Chapter 4

He pulled his phone back out and dialled for Joe, but also didn't get an answer. He pulled off the drive fast and put his foot to the floor. 'No! This can't have happened! She was so close! She's a good driver, how did she crash into a building?!' Horatio thought to himself as he ran a hand through his hair. 'I can't lose her! I can't, she's all I've got and all I ever will have.' Horatio thought as he swallowed with his heart was in his throat, he didn't think he could even talk but knew that he had to contact someone to inform them of what was going on. He then plugged his phone into the car speakers and phoned Eric. Eric quickly answered.

"Delko" he said sleepily as he exhaled and laid back in his sofa and closed his eyes, as he was disturbed during a nap.

"Eric, it's Horatio. I've… I've been told to inform friends and family of a situation that has just come around." Horatio exhaled and Eric sat up, he could hear the hurt in Horatio's voice as well as his urgency.

"H, what's wrong?" Eric questioned when he heard the break in Horatio's voice. Eric was now wide awake, there was nothing to get him back to sleep again, but he knew that it was something to do with Zoë, it was the only thing that could upset Horatio.

"Zoë's been involved in a car crash, she's critical and they don't know if she's going to make it. I'm on my way up to New York now. I may not return to work on Monday, so I'll need you to cover for me, please." Horatio asked quietly as he exhaled and ran a fist through his hair before hitting the steering wheel once.

"H, I'm so sorry. Of course I'll cover. She'll be okay Horatio, she's strong, she's really strong. Please let me know when you find anything out. My thoughts are with you both." Eric said softly as he stared blinking rapidly at the wall opposite him.

"Thank you Eric, I should be there in 4 or 5 hours, I'll let you know." Horatio tried to keep his voice smooth but Eric could tell that Horatio was going crazy, he knew Horatio was deeply hurt and panicking a lot.

"Thank you H, shall I inform Alexx?" Eric questioned lightly.

"Please Eric, thank you." Horatio said softly.

"Of course, don't worry H, she'll be alright." Eric swallowed as he got up off the sofa. They hung up and Horatio threw his phone into the passenger seat before he ran a fist through his hair.

"No! You cannot take her from me!" Horatio shouted as he hit his steering wheel and looked up at the sky. "You cannot take her from me, please. She's all I have, this is not her time! She's not yours to take! She's mine, she always will be mine!" Horatio shouted up at the sky as he drove faster with his heart beating wildly. His hands were trembling on the wheel, through fear, anger and utter hurt. He raced through the traffic, safely but urgently. He pulled up in the car park at the airport and got out with his phone and keys and walked into the airport. He marched up to the desk with sweaty palms as his hands continued to tremble slightly.

"I need your next flight to New York, now please." Horatio said firmly as he raised his eyebrows.

"Let me take a look sir." The attendant said softly as he looked at the computer. Horatio pressed his lips together and watched the attendant look at the computer. It felt like 30 minutes had passed as Horatio continued to stand, staring at the attendant. "There is a flight boarding now, but there is only one seat left." He said as he looked up at Horatio.

"I'll take it." Horatio said as he handed the attendant his card and passport. Horatio watched the attendant book him all in but he could feel his impatience boiling. He just wanted to be on the plane so he could see Zoë.

"Thank you sir, if you'd make your way to the gate now, the flight will be leaving soon." The attendant said softly as he handed Horatio the passport, card and boarding pass and Horatio nodded and then walked away with the ticket in his hand. He rushed over to the gate and boarded the plane. He sat down in economy class and put his head in his hands after he'd done his seatbelt up. He took a few deep breaths and then looked down as he clasped his hands together. He just stared at his wedding ring while he tried to control his breathing. 'If I don't calm down, people will think that I'm nervous for another reason.' Horatio thought to himself as he sat back up and placed his head against the back of the seat as he closed his eyes and placed his hands flat on his thighs.

"Nervous flyer?" A middle-aged woman asked as she sat next to Horatio. Horatio opened his eyes and glanced over to her as she sat down in the seat next to him. She was a middle-aged red-head. She wasn't skinny, but she wasn't large, but it was evident that she enjoyed her food.

"No." Horatio replied as he glanced to her before he looked away and out of the window. He then realised how rude he was and rubbed his forehead as he briefly closed his eyes. "I'm sorry ma'am" Horatio apologised as he looked back round to her and she nodded with gentle brown eyes, but they weren't the brown colour that Zoë's were. Zoë's glistened, they were bright. The red-haired woman had very dark brown eyes, they also seemed black when they light didn't catch them. Horatio clasped his hands back together in his lap as he looked down at them, not only feeling like his heart was being torn from his chest and his brain running after it, but he also felt bad for snapping at an innocent woman who was just checking on him.

