make sure, I needed to make sure it was done. But I wasn't kidding anyone. Zsasz wasn't the real monster.
Joker came to stand next to me. I pointed the gun into this chest.
"So you were just going to stand there, let him choke me to death?"
"Only until you lost consciousness. He wasn't going to be the one to kill you." Joker slyly snatched the gun from my grip.
"Obviously, you know that now."
"I always knew, I knew you had it in you."
"It's not hard to kill someone who deserves it."
He chuckled. "Tell that to Bats."
"This is your fault," I accused.
"Hey!" Joker turned me fully towards him. "No one asked you to come back. You did that. "You think I'd go get the old Professor if you'd stayed away? No, no you did this. Have some personal accountability."
"I know I can kill. That fact has haunted me ever since that night I killed the henchmen, but it doesn't mean..."
"Oh that didn't count. You thought you were saving that stupid family."
It was strange. My numbness seemed to bring forth a sort of clarity- a disconcerting calm.
"Why do you still care about all of that anyway? About me? After all this time you're still trying to," I shook my head. "You've moved on…I've,"
"Stop fetching for reprieve, Doll. Clearly neither of us have moved on."
I fell silent. He was right. I needed to stop disputing the fact.
I went over to Dr. Grant. I knelt down and put my hand on his chest. "Forgive me," I murmured to him. Saying it wasn't good enough. There was no clemency for what I'd caused.
"So sorry about surrogate daddy here. He wasn't that great, though."
"Fuck you. He was a good person. He cared about me."
"Did he ever, but being concerned about Janie and liking her does not a good person make…"
"You're not sorry. If it were up to you, you'd be the only person alive that I cared about."
"How close am I getting?" He chuckled, not even half joking.
I looked to him. Was this what I deserved? Did any of us really deserve anything? I needed to stop pretending that fate/the world owed me anything- or that I owed it.
"I need a phone." I started. "I need to call the police."
"He's not worth it."
"He is to me."
Joker gave me a maddened gaze, I knew he was about to push or shove me again.
"Don't you fucking dare!" I challenged. I had had it.
"Oh well, look who suddenly cares! Before you left you just couldn't wait to kill us both in a car crash. Now suddenly you're treating life as if it were some precious thing."
"I can't just leave him."
"Well of course you can leave him. You can do it just like you did before, just like you left me- even though I'm far more important to you than he is, was."
I looked down to him again. "I can't take this."
"Yes you can, get up."
I continued to stare. This was my doing. I had brought this upon him. I still couldn't process. I felt as if I were withering away. I stood up.
"Don't you ever tell me you've given up. You haven't. You're always fighting for something ridiculous."
I laughed, it was manic. It was my escape. "I can't fight with you anymore, Joker."
"And why is that?"
"Because there's nothing to fight about."
"There isn't?"
"You know me, and you know I'm not going to change. No matter what you do- no matter who you kill, I won't do it. And you know what? I know you're not going to change either. Let's just move past it."
"Hmm, interesting proposal. An internal acceptance movement…how very Zen of you."
"It's not. I'm so far from fucking Zen it's not even funny."
"Someone seems to like that word a lot today."
"I have to just let it be. There's no other choice. After months of trying to forget you and heal, it just all went to hell at the mention of you."
"Aww, how romantic."
"It's not. I hate you. I wish I never met you. Dr. Grant is dead. He's dead. He was a mentor, my friend, he..."
"He wanted to fuck you."
"What?"
"That's why he treated you special, he had a thing for you. That's why any guy does anything for you, Janie. Don't be naïve. He wasn't a father figure. More like daddy's friend from the office that wanted to get busy at parent's vacation home."
"Shut up, you're lying. You're just saying that to hurt me." My eyes burned. I didn't know how to process that information.
"Oh well you're correct on that front- I do want to hurt you. But that doesn't mean it's not the truth."
"It's not, he was a good man. He was there for me…"
"And why? Out of the goodness of his heart?"
