His hands helped rinse off the shampoo left on his hair, then he continued to exit the shower and dry himself, he was feeling considerably calmer.
After his talk with Nico, Will had rushed home without thinking much, he just felt like he needed to go home as fast as he could. When he reached his destination, he opted for a hot shower to calm down, and that's what he'd done.
If he only could wash his problems away like they were soap, life would be easier, there wouldn't be any need to feel hurt or sad. He dried himself and put some comfortable clothes on, his head was spinning slightly and he noticed his eyes were bloodshot from crying, he felt so weak and vulnerable and impotent.
He laid down in bed and his mind raced everywhere, making his head hurt and throb, the image of Nico in that hospital bed with no memory of him,
of them.
He rubbed his temples and tried to stop what he'd just lived from replaying in his head like a broken record, sleep didn't sound like a bad idea all of the sudden, he'd be able to be away from all this mess for at least a couple hours.
He kept shifting, he couldn't find a comfortable position, and his mind refused to shut down, there was no point on trying further, so he just got up and walked to the kitchen.
The kitchen's clock read 4:38, he sighed and decided to make himself some tea, he was sure he could use the rest.
The tea would be ready in about five minutes, so he sat and waited.
4:38
He felt so alone, lonely, he couldn't help but feel like the only company he had were the leaves falling at the other side of the window, or the coldness that surrounded him and made him shiver.
4:39
Pessimistic thoughts weighted as much as one hundred sleepless nights, the cravings to go back to when everything was good scalded everywhere they touched, and it hurt to be the one left to remember.
4:40
Tears fill eyes as when sorrows flood minds, everything drowns in the way of the woe.
4:41
When you want to claw your eyes out it's perhaps because the reality is too hard to face and you'd just feel more comfortable making a detour to your own mind accompanied by no one who can make you feel pain.
4:42
When you stare at sadness in the eye, it stares right back at you; thoughts consume a soul the way time makes a flower wither.
Hearing his own thoughts whispering wasn't the nicest thing to do, he poured some tea into a cup and sat again. He sipped his tea and closed his eyes, his head was still throbbing and his eyes hurt too.
He was a complete mess with a cup of tea. The tea was too hot and it scorched his tongue but he didn't care, he wanted to feel something not to believe this wasn't really happening. Lee had told him he was just being pessimistic by thinking Nico's memory wasn't coming back, but he knew he wasn't being pessimistic, he was just being realistic, and every bone and fiber of his being screamed of loss and that's what affected him the most.
The clock showed the time, the time went on anyways, no matter what problem there could be, it just goes on, time doesn't ask, time doesn't care, it flows and stretches your worries and woes.
He'd felt sadness, happiness, anger, frustration, but he was sure nothing could compare to the feeling of being empty due to missing something he couldn't be sure would ever be back. He'd never felt so fragile, all this time he'd had Nico by his side he'd felt strong and confident, he felt loved and he could love as much, he never noticed just how dependent he'd became, how addicted he was to the other boy.
The tea was cold by now so he drank all what was left and left the cup in the sink. He wanted to find someone to blame but there was no one, maybe himself for needing him so much, maybe the other driver for crashing Nico's car, maybe, maybe, maybe nothing.
He remembered first meeting the raven-haired boy; it'd been spring, he could clearly recall the way the air smelled, rain and plants, the perfume of every growing flower painted the soft breeze, it'd been a beautiful day.
He walked leisurely through the sidewalk, cars went by and people walked fast all around him, he had nothing to rush for thought, this day off he deserved.
He'd woken up at 10 a.m. unlike any other day lately, college had been so stressful these days and the last thing he needed was some kind of panic attack due to stress. It'd gotten to the point where he'd wanted to drop out and just shrug forever instead of feeling the incessant pressure. But he'd gotten over it and decided to take the day off today, there were no tests to give, nothing important to learn, it was his day to feel like he could still be at ease with life.
The new café down the street of his apartment had opened and since he was a friend of the owner, he'd promised her he'd come when he first had time, and so, he would stay true to his promise, plus he felt like he could use the "chill" ambient his friend had promised.