"Don't worry, you've got nothing to worry about. I've made this trip hundreds of times before and never had a problem." She said sweetly. Horatio looked back up at her, his eyes briefly met hers but he quickly looked back down and pressed his lips together.

"It's not the flight I'm worried about." Horatio mumbled as he looked back out of the window at the tarmac below them. He didn't want to be talking with a stranger, he just wanted to be left alone in his own world so he could focus on getting to Zoë quicker.

"Sorry, can we get this gentleman a drink?" The red-haired woman asked a flight attendant as the attendant strolled past. Horatio quickly looked back round to the both of them with furrowed eyebrows, becoming a little frustrated.

"I do not need a drink, but thank you very much." Horatio said firmly yet politely as he looked up to the attendant.

"Are you okay sir?" The attendant asked warmly as she tilted her head.

"Yes, I'm fine, please get on with your job so there isn't any delays." Horatio said and the attendant saw the fear and heartache in his eyes. She could also see that Horatio was becoming very frustrated. 'I just want silence, is that too much to ask?' Horatio thought to himself.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to calm down." The attendant asked softly with a gentle expression.

"My wife is lying in a hospital in New York right now in a critical condition. I need to be there with her, now. Asking me to calm down isn't going to be any good." Horatio said extremely calmly and the attendant nodded and left. Horatio sat back and rubbed his face with his left hand as he closed his eyes and exhaled heavily before he looked back out of the window while the red-haired woman just looked at him, feeling bad for making a fuss.

"I'm sorry, I got the wrong idea." The woman said as she blinked a few times at Horatio, he nodded at her and began to play with his wedding ring as he looked back down to his hands.

"How long have you been married?" She asked warmly.

"3 weeks today." Horatio said firmly as he continued to look down at his ring, just hoping that Zoë was okay.

"I'm so sorry." She said as she swallowed and pressed her lips together as she sat back and looked at the seat in front of her. 'She's going to be okay, she's strong, she'll get through this.' Horatio thought to himself, trying to keep himself calm. "I bet she's lovely–" The woman began softly to try and engage in conversation.

"With all due respect ma'am, I really am not in the mind set for a conversation right now. I'm sorry." Horatio interrupted smoothly as he looked over to her, she nodded and then closed her mouth while she looked back to the seat in front of her. He relaxed a little as the plane began to move and he rubbed his face. He had a permanent frown upon his face as he watched the plane move while he looked out of the window. He couldn't help but let his mind wander.

'I should have gone with her… I should have driven. What if she blacked out at the wheel and that is what caused the collision? She could have blacked out because she was stressed from exhaustion? She didn't sound tired or stressed though, but she could have blacked out. She's a fantastic driver, she wouldn't have crashed for any other reason. If I had driven, this wouldn't have happened and she wouldn't be fighting for her life. She was happy, she was excited to see Joe, how could this have happened? What if she fell asleep at the wheel? I could have stopped that, if she dies, her death will be on my hands. She can't die, she can't leave me. I'm certain I'd join her, I couldn't live without her, not after what we've been through together. This can't have happened, where's Joe? Why isn't he answering his phone? This isn't happening, not to my Zoë. I swore to protect her from everything!' He thought to himself and was then broken from his thoughts as he realised they were in the air and he was getting a waft of someone's feet. He could feel his heart in his throat again as he took a few gasps of air and looked down to his lap. He raised both hands to his face as he tried to compose himself, but the urge to shout and punch the seat in front of him was overwhelming. He took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes as he thought about the stench that was being emitted throughout the cabin. But that just made him feel even more empty and upset.

'If Zoë were here, she'd be complaining right now, she'd have her hand on my thigh and looking up at me with those beautiful brown eyes and saying something cheeky that would embarrass me. She would have grabbed an attendant by now and asked for air freshener just like our journey home from our incredible honeymoon. Her scent would cover the foot odour though, her scent covers everything. She is everything. She can't be taken from me now, we had plans. Are you listening, Zoë? We have plans, you need to keep them with me. Don't do this to me beautiful because I won't be able to handle it. I need you with me, I need you by my side to fight the world we live in, to fight those criminals. I need you to make me feel human, I need to feel you holding me tight, I need your smile. I need you to calm me when I have nightmares, I need you to take those nightmares away.' He thought as he felt the lump in his throat widen. He continued to keep his eyes closed as he imagined her brilliant smile. He imagined the delicious kiss she left him with as well as her giggles on the phone. He could feel his heart melting just at the thought of it, but with each blissful memory he held onto, more hurt came when he thought about the reality of never seeing or experiencing it again.