"Yes,"
"Janie girl," Joker put his arm around me. "I'm all for individuality, but let's not be blind to certain truths. I think it will actually help you accept that he's gone…just admit the truth."
"Why is it always a mind game with you?! You just won't stop! My professor is dead. He was killed, everything you try to trivialize, all the pain and the people, and the…it all, it means something! It matters!"
"Uh huh, and what does it mean?"
"It means," I sighed, tears still perpetually falling down my face. "It means, that," My mind had been a whirlwind- a cyclone of uncertainty and doubt. For some strange reason, it all became clear, at that very moment. Radio silence, or more accurately- a crescendo. I looked up to him. His eyes, like always were wide and alert. It was that stare that horrified me when I first met him. It was that sixth sense he possessed. He knew it. His power was diving into your mind- and finding that one seed- the seed that drove you and your desires. First, he sabotaged it, he crushed it, and then immediately replaced it with a weed. One that was far more powerful than whatever you originally had rooted.
He nodded. The look on my face gave me away.
"Janie,"
I looked to the ground, avoiding the bodies, but trying most importantly to avoid his gaze.
"Look at me,"
"No," I shook my head. "You're going to have to give me time."
"You've had over a year. I mean, I can see you've grown. And I must say I'm proud. Obviously that's my doing. But this is a pinnacle moment. I'm the orchestrator. I deserve to see my prize."
"You've ruined my life."
"You said that already. And you're wrong. I've simply altered the course of it. But what you're saying suggests passivity on your part- which was not the case. Not at all. Plus, you're life's not over yet. Although I might end your life, I most certainly have not ruined it."
He was right, wasn't he? Every thought that crossed my mind contradicted what followed. I felt empty. I needed to find something to hold onto…and what better than the man that stole it all away from me?
"You're right, I'm not passive." I dared to look at him. He was still smiling. He had the most captivating of smiles, and I was only making it grow. No, I wasn't passive, not in the slightest. I'd always known what was happening. And I had done all I was capable of in my power to alter it. I wanted things to be well, and I fought for them to be such.
"You once told me I let you do all of those things to me."
"And you didn't believe me for a second. You and your Trent Reznor references. Now I'm telling you to have some personal accountability. Let's go, Janie. But as we do, know that you're doing it because it's what you've decided. You know this is where you belong."
He kissed me. He had a flair for the dramatic. These are the moments he lived for- those times where his company descended into complete insanity. That's what he was looking for. I cried, but I took his kiss, the pressure of lips on mine. I don't know if it's what I wanted, but I loved him and I enjoyed it. I then allowed myself to leave- to get away from this horrid scene. He was the exit, and I took it.
…
We rode in silence for the first ten minutes or so. He had things to say, but he's very perceptive. Joker knew I wasn't able to give him the attention he desired. It used to be horrifying, I used to be afraid of how at ease I was with him. Not anymore. He grounded me, as strange as that sounds. Perhaps it's because he was a bigger mess, he allowed me to be one. Maybe I was just crazy. I couldn't tell the difference.
"I suppose you feel that all was sufficient payback or punishment," I finally started. I figured we were going to have to have this conversation at some point.
"Cherry, the punishment for your sins is death."
"You don't want to kill me, I'm the only person who gets all of you. I don't care who this new one is, she doesn't understand."
"Ah I see, now who's manipulating who?"
"Does it matter?"
"Not really, although I'm a little surprised we've yet to have sex."
That was the absolute last thing on my mind. I guess despite it all he was still very much a human.
"It's not there anymore, Joker. That part of our relationship is gone."
Once more, I'd said something that prompted him to pull over.
He grabbed my chin.
"Maybe I don't want you either. Maybe it's just not fun anymore, because you've got no soul to sell…now that you're like me."
"I'm not like you. I understand you. There's a fucking difference."
"Don't kid yourself."
"Okay," I moved my full body towards him. "I'll do it. I'll stop kidding. You've teared down my reason."
