Better Angels
Chapter 4
First Days
Shinji was getting tired of waking up to unknown ceilings.
Shinji's nerves lit up with phantom pain as he sat up, reminding him that they were still upset with him. He groaned and rubbed his arm, trying to relieve the waves of burning that coursed up and down the limb.
"What is happening to me?" He asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
Instead of his nerves responding, his stomach growled with vigor, and Shinji was temporarily bent double as hunger pains tried to eat their way out of his abdomen. Groaning more, Shinji limped his way into the kitchen, stumbling to the refrigerator for the leftover takeout his agents had ordered. Not even bothering to reheat the rice and curry, he wolfed down the contents of the package, then put the kettle on to boil. Three cups of instant noodles later, Shinji's stomach ceased to howl for attention, instead reduced to satisfied grumbling as it digested the hastily prepared meal.
The clock on the oven read 0400, and Shinji realized he had been asleep for another ten hours, not including the time he had spent passed out next to Rei. Regarding his hand, it seemed skeletally thin compared to what he was used to, and the imprints of ribs could be felt through his chest wall.
Unwilling to lay back down, he headed back to his room. Three boxes and a bag, containing all of his worldly possessions, were stacked against the wall. He quickly withdrew a t-shirt and pants, dressed, and drew on a pair of socks. Tiptoeing carefully, he slipped on a pair of shoes and stepped out into the moonlit night. A man in a suit he didn't recognize was waiting as he disembarked from the elevator, holding up a hand.
"Sir," The agent said, "I need you to go back inside."
"I need food sir," Shinji replied, his belly emphasizing his point, "You can come with me or I can try and sneak away."
The agent brushed his chin, then nodded, muttering something into his earpiece as he took up a flanking position on Shinji.
"Am I… Purple?" Shinji asked, taking note of something the agent said.
The agent motioned him towards a black sedan which had just pulled up, "Yes sir."
Shinji went to open the door, but the agent beat him too it, his eyes still on their surroundings. Shinji decided not the fight the man on the topic and took his seat. When the agent took his own seat, Shinji addressed him again.
"And you're… Noble?"
"Noble-6 to be exact sir, this is Noble-7, my partner." He gestured to the woman in the driver's seat.
Shinji caught the hint from their succinct responses and dropped into silence. The car pulled up next to a convenience store and the agent let him out. Shinji felt like an observer in a surreal paranoid fantasy as the second agent entered the store, motioning him to enter a few moments later.
"Just being thorough sir," The agent murmured next to him, "This won't happen all the time, just when you're in a delicate condition."
"Delicate?" He asked.
The agent shrugged, "Nothing to worry about sir. We're supposed to treat you like a newborn kitten right now. Life should go back to normal once the doctor clears you."
Shinji pondered that as he headed inside the store. Shopping hungry was not a new experience for Shinji, but the thought that he was not required to stay within a budget may have resulted in more than a little splurging. He worried for a moment as he ran his Nerv card, but it came back with an acceptance and the cashier thanked him, tying off four heavily laden bags and handing them over.
Shinji's caretakers drove him home, even going so far as to make sure he made it through the front door, although they did not offer to carry his bags. Once inside, he set about preparing himself a breakfast for two, along with something for Misato to chew on once she woke up. Eggs and rice were followed by fried eggplant and a side of chopped greens. A large carafe of tea finished the set, and he set about himself with a will.
Later, with a full stomach, a packed lunch box, and a rack of clean dishes, Shinji found himself sitting on the balcony watching the sun come up. The door behind him slid open and Misato stepped out, slurping up one of her eggs.
"Thanks for breakfast Shinji," She said, gulping the egg down, "I'm going to get fat if you take care of me this way every morning."
Shinji glanced over at her, grinning, a combination of satiety and the peace of the morning lending him a measure of disinhibition.
"I get the feeling that you're the kind of woman whose center of gravity travels up when she gains weight, rather than going down." He remarked, casually throwing her a raised eyebrow.
Misato thought about that for a second, then flushed, "Shinji!"
Shinji's face reddened too, startled at his own audacity, "S-sorry Misato-san, I'm just feeling… good."
She ruffled his hair, "Cut the -san crap and I'll forgive you. This time."
Shinji patted the seat next to his, and Misato took it, enjoying her breakfast while they watched Tokyo-3 come alive.
"It really is worth saving isn't it?" Shinji asked.
Misato glanced over at him, "Yeah, but we don't just fight for Tokyo-3 Shinji. The work we do is to protect the whole world."
Shinji shrugged, "I agree, but I don't think I can fight for the whole world. Not right now anyway. It's too big to fit inside my head, but this, this is something worth fighting for."
