Truth be told, Akko wasn't taking this death penalty thing that personally. If she took every time something tried to kill her to heart, she'd be a very bitter person. She wasn't sugar-coating it. The situation still, as a whole, sucked. But she was trying to keep positive, figuring if she panicked, it'd be a lot harder to figure a way out of this.
Judge Diana at least made her smile. She was sitting atop her bench, preparing for the upcoming trial. She had the regal judge's robe, the real Cavendish's piercing gaze, and a bushy white moustache plopped right atop her face. It almost looked fake, for how much it contrasted with her blonde hair. Sure, there was the fact that the Judge will probably try to condemn her, and that's not great, but her appearance was still fun. Seeing such a serious girl with such an ill-fitting accessory helped her mood considerably.
Come to think of it, there were a lot of strange versions of her friend in the courtroom, all in strange manners of dress or strange colorations. The Punctual one she had met first was sitting next to the Judge's bench, scribbling away on her notes. The Slothful one she had 'met' earlier was sitting in the audience with her arms crossed, fast asleep again. Next to the Knowledgeable one, who had followed the Officers in here and sat down to watch, which was real nice of her. The audience was full of others whose roles she couldn't immediately place, but there wasn't any sign of the three she had met in the first Repression room.
The supposedly irrelevant Dianas sitting next to Akko, however, were probably stranger still. Their appearances were somehow more uncharacteristic than any of the ones she had seen. One of them on the far end was wearing a pastiche Godzilla head. Another was scorched, and it looked like the tips of her hair were on fire. And the one sitting to her right was wearing what looked like Jedi robes. They were all sectioned off from the courtroom by a waist high wall, guarded by several Officers. After all, they were the ones on trial, and potentially about to be killed off. The thought of it, for obvious reasons, made Akko uneasy, especially as she looked at how many versions of her friend were next to her.
When they all shared her face, a large part of Akko desperately wanted to free them and keep them from their gruesome fate. But the last time she interrupted this process, those freed Sucys had morphed into a giant mega-Sucy monster that tried to kill the Original and, more incidentally, Akko as well. One supernatural threat to Diana's life was about all she could handle right now, so it was best to leave it alone, as conflicting as it made her heart feel.
Akko lightly elbowed the one in the robes and tunic next to her. She just felt the need to make conversation. "So, what are you in for?"
"In for…?" The girl tilted her head, smiling obliviously. Akko blinked in surprise. The girl's limbs faded around the edges when her body when she moved, like she hadn't fully come into existence. She looked solid when she was still, but in motion she seemed…undeveloped.
Akko shrugged. "I mean, you got a name, right?"
She nodded, and the edges of her face briefly flickered to transparency when she did. "I'm Diana Who thinks we should watch Star Wars."
…Huh. That was something. Akko once asked Diana if she wanted to watch one of the movies with her and the Green Team on Constanze's custom projector. She had said no, politely claiming she had no interest in fantasy movies, but apparently part of her thought about it. For a moment anyway, considering this thought was apparently 'irrelevant.'
Akko looked past her to the next girl in line, who introduced herself as Diana Who likes heated Political Discussions. The real girl didn't like heated discussions of anything. She, and now that Akko looked at it the other convicted Dianas as well, didn't seem to register the danger they were in, with all their disconnected expressions and blank smiles. All the people here were more than a little loopy, but it seemed like these ones in particular hadn't grown into fully developed thoughts yet. Between their names and the way they faded when they moved, they were just spur of the moment fancies.
Next in line was Diana Who is interested in Midwestern fashions, followed by Diana Who wants to spit on people, then Who wants to get into rap, Who says we should give boys another chance (?), Who wants to shout curse words more, Who wants to learn cute Japanese phrases (?), Who thinks Amanda might not be so bad, Who reads fanfiction online, Who wants to burn things (?), and finally the one Who likes Kaiju movies, at the far end of the line in the front.
Granted, Akko knew the real Cavendish would hate a lot of those things, and a couple of them sounded like legitimately terrible ideas, but still, the fact they were condemned was profoundly sad. When they all looked like someone she cared about as much as she did, it was hard not to feel for them even when she knew this fatal mess was, by all technicalities, a healthy process. And again, the only thing keeping her from acting was that a giant mega-Diana monster would be no help to anyone right now. Did Akko's own mind do this same thing? It was strange to imagine.
Before she could think on it further, yet another two versions freely entered the courtroom, striding to the front. They seemed a bit like lawyers, since they had briefcases and set up on the tables by the Judge. The two newcomers were largely identical.