Standing in front of it, he could see just how nice the place looked, if his schedule did get lighter, he'd be seriously considering dropping by often. The big sign above the glass doors read "Delphi Café".
Lame, he thought, his friend had thought it'd be a cute name to give the place but he thought otherwise, but in the end his recurrent head shake and eye roll hadn't worked much convincement.
He walked in and saw her in the cash machine; he walked towards her and asked her for a quick cappuccino, she hadn't looked up at him until it was time to tell him the price of his coffee. She smiled at him and greeted him, her hand reaching his hair and patting it, she told him to come at her side of the counter, so he did.
They hugged briefly and she asked for his opinion on the place.
"Well, what can I say? You did a marvelous job with the place, I'm in love with the mood and the music and all." He really was, the place looked like the perfect place to be in any rainy day, along with a book, he was glad it was so close to his apartment.
"Excuse me, order going out," A soft voice said behind him, he stepped aside to make space to they could pass through. It was a boy, a black haired boy with a tray in which three cups of coffee stood, he only realized he'd been staring at said boy for longer than normal when Rachel's hand shook his shoulder and asked him if he was all right.
He nodded and said that in fact, he was, but that he had a question.
"Ask away," She said and moved back to the cash machine when a client walked in to buy something, he waited until the sale was done to speak up.
He asked about the boy that'd just walked by, he could still see him walk around taking orders all over the place, he couldn't not notice how cute he was.
"His name is Nico and he's a friend of mine, yes you can get to know him and all that, but not right now, this is a serious establishment and we need to work." He smiled and told her he'd leave her alone to work, that they'd talk later, she nodded and he walked to the last sofa left, there were some magazines to read but he'd brought a book of his own.
The boy, Nico, approached him and asked him if he'd already ordered something, he could appreciate the waiter's features closely now.
His eyes were really dark, which contrasted with his pale skin, his nose was little, a cute little, and his lips were so pink and pretty, his hair was sort of messy and as he'd pointed out before, it was black, or really dark brown, thought it did look black.
"Oh, yes I did, do ask Rachel for my order, please." The waiter nodded and walked back to where Rachel was. He was so cute, he wanted to walk up to him and hug him, he was just adorable.
In no time the boy was back with a tray in which were a mug and a piece of cheesecake.
"Here's your order, the cheesecake is on the house." He smiled at Will and put both things on the table the closest to him, Will smiled back at him and thanked the boy.
Being concentrated in the marvelous book he was currently reading, he hadn't noticed the hours go by faster than ever, so when he noticed his surroundings, he found himself almost alone in the place. Nico was cleaning some tables and Rachel was counting the money.
The blonde got up and walked towards the boy cleaning the table, combing his hair with his hands, hoping it hadn't messed up through the afternoon.
"Hey," Greeted Will, smiling, the other boy looked up at him and smiled back, letting out a silent 'Hey'.
Will introduced himself, his eyes never leaving the other boy's, in a different occasion he'd try to not be too intense, but right now he couldn't bring himself to care about that.
"Nico, Nico DiAngelo," The wind outside made the trees shake, but inside the café they had a fireplace which kept it warm inside, it was one of those days which Will thought were perfect for cuddling.
"You Italian?" Will gazed at Nico with complete curiosity.
"Yeah, born in Pisa, raised here." That explains the lack of accent, thought Will.
And they conversed, about life, college, books, music, Will was astounded about he and the boy were, still talking to him was a complete pleasure.
"Post-Hardcore," Said Nico when asked which music genre he liked the most, Will wasn't sure he'd heard something of this genre before, so he just nodded and smiled, hoping not to come up as ignorant.
"William I should've closed this place like two hours ago, I don't care if your conversation is interesting, I want to go home." Rachel stared at Will and gestured him to hurry, he wanted to stab the girl for breaking the talk between him and the boy in front of him.
"Rachel's right, but let's keep in touch, ok?" The boy standing up offered Will a warm smile, which did more to warm him up than the fireplace.