Misato looked over the city she called home. It had a lot of flaws, most of which was the result of a mass exodus being undergone. A migration of non-relevant personnel was taking place. Anyone who didn't work at Nerv, or directly support the people who did, were leaving the city. She hated to think what that was doing for the economy, but the truth was that it was better that they leave rather than die in one of the many battles which was to take place here.
They would be relocated to the East, and provide what support they could from there, but the burden of actually facing the Angel attacks would only rest on the shoulders of those who absolutely needed to be here. It was still too many souls to think about on a happy morning like this one.
"Well," Misato replied, "She ain't perfect, but who loves a gal without a few blemishes?"
Shinji agreed internally, finally rising to his feet.
"I'd better get going," He said, "I have to change and head to school."
Misato let out a half-hearted squeal, "My little Shinji is going to his first day!"
Shinji ignored her, his good mood unassailable at the moment. Getting changed quickly, he packed his lunch and a few supplies he thought he might need for class into a bag and headed out. Quickly consulting a map which Misato had provided him, he headed towards his first day of education. Shinji noted the section two sedan which drove by occasionally while he was walking, but decided not to worry about it.
His first stop was the office, where he signed several forms, was issued his school notebook, and was directed to his classroom. Still an hour early for class, Shinji took the time to give himself a tour of the school. Each hallway seemed like any other, but to him it was a glorious place. Just thinking of the number of people that would be here every day, filling the classrooms and chatting about their weekend… It was amazing to behold. The best part was, he was a part of it now.
When Shinji was younger he remembered looking enviously at the middle school in the small town where he lived when he was taken shopping. He would make up stories about the games other children would play. Now he would finally get the chance to be a part of it all. A combination of excitement and dread coiled up in his belly as he roamed the grounds.
Out behind the school was a track. As Shinji exited the main building to explore the grounds, he saw that there was a lone figure working his way around the loop. The dark haired youth was decked out in sweats, a clothing choice of sheer madness if continued any further past the current hour. The look on his face was grim, sweat pouring from his forehead as he pushed himself along. Shinji shrugged, deciding to step forward and introduce himself after the kid completed his next lap.
"I wouldn't do that." Someone behind him said.
Shinji spun, spotting a brown-haired, lanky, and heavily freckled individual sitting in the stands. He was busily tapping away at a notebook, but raised one hand long enough to gesture Shinji over. Shinji complied, taking a set beside the other student as the runner completed his next lap.
"Toji is working through something right now," The spectacled student explained, "If you get in his way he is liable to run you over rather than actually try dealing with you. Say, I don't recognize you, are you from a different class?"
Shinji shook his head, "No, I'm new."
The student's hands stopped, his eyes turning to regard Shinji closer. He stuck a hand out towards Shinji.
"Kensuke Aida," He introduced himself, "Class 1-A, president of the computer club… well, what passes for a computer club in this place. For such an advanced city, Tokyo-3 doesn't seem like it gives enough emphasis to computer science in schools."
Shinji shook the boy's hand. He felt an odd sense of affinity for the young man, as if he knew him from somewhere.
"What are you doing?" Shinji asked.
Kensuke swiveled his notebook towards Shinji, showing him a clip of the city, "I'm splicing together footage from cameras I've been placing around the city."
Shinji jumped as the Angel he had fought less than a week ago lumbered into view. A lance of purple energy slashing out, destroying a pair of VTOLs as they tried to harass it. A cold lump of ice formed inside Shinji's stomach as he watched.
"Those are Harrier class vertical take off and landing, VTOL, craft," Kensuke explained excitedly, "They're normally rated for maneuvers that would shame a pre-second impact aircraft to shame, but that creature just swatted them out of the sky as if they were standing still."
Shinji remembered watching that happen. He shivered, his mind traveling back to his first day in Tokyo-3. Kensuke failed to notice his reaction and continued.
"Look here!" he expounded, showing Shinji the N2 detonation, "Even that barely slowed it down. It took about two hours for the giant to completely regenerate, its face also changed. See how the beak is shorter on the second one?"
Shinji dug his fingernails into his palms. He remembered that face well. If he could have been stronger, better prepared, or just better in general, he could have saved his nii-san. Shinji's eyes took on a dull cast as he watched the brown haired child exclaim over the data points and theories behind the purple titan that had engaged the Angel.
"You know people died right?" Shinji asked, his voice dull.
"What?" Kensuke asked, shaking himself from his reverie.
"People died that day," Shinji growled, pointing a finger at the notebook, "Those two Harriers… their pilots are never going home to their families. How many people were accidentally caught in the blast of that N2 mine?"
"I didn't-" Kensuke began, edging away from Shinji.