…Well, more so than usual at least. They wore identical three piece business suits and ties, with designs of wings stitched into the back. Except one of them had a solid white suit, with a halo above her head, and the other's suit was completely blood red, with similarly colored horns protruding from her hair. They must be her Shoulder Angel and Devil, respectively. Except…normal sized.
It was almost a shame. Seeing the tiny little flying Sucys back then was actually kind of funny, but these two were just Diana's normal form with accessories. She could be a stick in the mud sometimes. Almost figures some of her uninhibited mind-people would be comparatively reserved as well.
If these ones were lawyers, that might actually work out for her. The devil and the angel in Sucy's head had largely only been interested in the state of Sucy's mind without much regard for Akko's well-being. But then, this was Diana, not Sucy. Akko loved her roommate dearly, but she could be a jerk. Surely a much more compassionate person's good and evil side would be willing to look out for her.
The Shoulder Devil spared single glance towards all the condemned thoughts. "Must we even go through with this formality?" She asked. "The Officers already declared them obstructive and undesirable. They should receive punishment immediately."
The Shoulder Angel shook her head. "We can't just eliminate every obstructive and undesirable thought with no regard." She said. "They should be allowed to say their final words, and then receive immediate punishment."
Why does she even bother hoping for things sometimes?
The Judge slammed her gavel to start their trial. One of the Officers helped the first girl in line to her feet, the one wearing the fake Godzilla head. If she was declared irrelevant by the judge, she was going to be killed off. And it was the same with the rest of them. Even if it was something that by all rights needed to happen. Maybe Akko couldn't save them, not without making everything worse, but that didn't mean she was the type of person to idly sit back and watch when someone was in trouble.
Akko leaned over the waist-high wall, frantically waving at the Judge. "Ooh, ooh! C-can I go first? Please?" She begged childishly. "Judge me first instead!"
The Shoulder Devil eyed her suspiciously. "You're the last in line. Why should we move you to the front? That isn't how this works."
The Angel nodded her head, calmly walking over to talk to Akko face to face. "The prosecution raises a valid point. Is there any reason why we should breach protocol and proceed with this trial out of order?"
"Uh…I mean, why not?" Akko shrugged. "It…doesn't really make a difference if I go before anyone else, does it?" And in truth, it didn't. But if she couldn't do anything to help, she could at least delay it.
The Angel crossed her arms. "If it doesn't make a difference, why request it?" She arched a brow, before her face set in realization. "Oh…are you another Diana inclined towards empathy? You don't wish to see the others condemned?"
Akko blinked. "Actually…yeah. That's exactly it."
"I see." The Angel smiled sympathetically. "I believe such a final request is acceptable. Judge Diana?"
They looked to the Judge for approval, who shrugged indifferently. "Fine, I suppose. As long as we can get this done in a timely manner."
To Akko's satisfaction, the girl wearing the pastiche Godzilla head was returned to the line, and the Officer motioned for her to come forward in her stead, though clearly just as confused as to the point of the switch as the Judge was. On the one hand, she had just given up extra time to think of a solid plan to get out of this, which meant she was going in by the seat of her pants. But on the other, it felt like the right thing to do, so she had to do it.
Even without a plan, she felt a little more confident as she was led before the Judge's bench. If anyone would know why she had been sent here and what was at stake, it would be the one whose job it was to be smart and objective, wouldn't it? Surely this one thing could work out for today.
"Well?" The Judge arched a brow. "State your name for the court."
"I'm…Akko?" She smiled brightly, feeling hopeful for some sympathy.
"I've never heard of an Akko. Therefore, it cannot be something that belongs in this mind." She raised her gavel. "Irrelevant!"
Akko darted her hand underneath the gavel to stop the verdict-deciding impact. She succeeded, mostly because it smashed down on her fingers instead. Akko bit her lip, trying not to cry out.
"Gkk! W-wait." She winced in pain. She needed to think of a lie, or at least something to save her skin, and fast. "I was kidding. I'm…uh…Diana Who likes to Shapeshift! Into her platonic friends!"
The Judge's eyes narrowed. "So…you're somehow back again. Well, no matter what temptress form you take, the verdict stands the same! Irrelevant!"
Brushing her hand aside, the Judge slammed the gavel down, the noise echoing throughout the room. Akko groaned. She barely understood law at the best of times, but that hardly seemed like a trial. The Officers that led her here made a move to apprehend her, and in turn Akko prepared to resist. These mind people were way too grabby, and she wasn't about to go down with a fight. Before they could confront her, the courtroom doors suddenly burst open with a deafening sound.