They traded numbers and promised to go out soon for a talk, Will just hoped soon didn't get stuck in traffic.
Memories are bitches, Will had concluded after a while, a sudden rush of anger course through his body and made him want to break something, he needed to relieve some pain in some way, there was so much inside of him he hadn't noticed was here before, but he could feel it now, weighting him down like a big boulder on his hands.
He screamed like a madman and pulled his hair, kicked the floor and punched the walls, he was sure he was acting like a toddler but at this point there were really no fucks to be given by him.
When he finally felt drained from screaming and crying, he walked towards the bedroom and threw himself on the bed, and he was suddenly exhausted, it wasn't later than 5:30 but he just felt the need to sleep and cease to exist for at least a little bit of time. So he decided to nap.
His eyes closed and he started dreaming, remembering, how after their first date Nico's mother and sister passed away due to tuberculosis, they both thought it was a normal flu and the infection was faster than their worry so they realized what it was too late.
He was sitting in the pizza parlor, waiting for his date to come, the waitress asked him if he was ready to order a few times but he politely asked her to wait him a couple minutes more because he was expecting someone.
She waited and so did he, she was giving him glances that obviously told him that he'd been ditched, he asked for a Sprite.
He finished the bottle and kept waiting, he couldn't believe he had really been ditched; it'd been an hour and a bit more since Nico was supposed to be here, he sighed and his phone vibrated in his pocket.
It was a text from Nico. His heart fluttered and he unlocked his phone.
Can't go, so sorry, I didn't ditch you, something big just came up, it said.
Shit, Will said.
His day had been degraded from bright, nice and happy to completely shitty. He started to worry about what this 'something big' was.
What if something happened to him? His stomach churned and he wanted to run to wherever he was and help however he could.
He texted back asking what'd happened and that he was worried, but the answer came later than the personal pizza the waitress set in front of him.
"It's on the house, I'm sure your date had something important to do, I mean, I wouldn't have ditched you in a million years." She said, Will smiled gladly and thanked the girl, who winked and walked to take the order of another table.
He ate and left a ten bucks note in the table, even though the pizza had been on the house, he had to pay for the Sprite he drank. Obviously, the Sprite wasn't that expensive, so he just left the change as a tip.
He decided to walk home to clear his head, but his phone buzzed in his pocket.
My mom and sister just passed away. The text made Will's heart stop, where are you, he texted asking, I'm so sorry.
He didn't get an answer and he was freaking out, he hadn't known the boy for longer than three weeks but he felt the need to comfort him.
"Rachel?" The voice on the other side confirmed it was her who he was talking to, "I need you to help me with an address."
"Which?" He could hear the people talking in the background, which melted away with the soft music playing.
"Nico's."
There was silence until she spoke, "I can't do that, this information is supposed to stay anonymous and protected by me." He became angry.
"I know but something happened and I need to see him, fuck!" He didn't realise he was yelling until he noticed passerbys staring at him, "Shit, Rachel, please." His voice was pleading what he needed.
There was silence again, but after it she agreed to give him the address.
In no time he was there and ringing the doorbell.
The door opened with a forceful thud, Nico appeared in the other side of the door. His eyes were bloodshot and wet, his sobs were unmissable and his look was menacing.
Will stood in shock, he didn't know what to do, he was frozen.
"Leave please." Nico said, his voice was thin as a string.
"But-" Will tried to tell him he was there to comfort him, but Nico was faster, yelling the same he'd whispered before and closing the door on his face.
He was confused, and not at the same time, he understood his decision not to want to be with him at the time so he decided to leave.
He'd text him in the morning.
He woke up and the room was lit by the outside world, he stood up and looked at it through the window. The sky was so dark, contrasting with all the lights of the city being alive, the cars traveling through the streets like blood in veins.
His phone rang, he walked towards it to see who it was. Lee's name showed in the caller ID.
"Hey," Greeted Will.
"Will, you need to get yourself here right now," His voice seemed agitated.
"Why? Is everything ok?" Paranoia started to build inside of him.
"No, I mean I don't even know, he's asking for his mom and sister and I don't know what to do."