"How many people got hurt when I couldn't stop that thing from throwing me across the old city?!" Shinji yelled, "How many people died because I wasn't good enough?!"
Kensuke slowly closed his notebook, backing away until he realized what Shinji had said. With that epiphany, Kensuke froze in place, awe and fear fighting in his face. A new kid in town just after the attack. A kid who didn't react with interest at the thought of the giants which had just battled through the abandoned sector. A kid who blamed himself for what happened.
"You're-" Kensuke tried to get out.
"Oi! Kensuke!" Shouted the boy in the sweats, "Is that punk giving you problems?"
Kensuke turned to Toji, who had made his way onto the stands, and was cracking his knuckles one by one, eyes focused on Shinji.
"N-no!" Kensuke stuttered, his eyes alight we glee, "He's… Toji, he's the, the pilot of the giant robot!"
Toji's face went from threatening, to stone. He marched straight toward Shinji, whose combined anger and frustration drove him to his feet. Something rose up inside Shinji's heart, something deep, primal, and… purple? A flash of grinning, all too human appearing teeth beneath a purple mask dizzied Shinji for a moment, an incongruous hunger for blood coursing through his veins.
It was in that state of confusion that Toji struck. Hips turning into the blow, the tough young man laid a fist straight into Shinji's gut. Air whooshed from Shinji's lungs and he doubled over, thoughts of killing escaping with his precious oxygen. A follow up hammer blow to the upper back send him crashing into the bench, his head striking the wooden seat, sending stars dancing across his vision before one eye was covered in something sticky and warm.
When Shinji's vision and sense recovered enough, he was staring up at the grim face of the athlete.
"You hurt my sister with your toy you bastard." Toji ground out, then turned to walk away.
"What the crap Toji!" Kensuke yelled, "He just saved us all."
Toji paused, "If he can't take a single punch from something as puny as me, how can he expect to fight the monsters that are coming for us? We might as well lay down and die."
Shinji felt unbidden tears rise up through the haze of pain and confusion. The larger teens words were echoes of his own cynicism. The urge to curl up and cry was overwhelming, and would have taken him if not for the skinny pair of arms that started trying to haul him up.
"Come on new kid," He heard Kensuke gasp out, "At least help me out, we need to get you to the nurse. My sister always says that head wounds are no joke."
Shinji nodded fuzzily, doing his best to not actively fight against Kensuke's amateurish ministrations. Dizziness shot through his body when he stood up, and only Kensuke's efforts kept him upright. Together they made their way back to the main building as Shinji was tsked at by the school nurse, who quickly applied a pair of compression bandages above his right eye where the skin had been split by the blow. After checking him for concussion, she told him that he should get to class and stay there until school started.
Shinji agreed wholeheartedly, still feeling woozy from the experience, and stepped out of the nurse's room to find Kensuke waiting for him, Shinji's bag in hand.
"Look," Kensuke began, handing him the bag, "Toji isn't a bad guy. He's just mad at you for hurting his sister."
Shinji experimentally poked his forehead, feeling pain with every touch, "Him and me both."
"And…" Kensuke clenched a fist, "I know that people got hurt. But mecha are so awesome!"
Shinji groaned at the stars in the kid's eyes. Wanting nothing more than to lie down, he set off towards his classroom, Kensuke happily jabbering questions, and answers to those questions, as he followed along.
Classroom 1-A was situated at the end of a hallway. Kensuke bid him farewell at the mouth of said hallway, muttering something about checking on Toji, and took off, almost skipping with excitement. Shinji felt unsure about whether or not he wanted to see the lanky geek again. This day was going about as bad as it possibly could so far.
To his considerable surprise, due to the fact that he was still at least an hour early, he was not the first person in class. An industrious looking girl was bustling around the classroom with a broom, bumping desks aside with her hips and muttering occasionally as she worked. Shinji stood in the doorway watching her, entranced by the activity. He wondered if he too looked that lost to the world while he was cleaning. His frame of reference for menial chores accomplished by others was limited to say the least.
Sighing and wiping her head, the girl turned to head towards the trash can in the front of the room when she noticed Shinji. Letting out a startled yelp, she dropped the dustpan, sending a small cloud of dirt and debris skittering off of her skirt and onto the floor, the pan itself hitting the ground with a cacophonous clanging. Moving instinctively, Shinji crossed the room with alacrity, snatching up the pan and brush. Undoing the damage he had done, he disposed of the garbage and placed himself in front of the girl. Bowing deeply he proffered the tools.
"I apologize for startling you miss." He said, "I did not realize anyone else would be here at this time in the morning."
He felt her take the tools from him and he straightened.
"I don't recognize you senpai," She said, "What brings you to the junior class 1-A?"
Shinji was startled. She thought he was an upper classman.