Rose was standing in the doorway, breathing heavy. The audience gasped and murmured at the sudden intruder. The various Officers across the room let out exasperated (almost fearful?) moans.
"Not her again…" The Officer nearest to Akko whined, with shoulders slumped. Rose shared a brief look with a bewildered Akko, before her pleading eyes locked onto the Judge.
"I can't let you do this! I can't let you do anything to harm her!" She cried out. "I…I love her!"
Akko hid in her palms, her face growing red hot. She did not just run into a courtroom and shout that. Because it made it sound really romantic, way more than Akko had a clue how to deal with. Capital punishment almost sounded appealing.
From the corner of her eye, she saw the Judge shaking off her shock, replacing it with an irritated glare. Her grip tightened around her gavel, and she called out angrily to the girl intruding on her precious trial.
"What do you think you're doing here, Diana Who is in love with Akko!? Are you attempting to cause mayhem again?"
Akko was struck by a sudden coughing fit. The Judge called her…? Rose's name was…was actually…? Diana Who is in love with…?
Oh.
That wasn't platonic affection. That wasn't platonic at all. That was...that was the other thing. Oh no.
…Well, it didn't mean anything, right? There…there was no way the real Diana had any feelings for her. Akko had met Rose in the Repression Ward. She was probably just…a spur of the moment thought. Everyone's thought about their friends in a romantic context once with no intention of ever doing anything, it just happens. Just some weird thought people occasionally had about their friends.
Punctual Diana tutted at Rose. "She's always interfering with the schedule. Very inconvenient."
Always? Always interfering with the schedule? But that would mean that she's been here a while. And everyone here clearly recognized her. How long has she…? And how long has the real one…? Did that mean these were real feelings? That Diana legitimately….? It still didn't, right? Maybe she was making a mistake? She just needed to slow down, get her bearings, and-
"You have not been cleared to leave the Repression Wing today!" The Judge said. "Must you always act so uncivilized? Breaking out at inopportune times, overpowering other emotions, can't you just wait for clearance like everyone else? You're affecting the objectivity of this mind!"
"W-would you all just stop?!" Akko yelled out. "Just give me a second to think about this!"
Her face went back into her palms. This was the weirdest way to find out a girl had a crush on her. And Diana had a crush on her! On her! What does she even do with this? When she wakes them both up, she's going to have to look her in the eye and talk to her. And all this time, she had these sorts of feelings for her. How long has this been here?
"If…if you hurt her, it would be devastating." Rose pleaded. "Not just to me! I know she's even important to the Original! If something happens to her, it would hurt all of us beyond belief! You have to let her go!"
The Angel was unconvinced. "My sincerest apologies, but I find that hard to believe." She said. "Why would Diana Who likes to Shapeshift into her Platonic Friends have any profound effect on the state of mind?"
Rose bristled. "Her name is Akko."
The Angel seemed to consider this implication for a moment, but before she could say anything, the Judge frowned, having had enough of all this chaos in her courtroom. "Well, clearly, one of those names is a lie, but it makes no difference. Either way, she was deemed irrelevant!"
The sound of the gavel snapped Akko back to the reality of her situation. She had been so caught up with the whole…that, she had completely forgotten about the imminent mortal peril she was in. The Officers began to close in, but she had no intention of being condemned. She'd worry about Rose later. It was well past time for her to save her own skin.
Before anyone of them could get close, Akko had jumped on top the Judge's bench, snatching the gavel from her hands. The courtroom was, predictably, shocked by her sheer disregard for the rules as she stood tall in front of the Judge with her hand on her hip. Her eyes scanned the crowd of confused and indignant personas with a determined glare.
"Alright, everybody listen to me!" Akko gestured to the courtroom with the gavel. "You're all crazy! Every one of you! Completely bonkers! But you're all still Diana, just split into a hundred pieces and with your crazy level turned way too high!"
"What in the world are you…?" The Judge began to ask, only for Akko to brandish the gavel as though it were a weapon. The Judge retracted her question.
"Let me finish." She said plainly, before raising her voice once more to address the court. "I know, somehow, you guys make up the real Diana, and the real Diana would actually listen and help me out here. You guys need to just…I don't even know, work together and help me figure this out!"
Somewhere in this place, beneath all this raw emotion and possession and whatever, was her friend, the real version of her. If she could just get them to listen enough to focus, maybe she could bring her out, get through to her consciousness, and get some semblance of control over what was going on.