'What is it with our lives? Why do we attract such pain and misery? What have either of us done in our lives to deserve any of this? I can't think of what I've done to deserve it, and I know Zoë certainly doesn't deserve any of it. We were supposed to start trying for a baby this coming week, but we've even been denied that.' He thought as he shifted in the seat and felt himself nearly sticking to it. He shuddered slightly as he looked out of the window and tried to ignore his surroundings, but they were becoming harder to ignore.

'You'd be complaining about the economy seats too, I think I'll do that for you sweetheart. But I'll wait until you're better, then I'll tell you about how small these seats are, how fake leather plastic is uncomfortable and sticky. I don't even know what my foot is in right now, she'd be having a panic attack right about now. She'd demand to be moved to first class, if they didn't let her she'd do it anyway. I am sure that if she was sitting in the seat next to me, she'd have a full on level 4 biohazard suit… sometimes I love your OCD, Zoë. It does make me laugh.' He thought but was then pulled from his thoughts as an attendant placed a plastic cup of water in front of him.

"Thank you." Horatio said softly as he looked up at the woman who gave him a sympathetic look. Everyone within the immediate surroundings could see just how distraught he was, it was evident how much pain he was in, not even he could hide it any longer.

"Is there anything else I can get you sir?" She asked softly.

"No thank you." He replied and she nodded. Horatio took a few sips of the water and then lost himself back in his thoughts.

'A screaming baby, Zoë would be telling me that it would be something I'd have to get used to right now. I bet she'd find the mother and make sure she was taking care of that baby; I wouldn't put it past her. She's going to be fine, we will fulfil our life's plan, we will have our family. She's going to be a wonderful mother, she'll be the best mother any child could have anywhere, ever. She'll be a natural at all of this baby stuff, I know she will be, she'll have to teach me how to do it all I should think.' He was pulled from his thoughts again when the woman next to him gripped onto the arm rest, he could see her nails nearly piercing the plastic covering. He frowned mildly at her tense hands before looking up at her petrified facial expression.

"Ma'am, are you okay?" He asked and she nodded while she kept her eyes on the seat in front with a tense jaw. "You are a nervous flyer, aren't you?" Horatio asked and she nodded again as she glanced over to him.

"I try to convince myself that I'm not before each flight, but it never gets any easier." She said quietly as she looked over at him with her muscles tense and Horatio nodded with a warm expression.

"There really is nothing to worry about ma'am, the flight will be over very soon anyway." Horatio said smoothly.

"Do you know how many aircraft crash?" She questioned.

"A very low number, ma'am. A lot of people survive plane crashes too." He said softly as he stopped fiddling with his ring as she looked into his eyes, needing something to comfort her and found his warm eyes a warm welcome.

"How would you know that?" She questioned.

"Because I've been involved in a plane crash and after I decided to look up the statistics." Horatio said smoothly and her eyes widened as her frown became more frantic.

"That's not making me feel any better." She said and Horatio nodded.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but you don't have anything to worry about, I can assure you that." Horatio said softly and she took a deep breath. She sat back for a moment and blinked at the seat in front of her as she swallowed.

"Are you that Lieutenant Caine guy off the TV?" She questioned and he nodded. "I heard about your car crash, and I think that what you do is marvellous." She said softly and Horatio gave her a warm smile. "Are you and that Detective Chambers woman okay? It was plastered everywhere for a few days, the streets of Miami seemed to darken after that as crime rates seemed to sky rocket." She said softly.

"That Detective Chambers woman is now my wife. We both made recoveries." Horatio said softly as he sat back and looked to the seat in front of him.

"Congratulations and I'm sorry." She said softly and Horatio nodded as he exhaled. "I'm a journalist, I'm sorry I'm not a stalker or anything." She said softly and Horatio nodded.

"What takes you to New York?" Horatio asked softly as he looked back over to her.

"My son, he lives up there." She said softly and Horatio nodded. "Do you have children?" She asked and Horatio sighed. He sat back in his seat and took a deep breath and then shook his head. "You'll have them one day and then you're understand why I put myself through this so many times." She said softly and Horatio nodded.

"I think I already understand." Horatio said softly and she looked round to him with a curious frown.

"Very long story" he said quietly and the woman nodded when she saw him closing himself off as he lost himself back in his thoughts.