"I'm not your s-senpai miss," He replied, bowing again, "I'm a new transfer student, Shinji Akari, I just moved to Tokyo-3."
She cocked her head to the side, "Strange, I wasn't told that there would be someone new in the class."
Shinji shrugged, "I moved here suddenly due to family reasons. I think my registration was handled over the long weekend after the… attack."
The girl nodded, then bowed slightly, "Well Ikari-san, allow me to be the first to welcome you to our class. My name is Hikari Horaki, class representative of Ishida High junior class 1-A."
They both stood there, looking at each other. Shinji realized that he was probably supposed to say something, given the expectant look on her face. Searching his thoughts, he realized he did not understand something.
"What is a class representative?"
XXXXXX
Shinji quickly agreed to help Hikari finish preparing the room in exchange for assistance in navigating his first day at a public school.
"I've heard of places where they hold classes all in one building," Hikari said, "But it sounds like you were intentionally kept out of school by your father."
She eyed him up and down, "You're not a delinquent are you?"
"N-no!" Shinji yelped, reminded suddenly of the bruise and cut which adorned the right side of his forehead, "I just had an accident out on the bleachers while talking to Aida-san."
Hikari narrowed her eyes, "Was Toji with him?"
"Scary" Shinji thought.
"Y-yes," He quickly confirmed, "He was running laps on the track."
"At first anyway, then he gave me this" Shinji added mentally.
Hikari shook her head angrily, "He was supposed to be here helping me! I messaged him yesterday about coming in, that lazy no good-!"
Shinji stepped over to the freckled girl and gently pushed down the fist which she had been attempting to raise. She looked him in surprise, her cheeks coloring slightly at the touch.
"Aida-san told me that his sister was hurt in the attack," He said quietly, "I… I think he was running away from his pain."
Don't run away from pain Shinji, you must face it, or it will catch and consume you.
Hikari looked at him "Such a serious face…"
Shinji realized she was reading into his dark mood and put on a shy smile, "Besides, I'm here to help Horaki-san. I won't let you down."
Hikari blushed slightly at that, made something between a grunt and a snort, and broke free from his touch to continue working. With a combination of their efforts the room was swiftly prepared for the day. The cleaning supplies put away, Shinji dusted off his hands and turned to the class representative.
"You'll need a place to sit," Hikari said, "With all the transfers in and out occurring right now I'm not certain as to where exactly you will fit. I could try to find the seating chart or…"
Shinji raised his eyebrows, encouraging her to continue.
"The seat next to mine is empty right now." She concluded, looking at him warily.
Shinji was surprised. He had thought he would have to settle for something in the back. The front row would give him the best opportunity to keep up with lessons and ask questions.
"Can't fall behind, won't fall behind" A little voice in his head whispered, "Sensei says that bad boys don't do their lessons. Bad boys must be punished. Stay ahead of the game, stay ahead of the pack."
The chanting in his head was interrupted as Shinji wrestled the terrified boy back into his box. Noting the crestfallen look of Hikari's face, he realized that he may have been wrestling with himself in real time.
"-wouldn't want to be seen as overly eager," She continued, "I'll see if I can find you somewhere in the back, perhaps next to Toji?"
"No!" He yelped, his decision made instantly, "I would be honored to stand, er, sit by your side Horaki-san. As I said, I'm new to this, and I hope that you will be my senpai until I can get my feet under me."
She flushed brightly, "I'm not your senpai Ikari-san, I-"
Shinji cut her off by taking one of her hands in his and holding it before him as if he were a supplicant, "Yes you are Horaki-senpai. There is so much that I don't understand and I need help. Will you help me until I can stand on my own two feet?"
Hikari retrieved her hand, clasping it with her other and looking anywhere but at Shinji's earnest gaze. Coming from anybody else she would have assumed that he was trying to soften her up so he could ask a favor or make an indecent proposal. The problem was he spoke, and acted, like he was completely honest. It had been a long time since any boy, or many girls for that matter, had spoken to her the way that Shinji did just now.
Hikari had been the class representative for years. After winning the first vote, she became the de facto choice every year thereafter, those who transferred in were quickly converted to the class consensus. After so much time in the same role Hikari wasn't so much the class representative as the class mascot. She had gotten tired of the less than honorary title in the past years as her fellow students respect slowly morphed into the ugly beast of resentment. She had tried for so long to fulfill her duties to the best of her abilities, but time had shown that the teens around her weren't interested in what she had to offer.
To have someone take her seriously without having to be threatened with physical violence… Hikari felt the seeds of something quicken inside her chest at the idea of somebody respecting her again.
"Of course Ikari-san," She replied, "Until you can stand on your own I will be your senpai."