Whatever shock the room felt at her audacious actions was wearing off, and they clearly weren't listening to her. The Officers began to approach the desk, glaring daggers into her. Rose was getting hysterical, and tears were falling from her eyes. The audience clamored, and the Angel and the Devil started shooting contradictory reprimands. Not that she could hear any of it. Their shouts mingled through the air.
"Come on!" Akko tried to speak over all the chaos. "You guys need to listen to me!"
"Get down from there! You can't be-!"
"This is a complete breach of conduct and you-!"
"You shouldn't-!"
"Don't hurt Akko! How dare you threaten-!"
"This doesn't fit into the schedule at all. Don't you have a sense of-?"
"Ah, this is not proper-"
It was becoming more and more clear that her presence here seemed to just make everything worse. This was just nuts. It was literally raw emotions butting heads with each other. She couldn't break through to anyone. She was tired, confused, and embarrassed all at once, and she really just wanted to fix this and get out of here. Unsure of what else to do at this point, she took a deep breath and just shouted.
"Diana! Listen to me!"
At first nothing happened. And then the room somehow…shifted.
She wasn't even sure what else to call it. All the Officers, the Judge, Rose, every single version of the Cavendish girl just slowed, stopped in their tracks, like some realization just set over them. There was a strange sensation settling atop the room that all of them seemed to sense, a feeling completely lost on Akko. They murmured to themselves, before slowly, they turned their focus back to the girl standing on the bench. But all their conflict disappeared.
They were just…calmed. It was if all their anger and anxiety was just sedated, and all the raw emotions were suddenly balanced and directed. And somehow, this bizarre sense of calm seemed to center on Akko. Even the very architecture of the room seemed to, just for a moment, shift to center on Akko.
She mumbled to herself. "O…kay?"
"…Peculiar." The Devil looked up at her sideways. "She's clearly a breach in protocol, and yet…she no longer feels…"
The Judge looked around, as if searching for the answer in the room. "Did that…sensation come from the Original? But there wasn't any words…"
"I didn't receive any conscious orders…" One of the Officers said. "But…it felt like…"
"Yes...it did…" The Angel agreed. "But there was a feeling of…"
Utterly confused, Akko looked to Rose. The girl didn't look madly in love, or about to cry, or anything high-strung. Rose was just…benignly regarding her. Akko shifted on her feet. She had never felt so uncomfortable being the center of attention. She had meant to try to call out to the real version of her friend. Did it…work? Her plans don't usually work. They weren't acting like the real person like she had hoped, but they all had calmed down significantly. So…what in the world was going on?
The Devil squinted at her. "What are you? What did you do?"
Akko shrugged helplessly. "Don't ask me what happened. You're the brain people, you tell me."
The Devil's expression flattened, and she turned to the Judge. "If she can inspire this sort of emotional reaction, we should be rid of her immediately. She could be the beginning of some manner of mental illness. It is your solemn duty to preserve our objective reasoning, and she…she inhibits it, somehow."
The Angel, however, shot Akko a quick glance. "I disagree." She said to the Judge. "I haven't any idea what that thing was, but it came from the core and it centered on her. There are clearly strange circumstances going on, and harming her could very well damage the psyche."
"You can't be serious." The Devil gaped at her. "She clearly causes conflict in this mind. She is literally standing on the Judge's podium, threatening her with her stolen gavel."
"That may be so, but she's of some importance to the Original, otherwise that reaction, whatever it was, would not have happened. She doesn't belong, but for as problematic as she is the Original clearly doesn't regard her as malignant. We need more conscious guidance for this."
"The Original is not responding." Punctual Diana informed her. "I believe we are asleep right now, but no one's been able to make even subconscious contact. I've been informed not even the dream department knows what's happening."
Akko tried to keep the exasperation from her voice. "That's because you're being possessed. Like I've been trying to tell you people all day."
The Devil sneered at her. "There are no foreign entities in this mind but you." She snapped.
Akko just pinched the bridge of her nose, biting back a sigh."You guys don't know because the stupid ghost keeps freezing you. Because it's trying to take over everything." She said flatly. "Like I've been saying."
From behind her feet, the Judge scoffed. "Please. We run a highly renowned and disciplined psyche. I think if we were being possessed, we would kn-"
And then the ghostly wailing started once more. Faiwu's ethereal voice filled the air, and its moan was longer and even more frustrated than the one back in the room, trying once more to claim the mind after whatever it was the Original had done. The room actually shook, and Akko fell from atop the bench with a loud yelp.
A quick glance as she got up however, revealed that the rest of the courtroom was frozen in time. The Judge, along with several other personas, were still looking where Akko had been standing, each and every one deathly still. In a room with upward of thirty people, she was the only one moving. Creepy as it was, it gave her a chance to get out of here. Between this freezing and whatever that calm thing was, she needed more than a little time to collect her thoughts.
