Disclaimer - I do not own Arrow.
Seriously cannot explain how much your reviews/favourites/follows meant to me.
No amount of training or physical pain that he was putting himself through could surpass the emotional turmoil that he was going through. He had lost count of the number of equipment he had broken over the past week, the amount of times he had punched through walls. Diggle was flat out refusing to spar with him, already nursing a broken rib. He had tried everything to come to terms with the pain that he had felt when he saw her face fall from realization. The moment she had understood what he had done. And he knew it was stupid. He was very aware of the fact that it was a mistake. But he also knew that he couldn't take it back, and like so many other things in his life, he wished he could turn back time and avoid the heat of the moment bad decisions. But he couldn't. And now she wasn't even giving him a chance to make things right. Not that he deserved it.
For he hadn't heard a word from her in the past seven days. Not even a whisper from her. He had tried calling, emailing, texting, showing up at her house. Nothing had worked. He knew she wasn't living at home as he had been there a number of times and he knew nothing was out of place. Being surrounded by her things was the only thing that seemed to comfort him. Her scent wafting around him, and subtly making him feel like she was still here with him.
His time was spilt between searching for her in the foundry in his waking hours and sleeping on her couch in her apartment when his body started sagging from exhaustion. And God he had searched for her. He had turned every hotel and motel in a hundred mile radius inside out for a guest under her name. But even while searching he knew that if she didn't want to be found, his IT genius would easily elude him. He had even tried to reach out to her family, only to find that her few living relatives rarely had contact with her under ordinary circumstances.
And this led to him thinking of all the times he had failed to get to know his partner and his friend. He was always too wrapped up in his own life's drama to ask questions about her life. To find out what made her into the remarkable woman that she was today. He had failed her on so many accounts he wasn't even cable of creating a list anymore.
The resounding, "I'm out" echoed in his head as if it was on repeat. He didn't know whether she meant at this very moment out of the foundry, out of QC and the Arrow Cave, or out of his life for good. But the more time that had passed, the more days that flew by, the more those words seemed to hold meaning of her never coming back. And that he could not live with.
Her absence made him come to realize exactly what she meant to him. Made him come to terms with all the things that he had refused to acknowledge before. It was like his whole life was flashing before him, causing him to set his priorities into their rightful places for once in his life, instead of going for the unattainable, reaching for goals that could never be met and in turn being disappointed in the results. He needed her. He needed her around and to be the calm that only she could provide him. To be his anchor in the storm of rage and hurt that was his life.
But while he understood that she might be the best thing that had ever happened to him, he might be the worst thing that had ever happened to her. From the moment he had landed in the back of her car and revealed his secret identity to her, she had been sucked into the pain, deceit, death and destruction that surrounded him. Her light, while next to him seemed blindingly bright in comparison to his overwhelming darkness, had slowly diminished with each of his actions. Every time he had hurt her, from the constant flow of brunettes in his life to the criminals that they fought every day, he saw the pain that flashed in her eyes for a moment before she schooled her features and went on with the mission like nothing was wrong. But he knew this time he had taken it too far. He had brought the betrayal into their safe place, a place that she had poured her heart and soul into building, for him and the team. And now it was tainted.
Sarah absence this past week, unlike Felicity's, had been a blessing. He knew that she thought it was a mistake just as much as he did and was grateful that he didn't had to confront that issue at least. Their actions had not only affected Felicity and Diggle but also Laurel. And again he was back to wishing that he could turn back time and erase one of the biggest mistakes of his life. In one moment of brain failure he had wounded the most important woman of his past and the most important woman of his present.
And so he threw in all his efforts into finding her. To make it right. To make her understand his actions had nothing to do with her or Sarah and everything to do with the release of emotions that he needed in that particular moment. But he knew that it might very well be too late. He may never have to chance to make this up to her. To explain to her how much she meant to him and how much he needed her by his side.
Diggle had been surprisingly quiet this whole week. He knew that the man was just as frustrated as him with the very noticeable absence of one third of their team. But he also knew that Digg rightfully blamed him. The silence that he had been greeted with from the other man caused him to think that he was bottling it up inside, waiting to explode at any moment.
But the explosion never came. Only a very tired and frustrated man stood before him, as if he needed to get what he was about to say off his chest.
"You need to fix this. I don't care how you do it, but you better do it quick man. That girl was the best thing that has happened to both of us these past few years. We need her, and not just for the mission."
There was no blame in his words. Just facts. And that hurt Oliver more than if the other man had yelled at him in anger.
"Don't you think I've tried? Don't you think I've turned the whole city inside out looking for her? You know she's smarter than that Digg!"
The other man just shook his head.
"You did this. You will fix this. You know I love her like a sister and I will break your neck if what you did broke her."
Oliver's heart plummeted at the words. Not at the threat but at the understanding that if he was the one to break her, he would gladly allow Digg to fulfill his promise. With a single nod of his head he walked out of the foundry.
He would find her and he would make this right.
Im sorry to everyone that wanted the big reveal. I promise its coming (tomorrow if not today) and this was more a filler chapter than anything. I just needed Oliver to hurt and maybe FINALLY realise what an asshat he's being. Because what he did was seriously messed up. So many people commented on whether its Slade or Bruce! And like no one wanted it to be Barry (thank god) seriously what where the writers thinking trying to pair her up with a CHILD. She needs a MAN.
Your reviews have been truly amazing. Just heartwarming and overwhelming - Thank you all.
Love to all - Stace