Shinji smiled gratefully, "Thank you Horaki-senpai, will you point me to my seat?"
Hikari quickly had him set up and was assisting him in downloading the current study material when Toji sauntered into the room.
"Class rep." He muttered, bumping Shinji heavily as he passed.
Shinji wanted to glare at the bigger teen as he passed, but instead settled on flagellating himself internally for being a failure at piloting Evangelion. That negativity, which would have destroyed a Shinji in another universe, instead caused several ideas to flourish in his mind. Time would only tell if his plans would bear fruit, but for now he was willing to accept his failure and try to move forward.
Students filtered in quickly, many of whom threw Shinji inquisitive looks. He assumed that it was because of his new status. The truth of the matter was that people were wondering why he had been placed next to the class representative. It was a position that no self-respecting student would want to be placed in, especially if Hikari was in one of her moods. Most wrote it off as bad luck for the new kid and thanked their own lucky stars that he had not been given one of their seats in order to make room.
"Rise!"
Shinji yelped, bashing his knees against his desk in his effort to scramble to his feet.
"Bow!"
Years of conditioning drove Shinji into a ninety degree angle. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Hikari desperately wave him down. He quickly sat, hearing whispers behind his back, causing a flush to rise to his cheeks. The teacher was eyeing him, trying to decide whether the new student was exceptionally respectful to his instructors, or uniquely brazen in his rudeness. Withholding judgement, he gestured for Shinji to stand and approach.
Shinji stood up, the pain in his knees not inconsiderable, but bearable in the presence of an instructor if required to stand.
"Class," The teacher addressed them, "This is our new transfer student Shinji Ikari."
Shinji bowed to the curious, bored, dismissive, and humored faces before him, "I hope to get along with all of you."
"Yes, yes," The teacher said, "Back to your seat Ikari-kun. Today we will begin with mathematics, open to lesson 48 an-"
Shinji found his seat again, opening the appropriate lesson and staring. Confused, he looked over at Hikari's screen, but he saw the same thing, and her encouraging look let him know he was in the right place.
"It's so simple though… Introduction to calculus using limits?" He wondered, "I learned this years ago."
Nevertheless, he dutifully followed along. The first time the instructor asked a question the room fell silent. Glancing over at Hikari, Shinji saw her furiously typing something, then working out the problem on some paper she kept on hand. Shinji risked a glance to the left and then back, showing him other students who were diligently working out the problem, along with others who simply stared out the window, looked bored, or in Toji's case, took a nap.
The teacher looked on serenely, exercising patience until Shinji nervously raised his hand. The teacher gave him a quizzical look and was surprised when Shinji gave the correct answer. When asked to show his work, Shinji nervously complied, circling the answer at the end and moving back to his seat, eyes downcast.
"Now you've rushed ahead too far!" The little boy whined, "Sensei says that the only thing worse than stupid boys are stupid and clever boys. He says that they think they can get the best of their sensei by reading ahead. You are so disrespectful!"
Shinji shuddered and began wrestling with his inner self. Once safely locked away, he glanced over at Hikari, whose questioning look was replaced by a bright smile and a thumbs up. She went back to her studies and Shinji returned to his.
Class continued in the same vein, math turning to science, eventually turning to literacy. It was all simple to Shinji, but he knew that disrespecting his sensei would only bring trouble. He kept his head down, answering only when nobody else seemed able to, or was unwilling to give the correct solution.
When the lunch bell rang Shinji held his position while the stream of humanity made their way to the door. Glancing over at Hikari, he noticed that she too waited, although she had her gaze sharpened to razors, and was glaring daggers at Toji. The tall young man sauntered past, bumping Shinji again, a little harder this time.
Hikari was up in a flash, finger pressed up against Toji's sternum like a knife.
"Toji Suzuhara," She barked, driving her point home with her finger, "You will apologize immediately for this uncouth behavior!"
Shinji stumbled to his feet as well, preparing to intervene when things turned violent. Instead of the expected strike Shinji had foreseen, Toji lowered his head meekly and muttered something. Hikari grabbed his collar and yanked him down to her level.
"Not to me you lout!" She growled, then pointed at Shinji, "To him. I have witnessed you strike him twice already. I know a love tap when I see one, and there was neither love nor tap in that display."
Toji's eyes burned with fettered rage as he looked into Shinji's eyes, and Shinji felt his own gaze fill with sadness as he locked eyes with the young man. Hikari gave him a slight shake, only for Toji to push her back, causing her to stumble into her desk.
"I won't," He snarled, "Not to him!"
With that, he stalked out of the room, leaving Hikari staring after him open-mouthed. Shinji went to her.