As she stopped in the doorway, she turned around, looking at the all the various versions of the girl she knew, unwittingly paralyzed in place. Her eyes lingered on Rose most of all. Akko pursed her lips. "Bonkers." She decided. "But you're still Diana, aren't you?"
By the time the wailing finally stopped, and any of them would begin to move again as though nothing happened, Akko was long gone from the courtroom.
She started walking, taking care to avoid being seen by anyone else, though it seemed everyone who was out in the mind was back in the audience. The hallways outside actually resembled an official government building, which was somehow both expected and unexpected. The polished and reflective linoleum tiles, the pillars built into the walls, and the whole white, bronze, and gold color scheme, everything in here gave off an impression of fanciness and worldliness, which made sense given whose mind this was. It didn't make sense how this somehow connected into a regular office building, but it wasn't a real place anyway. She still had plenty of other nonsensical things to occupy her thoughts with.
Her mind kept drifting back to Rose. The whole thing about Diana being in…blah-blah with her was just confusing. She didn't know how she felt about it. It wasn't that she didn't think Diana was attractive. She was undeniably pretty, and her angular features were sculpted and classically beautiful. Not to mention she was extremely smart and talented. And also tall. Akko could admit that she was attractive. She had eyes, after all. And Akko also knew that she liked both guys and girls in about the same way, so that wasn't her issue with this idea.
…These thoughts were building to a "but". She was having trouble thinking of a counter-argument. Really, the only reason she could think of for why she didn't have crush on Diana was because it would've been wishful thinking.
So a part of her friend blah-blah'd Akko, but she was repressing it. Akko saw that in the most literal way possible. But she didn't know why. Did Diana simply hold everything back, or did she not want those feelings at all? Akko criticized her more than once for being a very guarded person, so it wasn't unreasonable to think she'd keep everything close to the chest.
But on the other hand, it wasn't like Akko was that great a catch either, especially to someone like Diana, who could get anyone she wanted. Because she was pretty, and smart, and talented, and also tall, and Akko was pretty sure no one would describe her as any of those things. So her trying to squash those feelings would't be that shocking. What would she see in her?
She growled at her own thoughts. She never used to feel bad about her looks or how attractive she was, but she never tried to imagine measuring up either. What was it about Diana that seemed to bring out these insecurities? Did it mean she liked her back? And even if she did, so what? She still didn't have an actual answer. Maybe Diana was too closed off to ever say it, or maybe she didn't want to feel that way in the first place. That was a huge difference, and she didn't know what to do. All this emotional mess was making a mess of her emotions. She had no idea how to deal with any of this.
No one in her life had ever thought about her in that way. The closest she's ever come was the lovelove bee, and that night was…distressing. She had spent the entire party freaking out and running away and making bad decisions. Even more than usual. It was even worse, because that was when Diana actually acted crazy with her. She had outright confessed to her, and she said she loved her in front of everyone and she tried chasing her down and she was wearing that really pretty dress and you know what this really wasn't helping to clear anything up.
She stopped walking and, with a huff and an arm cross, fell back against the wall. She didn't know how this changed things, or even if she wanted it to change things, and she still had no idea why Rose was in the Repression Wing in the first place. What she wouldn't give for an easy fix for all this to all this…this thinking.
Her attention was caught by a large wooden door in the middle of the hallway. There were signs all around it, warning not to open it, not to touch it, and not even to get close to it. Thick chains were crossed across the door, joined by a single padlock. There was a label above the forbidden door, written in bold red letters. The door quite literally read:
"Secrets"
A.N.
*someone tries to kill her*
Akko: Understandable. That's fair
*Pretty girl likes her*
Akko: ? hwat the hlel?
I didn't even mean to do her in like this. I promise next chapter has some fluff. It's some goddamn weird fluff that could only happen in this kind of story, but I think it's sorta cute once you get past how bizarre it is. And we'll see that, and what exactly Akko is going to choose to do now. I hope you guys like it, since you're all entirely too nice to me.
(Also, the bit with the irrelevant thoughts being less 'real' isn't really from the episode, but a headcanon. Psychologically, it makes sense, since they're all essentially just whims had throughout the day, so of course they're less physical than something as meaningful as a crush. The next chapters play with the opposite idea, with traits that have been around so long and defined so much of the personality it would be impossible to repress them. Knowledgeable Diana is one of these. The repressed emotions end up as a middle class that could go either way, though we'll learn more later)