"Ha," He grinned then leaned forward.
And that's what he did. He teared down my reason, twice.
I took great delight in the violence of us. It was safer, carrying me further and further away from my reason or rationality, for those were dangerous things at the time. This allowed me to leave- to escape from everything that happened. It slipped away when I could let out aggression. It helped when we fought for control, it felt good to feel something- even if it was pain; especially when it overlapped with pleasure. I wanted to feel, I liked to feel each strand when he pulled my hair. I savored the pressure he applied to my wrists. I especially hankered for the elation that came from pushing him down into the floor of the van knocking the wind out of him. I smiled, then drew tiny rivers of blood on his chest with my nails. Our labored breaths served as a testament to our chemistry. I wasn't afraid to moan, he wasn't afraid to growl. This was our best state.
After two rounds we laid in silence. I might have slept, it was hard to tell. It had to have been around noon. We'd turned off the van so cold had certainly crept in. You could see the small clouds from our breaths accumulate in the air.
Joker wanted to go again, but I pushed him off. I didn't have the strength nor the patience for intimacy. He grinned and grabbed a box of catering food and shoved some in his mouth.
"Want some samosas?" He spoke through chomps. "There's just enough to stick down your throat to make you choke."
"I want to find Batman." I stated and began to retrieve my clothes.
"Well hold on then, let me get my detective notebook." He sat up and began to get dressed himself.
I reached around and found his jacket. I was about to hand it to him but then I saw a glow emit from his right pocket. I reached in and took it out.
"What are you doing, looking for texts from the Mrs.?"
"I'm calling the police. They need to go get Dr. Grant."
He let out a labored sigh.
I called the police and left an anonymous tip. I allowed a few more tears to escape before hanging up. It was done. It was done and now I needed to do the only thing that mattered. I needed to find Bruce.
"I was, I was staying where he lives." Despite how close we were, I still was leery of protecting Bruce's privacy. I needed to at least keep something, some shred of honor.
"Where who lives?"
"Batman, his um, I was staying where he lives the other night and I was attacked. Men in black tactical uniforms in two black trucks came and kidnapped Batman's confidant."
"You?"
"No, his…he has a surrogate father so to speak. He was concerned about Batman's disappearance so that's why I decided to come back…because I'm the only other one who knows about Batman. That's why I came back,"
"Whatever," He scoffed. "But go on."
"I got away when they came, but the confidant didn't. Now they both are gone. I followed them and then ended up at Cobblepot's club. Although I didn't know it was his club at the time."
I paused for some time, it was clear that the cogs were moving in Joker's mind. He knew something.
"There were a bunch of dead guys in uniforms shot up in the alley of Cobblepot's last night."
"They were killed?"
"Yup."
"Who killed them?"
"One of them was barely holding on, he coughed a bunch of blood and said the name, 'Eli'"
My eyes widened. "Eli was one of the men who attacked me."
"How interesting, Janie." He voiced sarcastically. "We've already established that these were the same men."
I smirked, "Eli must have betrayed and killed them. Or the dying guy was checking to see if Eli was okay."
"I'm betting on the former. There was no sign of the old butler."
I had long suspected that Joker knew exactly who Batman was, he simply didn't care. To him Bruce was an entirely different person from Batman. Maybe it was the same for Bruce, no telling.
"Looks like we need to have a little talk with Wobbles." Joker started.
"I have no desire to see him."
"Come on, I'm sure he's dying to see you. You're old friends!"
I looked out the front of the van. The sun was bleeding in, and the high from our roll around session was wearing off. I was once more reminded of how dreadful I'd become. I looked over to him.
"We're not going to end well, are we?"
He didn't respond for some time. I found that disheartening.
Finally he looked over to me. "If you're going to be with me, you're going to do it fully. I'd rather see you dead than…"
"Don't give me that. You'll run back to that girl the second I,"
"No, Janie. You know what this is, you and me..."