"Are you okay Hokari-senpai?" He asked, "I apologize for what he did to you."
Hikari shook herself as if she had not seen his approach. Broken from her shock, her eyes blazed with greater fury.
"When I get my hands on him…" She growled, her fists tightening into small clubs.
"Please don't," Shinji pleaded, "What exists between us two is between Toji and I. I don't want you to get hurt because he is angry."
The fearful lance of her finger prodded Shinji in the chest, driving him back a step, "Don't you tell me where my business is Shinji. I am the class representative and by your own request, your senpai. You have placed yourself in my hands and are now my responsibility."
Hikari grabbed his hand, no longer the self-conscious girl that he had met earlier that morning and dragged him off. She made her way to an isolated tree on the school grounds under which sat a bench. She pushed him into it and stood in front of him.
"What happened?" She demanded, "Toji is clearly mad at you, and you've been here for a grand total of five hours."
Shinji shrunk, the gibbering desire to obey rising up in him. He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths.
"Nii-san, what do I do?" He plead.
The voice in his mind didn't respond, but the lessons of the past did.
XXXXXX
The dream field was a rocky landscape today, and nii-san had been teaching Shinji how to roll with a punch and make it look like you were more hurt than you were. The beatings had been getting worse of late as Shinji struggled with his lessons. Nii-san was doing what he could to address both issues.
They both sat on the ground in the lotus position, Shinji facing his nii-san, breathing heavily from exertion.
"Before we continue I want to speak to you about trust Shinji." The old man said.
Shinji smiled a shy smile, "I trust you nii-san."
The old man shook his head, but smiled in return, "Not me Shinji. It is good that you trust your nii-san, because I will never actively seek to hurt you. Instead, I want to talk with you about building trust with other people."
Shinji's blood went cold, "S-sensei?"
Nii-san shook his head, "Never trust that man Shinji, he is filled with lies and hate. He claims to be what he is out of duty, but the truth is he loves to watch others hurt, it fills something deep and hungry inside of him."
Shinji shivered, prompting his nii-san to place a warm, comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Someday you will be among people other than myself and your sensei, like the nice lady at the grocery store." The old man explained, "Every relationship will hit a critical mass, it may occur almost instantly, or it may take years to develop, but it will always happen. A tipping point at which you can either trust them, sharing with them a part of yourself and believing that they will not take advantage of you, or you can push them away, keeping your inner self hidden and staying safe."
"The truth is, such safety is a lie," the old man emphasized his point by slapping his own thigh, "If you spend your life pushing people away because you are afraid that they might see who you truly are, that they might behold your weaknesses and your pains and run, then you will live a lonely life indeed. It is better to be seen as weak, but have friends to cover those weaknesses, than to be seen as strong, but have secret weaknesses that enemies can exploit."
"You have the power to judge in yourself Shinji," the old man said, tapping his forehead, "Trust in what I have taught you, and whenever there is the slightest hope of success, choose to trust in those around you. If you expect more of people, they may surprise you when they rise to the heights that you lay before them."
XXXXXX
"I trust you nii-san… and I miss you." Shinji thought, "I trust Misato, and I think I trust Rei. I'll… I'll try to trust Horaki-senpai."
In the moments where Shinji had closed his eyes, Hikari had grown impatient. She was about to lay into him when he opened his eyes and patted the bench beside himself, refusing to meet her gaze. Like a safety valve opening up on a steam engine, Hikari's anger whistled out of her with an exhaled breath, and she sagged into the seat beside him.
"Stupid Toji," She grumbled internally, "This is all his fault. The nerve of that man! How dare he lay his hands on me. When I see him next…"
"Horaki-senpai," Shinji began, "What do you know about the purple giant that fought three days ago?"
She looked at him quizzically, "I know the rumors. It's a giant robot, a mecha I think Kensuke called it, and it fought the monster that attacked the city. There's been some bad footage posted on the Magi-net, but it usually goes down in short order due to censorship. There are also rumors that there are more coming, which is the reason for all of the recent emergency drills."
Shinji nodded, "It is a giant robot, I think that's all that I can tell you right now. The truth is, I came to Tokyo-3 because I am the pilot of that robot. The reason why Suzuhara-san is angry at me is because I failed in my duty and let his sister get hurt. I don't know any of the circumstances, but seeing as how I was the one fighting, I am at least partially responsible.
Hikari stared at him. He was such an unassuming person, black hair and blue eyes, thin and maybe just a little taller than her. There was no way that this mild mannered child… no, the brittle hardness in his eyes made him a man, could be the pilot of the thing that had demolished several blocks of abandoned buildings.
"I…" She muttered, "That's a lot to take in. To be honest, I don't know if I believe you."