'You can't take Zoë from me, we haven't had children, we've not properly lived our lives together yet, we need more time, please. Take me instead of her, please. She will get through this, she's my Zoë and she's the strongest person I've ever met. She's not going to let a car accident win, she'll fight. But she only keeps up that fighting spirit when I'm around, she doesn't believe she can fight when she's alone. I'm not there with her, what if she gives up because I'm not there? I wish this flight would hurry up! I need to be with my wife, I need to be with Zoë.' Horatio thought to himself but was once again pulled from his thoughts by the red-haired woman.

"Your wife will be fine, I'm sure of it." The woman said softly.

"Thank you, but the hospital staff seem to think differently." Horatio said quietly as he rubbed his forehead again as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

'I'm not giving up on you though beautiful, I will stand by you even when those around you want to walk away, I will be there for you and I will stand by you through everything we have to face, even if it's a slow recovery, you'll do it sweetheart. I believe in you and I always will.' Horatio thought to himself and then felt the plane beginning to descend. He lifted his head again and opened his eyes as he glanced over to the red-haired woman.

"Are we landing?" Horatio questioned and the woman nodded as she pressed her lips into a hard line and glanced over to him as her grip of the arm rests tightened. "We'll be fine, trust me." Horatio assured her and she nodded, wanting to believe him. 'That was quicker than I thought actually. I thought the flight was going to feel like 40 hours rather than 4.' Horatio thought to himself as he exhaled a relieved sigh. Once they had landed, Horatio's head was still going places it didn't want to go. 'What if they tried calling me but my phone was off? What if she's worse?' He thought as he rushed through the airport. He shook his head and carried on, pushing the thoughts away. He tried calling Joe again when he got outside the airport and into a taxi and gave the driver his destination. 'Why is Joe not picking up? Was he involved in some way too?' Horatio questioned himself as he rubbed his forehead and sat back in the taxi.

"Could you please take me the quickest way and as fast as you can?" Horatio asked the driver firmly and he nodded and sped up. His phone began to receive the text messages that everyone had been sending him, a few from Alexx, one from Natalia, a few from Eric and a couple from various lab techs as well as Frank. He couldn't even focus enough to reply to any of them. Most were sending their love and best wishes. Horatio sat in silence in the back of the taxi and continued to think to himself. The driver could see that he was mentally hurt, he could see Horatio's hands trembling very slightly.

"That's $42" he said as he pulled up outside the hospital. Horatio just got out and dropped a load of notes into the drivers hand before he walked away.

"Sir, you've given me $70" he called loudly.

"Keep it" Horatio said loudly as he glanced back at him.

"Thank you!" The driver called and then put the money away as Horatio rushed into the hospital.

"Zoë Caine, she was admitted about 5 hours ago having been involved in a car accident, I'm her husband." Horatio said frantically as he reached the desk.

"One moment please sir." The young man said as he typed Zoë's name into the computer. "If you'd like to take a seat in the waiting room please sir, a doctor will be right with you." He said softly.

"Is she okay? Can I see her?" Horatio questioned with a frown, needing to know anything and everything.

"A doctor will be right with you, sir." He repeated and Horatio nodded and sighed as he walked away and ran a distressed hand through his hair. He walked into the waiting room and his hands began to tremble more. He sat down and leant forwards on his knees as he looked down at his clasped hands. He took a deep breath and then began to play with his wedding ring as his heartbeat increased in frequency and power.

'Why won't they let me see her? Why won't they tell me that she's okay?' Horatio questioned himself. He looked up at the other family members of other patients, some seemed calm, others seemed just as distressed as him. He looked around to see if he could see Joe but he wasn't anywhere in sight. He exhaled and closed his eyes while he concentrated on fiddling with his wedding ring. All manner of things began to rush through his mind, things he never wanted to think about. His usual incredible patience hadn't shown that day, he just needed to know about Zoë and he needed to see her. 'What is taking this doctor so long?!' Horatio thought to himself as he looked back up and around to see the same people around him. He looked up just as a doctor walked in with a grey stethoscope around his neck.

"Mr Caine?" He asked as he looked around the room. Horatio quickly stood and looked at the doctor intensely as he nodded. Horatio took a deep breath expecting the doctor to say that he could see Zoë but instead his facial expression remained grim and grave.

"If you'd like to follow me, please?" He asked and Horatio quickly walked out with him, his heart rate had increased more, he could feel his hands trembling; fearing where the doctor was leading him. He only hoped that they were walking towards the cubicles where Zoë would be sitting up and making life difficult for staff, but they were walking in the opposite direction to the cubicles which pierced a hole in Horatio's core.