The seriousness of his tone caught me off guard. I pressed my lips together. "Yeah,"
"You know I don't hate her like I hate you. You're the one that I hate most of all."
I paused, but then decided to smile. That was it, the recognition of us. I couldn't help it. This was the closest I was ever going to get.
…
We didn't go back to the Iceberg Lounge. I assumed Joker knew where Oswald lived. He seemed to drive just straight to it. It made me wonder what other kind of knowledge he possessed. I knew it was tons.
We shot our way through security in a breeze. I watched, blankly. It didn't bother me. I was going to do what I had to. I was going to find Bruce, whatever the cost. Besides, I was far past crying over dead henchmen. There was no need to pretend I was offended or even upset by it anymore. I'd seen death in abundance. Only deployed soldiers had possibly seen more than me. It's funny, I'd had nightmares about killing those henchmen for months. Sure, my nightmares were filled with other monsters as well, but mainly myself. Now however, I was the nightmare. I didn't fear. That was a world away. I wouldn't lose a wink worrying over Zsasz.
It's a funny thing, no longer having to reconcile with death. Take Cobblepot's henchmen- It was their job to die. It was a job they signed on for. I even helped shoot one in the leg that Joker had missed. I stared at the sight. Blood protruded from him as he fell to the floor in pain. I tilted my head, like a curious cocker spaniel. It was kind of fascinating.
Joker came over and kissed me. A reward? I knew I was giving him what he wanted. This is what he'd wanted from me all along.
Cobblepot was eating lunch outside by his hot tub. He looked back to us casually, as if he were expecting us. I shook my head. It was still severely cold. Why he would be outside was beyond me.
"What happened to the blonde? It's weird now, because with this one only one of you looks crazy." He stood up and turned.
He looked at me and lowered his eyes. "Are you sure, Joker? This one's trouble. You should just end this right now. She's not like the other one." He pointed towards me. "She's changeable," He shook his head "Duality, that's what I sense. It's never a safe bet."
"Who wants a safe relationship?" Joker chuckled. "And you misunderstand. Janie only likes polarity because, like you, she perceives it as a universal law. Well, she pretends that she does."
Joker's eloquence frightened me, at times. He had the ability to simplify into a few words what took me a monologue to even sort through.
And then there was Cobblepot. He was cunning, ruthless, but also for the most part sane. He had no business in this world yet, he flourished well. I'd like to learn that secret. I suppose in a strange way he and I were alike. Neither of us could decide what reality we wanted to live in; which version of ourselves we liked best. So for the present- we went back and forth between the two.
"We're here about men that were killed behind your club last night; did they work for you?" I decided I'd jump in.
"I'm sad you declined my invitation for a chat last night. We have so much catching up to do, Jane was it? I'm also curious about your companion at the club as well."
"So am I," Joker started. "But that's all dirty laundry we can sort through later. Back to the dead guys."
"I saw you talk to one of them on the camera footage." Oswald took a bite of a baguette. "What did he say?"
"Who were they?" I asked again. "We need to know."
"This is mighty interesting." He tilted his head. "We both want information, but neither parties feel particularly inclined to share. What an impasse."
Joker sighed and rolled his eyes. He took the fork that was on the table and stabbed Cobblepot's hand.
Oswald grumbled, but maintained his composure. He grabbed the utensil with his opposite hand.
"Pull it out, and I'll chew it off." Joker warned.
Cobblepot pursed his lips and let out a labored sigh. He pulled his free hand back.
"I've tolerated the plethora of looney toons in this city, a natural reaction- I told myself. You all emerged because of the Bat, naturally. Hell, I've even worked with several of them. But you, I've never been particularly fond..."
"Well not all of us are shoved along by the invisible hand." Joker laughed, and wiggled the fork. "Get it?" He laughed again, satisfied with his jocularity.
Cobblepot winced in pain, trying his best to suppress it. "What is it you were wanting, clown?"