Rather than continue, he simply met her gaze, willing the truth of his words to resonate with his eyes. Hikari looked into the blue orbs and felt doubt slide away.
"What is it like?" She asked wonderingly.
Shinji shivered, "It's life beyond imagining. You feel… powerful. When I link with my Eva I feel as though I have become a part of something mightier than the metal which armors it."
He dropped his eyes, "It's also terrifying beyond reason. To face an opponent who feels nothing for you, at least nothing that you can understand. To have it hurt you because you're too weak. To have it hurt others because you can't fight… I thought I was going to die!"
Tears dripped onto Shinji's pants as he squeezed his eyes closed, "I want to go back in Hikari, but I'm so afraid of what comes next. I won last time, and it cost me someone I loved dearly. What happens now that there is no one to stand between me and my failures?"
Hikari looked at the broken man before her and her own heart broke. An adult would have been terrified of the thing he had faced, and this brave young man had faced it rather than allow it to kill everyone.
"I should just quit so that someone else ca-" Shinji began.
Hikari placed a finger on his lips and tilted his chin up so that he would look at her. A handkerchief dabbed the tears from his eyes and she spoke.
"We owe you our lives Shinji," She said, "And if Toji can't see that then I will make him."
Shinji shook his head, "No Horaki-senpai, this is between me and him, he can hate me if he wants, but I will do everything in my power to make him se-"
"No!" Hikari cut off his words with her own sharper one, "Shinji-kun, you fought a battle less than a week ago that no one here could have. I don't have the ability to pilot a giant robot against the monsters that are coming, but I can fight block-headed idiots here in school for you."
She stood up, putting away her handkerchief, "You leave Toji-baka to me, and I'll leave the monsters to you."
Shinji watched in stunned silence as the fiery brunette stormed off onto the school grounds in search of her prey.
XXXXXX
The rest of the school day passed quickly. Shinji found himself leaps and bounds ahead of most of the material, except for history, which seemed to focus solely on the year leading up to, and the sixteen years since the first impact occurred. Names like the "United Eastern Asian Federation" and the "Trans-Siberian Alliance" were passed around. Dozens of nation-states, countries, and pacts were forged, and broken, in a matter of decades. The dying time directly after the meteorite impact, and the almost miraculous recovery that took place in select countries after the fact.
The history, which most students considered dry, had Shinji riveted. He took copious notes and spent the entirety of free period cross-referencing and researching some of the names mentioned. While he was performing such a search his pocket buzzed. Startled, he pulled out his phone and checked it, a message from Misato.
The much tamer picture, a selfie which he had taken with Misato at her insistence, showed her making a V over his head and sticking out her tongue, while he smiled sardonically. The picture made him smile, and he pulled open the message.
You're needed at HQ after school today for some medical stuff and more paperwork. Ritsuko said something about a horse needle… Section 2 will pick you up after school. It should take a couple hours, but you can visit your girlfriend afterwards, I'll take you myself if I have to.
Kisses! XOXO
"You have a girlfriend?" Hikari asked from over his shoulder.
Shinji jumped slamming his knees into the underside of his desk again. He groaned and rubbed the abused appendages.
"Misato is just teasing," He ground out, "Rei is my friend, and she's sick right now."
Hikari's eyes widened, "Rei Ayanami?"
Several conversations around them stopped dead.
"You're friends with Rei Ayanami?" Hikari asked.
"Why is everyone looking at me like that?" He asked, beginning to feel uncomfortable, "We were in hospital together after the attack and we… we have something in common."
He gave Hikari a significant look, and she nodded understanding, although her amazement at his blasé statement remained ungalvanized.
"I didn't even know Ayanami-san could talk!" A girl behind him protested, "How did you get her to even acknowledge your existence?"
Shinji gave a laugh and scratched his head, "Well, she has a broken leg, so I think the phrase 'captive audience' may have been a part of it."
Dead silence for a moment, then the group around him burst into laughter. Suddenly, Hikari wasn't the only person talking to him, and the first day of school had taken a complete 180.
For now at least, it was good to be Shinji Ikari.
XXXXXX
After school Toji rushed past Shinji, being very careful not to touch him, but also not looking his way. Shinji thought he caught a look of satisfaction in Hikari's eyes before she stood up herself, not to leave, but to make sure that everything was in order after the others left. Shinji lingered until it was the two of them, outlasting Kensuke, who tried to look busy for so long that Shinji was worried he had actually lost something.
When the geeky brunette was gone Hikari raised her arms above her head, stretching out stiff muscles and sighing with relief. Shinji carefully looked away when she did so, even though he felt sure she hadn't intended anything other than pain relief from it.
"I have a few things to take care of here before I go," Hikari told him, "You can stay and help if you would like."
