Getting to Know You Chapter 4: Roughing It, a castle fanfic

DISCLAIMERS: No, I don't own 'Castle.'

SUMMARY: Kate takes Castle to her dad's cabin in the Adirondacks, where he witnesses more of her PTSD.

A/N #1: This is an M-rated chapter. Okay, I'll admit it. Most of these are going to be M-rated.

GETTING TO KNOW YOU

CHAPTER 4: Roughing It

Kate woke up in the early morning hours, surprised to find Castle awake and staring at the ceiling. "Are you okay?" She propped herself up on one elbow.

"Yeah. I was just thinking about what you were telling me yesterday about your dad's cabin. Could we drive up there today? We could spend a couple or three days up there before returning to the city."

"Are you sure? I'm really having a good time here, Castle."

"I know, but I'd like to see the cabin. You must've had some great memories up there."

"Yeah, I did," she smiled. "If we are going to go up there, I need to call my dad to see if I can borrow his jeep. It's the only way we can get up there. Rick, he can't see us together. I trust my dad, but it's too risky. So, we can drive back into the city and I'll meet you at the loft after I get the jeep."

"I hate this sneaking around, Kate," he huffed. "It makes it look like we're doing something wrong."

"I know," she attempted to console him. "Believe me when I tell you that I don't like it, either. But if the NYPD finds out—"

"I know, I know. I don't want you to get brought up on an ethics violation. But I'm so tired of sneaking around. It feels scuzzy."

Kate sighed before sitting up. They'd had this same argument a few times since that first night. She couldn't make him understand that she didn't like sneaking around, either, but she also didn't want to lose her job. And they both knew that Gates wasn't Castle's biggest fan. She knew that her captain would jump at the chance to kick him out of the precinct.

"Kate, I'm sorry," he put his hand on her shoulder. "I know that this also bothers you. I won't bring it up, anymore. Let's get packed and we'll head back to the city. We'll stop for breakfast on the way."

***CCC***

Jim Beckett was surprised when Kate showed up later that morning. "Katie, this is a nice surprise," he gave her a warm hug. "What's going on?"

"I'm going to go up to the cabin for a few days, so I was wondering if I could borrow the jeep."

"I didn't think you'd want to go back up there after last summer. What's going on, Katie?"

"Nothing. I just want to get out of the city for a few days. Serve out my suspension in fresh air."

"How long are you going to be gone?"

"Two or three days. I go back to work on Monday. Can I get the keys?"

"Yeah," he walked to a key rack in the kitchen, returning a moment later with the keys. "You'll have to buy some groceries. I haven't been up there since Christmas."

"No problem. Thanks, dad."

Jim Beckett watched as Kate walked outside and got behind the driver's side of his battered jeep. He had a feeling that she wasn't going up there alone, but he knew that she'd tell him all about it when she was ready. And if his gut was right, he knew that her new man was Rick Castle and he couldn't be happier for his daughter.

An hour later, Kate was behind the wheel with Castle as she drove them toward Lake Placid. He watched as she shifted gears effortlessly in the old jeep. "There's nothing sexier in the world than a woman who can drive a stick-shift," he smirked.

"My dad taught me to drive in this jeep. We were up at the cabin for our summer vacation and I kept driving him crazy wanting to drive. My father has always been extremely logical; well, my mother was, too, but she also tried to understand my wild child side. Anyway, he kept insisting that I was too young to drive, but my mother convinced him to teach me to drive on the road up around the cabin. He told me that if I could learn to drive a stick shift, then I could drive anything."

"How old were you?"

"Fourteen. Once I got the hang of it, I would drive all over the countryside. I had a blast," she smiled at the memory. "A little bit too much of a blast, at times."

They stopped at a small market in Lake Placid to pick up some groceries to last them for a few days before they resumed their trek. A few minutes after they left town, Kate turned off of the highway onto a frontage road before turning onto a road that went up into the mountains. After driving for a little while longer, she left that road for a dirt road that was rutted and full of holes. Castle held on for dear life while Kate drove like she was on a mission, expertly avoiding the bigger potholes. "Nice road," Castle managed to comment just as Kate hit a hole that bounced him so hard his head almost hit the roof of the jeep.

"Now you see why I needed the jeep. We're almost there, Castle, so just hang on tight."

She turned onto one last road, driving a short distance before pulling into a gravel driveway, stopping in front of a small cabin in the center of a stand of huge trees. The house was surrounded on three sides by a wooden porch. Castle could see a few chairs and a battered picnic table on the porch. "Come on, let's go inside," Kate smiled, getting out and leading the way up five stairs to the front door. Putting the key in the lock, she twisted the lock back and forth before it finally gave, allowing her to open the door.

Stepping inside behind Kate, Castle walked into a small living room with what appeared to be a bedroom on one side and the kitchen on the other. A staircase at the back of the room led to the upstairs. "My dad's room is over there," Kate pointed. "My bedroom is up the stairs. So, what do you think?"