Joker chuckled. "Well, just because you're partially immobilized doesn't mean you should treat your guests with impropriety." Joker poured himself a cup of coffee. He gestured to offer me some. I shook my head. "The men behind your club."
"Frankly I'm not too concerned with their deaths. They were hired help."
"Hired help for what?" I suspected I already knew. Was it this easy? Did Cobblepot have Bruce?" I felt my body tense up. He could be near.
Cobblepot sighed. "I usually don't give pertinent information unless I get something in return, Miss."
"Well these are extenuating circumstances." Joker started. "Like, I'll give you two minutes before I stab something more valuable."
Cobblepot sighed. "Oh the deals we miss out on because of that silly psychosis thing of yours."
Joker kicked Cobblepot's chair. He fell backwards, hard. His body slammed into the concrete and his chair made a scraping noise. As if that weren't bad enough, he partially landed on the fork. He gasped as it buried itself deeper into his hand.
Unfortunately for him, Joker wasn't finished. He got up and dragged Oswald to his hot tub. Joker effortlessly threw him over the side and forced Cobblepot's face and upper body into the water.
It wasn't then that I realized Joker's sheer physical strength. I mean, I knew he was strong, but Oswald was not a small man. He was around his height but he had a strong 75-100 pounds on him.
He flapped and made incessant noises, but Joker seemed to hold him under with ease. After a minute or so, he lifted him up.
Cobblepot sucked the air in his lungs, but the exertion seemed almost too much for him to handle.
"Sss, st," He couldn't get out the words.
"One more time?" Joker asked him, then looked to me.
I stared, blankly.
Joker shrugged, then nodded. "One more time then." He pushed him back under water.
After another bout, he let him back up. We both looked at Cobblepot. His face was beet red, but simultaneously a greenish hue.
"I don't think he's breathing."
He looked down to his face. "Really?" He shrugged. "Oh well," he dropped him back in the hot tub.
I shook my head. "No, no we have to save him." I ran over and tried to lift him. It took all my might, and great struggle on my part. I got him by the arm and lowered him to the ground.
I bent down next to him and patted his cheek. He was unresponsive. I looked up to Joker.
"Well?"
He laughed. "He sure didn't last long."
I shook my head. He knew, Oswald knew something…something about Bruce.
I started administering chest compressions.
"What are you doing?"
After the compressions, I gave him mouth to mouth. I began chest compressions again after that.
"What does it look like?" I continued the reps. "He's our only lead, Joker."
I only eyed him briefly, but my response did not sit well with him. I knew he saw it- my desperation. He wanted to get Batman back as well, but his interest was waning, at best.
"Just let him die, Janie. We'll be on a roll, today. Next stop, we'll go kill the Scarecrow!"
"No!" I shouted, "Just, just a few more times." I gave another round of chest compressions, when I felt movement in his chest.
A few moments later, water poured out of his mouth. Oswald coughed and coughed.
I helped him sit up, and watched him take several labored breaths. After a few of those, he looked over to me- realizing what had just taken place.
"Alright, that's enough of that." Joker pulled me up and away from Cobblepot. Cobblepot took a second, but managed to stand up.
"Let's go inside."
…
I hadn't noticed before the elaborate décor he had in his place. It was certainly decadent- resembling much of the furnishings at his club.
Oswald came back in from changing clothes. This time with a cane to assist with his walking. He sat down across from me in a living area.
Joker was rummaging through the house, looking for something while Cobblepot recovered. Or more aptly- semi-recovered. Joker gave him five minutes and five minutes only to clean himself up.
"I young man came to me a week ago claiming he knew the whereabouts of the Batman." He jumped right into it.
Joker stepped on the couch cushion from behind it and sat down beside me. Oswald continued.
"I naturally was suspicious, but I listened to the boy. Upon further inquiry he claimed that he knew a man who was a confidant, a friend of the Batman. It was all hearsay, I suspected. I asked who the man was, but he said he couldn't reveal that. I told him the only way I'd believe him, is if he brought that man to me, face to face. The boy agreed."