Shinji shook his head, "Sorry Horaki-senpai, I'm needed at work."
Her eyes widened for a moment, moving quickly to the windows.
"Not that!" Shinji yelped, raising his hands for calm, "Just some tests I think. Misato wasn't very specific."
Hikari relaxed visibly, "One less thing to worry about."
Shinji nodded in agreement, "Yeah."
"Okay then, see you tomorrow." She said, packing up her belongings.
"Would you mind terribly if I joined you again tomorrow morning?" He asked.
A smile bolstered by relief and gratitude warmed him, "I think I would like that Shinji-kun."
He felt strangely fuzzy when she said his name like that, and that feeling buoyed him all the way to the black sedan where his minders waited.
"Any trouble in there Purple?" Asked the woman who opened his door, gesturing at his head.
Shinji shook his head, "No, not any more in any case."
She nodded somberly and closed his door.
As they sped along the route to Nerv headquarters Shinji decided to implement one of the plans which had formed in his head while he was at school.
"Can you teach me to fight?" He asked suddenly.
The two agents looked at each other for a moment, then the passenger twisted around to face him.
"Kid, if somebody at school is giving you trouble you should go to your principal," She said, "He's under strict orders to tolerate absolutely no threats to your safety."
Shinji shook his head, "No, not to fight people."
The agent watched him for a moment before realizing what he was talking about, "You want to be able to fight the BMFs better."
"The what?" He asked.
She grinned, "It's what the military calls those Angels you fight, Big Mother Fu-"
"Language." Her partner reminded.
"He's a sixteen year old, not a baby." Grumped the first agent, her red hair bobbing.
"It's not for him and you know it." Her white haired partner responded, cocking her head to the side, "It's for your own bloody kids."
The redhead growled, then turned back to Shinji, "Look kid, in the interests of maintaining a professional distance we can't."
"Distance?" Shinji asked.
"It's like this," She explained, "Lets say that somebody decides that its your fault that his sister died and gets it into his head to hurt you."
A little too close to the truth in Shinji's opinion, but he nodded anyway.
"If Noble-2 or I take a round from said maniac getting you to safety, we need you to have as little connection to us as possible," She said, "Because the hard truth is that either one of us will beat you over the head and drag you away rather than let you go back and save our partner. It's the job. You protect the world, we protect you."
Shinji felt cold nausea sweep over him, "I would never let either of you get hurt."
"Uh-uh," the redhead answered, "You can and will let me die if it means saving your life. Like it or not, your life is worth more than either of us. Hell, its worth more than the combined personnel of Noble team, or even Section 2 itself."
"But how can I stand by and let it happen?" He protested, feeling more tears spring to his eyes.
"Because kid," The woman he was coming to think of as Red said, "The next time one of those giants comes rolling through town, my pea shooter won't be worth a snowball in hell. If you die to save me because some punk let his emotions get the better of him, then we're all screwed."
She reached back awkwardly and patted his cheek, "We're just cogs in the machine kid, all of us. You just happen to be the biggest cog around. You ask any member of your detail and they'll tell you that they're proud to be a member of Noble team."
Shinji lowered his head, feeling despair wash over him.
"Hey kid."
Shinji looked up and Red spoke, "My sister and I were taken by one of the warlords who sprung up after the second impact happened. She was raped to death by his men and I… well, there's a reason why I'm so good at killing these days. As far as I'm concerned, I've been dead for the past ten years, just haven't figured out how to lie down and let it happen. Never was good at that."
"I've embraced death kid," She explained, "Nobody can take that away from me, not even you. If I tell you to run you run, if I say hide, I expect you to disappear. If you have to watch someone torture me to death while you cower inside a closet I expect you to do it, because I don't fully understand what will happen if the BMFs win, but if they bring back a post second impact world, it will be over my stinking, possibly still cussing, corpse. While you're out of the Eva, your job is to stay alive, and its our job to spend ourselves to make sure you stay that way."
"As for your request," She continued, "I'll set something up with Kraken team, those losers have plenty of time on their hands right now."
"Kraken?" Shinji asked.
She smiled, "Who do you think takes care of Blue?"
An image of a red eyed girl flashed through his head and Shinji smiled, "Section two likes colors, don't you?"
Red grinned at him.
After arriving at Nerv, Shinji was hustled down through the complex to a large blast door. After tapping the call button several times his minders took up guard positions and the doors began to open, revealing the figure of Dr. Ritsuko Akagi. Shinji felt a sense of trepidation at the analytical gaze she turned on him. He could feel her weighing and discarding her own thoughts, reaching conclusions which would drastically alter the course of his life.
"Hello Shinji," She said, "Let's get started shall we?"