"I like it," he smiled. "It's very . . . Ponderosa," he said, referring to the house on the old TV show 'Bonanza.'

"Not quite. I know it's not as posh as the loft or your Hamptons house—"

"Kate, stop," he put his hands on her shoulders. "I like it. I'm glad that you brought me up here."

"You'll be singing a different tune when you can't get Wi-Fi access," she smiled. "Let me put our groceries away and we'll take a walk outside."

Within a few minutes Kate had their groceries put up and she came out, taking Castle by the hand and leading him outside. Besides the chairs and table in front of the house, there was a porch swing on the porch behind the house as well as a hammock set up between two trees. "Does that hammock hold two people?" He asked, his eyes lifting mischievously.

"I don't know, but we can find out," she brushed her lips to his. "Come on, walk with me."

She led him down the back stairs and past the hammock, going deeper into the woods. "Does anybody live nearby?" He asked, looking up into the trees, where there was barely any sunlight peeking through.

"No. The nearest neighbor is three miles away. Why? Are you imagining 'Friday the 13th' scenarios, Castle?" She teased.

"Sort of."

"Relax. My dad has two shotguns and a have a 9mm in my room. I want to show you something."

They walked down a worn path for several minutes before Castle heard something that sounded like the rush of running water. Finally, Kate stopped at the end of a clearing that opened out onto a body of water. The sound Castle had heard was the water rushing over huge boulders. "This was my therapy last summer," she looked at Castle. "The pain was awful, Rick. The pain pills helped, but they never lasted long. I'd come out here, put my headphones in and let the water and my music take my pain away. I couldn't sleep unless I came here and even then, well, I didn't sleep much."

He knew that she still didn't sleep well. There had been too many nights where he'd felt her tossing and turning when she should've been asleep. "This is beautiful, Kate. I can see why it would relax you."

"I want to show you something else," she smiled before standing up and once again taking his hand. Cutting through the woods, Castle dodged low hanging tree branches and roots as he followed closely behind Kate.

They came out into the sunshine in front of another part of the lake, this one clearly a swimming area. "Is that water as cold as it looks?" He asked.

"We could always find out."

"Are there snakes in there?"

"You are so cute," she stepped into his arms, taking them and looping them around her waist before kissing him. "I've been swimming in this lake since I was six years old and I've never encountered any snakes."

"I'm glad you find my fears amusing," he pouted.

"While there are probably snakes out here, I've never encountered any. Deer, yes. Raccoons, yes. Mosquitoes the size of sewer rats, yes. And I don't find your fears amusing. I just find you very cute," she reached around her back and took his hand. "Come on, let's go back to the cabin and fix lunch."

"What about bears, Beckett?" He looked around as she led him back to the cabin. "Are we going to be on that show 'I Survived' for fending off a bear attack?"

"Yes, Castle. Because I just loved fighting off bears last summer when I could barely take two steps without falling over."

"I'm sorry. I'll be quiet now."

"Castle," she turned back into his arms, "I won't let anything happen to you. There are bears out here, but they stay away from people."

"Do they come up to the cabin?"

"No, I've seen them in the woods, but they never venture up to the cabin. But that's because we keep our trash secured and we never and I do mean never feed them. Do you hear me, Castle?"

"I hear you," he nodded earnestly.

"Come on, now I'm really hungry. And not just for food."

***CCC***

Castle wasn't sure what woke him later that night, but when he reached over for Kate, her side of the bed was empty. That was when he heard the loud boom of thunder overhead, followed by an incredibly bright flash of lightning. Then he heard the noise again. It sounded like a keening scream and it seemed to be coming from downstairs. He once again heard the sound, followed by a loud crash. He jumped out of bed and ran down the stairs, the only light being the lightning that was lighting up the cabin with bright flashes of light. "Kate! Beckett!" He called out when he reached the living room. "Beckett, are you all right?"

He could hear harsh panting, broken by an occasional muffled scream. He followed the sound into the kitchen where he found Kate huddled in a corner between the refrigerator and the wall, broken glass littered all around her. "Kate, what happened?"

Her breathing was ragged and he could tell that he wasn't getting through to her. He knew that it wasn't a nightmare. He'd become well acquainted with those over the past several nights. This was something else, something far worse. He tried to remember what she'd told him about her PTSD. She'd told him about the nightmares and flashbacks. That had to be what was going on now. But what had triggered it? The storm overhead. The lightning flashes had to be what had awakened her. He ran upstairs to get his slippers before returning to her. He crept closer to her, the glass crunching under his feet. "Kate, it's Castle," he spoke softly. "It's me. Kate, I don't know what to do. You're okay. You're safe. Just like you told me that I was safe this afternoon. Do you remember?"