"This boy is this Eli person." Joker stated, more as a fact than a question.
"Yes,"
"Eli what?" I asked.
"Seltsman, Seltsamen?"
Joker scoffed. We both looked over at him.
"Go on," He dismissed his laugh.
"He asked for a crew to go retrieve this person. Apparently, he was formidable so Eli wanted a team to back him. I didn't want to spare any of my best men for such an uncertain task; so I hired out some help."
"You paid for him to have a team?" Joker remarked snidely.
"Yes, no one had even heard rumors of the bat in weeks. I wanted to be sure he was gone."
Joker tilted his head back and sighed. "As enthralling as this is, I'm going to speed it up and guess the ending."
Cobblepot said nothing.
"Good," Joker sat forward and clapped his hands together. "So this Eli person uses your team for…whatever he really wanted to do. And then kills all your men."
"That's essentially what happened. "We're still looking into it."
"No, that's what happened." Joker insisted.
"So I don't get it," I began, trying to make sense of all. "Why go back to your club and kill them? Why not kill them somewhere less…yours?"
"When you put the pieces together, it seems this was done by a rival of mine. I can only conclude this was a power move- someone wanted to put blood at my doorstep."
"Or at least it was made to look that way." Joker remarked.
We both looked to him. He looked to Oswald. "So what did you see on the cameras?"
Cobblepot sighed. "The trucks pulled up, they were immediately ambushed by snipers. From the trajectory, they were inside my club when they shot the trucks."
I remembered the man I'd met the night before. He was in the club that night. He certainly seemed to know everything and everyone. I really did need to meet up with him tonight, as I promised.
"So let's recap," Joker leaned forward. "Your detective work backfired because you were lazy and decided to outsource. And now you know nothing."
His words incensed Oswald, there was no masking it. "I'll find out who did this. I'll find out and they'll be handled."
"Thinly veiled threats, shoddy clean up. I'm not exactly putting my faith in team Wobbles."
"I don't care if you're crazier than a shithouse rat, do not call me that."
Joker laughed. "The original phrase is as cunning as a shithouse rat. You should know that, you're from across the pond." Joker got up and slapped Oswald on his hand. "See you soon, Penguin." He remarked, then headed out the front door.
I sighed, thoroughly disappointed. I wasn't anywhere closer to finding Bruce. All I had was a last name of some henchmen…if that was even his real name. I got up and began to leave.
As I was passing him, Oswald grabbed my wrist. I looked down to him.
"I won't forget what you did. And being as you're only half crazy, I've no doubt you're going to change your mind about taking up with him again. When you do, you're going to need an emergency exit. Consider it payback for saving my life. I owe you a debt. You know where to find me."
Before then I wasn't aware my inner conflict was so externally apparent. It was almost nice to have it acknowledged. Like yeah, I wasn't completely off the deep end, not yet anyways.
I was going to ask if he could help me get away now, I needed to meet that man later and I hadn't the first clue as to how I was going to accomplish that. I could figure it out, though. It was too small a favor to ask. I'd have to do it on my own.
I loved Joker. I'd admitted it before and there was no denying it now. It was etched on my skin ever so permanently. He was an agonizing enormous scar that I knew would never fade.
But Cobblepot was right. As much as I pretended otherwise, it felt inevitable. There'd come a time as it had before when I had to choose between Joker and myself.
If by a miracle I still had any small shred of self-preservation left at the end of this, I might have to take him up on his offer. I didn't even know if Bruce was alive, and asking him to save and help me rebuild my life for a second time was pushing it. I gave Oswald a small nod. A nod that felt like a thorough betrayal to the man that I knew I loved. It felt that way because it was a betrayal, regardless of how necessary it was to my survival. I tried and tried in spite of myself as I left to not feel guilty about it; but it tormented me nonetheless.
…