She finally looked at him, her face a mask of despair. "Castle, go away! I'm so fucked up! I've told you this! I don't want you to see this! I . . . I don't want you to see any of this!"

"But I'm seeing it. I'm here now and I'm going to help you through it."

"It's too bright! It's like that day in the cemetery! Make it dark, Castle!"

He looked at the windows and saw that they all had wooden shutters. He jumped up and ran into the living room, slamming all of them closed and then turning on a small lamp to illuminate the small cabin. "Is that better?"

"Why don't you leave, Castle?"

"Because I'm not leaving you alone," he said, repeating words he'd told her two years before when a serial killer was targeting her. "Listen to my breathing, Beckett. Come on and breathe with me. Come on, in and then out." After a few beats, she began to copy his breathing, gradually relaxing her rigid posture. "Stay here for a minute. I'm going to find a broom and a dustpan to clean up this glass."

"In . . . the pantry," she pointed to a small closet at the other end of the countertop.

He found the broom and dustpan, quickly cleaning up the glass and disposing of it along with his slippers, which were now embedded with shards of broken glass. He then squatted down in front of Kate. "We can stay down here until the storm blows over."

"Okay," her breath hitched as he moved over next to her and sat down, stretching his legs out in front of him.

"What did you break?"

"A glass jar that was on the corner of the countertop. I think I hit it when the lightning startled me."

"Are you cut?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Not like before."

"What're you talking about?"

He reached over and took her right hand, turning it palm side up and exposing a long scar on her forearm. He'd remembered seeing her arm wrapped in gauze when they were investigating the sniper case from a few months back. "I know that you tried to hide it from me, from the boys, even from Gates. What happened? Was it a flashback then, too?"

"Yeah. During the hunt for Lee Travis. I didn't want anybody to know. I was embarrassed."

"You know that you don't have to hide anything from me, ever."

She stood up and helped Castle to his feet before taking him back upstairs to the bedroom. Once there, her demeanor immediately changed. She shoved him back toward the bed, her mouth attacking him hungrily. She then climbed up over him, her hips rolling against him, still kissing him voraciously. His hands roamed up under her shirt, cupping her breasts, rolling her nipples between his fingers, breathing in the moans she was releasing into his mouth. She reached down into his pajama bottoms, wrapping her hand around him, brushing her thumb over his velvety tip as he now groaned, as well. "Touch me, Castle," she breathed into his mouth, nipping his bottom lip. "Please touch me. I want you so much."

Castle took one hand from her breasts and reached into the front of the boy shorts that she was wearing, sliding his fingers through the warm wetness of her. He loved how she always was so ready for him. Her hips bucked when he pressed against her clit. Removing his hand from her other breast, he tugged at her shorts as she raised her hips to assist him in his endeavor. He then wiggled his own pants off his hips, feeling her guide him to her entrance and sinking down on him.

Both of them were rendered breathless for a couple of minutes before Kate began to rock on him, her breath coming in rapid gasps. It didn't take long for her to climax, her screams echoing off of the walls in the small bedroom.

Castle took her short recovery time to roll them, pinning her underneath him as he began to seriously thrust into her, her cries of 'harder' and 'more' spurring him on. "Fuck, Beckett," he growled, feeling his own release barreling down on him. He reached his fingers down to where they were joined, pressing against her, smiling when he felt her hips jolt up against him. "I love you so much," he whispered, spilling into her and collapsing onto her shoulder.

He felt Kate's nails lightly grazing his back, her lips brushing his shoulder, her legs still wrapped around him. He finally raised up enough to kiss her softly, his eyes smiling into hers. "Best post-thunderstorm, helping my girlfriend through a flashback sex, ever," he smiled.

"Hey, I thought our first night would qualify as 'best thunderstorm' sex ever," she complained.

"Oh, it was. But that night was best 'first time' sex, ever."

"Really?" She smiled, her eyes lighting up her whole face.

"Yeah, really. Beckett, I never lie about sexual exploits. I always dreamed about having sex with you. But the reality of sex with you? Beyond my wildest dreams."

"You, too," she continued to smile. "Thank you for being there tonight. It's scary going through it alone."

"Well, you'll never have to face your demons alone if I have anything to say about it. Okay?"

"That's what they are, Castle. Demons. I've never thought of them that way before."

"So, you're better?"

"Yeah, I'm always better once it's over. Thank you," she kissed him softly, stroking his face with his palm.

"Am I getting a little heavy?"

"Just a little," she grinned, laughing when he rolled off of her with an exaggerated flop. She got up and pulled her clothes back on before getting under the covers and laying her head on his chest, sighing contentedly when he stroked her back.

Going to sleep, she remembered Castle's 'I love you.' She wanted to say the words, but she was still so scared of losing him. If she admitted her feelings for him, then she'd lose him. Losing him wasn't an option.